Dancing Like a White Girl

I have a friend at law school who loves making fun of how white women dance at law school parties. Some of them "keep their feet stationary and just sway back and forth like trees. It's painful. I was dancing with one of them and she started doing that and I lost all interest like that!" *snaps fingers*

Of another, he remarked, "You can just tell that girls like her--they don't really know what to do or feel comfortable doing it, but they're still out there on the floor trying to get a husband." He says these things a lot. I laugh.

It's not nice to stereotype, of course. I know some white women who dance quite well. But stereotypes get that way for a reason. I also know many who struggle to move rhythmically. And for whom, just jumping around while frantically taking photos is what it's all about.

Masta Ace and Ed O.G. apparently know many of these girls, too. They've put together an ode to those who dance like white girls. And the lampoon style of the beat and the choral chants are either aptly included or unintentionally awesome.

It's a Saturday. Get your eagle on, folks!

- Masta Ace and Ed O.G. ft. Chester French and Pav Bundy, "Dancing Like a White Girl"

Ron Is a World Citizen

Between this and "Michael, Michael," Ron is emerging as a lost member of Color Me Badd. Or maybe a basketball-playing Kid CuDi with a better voice and less vanity. The easy thing to do is call Ron insane, which he obviously is on some level. But I think there's something earnest and endearing about the manifestations of his curiosity and worldliness. Makes him less cartoonish despite nonetheless playing a role in a cartoon.

Get Ready for Knicks Basketball!

Prospective GM's, get him now! Only owed $10.5m this year and $11m+ next! (via)

This caught my eye today:

Eddy Curry won't be with the team as the regular season begins. The Knicks still have him working on his own to cut down more weight and get him able to be able to play at the speed the Knicks want him to play without getting hurt. It seems pretty obvious the franchise views Curry as too critical a piece to just give up on him. But I wonder how much longer this goes on before they push him into the lineup just to get him on the court and showcase him for teams searching for a center.

As we said before, the reason the Knicks are going with just 13 players on the 15-man roster (Cuttino Mobley will be waived in November) is more than just about saving luxury tax money. The open spots allow for a two-for-one, which may be one way to move Curry's contract.

Hmmm. So...

[Mike D'Antoni walks into Donnie Walsh's office, closes door.]

D'Antoni: Donnie, you wanted to see me?

Walsh: Yeah, thanks, Mike. How was practice? How's Gallo looking?

D'Antoni: Practice was alright. We used a new defense drill today which I liked. We had Al Harrington and David down low on opposite sides of the lane. We had Duhon and Wil out on the wings and Jared somewhere around the free throw line. The goal was for our big men to compete better on defense. So the task was simple, but the thing was effective all the same--anyone who penetrated had to be met at the rim with an air kiss. First big to dole out 15 won and got to shoot threes on any 20 subsequent offensive possessions he chose. Really enlivened things and showed the fellas what our defensive mentality is all about.

Walsh: [nervously] Heh, yeah. Sounds great. Seven seconds or less, right? And Danilo?

D'Antoni: Oh, man, he was doing some things I couldn't believe. Before we started running our scrimmage, he hit one off the floor, off the scoreboard, off the bank board, off of Jesus, through God's nostrils, around James Naismith's grave, no rim. I tell ya--Donnie, he's the best shooter I've ever seen.

Walsh: Yeah. I know. You've said that. When you first mentioned it to me--that you thought he was the best shooter of all time--I wasn't sure I'd heard you correctly. You know, it was muffled since you were standing behind him and reaching around. But you just keep on about it, so I guess you mean it, preseason evidence be damned. I just hope he doesn't run into Tractor Traylor this year and cripple himself again. I especially hope he doesn't run into Dwight Howard. If he fell apart by colliding with a pillow whose nose and neck were simultaneously eating his head, imagine what would happen if he hit a brick wall.

Anyway, it's funny that we're talking about Robert because I called you up here to check in about Eddy. How's he looking?

D'Antoni: Like a fucking fat ass. I know I can't say that to his face or the media, but that's how he's looking. He can't play yet. Fuck, I don't even want to take him to Miami this week.

Walsh: Because of morale? The partying on South Beach?

D'Antoni. I'm just not sure that the plane could handle it.

Walsh: That bad? Hasn't he been on a workout plan for months? Well, we gotta get him firmed up. He has to be moved. Has. To. Be. We have too much riding on next offseason to let his contract weigh us down.

D'Antoni: Ha! You said, "Weigh us down." I'm rubbing off on you, Donnie. I like that.



Walsh: Be that as it may, you need to get his ass in shape. You think LeBron is coming here to watch someone eat his feelings? For that matter, tell Danny to pick it up, too. I mean, you tell me, Mike, what's more attractive? Charting a future with a real center, like Brook Lopez; charting a future with a real scorer, like Eric Gordon; or charting a future with a metrosexual from Italy who gets hurt thinking about contact? Because Options A and B were there for us. We could have had Anthony Randolph, even!

D'Antoni: Look Donnie, with all due respect, you're out of your depth here. Danilo is the best shooter I'VE EVER SEEN. EVER. Leave him be.

As for Eddy, we're workin' him. Just yesterday, I hired one of those Chinese-food delivery guys to ride his bike around the gym with a freshly baked pie strapped to the back. You don't think Eddy sprinted when he saw that? He'll get his weight down. It won't be all Oliver Miller all the time much longer.

Walsh: Alright. Get this done. I need to go speak with James, who sent me an email this morning saying that MSG Network is launching a new show called the Lord Zeke Rumor Mill. If it's what I think it is, we don't need that.

D'Antoni: Zeke?

Walsh: He still uses James's private elevator. Anyway, get it done with Curry.

D'Antoni: Alright. We'll plug away at them.

Walsh: Them? What's them?

D'Antoni: Them--Eddy, his ass cheeks, and his fat face. I refer to Eddy in the plural. Seems to work. Actually, good thing I gotcha here--we're only gonna play, like, eight or nine guys. How about you leave open a few extra roster spots so that I can tell Eddy he's so fat, we can't even carry a full complement of players. Would really back me up.

Walsh: Not funny. See ya, Mike.

Getting Testy

The future of what?

Posting while angry, like texting while driving, can be very dangerous. I am going to do so, all the same.

Earlier this week, I wrote that Rich Rodriguez had restored to Michigan the wonderment of college football. In his second season, Rodriguez had again made it possible for a Michigan fan to feel rewarded enough on Saturdays to justify all of the impatient longing for the next game that can consume a fan from Sunday through Saturday morning. That remains true: I cannot wait for the next game. However, I wish that I were of purer intention. Michigan's embarrassing loss to Penn State today has made next week a sudden referendum on the direction of the program.

Until kickoff today, I was sure that Rodriguez would soon be leading Michigan to college football's greenest pastures. The team was more dangerous than the previous iteration. It competed with greater moxie than the previous iteration. The tackling, the blocking, the rhythm on offense--all better than they had been last year. And the improvement had come with freshmen at quarterback and a(nother) new defensive coordinator installing a scheme with personnel that is acknowledged to be undermanned. Michigan had beaten a Notre Dame team fueled by the Golden Dome's inexplicable recruiting prowess, pounded Western Michigan as UM was supposed to, decimated Delaware State, found a way to win against Indiana when the Wolverines previously wouldn't have. More importantly, the way it competed against Michigan State and Iowa, despite losing both games, augured for future success. On the surface, they were the kind of painful, what-could-have-been losses that help great teams develop emotional maturity.

The improvement was conditional, though. For instance, the tackling has been better, but Michigan still misses too many and still seems to hug, not hit, some of its opponents. The blocking has been better, but Michigan still has problems in pass protection. The offensive rhythm has improved, but almost anything would be better than the abject, all-encompassing ineptitude of 2008. And don't bring up special teams. Michigan can't cover a kick, gets nothing from returns, and is getting worse. Most maddening, Michigan has spent the last month making the same mistakes that were last season's sole constants: broken coverages, big plays surrendered, a steady procession of turnovers, bad penalties, lacking fundamentals.

Hosting Penn State today, Michigan resembled its 2008 self. Unnerving as that was, alone, the team has lost three straight to legitimate opponents, and an uneasy notion arose while Michigan turned in a pathetic performance that will shamefully take its rightful place alongside the ugliest Michigan games of recent vintage, at home against Iowa in 2002 and at home against Oregon in 2007. What if this is a glimpse into Michigan's future?

A full twenty games into the Rich Rodriguez tenure, a UM team expected to take steps forward, despite all of its unavoidable shortcomings, looks undisciplined, sloppy, and ill-prepared. Against Michigan State, Michigan drives were snuffed out by bad penalties (lining up in illegal formations, holding), and execution problems (missed blocks, dropped passes, dumb sacks). Againt Iowa, the team added a steady stream of turnovers to complete a troika of ignominy. The Hawkeyes also exploited a Michigan defense whose bend-don't-break philosophy often does break as slow safeties and bewildered linebackers surrender big plays on a regular basis, none more damning than those so commonly allowed on third downs. The special teams are terrible, with gunners overrunning plays, tacklers missing, wedges dissolving, and so forth. Despite these problems, Michigan lost by two on the road in a hostile environment and controlled the ball and its destiny on the final possession.

Fans were unusually optimistic after the Iowa game. I was one of them. A young team with holes across the roster had competed with and functionally beaten a top-ten team on the road. Beaten is a key word, too--Michigan's lines controlled the game against a physical team. The Wolverines appeared to be on the threshold of something great, and many folks like me assumed the team would assimilate the lessons taught by loss and use the Penn State game to launch a triumphant coda for the year. UM looked good in defeat against a team that handled PSU. The Nittany Lions will come to Ann Arbor to play a hungry team which seems to primed to take another step. After that, Illinois and Purdue look manageable while Wisconsin and Ohio State, in particular, will be true fights.

That was the thinking. Then Michigan actually played Penn State. The Nittany Lions decimated UM. It was an ass kicking, to be blunt. Penn State was mentally and physically superior. Michigan's defense again played soft and surrendered big plays and easy yards. Worse, its offense was putrid. Horrendous execution, dumb penalties, bad composure, and turnovers left Michigan a punchless, lame joke. It even appeared to quit in the second half, something Lloyd Carr's teams did toward the end of his tenure. On the whole, Michigan looked like a team that makes mistakes across all phases of the game, like a pathologically deficient club. It looked terribly coached.

Here's my problem--this was a pivot point. UM could have turned forward toward progress. Instead, it turned backwards toward regression. Results-based evaluations aren't always fair, but at the same time, in sports, your record is what matters. Tonight, the circumstances are discouraging. Michigan is a team that has taken steps backwards or stagnated over the last month. It has not used duress to become hardened and better. It is a team that now regularly impedes its own progress through mental errors and awful execution. Coaches don't drop passes or miss blocks or fail to get to a coverage spot, of course. But when a team regularly makes so many mistakes, the collected failure suggests that the football program suffers from a deficient culture which fails to impart fundamental proficiency and basic competency.

I used to hate Lloyd Carr's coaching because he could not teach his team how to consistently execute his strategy. He was a run-the-ball, play-good-defense, don't-make-mistakes coach whose teams couldn't do those things. He was so risk averse that he left his team little margin for error, and yet his coaching and preparation couldn't keep his team out of that margin. Michigan wouldn't run the ball, wouldn't play good defense, and wouldn't avoid mistakes. So it would lose. Most gnawing, it would lose the same way over and over without making changes.

So far, Rich Rodriguez is Lloyd Carr's hick cousin. He does crazier shit, but it's nonetheless self-defeating. He cannot teach his players what they need to know well enough to execute his plan. Rodriguez gives himself and his teams greater margin for error by compensating with a more aggressive scheme and decision-making process. Yet he's undone by a team that has now spent more than 75% of his tenure killing itself due to poor fundamentals. Against Penn State, Michigan continued to run bad routes, drop passes, miss blocks, blow coverages, take bad penalties, lose its composure, and turn the ball over. Episodically, those are all player errors. The coach isn't snapping the ball through the endzone or dropping a pass. The coach isn't making contact with a running back and then falling backwards three yards. The coach isn't throwing dumb interceptions or fumbling for no excusable reason. But when his team does these things week after week for now almost two whole season, the accumulation of so many errors suggests that something overall is wrong. Michigan is undisciplined and stupid. That's damning for a coach.

Now, don't get me wrong. This is not the nascent stages of firerichrodriguez.com. He needs more time and a fuller roster of players he's recruited. But today's loss was discouraging, both for its intrinsic awfulness and for the larger trend it signals. Should UM rebound to beat Illinois, Purdue, and maybe a better team like Wisconsin or Ohio State, many fears will probably be allayed. Should it split those games, the year will probably net out as a success, not least of all because Michigan will probably be copmetitive in its bowl game. But if it continues to struggle in this specific fashion, always undermining itself and seeming like a mental midget against good teams, the fatal questions about Rodriguez, his offense, his defensive indifference, his methods, and his tenor are going to be fairly bandied about for another seemingly interminable offseason.

Things need to improve. If nothing else, he needs to stop ending all the wrong streaks. Bowl streak; losing-season streak; MAC domination streak; PSU streak; PSU-at-home streak. It's getting tedious. And Brandon Graham deserves better as a senior.

The Gulliest Rapper Alive

P!

Nothing works better on a Saturday around the house than some new Megasean. It's weird how all the tough talk and street life makes me appreciate the sun shining. Just one more sign that Mr. Price is the man.

- Sean Price ft. St. Maffew, "Weed & Hoes"

E-eeee-ther Boy!

Shouts to Ian Cohen for the video and the title of the post. It's beyond apt.

Al Franken is no longer just a senator. He's now a movement, on par with the Dip Set and everything else that should have moved our country toward a better place.

An NBA Preview. Kind Of.

Never forget.

Hello, friends. Over at Free Darko, I've written about my attitude as we head into this new NBA season. Don't get me wrong--it's going to be great. But at the outset, right now, there is something a little sad about it.

Brilliance Knows No Bounds

If you went to Michigan, Wisconsin, Wash U, and a handful of other schools, this should be something you memorize. Too good.



Church.

Once Again Proceeding to Give You What You've Been Needing

Yes, yes y'all. The more-than-a-month-long interregnum is over. I have returned, wounded and worn. The second year of law school is no joke. That is not an apology; it's an explanation. Real life is hard.

Let's just go in, question-and-answer style. Like the interview I'm sure you've all been dying to conduct.

What has been the soundtrack on blast throughout Straight Bangin' Headquarters and over the stereo in the Straight Bangin' Mobile?
Primarily, Only Built 4 Cuban Linx...Pt. II, the new Ghostface, a compendium of my favorite My Morning Jacket tracks, the new Pearl Jam record, Royce's Street Hop, and the Brother Ali album.

OB4CLII has been so thoroughly covered on the interwebs that this context-less, criminally late endorsement is functionally worthless. But that's whatever, partially because not enough good things can be written about this album.

And that's really what it is--an album. A piece of art crafted over time, produced with tremendous care, and purposely held together by narrative tropes and musical aesthetics that are cohesive. Rae put together a true modern classic: a record that is not only an homage to the way that rap records used to sound, but also a peer that can stand among them. When I first got OB4CLII, I turned the lights off in my apartment and just sat in a chair carefully listening. Then I did it a second time, because it was so engrossing. I can only count a handful of rap records from the last decade which demand that sort of treatment.

Of course, hip-hop nostalgia, like denigrating nostalgic hip-hop fans, is so played out that it's come back and departed again. But the self-conscious ramblings and collective introspection enabled by the internets, no matter which direction pulls them at a given time, will never escape the enduring truth that hip-hop used to be much better than it is today. Ten years ago, fifteen years ago, twenty years ago, rap music was better. It sounded fresher. It was insulated from the market effects that inevitably dumb down and dilute seemingly everything. It was treated less as a vehicle for riches and more as a forum for expression. The lyrics were generally more engaging, the production was more head-nod and less club zeitgeist. It was a higher-quality product. The new Rae is of that spirit, and it was pleasantly disarming to hear something so pure.

As for the other stuff: the Ghostface is entertaining as a personality showcase, but it's not terribly enjoyable as rap music; the Pearl Jam is this weird melange of songs that all kind of sound alike to varying degrees and will settle somewhere toward the lower end of the group's canon; Royce spits harder than damn near anyone right now, and that's awesome; Brother Ali is cooler as a concept than as a rapper, and should probably have made an EP; and My Morning Jacket is straight dope. Can't wait to se MMJ in concert again at some point soon, I hope.

What's up with the NBA? Are you still into that?
Well, I just bought my League Pass, I spend my evenings picking through the unwarranted Danilo Gallinari hype, and I will be making my triumphant return to the palace later this week. That will have a lot more thoughts, but here are some stray shots:

- Knicks will win 36 games this year. The offseason brought two rookies, but otherwise, this is the same wack-ass, no-defense team playing for the same no-defense-teaching coach. However, another year in the system and the younger guys, along with Nate and David Lee again playing for cheese, should help.

- A corollary observation: the 2010 plan is going to fail. Hard. A lower cap and few attractive existing pieces are going to make it difficult to sign LeBron or any cavalcade of premium talents. In turn, this makes Danny G and Jordan Hill the two most important Knicks. They'll have to carry the load and actually emerge as a nucleus. Otherwise, Walsh and D'Antoni really will have effed up, because there was a lot of talent available when they chose to take a Euro who D'Antoni calls the best shooter he's ever seen. (And, presumably, he's seen Larry Bird, Jerry West, Reggie Miller, and Trent Tucker.)

- I think that Kevin Garnett, sadly, is going to be a shell, and that Boston will not be the hard-ass team that the Eastern Conference could use to test Cleveland and Orlando.

- Can't wait to see Russy and KD and Uncle Jeff. Like everyone else. Also can't wait to see the Grizzlies win a game without recording an assist. And, relatedly, can't wait to spend MLK weekend in Memphis watching Spurs-Grizz and risking arrest as I attempt to finally meet my dad, Gregg Popovich.

- MY LIFE REMAINS DEDICATED TO JULIAN WRIGHT

What have you been doing on Saturday afternoons?
Relishing the return of the feeling.

Those who don't care about college football probably don't get this, but anyone serious about his or her alma mater's football team knows what I mean. There is an inherent excitement that comes with college football that is unlike anything else. The combination of the sport's relative rarity (only 12 games), bizarre championship system (every game counts like whoa), the youth of the practitioners (these are just flawed children playing life-or-death sports!), and the opportunity to express your undying affection for your college experience makes competitive college football distinct. There is hope, tension, enthusiasm, elation, anguish. And nothing is quite like the final moments before kickoff when all of those feelings mesh together.

Michigan Football lost that feeling last season. All of the good was replaced by despair. Games became chores as the team bumbled its way through controversy, ineptitude, and losing at a 75% clip. It was tedious to watch Michigan, and every week felt like nothing more than an obligation. But with Rich Rodriguez, the second harvest is when hope blooms. And the rule has held true this season.

Coming into the year, I thought Michigan would be on the right track if it went 7-5. Given the talent level and assessing the schedule, there were not more than 5 seemingly certain victories: Western Michigan, Eastern Michigan, Delaware State, Indiana, Purdue. There were also a number of toss-ups: Illinois, Wisconsin, Notre Dame, Michigan State. Only Iowa, Penn State, and Ohio State seemed like probable losses. Consider what returned: a defense that was historically awful and remains two or three years away from having championship-caliber talent and depth; an offensive line that vacillated between unreliable and awful; wide receivers that didn't block well and struggled to get open; quarterback Nick Sheridan, likely the worst scholarship football player in a BCS conference. Worse, UM would likely start a freshman at quarterback and would be relying upon its third defensive coordinator in as many years.

Nonetheless, college football, at least for the first week every season, brings optimism. This year, that optimism came in the form of a better-than-expected performance against Western Michigan, during which the defense stifled a quarterback purported to be NFL bound and the running game showed a competence and explosiveness absent all of last year. Then Michigan won that thrilling game against Notre Dame. If that was the best offense the team would encounter all year, maybe Michigan, with its patchwork defense and endless quotient for gumption on offense thanks to Tate Forcier, could do something actually special. That was the thinking among a lot of fans, and it's something I entertained across celebratory emails and phone calls.

The Michigan State and Iowa games were important reminders of how young UM is across the roster, though. A majority of the squad has underclass standing. The team didn't really show up in East Lansing (and really had no right to make it into overtime), and it outplayed the Hawkeyes but ultimately beat itself at night in Iowa City. Lessons learned, hope intact.

So yeah, Saturdays are fun again this year. Michigan will not be undefeated. And Michigan is not likely to end the year with just two losses. However it has a legitimate chance to win any of its remaining five games, even against Ohio State. Further, it can probably get to 8 wins (I'd guess Penn State, Illinois, and Purdue as the most likely victims) during the second of three legitimate rebuilding campaigns. That would be great--a five-game improvement--and it would probably put the program on pace to challenge for the Big Ten next year and become a BCS fixture the year following.

Everyone should just leave Rich Rodriguez alone and stay out of his way. Go Blue!

Anything else?
Yes--Barack Obama is a sellout. So, too, are the Democrats in Congress. I continue to read the news in horror most days. This new administration, with its large majorities in both houses, negotiates with itself, concedes ground to a petulant opposition party that is committed only to obstruction, and ignores empirical evidence that suggests meaningful changes are needed in health care, energy, financial regulation, and environmental policy. All of the high-minded, progressive policy promised during the campaign has been rendered empty rhetoric, precisely the sort of stylish oratory and absent substance about which Obama's detractors--especially those on the left who preferred Hillary--warned.

I am not frustrated that the United States has not become a country of liberalism, although that would be nice. What bothers me is that Obama has elevated bipartisanship--something that is inherently substanceless, and just a mechanism for cooperation--into an unrealistic ideal which he pursues ahead of anything else. Republicans don't want to work with him and won't ever concede anything important. He has not gained supporters by moving toward the obviously flawed middle, and striking a concilliatory tone will never win over dedicated conservatives. Instead, he just enfeebles himself as he acts like some afflicted supplicant. It's pathetic, and it undermines any legitimate claim he might have made regarding his substantive convictions. Really, he has none.

What is actually important to Obama? His actions demonstrate that his paramount concern is achieving some kind of insincere, irrational, implausible pax romana across the political landscape. I'd rather that he implement real financial reform, pass a meaningful health care bill, appoint judges who understand the job, and lead the U.S. toward new energy infrastructure. He's chosen against all of that thus far.

And, of course, he gets no help from Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, or pretty much anyone else. I basically wish that it were just Al Franken running thangs.

Done?
Finally, let me just note that this is how I wake up everyday right now:

- Royce da 5'9" ft. Busta Rhymes, "Dinner Time"
- Sean Price, "Figure Four"

So there it is. Yes, I'm back...