The Real Looks Back at the Roc

This is just awesome:

NBA Draft Broadcast: And You Thought Nothing Could Sound Dumber Than Digger Phelps

According to Jay Bilas, DeAndre's horrible basketball skills make him a steal in Round 2.

If you had told me yesterday morning that anything in the world could sound dumber than Digger Phelps in the studio, I would have said, "Oh, right. Digger in a shouting match with Sean Salisbury." And I would have been right--that would easily have constituted the single most inane thing possible. Until last evening.

ESPN's 2008 NBA Draft Coverage was unequivocally the stupidest thing in recorded history. Forget the mindless jargon or the idiotic decisions--the broken English and non-analysis of the night marked a new high in comedy and a new low in sports journalism. I am still convalescing; my mind feels broken. So I will spare us a more thorough review of the details until the weekend. For now, let's kick it to Dickie V, who summed up the first round by saying the following. We'll join him already underway, and on the verge of delivering what might have been history's longest sentence...

"...Should have to go for at least a minimum of three years like they do in baseball. Look at the draft again, as I stated, we live in a world of PO-tential, PO-tential. I tell you kids out there--CDR, Chalmers--I look at those kids--DeAndre Jordan, the experts, all the guys, all the great analysis, what about Carlos Boozer, Arenas, and I could go on, Michael Redd, Ginobli, and a host of others, so keep your dreams alive, have that drive and desire, and Mr. Jackson, I will simply tell you that you were a brilliant leader at St. John's when I covered you my friend, and If I were a GM, you would not be in the studio now, you’d be a head coach somewhere because you learned from two of the best, Mr. Carnasecca and Mr. Pitino; my guy Mr. Van Gundy, you did a phenomenal job, and Stuart--Carolina--#1 in the nation--next year!"

P.S. This guy needs a new agent:

"What I'm Doing Is Not a Good Look"

Nothing like getting a "Fuck James Dolan!" chant started at MSG at any moment.

So says Black Thought on "Criminal," and so says I with regard to this blog-updating holiday. Sadly, it is being extended into next week, for while I've returned from my traveling, traveling has kind of come back with me. I have friends in town and we've been going to Pearl Jam concerts. And tonight we're watching the draft and drinking, and tomorrow there is more Pearl Jam, only this time in Hartford. So I will get back to business for real over the weekend.

Until then...

Shaq Gets in Kobe's Ass ()

P.S. Keep Patrick's name out your mouth, Shaq.

What's Going On?

What's up with Straight Bangin'? It's not, like, bangin' lately.

Yes, I know. That's true. So here's the deal:

First, I was busy with work.

...And then I was traveling for work.

...And then I rented an RV and drove to Bonnaroo.

...And then I came back in said RV and recuperated from said Bonnaroo.

...And then I am traveling again, starting tomorrow and returning on Sunday.

...And so, I will get shit straight when I return on Sunday. In the interim, a few key points:

- There has always been and always will be a group of individuals who are important to hip-hop and who make contributions to hip-hop in spite of themselves. Mark Ronson is a leader of this class. He's a name dropper, and he is quite taken with the fact that he knows famous people. He talks too much, and he usually sounds like a buffoon (like the time he was on wax saying something nasally to the effect of "Hey Kanye, sorry I can't DJ your birthday party"). His production is overrated. And he is a colossal douche bag. But all that said, he is on the scene and he works with dudes like Rhymefest and Wale, so it's hard to hate outright.

- The Lakers are pussies. Sorry to be crass, but how else can we describe such a soft team? Don't let Game Five fool you. I spent the season championing the notion that Kobe might be the most physically gifted player of all time, and I thought he'd begun to transform into a timeless player. Well, he obviously has room to grow because his team has looked weak and has not been galvanized by him. I ride with Kobe, but I can't say it's been a smooth one over the past few weeks.

And poor Lamar Odom. I haven't seen a player handle pressure so poorly since Bernard Robinson, Jr., who used to get hurt during every crunch time moment in which Michigan was involved.

- Ten weeks without golf, one leg, 91 holes, hardest test in golf. What Tiger Woods did in San Diego this weekend was among the most amazing sports performances of all time. And he has to be the most mentally strong athlete ever. Fuck a Paul Pierce; that was a true Willis Reed moment.

- I hope everyone heard the NPR piece yesterday morning in which Mr. Let's Make the Bush Tax Cuts Permanent, John McCain, was heard on archived footage saying that those same tax cuts unfairly kept wealth with the few wealthiest Americans. Just as I hope that people read the Jeffrey Toobin New Yorker piece about McCain's pledge to keep the courts as conservative as possible. Nothing like oh-so-courageous code language.

That John McCain, what a moral maverick. He has surrounded himself with lobbyists, he has had extramarrital affairs, he's pledged to cleave to the retrograde originalism that has kept the U.S. executing minors, and he's pandered on key issues so that he could seem more conservative when necessary. Any Democrat who votes for him is either delusional or not a Democrat.

- Bonnaroo was cool. Pearl Jam was great. Kanye was a punk ass. I became a lefty (at least, for beirut purposes).

- The Wale mixtape and the Elzhi album are on my iPod nonstop.

- The new Michigan road football jerseys are horrible. (P.S. Time to start cranking up the college football coverage.)

The Finals Suck. Except for JVG.

Brilliant.

Honestly, what's there to say about this Finals? The Lakers' offense blows right now, their defense is even worse, Tom Thibadeau is pwning head cheerleader Doc Rivers, and every Celtic role player is having the kind of series that Jeff Foster used to have against the Pistons.

OK, fine, a few other things:
- Paul Pierce is a baby. You know how last night the announcers alluded to him showing no signs of ill-effect stemming from his "injury"? Well, that's because THERE WAS NO INJURY. It's like if my boss walked over to me at work and said, "Joey, I am so glad to see that you're not suffering any lingering impact from an injury that never happened." I can only imagine that Pierce was carried off the court and placed in a wheelchair during Game One because he badly needed Similac and breast milk. Yes, I am still mad about this. Hate, hate, hate, hate...

- The specter of a Boston championship--think about how many smug and annoying Massholes this will fuel--is made even worse when I consider how many self-absorbed, I'm-the-only-basketball-fan-left columns from the Sports Guy that I'll have to ignore on ESPN.com.

- A central struggle this season was my adoration of Kevin Garnett running into my loathing of Boston. True to the Star-and-Buc hater that I am, the latter won out. And I am borderline depressed that Garnett might win a title for that city, and that I will resent him for it.

- Game Two was so disinteresting for much of the second half that I was kind of perturbed that the Lakers even came back, only to still lose. It's like, get down or lay down. Maybe.

- Jeff Van Gundy should never coach again because he is far too good at what he currently does. That guy knows his shit and he's hilarious. When he apologized for Mark Jackson--see above--comparing Leon Powe to Dr. J? A classic.

A free-agent thought:
- I saw some advance material from the FD book. That site is familia, so I will acknowledge a potential conflict of interest. But honestly, the shit I saw is fucking awesome. Book is gonna be really cool, and a must-have for the NBA fan who considers himself to be in the vanguard and not slavishly tethered to the stodgy orthodoxies of the established punditry. It's this admirable and humbling manifestation of intelligent creativity. Just really smart and funny and insightful and even a little hood. Maybe very hood. I would suggest that you pre-order it now.

There's Partisan, and Then There's Undeniably Asshole-ish

Let us weep for poor, old Tom. What a victim.

Last week I posted a letter that I wrote to The New York Times in which I criticized the paper for providing a pulpit to Bill Kristol. Kristol is a pundit whose writing, aside from seeping self-satisfaction and disingenuous moral rectitude, often reads like unabashedly partisan attack tripe. It was a post that prompted a fair and involved conversation about partisan-fueled political dialogue and news coverage. Regardless of your leanings, left or right, you can likely build a case that "the other side" is in the wrong, whether it be in policy or in political action. A liberal, I concede that plenty of Democrats fail or distort or transgress.

But where I will draw a line is this: Republicans, time and again, are the people who state or insinuate the outrageous. They are the ones who demonstrate an infuriating disdain for facts and for decency. Michael Dukakis, John Kerry, Al Gore--that's just a few, notable targets of complete lies and distortions; the list of victims is endless. And Tom DeLay gave us the most recent example last week. Obama is a Marxist? That is either a purposely fallacious smear job (likely) or a sad reminder that Tom DeLay is woefully uneducated (not as likely).

Democrats just don't do that kind of shit. It's sad. And bad for this country. Like a gas-tax holiday. And a meaningless, effect-less $600 tax refund. And the tax cuts for the wealthy. And the tax incentives we used to offer to buy SUVs. And the Swift Boat mentality. And...

Bill Kristol, and the Disgraceful Newspaper That Loves Him

American patriot Bill Kristol hasn't served in the military and can't wait for your kids to do so.

What follows is a letter to The New York Times, sent today, about its shameful support of William Kristol, a man whose motto is "act a bitch or kill your kids tryin'":

To the Editor:

Week after week, in the name of "fairness" that you've desecrated by timorously kowtowing to wingnuts, you subject us to William Kristol's unembarrassed Conservative shilling. Each sniveling and sneering column reads like the latest draft of talking points sent out from the RNC. And people like me put up with it because, well, I actually don't know why.

And that, in fact, is why I am writing. I am done with The New York Times. Your credibility already in disrepair, it sustained another blow today as Kristol used his undeserved inches to attack Barack Obama for failing to cite military service as a means through which young people can serve the United States. Kristol mocked Obama for exalting community organizing over taking up arms, and in typical Kristol fashion, he couldn't resist jabbing at Obama for appearing at "an elite Northeastern college campus" and failing to "disturb the placid atmosphere of easy self-congratulation." I shouldn't have to tell you this, but I will because yours is, of course, the same paper that rejoiced in belittling Al Gore and conflating him with that charming cowboy George Bush: it is beyond hypocritical and intellectually dishonest for a self-satisfied elitist like Kristol--who has spent his entire life at the cloistered institutions of the upper crust, has never served in the military, and whose greatest "public service" was advancing Reagan-era lies--to pursue this track of criticism. It's absolutely loathsome.

In recent years, the Times has routinely betrayed the public's trust, and Mr. Kristol's ongoing contribution to the editorial page is just the latest example. An institution of journalistic integrity would remove Kristol and his worthless conflict mongering from its hallowed editorial space. But then again, maybe yours is not so hallowed anymore.