All Hail This State of Emergency

David Stern is now an official signatory.

Ladies and Gentleman,

I think it's only right that we take a moment to honor Isiah Thomas. His unyielding march toward the depths of basketball and the immortality of ignominy has reached far over the horizon and arrived at a remote, little-visited outpost that many basketball pioneers could only dream of. Isiah arrived at managerial Valhalla yesterday: The commissioner of the NBA, Mr. David Stern, had no problem being quoted in a newspaper as saying that off-season change for the Knicks was imminent and would be "transformative."

At this point, were you not already sitting down, you must be now. I'll give you a moment to compose yourselves.

Do you realize just how horribly you have to screw up an organization for the commissioner of the league in which that team participates to all but insinuate himself into your team's dealings? Shootings, drug abuse, sex scandal, perennial ineptitude--many teams have transgressed many times in many ways. But few and far between are those where management's failures are so completely and consistent that the commissioner of the entire league has to step in to halt the slide.

So please join me in saluting Isiah Thomas for a job done just about as badly as possible. In this lifetime, we may never again witness such a circumstance.