Guestblog: The Kwis List

Baby done did it.

N.B: Long-time reader Kwis is a frequent commenter who is among the most knowledgeable hip-hop heads this site is privileged to count among its regular visitors. The dude also loves lists, much like me. So when he asked to pass along some year-end thoughts, how could I refuse? Oh yeah, because he knows the misfortune of thinking that An Ohio State University is worth shit. Well, I set aside even that, the most fundamental of differences, because every year I resolve to be more open-minded and then fail to follow through. It seems like it's about time.

Below, Kwis drops knowledge. Straight Bangin' is enhanced because of it. - Joey

Hello, Straight Bangin’ universe. Joey has been kind enough to set aside those Buckeye/Wolverine differences for the greater good of our shared love: best of lists.

A couple of caveats: The best albums list covers albums that I think are dope and worth listening to as a whole, i.e., even the tracks that aren't that great on their own seem somewhat necessary to, or at least make sense in the context of, the rest of the album. The second list draws from songs that did not appear on good cohesive albums, but are very enjoyable all by their lonesome.

In my opinion, this has actually been a pretty good 12 months for hip-hop. I think back to ‘05 and the first half of ’06 when there were times I was really starved for any good, new hip-hop to listen to. I started to question whether maybe I had just grown too old for the genre as what was passing for chart toppers and even a lot of the stuff getting great critical reception just was not doing it for me. Luckily, I think I can look at that time as a temporary drought. Most encouraging to me, and I am paraphrasing something that has been extensively noted by many critics with a far superior ability to view things from the macro than myself, is that with the changing nature of the music industry, a lot of artists are recognizing that making solid albums that appear to the core fan base that appreciates what they do is their best option both artistically and financially. Hopefully this trend continues into ’08.

The most disappointing thing about ’07 to me is that there really have not been too many new faces to get excited about, and lots of the folks I was excited about seem to be fizzling out before reaching their perceived potential. Budden is becoming something of a cliché of himself and has apparently given up on trying to drop The Growth anytime before my kids are off to college; Lupe has become the ’08 Kweli (not a good thing in my view); Elzhi has managed to just disappear at the height of his buzz. This leads to the insane overhyping of anyone with basic mic skills (hi, Joell). That said, Phonte’s continued honing of his already considerable skills is exciting, the 3-Stacks renaissance has me getting my hopes too high, Yeezy doesn’t seem to be slowing down anytime soon, and the Clipse finally seem ready to strike out with some new producers (anyone who listened to Hell Hath next to the WGi4C mixtapes knows this is a great idea). My money for next is on the kid Jay Electronica. I suppose looking at my list, I shouldn’t be too worried. I would not at the beginning of ’07 have ever mentioned Free’s record as something I was particularly hyped about and if you told me Ye and Just would be absent, that would have been the clincher. Hopefully ‘08 brings some similarly nice surprises.

BEST ALBUMS

1) Freeway—Free at Last

I am not one to gush over albums. It usually only happens when something takes me so utterly by surprise (Weezy’s Carter 1 is the last thing that comes to mind). This is head and shoulders my favorite album of the year and is one of the few records in the last 5 years that I am tempted to bestow classic status upon.

The only weak spots on the entire thing come in the form of the Cool and Dre produced “Lights Get Low” that features Rick Ross and feels like trap-hop meets Flashing Lights and the awful Busta cameo on the otherwise fantastic “Walk With Me”. Freeway is effective when he stays in his lane (forgive me) and the reason this album works better than his debut is that he gives in to the pressure to do some awkward commercial bullshit only twice (this song and the J.R. Gunna produced, 50-hook assisted “Take Ya To the Top”). It seems that the knowledge that he’s never going to be a TRL #1 artist has freed Free up (forgive me again) to do what he does best: wild the fuck out over yearning soul samples and busy drums.

Free clearly has one of the best ears for beats in the game right now and, because of that, he is in his element throughout this album: spitting with reckless abandon, motherfuck a quotable, motherfuck a hook.

2) Little Brother—Getback

This album defines the kind of criteria I used for this list. If this had not made my albums list, I’m not sure there is a single song on the whole thing that would make my favorite songs of the year (not true really because dreams would), but the whole album is so consistent and enjoyable.

The production is on point throughout, but never steals the show. Pooh manages to follow in the footsteps of Phife, Steele, Rockness Monstah, Trugoy, Wyclef, Malice and a bunch of other second fiddles by just managing to not make you fast forward his verses. That said, the clear star here is Phontiggah. Outside of Elzhi (who I’ve previously noted was pretty much MIA from the whole ’07), there isn’t another emcee who is writing with the quotables per bar and utter technical mastery that Phonte is right now. He is the kind of dude that has rappers the world over sitting down and reconsidering their approach to the craft, studying. That is a good thing.

3) Cunninglynguists—Dirty Acres

Obviously, I hesitate before placing this album so high. Does it really deserve to be here or am I just overhyping something to compensate for what I perceive to be knuckleheads napping? I shared this list preliminarily with some folks about 2 weeks ago, continued banging this thing daily, and it has not budged on my list.

First off, let’s talk about production. If you, like me, count Goodie Mob’s first and second albums among your favorites; if you, like me, were willing to put up with Witchdoctor’s ridiculously bad pseudo-deep rapping to get just a little taste of that Organized Noize sound; if you, like me, were initially not convinced these Player’s Ball clowns were doing anything more than riding the wave of the Next producers…this album is for you.

Cunninglynguists live in a world where that Organized Noise sound took over the world like it should have. Dre and Cee-Lo laid off the crooning and the infighting amongst the Dungeon Family never happened. Listening to Kno is not like hearing what would have happened had that sound kept progressing, it’s like hearing an extra album that got locked away in the vault right around the time that Still Standing dropped and that, for my money, is better.

The rappers are good, not great, but they’re clearly not content to let this goody good go to waste. I’m honestly not sure, but I think there are two rappers along with the occasional verse from Producer Kno. None of the verses are mixtape quote worthy, but pretty much every song here has a point. The concepts are dense and repeated listens pay dividends. If I had to make a comparison, I’m thinking dude from Blackalicious, and there’s really nothing wrong with that. Nonetheless, I’m wondering how many more great records this guy can make before Kno gets 9^th Wondered. For the time being, here’s a record where not a single song is skippable.

4) Wale—100 Miles and Runnin’ (Mixtape)

Again, I might be rating this too high because I am obsessed with what’s next. Wale is the closest thing I heard to it this year. The mixtape was refreshing in a million ways. Danceable production, fun rhymes…there’s an effortlessness that permeates the whole thing. What Wale is clearly not lacking is charisma…presence if you’ll allow me. As with a certain God MC, you feel at all time as if you are in capable hands here so even if a punchline seems to not make perfect sense, you’re willing to suspend disbelief because, hey, he probably knows what he’s talking about.

What really allows me to rank this record so high is it amazingly cohesive. It almost seems like an unbroken performance, like a live recording.

The downside is that my guess is it’s the best thing Wale will ever do. Despite my enjoyment of this tape, I’m far from sold on dude. While everything sounds vaguely quotable and there’s the aforementioned swag, close inspection reveals…well not a lot. Unlike some friends, this thing fell out of rotation with me after a few weeks. It's all kind of high calorie, low protein in that nothing stands out and there’s very little to grasp on to. Hopefully, that’s because it is, after all, a hello new world mixtape. The jury’s out in ’08.

5) Kanye—Graduation

It is easy to call this number one. There is so much to love about this record. Truth be told, I will probably rediscover this really good, though not great, album in a few years with a newfound appreciation and kick myself in the ass for not placing it higher. For now, the oversaturation of the song on the radio, the interviews and criticism and gossip in the rest of the media…its just made it hard for me to be objective in my feelings about the album or even able to just enjoy the thing for what it is. It's been talked about too much already, and you’ve heard it.

6) Brother Ali—The Undisputed Truth

I won’t lie, this is the first album where I checked for him. It took me a minute to get past the whole Albino cat named Brother Ali thing (which is honestly kind of a wack name, melanin aside). I slept.

The album boasts fantastic organic production and Ali is among the best in the game when he sticks to emotional autobiographical, storytelling or political shit. Someone should tell him it's not 1996, though, and spending half of your album battling “wack MCs” is not a good look. Once he gets that out of his system, homie has a classic tucked away somewhere.

7) Nappy Roots—Innerstate Music

I almost just left this album off completely, but that would have meant having to put something like 7 songs on the list below. It is a very uneven album, but if you delete all the terrible misogynistic beyond the point of enjoyment, cookie cutter keyboard crunk songs, the shit is pure fire.

We’re again treated to the legacy of the Organized Noise sound, plus these cats have a wonderful chemistry and none of them need be carried by the others. Talented emcees, good concepts and execution and great hooks (and yes, I’m still only talking about half the album).

8) Elucid—Smash & Grab

Full disclosure—the folks over at Loosie music are my people, but I have lots of people who do music and I call all of it as I see it. On top of that, I have never had the pleasure of clicking up with Elucid as he joined forces with Loosie music after I departed NYC.

None of that has anything to do with why this is on my list. It's on my list because he had a vision for what he wanted to do with this mixtape and he saw it through with real focus. For those who haven’t heard of it otherwise, the idea of the mixtape was to rhyme over stolen loops from unusual sources. Johnny Cash, M.I.A., Ratatat, The Black Lips, and Bjork all find their shit smashed and grabbed for Elucid to spit like the black Aesop Rock over.

That last comparison was hard won, and I’m still not sure it’s a victory. When I heard Elucid’s earlier stuff, I immediately thought of a modern day, bred in the East Ice Cube and that seems to me to be a more flattering comparison. Moreover, the shit he was doing then was more enjoyable and I fear this might be aimed more at the internets blogger critics. Hopefully, he finds a way to combine the almost too dense poetic spit he’s aimed at this project with the more accessible imagery he packed his previous joints with. If so, he might be on that next up list too.

9) Jay-Z—American Gangster

I just can’t quite bring myself to leave this off, despite the fact I only really listen to it when I have my daughter in the car and need some background noise. To everyone, including Jay who heralded this as a return to Reasonable Doubt, allow me to retort: GTFOHWTB (get the fuck outta here with that bullshit). Roc Boys is enjoyable and success is fire. Other than that?

There’s just no real urgency to any of this and that’s not even the right word. What it comes down to is I don’t care. I don’t care at all what Jay has to say about hustling anymore, whatsoever. He’s tapped that well dry. He’s still a great rapper, so do I really want him to retire? That’s a hard question, but when I ask the harder question: what would I like to hear him doing? I know the answer to the first.

Let’s get that jersey in the rafters where it belongs, Hov. You wore the 4-5, go coach Gerald Wallace.

BEST SONGS (that weren’t on the above albums)

1) Rich Boy—Let’s Go Get This Paper

Just plain incredible. The only other things that even came close are the Jay Elect joint that I placed #2 and the “I Remember” joint of Free’s album. I really liked this song even before I read Brandon Soderberg’s fantastic write-up of it, but that actually forced me to really listen and realize the he was saying a whole lot more than just, “let’s go get this paper.” The juxtaposition of apocalyptic world politics and the injustice of the American justice system with the otherwise generic hustler call to arms gives context to why getting this paper is a life or death matter and the track does everything to drive home this urgency.

"They shipping boys off, they fighting in Iraq. It's soldiers in that water that ain't never gon’ make it back. Nigga this the battlefield, fake niggas scream 'keep it real.'"

2) Jay Electronica—Act 1: Eternal Sunshine (The Pledge)

Doing something ambitious when nobody knows who you are could really backfire. Fortunately for Jay Electronica, it's executed flawlessly. I think the fact that I actually listen to the version that has a 7 minute intro of Erykah Badu and Just Blaze simply talking about their introduction to Elect says something. When I play this for people, I explain to them that they are about to hear something epic and that listening to the intro is necessary to set the table. The first time I ever heard it, I was listening to the praises pile up thinking, “this guy’s an idiot, no matter what he can’t live up to the expectations he is setting up.” Than, like the Charlie & the Chocolate Factory sample he employs here, he smashed right through that ceiling. I had chills like I haven’t had since my first listen to ATLiens.

The song itself is kinda like a dope EP or even a short film. The way the moods of the verses match the music changes is a big part of what makes the whole thing work so well.

"The handling of a heart's a very delicate art cause its paper thin. One irrelevant thought that started out as a spark could be a poisonous dart that leaves a permanent mark that's ice cold in the day and burns in the dark and makes you never wanna see her face again."

3) Raekwon—My Corner

It hit the perfect note of nostalgia and for just a brief moment, made me excited for the new Wu project. Oops.

“Purple tape come out the stove, I miss you dirt. While Wu still contemplating, I move, bout my bacon."

4) Aesop Rock—None Shall Pass

I’m still not sure exactly what he is talking about, but I’m feeling it nonetheless. Why don't Aesop and Blockhead do this every time?

"Blood turns wine when it leaks from police, like, 'that's not a riot it’s a feast, let's eat.'"

5) Outkast—The Art of Storytelling Pt. 4

My initial reaction was “eh.” A couple more listens and the beat really grew on me, but more importantly I realized this is the best verse of Dre's recent renaissance. Beautifully stream of consciousness, but it seems he is again addressing the same connect/disconnect he feels to traditional hip-hop images of black masculinity that he was on Return of the Gangsta.

"I started out starvin', now they got me out here Brett Farvein': tryna see if I still got it."

6) Joe Budden—Green Lantern Sirius Radio Show Freestyle over Boy Looka Here

Good lord he snapped on this. There are far too many quotables, but look:

"Talking bout birds, cuz my hon's ass bigger. You in the pursuit of happiness, bum ass nigga. Got beef with locals ain't been too vocal, ya man's just a waste of pro tools. Me vs. them? Is like Dolph Lundgren with his hands crammed on Apollo, they get the Sandman at the Apollo. Welcome to Doom's day, I'm Kobe in the clutch, Tiger with the Club, Van Damme at the Kumite."

It's about 4 straight minutes of that.

7) Jay Electronica—Something To Hold Onto

I’m actually pretty sure that this did not come out in ’07, but given that this is the first time people were checking for him on any large scale, I figured I’d go ahead and qualify it given that it stayed in my deck for the entire year. By the way, this kid is next.

8) Juvenile w/ T-Pain—Everything

This is some good shit to pull up in with a truck full of the homies. Juvi's on top of his always underrated game.

9) Gemini—Come Too Far

This dude's mixtape was rotten asshole, but this song is fantastic. The pattern works perfectly for the plodding beat and he keeps up the same rhyme scheme for like 48 bars.

"Beef is not a problo, know I'm a squeeze the rosco. No matter how much dough I see, I'll never leave Chicago. Lil’ Stevie let the block go, and I ain't preaching, papo, just need to drive slow, B, we ain't promised tomorrow. Streets is full of potholes, its all about survival, I try to hang with pops but he can't seem to let the rock go."

10) Beans and Face—Rain (Bridge)

They are two of my favorite emcees, but both of their individual albums were disappointing. Together, they always step each other's game up. I think they should do a whole album together. Beans takes this round.

"They say lightning don't strike in the same place twice, well my man? He doing life for the same case twice. Chance for appeal thinner than a 10 speed wheel. What can I do, but pray for him and keep things real. When the world start to neglect ya, ya calls don't get accepted and the work that you put in for years get disrespected; ya baby mama reckless out there fucking them niggas and ya brother coming short with them digits? You can count on my visits, I'll take ya round the world in my pictures."

11) Devin the Dude, Dre and Snoop—What a Job

It a pretty good rule of thumb that rapping about rapping is pretty lame, but when you have three great rappers over a great beat, this rule can be ignored.

"Talking about that they used to get high to me in high school and they used to make love to me in college."

12) Spec Boogie—Amsterdam Remix

This is another Loosie music joint. You can easily Google it and find the mp3. Off the strength of this song I got the whole Peter & Bjorn album. I couldn't get through it. Spec makes this otherwise ok song a certified banger.

"As she upchucks I'm love struck, just my dumb luck, caught up in a downward spiral. I feel a thousand deaths that a coward dies when I lie, tell her that ‘everything'll be alright, boo.’"

13) Common - Forever Begins

Common could have tried as hard to ruin this great beat as he did with the others on his album (see: Driving me Wild) and he would have still failed.

"Sooner or later I know the cheddar gone come, for now I write the world letters to better the young."

14) Jay Electronica—San Pellegrino with Lemon

This is the most recent Jay Elect joint that's been floating around the internet as "A Prayer for Michael Vick and T.I." I don't think this kid can lose; he clearly has a great ear for beats too. This one is simple, but perfect for his stream of consciousness quasi-battle rap.

"So if they call me a rapper, ok yeah I can dig it, but if they bring me before the Congress, then I can kick it."

15) UGK & Outkast—Int'l Players Anthem--Enough has been written about this joint and opinions differ, but I'm of my usual opinion that Dre steals the show. It evens things out a bit that he doesn't have this ridiculous beat underneath him so there is a reason to keep listening when his verse is over.

"Spaceships don't come equipped with rearview mirrors."

16-19) Weezy—Ride 4 My Niggas (Drought 3); N.O. Nigga (Drought 3); Something You Forgot (Carter 3 Leak); Trouble (?)

Weezy didn't put together a mixtape or coherent release good enough to get on the first list, so here are my favorite 4 tracks released this year. Dude being one of the most quotable rappers doing it these days, let’s just get the proceedings proceeding. These are in order. For those who still think Weez has no substance, pay particular attention to the last one.

"I'm prolly in the sky flying with the fishes, or maybe in the ocean swimming with the pigeons. See my world is different, like D'Wayne Wayne's and if you want trouble? Bitch, I want the same thang."

"Naked pictures to my sidekick, tell ya bitch quit sending them pictures to my sidekick and quit instant messaging my IM. MySpace Tom, them bitches acting like I'm him."

"See take away my title, take away my stripes; you give me back my girl then you give me back my life. See this is just a nightmare, so I blink twice, open up my eyes hoping she'll be in my sight."

"And just the other day my nigga Chris killed hisself. I pray to god that I never feel the way he felt. Where do we go when there's no help? He figured heaven, so he went left, y'all know that ain't right. Plus he was high as a plane on that same night. Shit, I'd prolly been on that same flight. Shit I prolly had that same fight, I just kept swinging, 12th round's coming, bell's ringing. Introduced to the game when I was just a child, mama loved a drug dealer, straight quit her job. They took his life and along with him I died and she died and we died. Then came my daughter to my bedside, told me, 'daddy don't cry, I'm alive.' I look her in her eyes and see me with no sins, but this is where the note ends."

20) B.O.B. w/ Richboy—Haterz Everywhere We Go

If you're going to make a club song, make it like this.

"All that hating have you smelling like some sour milk."

21) Lloyd w/ Andre 3000 and Nas—You

Bringing the old PM Dawn sample back didn't hurt, but again the real star is 3 Stacks. I mean, what other rapper would spit this line?

"I kinda laughed, but it turned into a cough cuz I swallowed down the wrong pipe. Whatever that means, you know old people say it, so it sounds right."

22) Prodigy—Rotten Apple

This album probably belongs in the first list more than Jay's, but Prodigy just doesn't do the beats justice. I was kind of embarrassed by how much praise got heaped on an album where the rapper is so obviously not even trying. On this one he does.

"My close friends was murdered, I bullet proofed my truck."

23) LOX—Fuck the Police

This shit got slept on hard. I swooped it off some website and never heard anyone mention it again. I'm not even sure what it's off (Phantom Sessions maybe?), but GOD DAMN Styles murdered this.

"You ask me it's a big joke. I live near the rich folk and they got the big coke. And hardly none of them is niggros. We the ones that be locked up in the pig hole. You could say the hood got targeted. They probably said, 'that's a good place to market it.' They give you 20 years for a coke deal, but you never seen a hood with a coke field."

24) Common—Play Your Cards Right

I never confirmed, but I'm pretty sure this is Dilla. Him and Bilal really steal the scene, but Common manages to stay out of the way, The funny part is this verse that he pretty much mails in (cookie cutting a bunch of corny references to cards and gambling and Vegas), is far better than the ones on his album where he's clearly trying really hard.

25) Sean Price—Mess You Made--I felt it was a disappointing year for Ruck, didn't like much of what he put out. The fact he sits in the same cadence on almost every track is starting to wear, but this is his brokest rapper schtick at its best over a fittingly melancholy beat.

"How you gon' be broke and ya last name Price? That's like sweating bullets and ya nick name Ice. How ironic. Take 2 pulls, pass the chronic. Tryna write a rhyme that'll get me out the projects."

Pop?

Songs of the Year

(N.B: The actual order of the final list is loose, as it's fairly difficult to definitively measure songs relative to each other. Sure, #1 is better than #50, but is there really such a difference between 35 and 25? I'd say most likely not.

Enjoy...)

Rappers G-Dep Can Thank for a Residual Check
Cam'ron, "Child of the Ghetto"

Three Rappers Proud of Their Jewish Lawyers
Jay-Z
Styles P
Jim Jones

Five Karaoke Songs You Could Sing with Your Favorite Rappers
1) Fleetwood Mac, "The Chain" (Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, "Wind Blows")
2) Phil Collins, "Easy Lover" (Cappadonna, "Good Squad")
3) Journey, "Don't Stop Believing" (Cam'ron, "Just Us")
4) Phil Collins, "Long, Long Way to Go" (Cam'ron ft. Penz and Tom Gist, "Gist and Penz")
5) The Police, "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic" (Ja Rule, "Free")

Ten Beats Someone Else Should Use
- DJ Drama ft. Lil' Wayne, Willie the Kid, T.I., and Freeway, "Cannon (Remix)"
- UGK, "Like That (Remix)"
- Diplomats, "Feelin' Myself"
- Fabolous, "Block on Smash"
- Saigon, "South, the West, the East Coast"
- J.J. Brown, "Grew Up a Screw Up/Reach In" (from Re-Release Therapy)
- Styles P, "Da 80s"
- 9th Wonder "Reminisce (Take Time)"
- 50 Cent, "Movin' on Up"
- Pete Rock ft. Jim Jones and Max B, "We Roll"

Fifteen Worst Songs of the Year
15) Jay-Z ft. Lil' Wayne, "Hello Brooklyn"
As though Weezy F.'s throwaway bars weren't worthless enough, his sing-song delivery coupled with that background yelling make "Brooklyn" an automatic skip every time it comes on. Oh, and Jay's verses are boring, too. Great work.

14) R. Kelly ft. Nelly, "Tryin' to Get a Number"
The busy, spacey synthesizers haunt my dreams. As does Nelly's chanting.

13) U.S.D.A, "White Girl"
Ah yes, as more time passes, more and more Young Jeezy drug bluster piles up in the waste bin of history.

12) Paul Wall ft. Expensive Taste, "Sliding on That Oil"
This sounds like a march or anthem for some sort of bizarro Houston car parade. Like, if they made a fun-natured cartoon about the Houston rappers who take this shit seriously, this song would play over the opening credits. I like it when Paul says he's "the shit like manure." That sounds about right.

11) MIMS, "This Is Why I'm Hot"
Pwned.

10) Fabolous ft. Akon, "Change Up"
Now that reggaeton has mercifully been dropped from the general public's set of preferences, how much longer until overwrought collaborations with Akon go the same way?

9) Jim Jones ft. Max B and Mel Matrix, "Anniversary"
This song would be a lot higher on the list were it not so inadvertently funny. I can't begin to accurately express how horrible this song is. It sounds like a computer had an abortion.

8) Timbaland ft. Justin Timberlake, Dr. Dre, and Missy, "Bounce"
All you people who fawn over Timbaland and Justin Timberlake need to stop because your unconditional support encourages crimes against humanity like this song. I think that this lyrics in this song are intended to be a joke, but even that doesn't excuse the horrible, horrible beat.

7) Styles P, "S.P. Ghost (Bonus) (Rock Version)"
I'd imagine that there isn't a lot of quality rock and roll in Yonkers. I can't otherwise explain how Styles could have heard this music and thought it would be a good accompaniment for his rhyming. Although, angry, head-banging ten-year-olds might be an untapped market Styles is deliberately courting.

6) N.O.R.E ft. K-Ci, "Shoes"
Be honest: do you think Noreaga ever isn't on serious drugs?

5) Cappadonna, "Wanted"
...by no one. If Wyclef were to indulge his worst Haitian influences and try to make Caribbean rap music, it would still be better than this.

4) 50 Cent ft. Timbaland and Justin Timberlake, "Ayo Technology"
The Luddite's hymn! My man HR said it best: this song is the musical equivalent of a terrorist attack.

3) T.I., "We Do This"
At his worst, T.I. can sound like a personality-less zombie chanting under duress. And sometimes, he does that over one of those busy, grating, repetitive southern beats that find their way onto records. Well, that all happened here. An appropriately embarrassing representative from an embarrassing album.

2) Fergie, "Big Girls Don't Cry"
I hate this song. I hate the insincere emotion behind the singing. I hate the boring melody. I hate how her voice sounds. I hate that it helped Fergie convince people to take her seriously. I just hate this whole mess. And it was ALWAYS on the radio.

1) DJ Khaled ft. Every Annoying-Ass Rapper Imaginable, "We Takin' Over"
This song almost killed me. Literally. I heard it on the internets once, and I said to myself, "God, that is just a mess of yelling and crappy rapping and generic computer production." And then, I heard it on the radio, followed by someone making a big deal about it. I swerved and almost ran off the road because I was overcome with shock and anger. What could people possibly like about this song?

Most Overrated Song of the Year
50 Cent, "I Get Money" - I stand by this. Not a terrible song, but really nothing special.

Best Guest Spots
Runner up: Method Man - The subtle exuberance in his voice that was once a crucial part of his appeal has gone missing, but on the Wu-Tang and Ghostface albums, Meth came correct, with tight verses that betrayed his middling performances in recent years. Thankfully.

Winner: Andre 3000 - Hands down. Dude destroyed almost everything he rapped over this year (we'll include "Walk It Out" to bolster the argument). Can't wait for that next album.

Worst Guest Spots
Lil' Wayne - Most Overrated Rapper Alive sucked on Kanye's album; he sucked on Jay's album; he was among the most annoying rappers on the Khaled and Drama albums; and oh by the way...

Song You Most Hated to Have Stuck in Your Head
Playaz Circle, "Duffle Bag Boy" - ...his singing on this track was nearly unbearable. This was in my head two weeks ago, and I almost had to leave work. It's not just the singing, either; the whole song is just boring after the initial novelty quickly wears off.

Song That Should Be Used in Schools to Teach Men How to Speak to Women
R. Kelly, "Real Talk"

Nineteen Best Songs that Weren't Among the Fifty Best (alphabetical by artist)
50 Cent ft. Lil' Kim, "Wanna Lick"
Camp Lo, "Sweet Claudine"
Cilvaringz ft. RZA, "Wu-Tang Martial Expert"
Consequence, "Job Song"
The Diplomats, "The Gun Shop"
Edgar Allen Floe, "Shine"
Ice Water ft. Raekwon and Busta Rhymes, "Do It Big"
Jay-Z ft. Nas, "Success"
Jazzy Jeff ft. Peedi Peedi, "Brand New Funk 2K7"
NYG'z, "Strength"
Prodigy, "Nickel and a Nail"
Q-Tip, "Move"
R. Kelly, "I'm a Flirt"
Raekwon ft. Smif-N-Wessun, "I Recall"
Rhymefest, "Angry Black Man on an Elevator"
Saigon, "Come on Baby"
Smif-N-Wessun, "See the Light"
Talib Kweli ft. Jean Grae, "Say Something"
Wu-Tang Clan, "16th Chamber"

Fifty Best Songs of the Year
50) Rihanna ft. Jay-Z and Chris Brown, "Umbrella (Remix)"
Impossible to avoid, and C Breeze does his thing.

49) Soulja Boy, "Crank That (Soulja Boy)"
Nuff said:


48) T-Pain ft. Kanye West, "Buy U a Drank (Remix)"
So catchy, so easy to dance to.

47) Nas, "Surviving the Times"
I am a sucker for mournful, reminiscent Nas.

46) Polyrhythm Addicts, "Headsense"
A forgotten song from a forgotten album. As far as triumphant anthem's go, this measures up well: brash lyrics, enthused tempo, lively sound.

45) Cam'ron, "Curtis"
A weak beef track, but nonetheless entertaining for a battery of reasons. Cam has a few nice lines. And, since I have a roommate named Curtis, this song lives on in my apartment.

44) LL Cool J, "New York Gangstas"
Were a rapper less intent on merely demonstrating that he remains conversant in the language of the hustler to rhyme over this stylized 70s throwback of a beat, it could be a truly memorable record. For instance, had it found its way onto American Gangster. As it is, LL does a good enough job with underrated production that deserves dap.

43) Bone Thugs-N-Harmony ft. Game and will.i.am, "Streets"
This is all about the Bobby Womack sample, the vintage Bone Thugs flow, and Game's excellent assonance and tightly constructed verse.

42) Pharrell ft. the Clipse, "Cheers"
Regular readers of the Bangin' likely know that Pharrell's routine tends to fall flat in this precinct of the interweb. However, his whimsical, playful schtick sounds good over this regal-sounding beat. The Clipse are even sort of Clipse Lite on this song, and that's a welcomed break from the usual barrage of bleak.

41) Ice Water ft. Raekwon and Three 6 Mafia, "Let's Get It"
As far as weed-carrier albums go, the Ice Water shit was pretty good. Lots of beats falling between solid and workable. This is likely the best of them, and it appropriately gets the sort of flippant, brash rhyming that the bombastic beat invites.

40) Wu-Tang Clan, "Campfire"
There's a casual cool to this brooding song created as Method Man reasserts himself and Cappadonna forces the beat to come to him. Oh, and Ghost does his thing.

39) 50 Cent, "Smile (I'm Leavin')"
The 50 I like is the one who keeps it real by dispensing with the mean mugging and works soulful beats, eschewing the fake drama of the synthesizer.

38) Saigon ft. Obie Trice, "Wanna Know"
Styles P and Beanie and everyone else should take notes: this is how you rap over a hard rock guitar.

37) Gorilla Zoe, "Hood N***a"
This song just gets stuck in my head, but in a good way. And I defy anyone to resist from moving along to the beat.

36) Camp Lo, "Posse from the Bronx"
In a year when strong opening tracks were seemingly a staple, few established a tone for the respective albums that followed like this one. It was the perfect return for the Lo, and the happy Dadaism rode along with the stylish aesthetic.

35) Cappadonna, "Growth and Development"
The blaring but subdued wails create this quasi-manic emotional element that perfectly complements Cappa's discursive rhyming.

34) Havoc, "Be There"
This beat knocks.

33) Freeway ft. Skillz, "You Don't Know"
Skillz and Free trade some memorable couplets, and they both own the beat. "Youngins wanna act like Michael on The Wire/Til they realize that Michael's just an actor on The Wire..."

32) Talib Kweli ft. Candica Anderson, "Happy Home"
It was a good year for Talib, and this joint from early in the year provided some inkling that it might be. Mr. Greene drops social commentary amidst an evocative lyrical portrait, all set to something which I think was a Dudley Perkins beat.

31) Blu & Exile, "Dancing in the Rain"
So smooth. And some vintage everyday-shit rap.

30) Jazzy Jeff ft. J Live, "Practice"
It's just enjoyable to hear a gifted MC deftly do his thing--the boasts, the similes, the wordplay. This is what you might call a "solid" rap song.

29) Pharoahe Monch ft. Showtime, "Desire"
Hard to resist the soaring strings and Pharoahe's commanding flow.

28) Tony Williams, "Dreaming of Your Love"
And speaking of soaring strings.... The entire orchestral arrangement underneath Williams' smooth singing made "Dreaming" a song I consistently came back to all summer and fall.

27) Percee P ft. Diamond D, "2 Brothers from the Gutter"
Madlib kills this beat, which sounds like something from Mega Man. And it oddly suits the rough, blunt flows.

26) Murs, "1st Love"
Free Murs! Or, at least let the dude get his dap. He's kind of like a regular-guy rap hero, what with his everyman content and easy beats.

25) The Go! Team, "Grip Live a Vice"
They should open every concert with this song. It's just a perfect encapsulation of what they do.

24) Styles P ft. AZ, "The Hardest"
One of AZ's problems is that he doesn't rap about many new subjects from song to song and year to year, but these periodic updates to a catalogue rich in remembrance and New York street themes do not get old. Over this airy sort of synth sound, he and Styles seem fairly mature, lending the track an odd pathos.

23) Lloyd ft. Andre 3000 and Nas, "I Want You (Remix)"
Hip-hop will never tire of recycling Spandau Ballet, and I will never tire of hearing what is done with it.

22) Jus Ske, "Jus Ske Shows You How to Hustle"
The patchwork of hustling-related songs that comprise this sonic collage is quite crafty, and it vastly enhances the Pharrell original.

21) Nature Sounds ft. Pete Rock, Styles P, and Sheek Louch, "914"
Another song likely overlooked since it dropped almost a year ago (I think). The Lox's tough talk is nothing new, but it sounds really good on this track.

20) Jay Dee, "Crushin' (Yeeeeaah!)"
Dilla at his entrancing, playful best.

19) Swizz Beatz, "Top Down"
The horns on this beat are excellent. To use a pretentious word, they're almost majestic. Seriously. And thus, they capture your attention and hold it as Swizz raps as best he can, which, of course, is not that great. But still, his simple rhymes and chant-driven music is without fault when set to such a catchy horn riff.

18) Rich Boy ft. Andre 3000, Jim Jones, Murphy Lee, Lil' Jon, and The Game, "Throw Some D's (Remix)"
I refuse to believe anyone who claims to have not liked this song, even if only for a fleeting moment. The production is too infectious. And that neglects the odd collection of guest verses here: Andre owning yet another track; Game kind of missing the point and being all West Coast hard; Murphy Lee proving that he's still alive (who knew?); and Jim Jones sneezing on bitches and consulting with his kosher lawyers.

17) Foxx ft. Lil' Boosie and Webbie, "Wipe Me Down"
A banger of the first order. A monster of a dance song.

16) Skyzoo ft. Torae, "Click"
DJ Premier cooks up something that sounds mildly anachronistic, but it doesn't matter, as Skyzoo and Torae drop smart, neatly constructed verses. I continue to think that Skyzoo could be something pretty awesome if he gets the right beats and the right opportunity. We'll see...

15) Marco Polo ft. Masta Ace, "Nostalgia"
I have never met Marco Polo, but I am pretty sure he had me in mind when he made this. Smooth, jazzy samples; cutting on the chorus; Masta Fucking Ace. Every blowhard internets hater who insists that rap music is not as good as it used to be is surely in love with this song. I am.

14) Little Brother, Good Clothes
No rap group better demonstrates a sense of humor on a consistent basis. Even better is that they can do it without necessarily making corny shit.

13) Raekwon, "My Corner"
Yeah, this shit remains excellent. Rae just bathes his memories in the ambling beat.

12) The Game, "Beautiful Life"
This is a simple song--a basic chord progression and some sprinkled-in synthesizer filler--with fairly basic lyrics. And that's why I like it so much. Game is fairly honest and relaxed, rendering him far more engaging and likable than he can be when attempting to maintain an image. The line about Tim Duncan makes me crack up every time I hear it.

11) Fabolous ft. Raekwon and Ne-Yo, "Make Me Better"
Take solace, Wu-Tang fans: "Rainy Dayz" remains the best song that could have been made this year, a full decade after it was created.

10) UGK ft. OutKast, "International Players Anthem (I Choose You)"
You all know about this song already. If only Pimp C weren't so clunky and foolish all the time. And that's not me being disrespectful to the dead; that's me being realistic.

9) Snoop Dogg, "Sensual Seduction"
Most fun song of 2007. And it's better than 99% of the R&B that's made with far more serious intentions. I think I'd listen to an entire album of Snoop Dogg channeling Roger Troutman.

8) Kanye West ft. T-Pain, "Good Life"
Flossy Kanye is not always my favorite, but the song is so good-natured and the music is so constructively creative that I forget my usual objections. It's also catchy as hell and a perfect party track.

7) Guru ft. Common and Bob James, "State of Clarity (Remix)"
Oh man, more horns. And they frame Jay Dee's "Love Jones" so well.

6) The-Dream, "Shawty Is the Shit"
Dream's singing is fine, but the piano basics are just great.

5) Common ft. Kanye West, "Southside"
The energy on this track just hits you head on and is unrelenting. It's wonderful.

4) Jay-Z, "Roc Boys (And the Winner Is...)"
And the year of the horns continues. This Menehan Street Band riff is incredibly memorable; you can't help but feel enthused. Add in the bizarre Jewish references and you have an unqualified hit.

3) OutKast, "Da Art of Storytellin' (Pt. 4)"
There cannot be a more casually thoughtful rapper than Andre, and Big Boi kind of wrecks his verse. Like, verse-of-the-year wrecks it.

2) Ghostface Killah ft. Method Man and Raekwon, "Yolanda's House"
I recently attempted to explain this song's excellence and it was difficult to properly articulate all that seems so apparent merely upon hearing it. The tone of the music, the way that their voices sound, the descriptive narratives that move the story forward but spare no details, the interplay of the three MCs. This is such a pleasure.

1) Black Milk, "Popular Demand"
A questionable choice perhaps, but the beat is just *so good.* It's melodic and interesting but still not overpowering to the point that it obscures the rhyming. And Black Milk rides it so incredibly well. No other song stuck with me as memorably as this one. It is an ideal rap song.

What If...History Weren't

During my posting interregnum, it was not as though I was doing nothing. Rather, I was working a lot. And, I wrote this for Ballhype, which is launching a great new series focused on tortured teams and athletes. Check out the innagural installation in the What If...History Weren't series:

What If...History Weren't: The New York Knicks

"We Can Have Great Success Here"

The future

For years, friends and strangers alike would hear or read my jeremiads focused on Lloyd Carr's shortcomings and respond with surprise, indignation, dismissals, and impassioned defenses of Michigan's erstwhile leader. The content of those disagreements--more slants, fewer punts, more formations, fewer runs left--now seems almost immaterial. For a fan, the specifics of discontent may vary, but all qualms are united by one fundamental--you have to enjoy loving a team. My quarrel with Carr grew more and more intense as the cumulative result of his tenure was distilled over time: he'd sapped the joy from Michigan football. Rooting for the Wolverine had devolved from pleasure into an obligation. That's why I was always so mad at him; he took something from me.

I enjoyed a cathartic moment of clarity last Sunday night as I stood in a Seattle airport waiting for my luggage. I was on the phone with an old friend, and as we discussed the news that Michigan would be announcing Rich Rodriguez as its new football coach, I experienced unbridled Michigan football enthusiasm for the first time in years. It was incredible.

Having since watched Rodriguez's introductory press conference and read a good deal about him, his system, his coaching staff, and his recruiting, I remain excited. I cling to some reservations, and I will withhold final judgment until I see something on the field, but I am cautiously optimistic.

From mainstream media to the internets, the prevailing message appears to be that wholesale change is coming. The spread, a 3-3-5 defense, coaches who don't think pizza and a Bowflex counts as a weight-training program, practices that are intense and mean and profane. Schembechler Hall will be a new place starting in January. And that's a good thing. Of course, it is not as though Michigan football had sunk to the depths of 1A, and this is a program that is something like 14 months removed from a Game of the Century. But the problems long festering in Ann Arbor went beyond a specific group of players, a specific tactical choice, and a particular coach or two. Michigan football needed a cultural overhaul were it to credibly entertain notions that it competed among college football's elite. RichRod will offer that change. That seems to be beyond dispute. The question is whether he will be successful.

Anyone who offers a definitive answer is foolish. We don't know. Will RichRod's Michigan teams feature an aggressive offense that maximizes the existing roster and sees Ryan Mallett slinging the ball around the field like he were back in his high school shotgun set? Will the Wolverines, instead, be a thumb injury away from losses to Dave Wannstedt? Like most fans, I am hoping for the former. And in considering these projections, the discomfort of change becomes apparent: as unpleasant as the familiar can be, it often can appear as the better alternative when contrasted with the unknown.

It would have been easier and more comfortable to hire someone like Les Miles, a guy who knows Michigan, is of Michigan, and was likely to keep Michigan resembling the Michigan we've come to know. I would have been alright with that because Miles appeared to be a unique candidate, one who could bridge past, present. and future. But once Bill Martin let that ship sail (pun!), a guy like Rodriguez seemed like the best choice. He is a proven winner; he is enthusiastic and energetic; he works tirelessly; he is a true innovator; and he seems likely to stand up for himself while combating the ever-present champions of inertia who inhabit Ann Arbor and would have you believe that Fielding Yost is walking through that door. Michigan could have done much worse than Rodriguez, and absent Meyer, Carroll, Tressel, or Stoops, it probably couldn't have done better.

And so as January 1st approaches, and with it, a likely drubbing at the hands of the Florida Gators, I look ahead to a spring of renewal and a fall of change. More than anything else, I am thankful to be looking forward with joy. Go Blue, again.

10 Movies from 2007 That You Should See

Powerhouse.

List week starts with a simple set of movie recommendations. Note that this list comes from someone who likes the Pirates of the Caribbean sequels, so draw from that whatever conclusions you will. Anyway, later this week, we'll have lists of ten people who need to go away, ten people who we need to see more of in 2008, the best songs, and the best albums of the year. It's always fun. But for now, since I've been traveling and sick, we start with a simple compendium of my cinematic taste.

11) The opening sequence from the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie:



10) Sicko
9) Reno 911: Miami
8) Die Hard 4
7) Gone, Baby, Gone
6) American Gangster
5) No End in Sight
4) Eastern Promises
3) The Bourne Ultimatum
2) Michael Clayton
1) No Country for Old Men

Also... Spiderman 3 was easily among the worst movies I've ever seen. That scene when Peter Parker joins some gay Good Charlotte cover band? Yeah, I haven't felt that uncomfortable since Adebisi raped Peter Schibetta. Seriously, what the eff was that?

Oh, and about that other screen... The final season of Sopranos was a towering success. People who didn't like the finale didn't understand the show, and people who criticized that "nothing happens" were in a similar boat. It was great TV that fully articulated what the show was always about. I was sad that it ended--truly down, like losing a friendship--but pleased it didn't compromise. The rest of the year was mediocre, on balance. The Wire wasn't on. The Survivor on which Earl won was lame and this most recent season was bad. Dog Bites Man got canceled. And so forth. I really can only think of a limited list of shows I unconditionally enjoyed this past year:

PTI
Lost
Prison Break
30 Rock
Big Love
Sopranos

I'm Back, Just Like Carl

This Blog Mispunctuates Because You're Booing

I am just without words. Honestly. I have no idea what to say about Isiah Lord Thomas anymore. Calling him an "embarrassment" or an "incompetent" does not even begin to do justice by my contempt and frustration. And you know what? James Dolan doesn't even allow his own Garden employees to see his email address. A friend who works there verified this yesterday as I was seeking an outlet for my disgust. How typical is that? How symbolic? A bunch of no-account losers holding an entire fan base hostage and steadily destroying the mirth that was once a staple of my Knicks experience. It's an unforgivable offense.

Carl and Sherri Shepherd Read from the Same Bible

The primary difference, of course, is that one of them is actually a cartoon and the other just acts like a retarded one.

Playing Nintendo Wii Is Like Going to Dog Prison

This may not be safe to watch at your job. And even if it is, please use headphones. No, it's not that inappropriate, but still...

Music for a Monday: It's All in the Details

The greatest rapper alive.

In October, The New Yorker pointed out that The Wire resonates deeply with two primary audiences: critics and "people who identify with the inner-city characters." Despite being somewhat intuitive--Lord knows it took me about five years to find people who were as into it as I was since I don't run with critics or the impoverished--it was an observation that gave me pause and made me chuckle because it's largely true. And you need not work hard to flesh out the racial dimension that accompanies what Margaret Talbot wrote. Momentarily dispensing with the caveats of political correctness, let's agree that The Wire is, in fact, most popular with white people who spend a lot of time worrying about the social issues of others and the black people who know those problems firsthand.

I suppose that color isn't even such a big deal here. For my purposes, the racial component is really only important because it sharpens the contrast. Two disparate groups feel so similarly and so strongly about the same thing. That's not common. And more intriguing, I'd argue that both halves of this bifurcated fan base find a common appeal in the show.

More than anything else, The Wire achieves an unparalleled authenticity thanks to its honest portrayal of city life. Beyond the frank treatment of personal relationships, race relations, and bureaucracy, The Wire enthralls its audience with those prosaic conversations that answer questions like, "Just what would a drug dealer talk about all day while standing on a street corner?" That it has won acceptance among people who likely recognize the systemic failures and pathologies of poverty that The Wire meticulously curates confers upon the show an imprimatur of truth. And it is this mark which makes The Wire all the more attractive to those who profess to care about its issues but have little intimate understanding of their quotidian rhythms.

Now compare that to standard fare. Narratives about drug dealing, violence, political wrangling, and a roster of additional "urban themes" are not unique in popular culture. However, these subjects can carry so much emotional heft and connect to such a bleak reality that they're often distorted through simplistic, misguided celebration or diminished through the dishonest conventions of romanticism. The theoretical glory enjoyed by "heroes" like 50 Cent and Frank Lucas, or Young Jeezy and Nino Brown, is an artifice that ultimately rings hollow. But as we know, The Wire only traffics in the real, and this is why the show has been such a towering success.

Ghostface Killah is a lot like The Wire. The ease with which he brings to life crime, drugs, poverty, and sexuality through their respective banalities simultaneously divorces his subjects from the misleading contexts in which they're commonly presented while also making them more accessible to everyday people. That's a paradox; we don't commonly enjoy hearing about how hard it is to wash someone's head off of a t-shirt. But that's Starks. And not coincidentally, he, too, enjoys a nearly unrivaled critical esteem and a cult following among those who, for whatever reasons, hear in his music something that they recognize. To be fair, rap fans far outnumber Wire fans, so we probably can't be as simplistic in our assessment because hip-hop fans occupying so many distinct nodes across a vast landscape. (And, SB ain't trying to be on some David Brooks oversimplification shit.) But in broad terms, you could likely etch out a similarly odd dichotomy of worship. (You could also contend that in both The Wire and a Ghostface album, fans find uncommon subjects--how many people are really selling drugs or rolling in Bentleys with the new Rasheeds?---which they can fetishize. Lots of people entertain fantasies of being Stringer Bell.)

Of course, Starks is far more playful and outlandish, far less serious and pointed than The Wire, but Big Doe Rehab is nonetheless a wonderful reminder that no rapper is quite like Ghost because no rapper approaches his subjects and creates images in quite the same way. And, no rapper makes music that is nearly as much fun. BDR is, above all else, a sixteen-track affirmation that rap music can still be much more than empty thuggery and the soft bigotry of supposed southern excellence.

If Fishscale was a sometimes wandering showcase for Ghost's many talents (and don't get it twisted--there is no revisionist history here: that album still knocks), BDR is a tight, cinematic return to a classic Wu-Tang modality, albeit with a more contemporary production style. This is the sort of topically cohesive, audacious, crime-obsessed album that scored your most cherished mid-90's Wu-Tang dreams. And though lauding a rapper's storytelling abilities is a common hip-hop compliment, that practice becomes laughable as Ghost drops vivid, detail-rich verses throughout. He just sons other MCs. Call me a "stan" if you will, but I defy anyone to explain how other rappers making records today can be considered on par or better (fall back, 21st Century Nas). I read somewhere that this album reminded the author of Only Built 4 Cuban Linx. I wouldn't go that far--you're talking about one of the five greatest rap albums ever made, after all--but it does share the same sort of defiant, assured mood.

And that comes through almost palpably. One distinction that sets apart BDR from its recent Ghostface predecessors is the rapping. Last year's Ghostface offerings delivered tight verses and comfortable flows, but there was something casual and rehearsed about all of it. The choreographed procession of "name" producers likely contributed. It was enjoyable music that succeeded in spite of self-consciousness, and though the topics were at times bizarre and even hallucinatory, those were ideas that seemed calculated. The planning could be heard in Ghost's rapping, which had an air of maturity and restraint that is not what we commonly associate with such an energetic rapper who is charmingly perceptive as he sometimes veers off in his own direction. But BDR is different. It is marked by a notably absent self-awareness that allows the record to seem enjoyably out of control at times. Even the more subdued sounds and slower tempos do not dampen Ghost's uninhibited energy. "Yolanda's House" is the song of the year precisely because even while taking a stroll, it retains the volatility that has always made the Wu-Tang special. That and everything else that's dope about the track.

Initially, I didn't think I liked BDR as much as I had hoped to. The first few songs I'd heard--"We Celebrate" and "Barrel Brothers"--were disjointed. Plus, the production left me wanting more. But BDR will grow on you. First, it is sequenced very well. "Barrell Brothers," far from being an unremarkable song, sets an excellent tone for what follows, and the mixed tempos and styles flow fairly seamlessly. Second, Method Man is reborn on this album. Whereas he rhymed well on 8 Diagrams but still somehow seemed to be a shell of what he once was, his work on Rehab is a welcomed reminder that he was once a preeminent rapper. Third, this really is a fine example of Ghostface being himself. It's infectious. And fourth, the enduring sounds of BDR are Ghost's stories. Feet free of callouses, bodies dropped by a Tommy-wielding mami--there is a lot of detailed rhyming here, the sort that draws you in and makes you love rap music. The sort that rings honest and true, even when you don't know what else you'd be looking for.

It's a Rap

However you feel about Barry O, you should at least acknowledge that no other presidential candidate is likely to get a better musical endorsement than that which he got from Naledge. Unless you also count Ghostface's Obama drop on "Barrel Brothers."

And, if you close your eyes and listen to Barack speak, how can you not think you're listening to The Rock?

Bing Boing Calls Gabe and Max

Remember these dudes? (HT: Boing Boing)

Not Even Scientologists Believe This (I Hope)

Nothing predated Christians?! Jesus came first?!

America's public schools are in disrepair and the U.S. spends trillions of dollars occupying a country in disarray following a sham war. This is much worse than anything Bill Martin could say. Sherri Shepherd is an embarrassment.



Not on paper? Ha. Not on Earth.

(HT: Atrios)

Take a Bow

Yesterday, Straight Bangin' reached a traffic milestone, receiving its 500,000th visit. That means that since the site was launched in February 2005, people have come here more than 500,000 times to listen to rap music, discuss the bizarre fortunes of the New York Knicks, read rants about everything from Dick Cheney to muffin tops, and generally check in with me as I go about being a hater. I began blogging because I was seeking the catharsis that comes with self expression, and I wound up making friends, finding stimulation, and entering ongoing discussions that are immensely rewarding.

Thanks to everyone who checks out the site, puts up their own content, and keeps me engaged. May we all keep bangin' (pause as needed)...

...And now let the hating resume.

Bill Martin Likes Sailing More Than He Likes Les Miles

If you look closely, you can see Michigan football going overboard.

The Detroit Free Press and Ann Arbor News both confirm what I thought was the case when I emailed Mary Sue Coleman and the University of Michigan Regents on Monday: Bill Martin was off in Florida sailing last Saturday and could not be reached or would not return phone calls when Les Miles's agent and several actors on behalf of the University tried to reach him.

This means either: 1) Martin is a complete moron who takes ill-timed vacations and isn't good at his job, or 2) Martin didn't want to hire Les Miles. Or, to be a little more cynical and likely more accurate, factions within the Michigan power structure--Mary Sue Coleman and Lloyd Carr being leading contenders--torpedoed Miles's candidacy at some point and Martin no longer wanted to hire Miles, despite an initial desire and the unanimous endorsement of his search committee. To say nothing of general fan sentiment and the overwhelming support of former players. Oh by the way, those players are pissed.

Where does Michigan go from here? It looks like Kirk Ferentz is back in play. Coleman hired Ferentz at Iowa and Carr is said to prefer Ferentz, whom he supposedly deems to be something of a coaching kindred spirit, so that only makes me more inclined to think that agents of change lost a battle to the myopic and misguided "old guard" that thinks it knows what it's doing. And maybe it does, or maybe Miles will still be on the Michigan sideline next season--there are all kinds of rumblings at this point--but I will remain skeptical, if not furious, until I see on-field evidence that Michigan is again able to compete with An Ohio State University and USC and every other football program that is actually elite.

What could Michigan be getting in Ferentz? Well, here's a year-by-year break down of Iowa's overall records, with Big Ten results in parentheses:

1999 - 1-10 (0-8)
2000 - 3-9 (3-5)
2001 - 7-5 (4-4)
2002 - 11-2 (8-0)
2003 - 10-3 (5-3)
2004 - 10-2 (7-1)
2005 - 7-5 (5-3)
2006 - 6-7 (2-6)
2007 - 6-6 (4-4)

I'll be honest, these last three years are discouraging. Michigan is seriously considering handing over the reigns of an iconic college football program to a guy who is 19-18 in the last three years while trending downward from his team's apex? Who is 11-13 against a weak Big Ten during that time? Who did that while not even playing OSU and Michigan every year? Who is 3-6 against Iowa State? Who lost to Western Michigan at home this past year? Who is not a strong recruiter and is getting his ass kicked by Ron Zook and Charlie Weis in relatively fertile Illinois? Really?

And let's not forget that while Michigan is not a paragon of moral virtue--arrests for assault, DUI, drug possession, and indecent exposure over a fifteen-month period aren't ideal--Iowa is not either. I think something like eight players were arrested in the past year. Supposedly wholesome Michigan and saintly Lloyd Carr are OK with that?

Meanwhile, Les Miles has averaged 11 wins a year at a program whose scope and status is commensurate with Michigan's. He's got his team playing for a national title, he is a well-regarded recruiter, he hires excellent coaching staffs, he's a wonderful motivator (something sadly overlooked given that college sports are so much about emotion), and I don't see LSU guys on the police blotter all that much. Miles is not the single most ideal candidate in the world--as Dr. G wrote, why not really search far and wide?--but if he and Ferentz are theoretically the two best, most qualified candidates under consideration, how can anyone argue for Ferentz?

To choose a seemingly riskier proposition, pay him well, and ignore the advice of former players, a hand-picked search committee, the desire of fans on whom the program relies for support--well, that's as crazy as going sailing on the most important Saturday in Michigan football's recent history.

If this turns out poorly, or even if Kirk Ferentz comes to Ann Arbor, Bill Martin has some serious explaining to do. And then we'll question Mary Sue Coleman and the regents.

Carl Keeps It Real When It Comes to the BCS

A Letter to Michigan President Mary Sue Coleman

Following the debacle that was the Michigan coaching search this weekend, there are a lot of questions that require answers. Below, please find a letter sent to Michigan President Mary Sue Coleman and the University of Michigan regents meant to solicit some of that information. Please note that the email referenced in this letter is something that I received last night. I do not know if it's true, but numerous internet posts and stories from people generally in the know corroborate some or all of it.

Dear President Coleman,

There is not an alumnus who will speak about the University of Michigan more glowingly than I will. I received an incredible education for which I still feel indebted; I established meaningful friendships that will endure for the rest of my life; I participated in published research; I wrote for the Daily; I studied with incredible professors. My time in Ann Arbor was nothing short of incredible, the sort of rich, transforming experience that colleges always boast about offering.

Many alumni share my passion for our alma mater, and I have always observed that Michigan athletics--football, in particular, as the flagship program--collectively serve as a vehicle for connecting people, providing a platform on which this passion can coalesce and be expressed. I imagine that you understand this, at least implicitly. Why else would you, President Gerald Ford, and many others have sung our fight song when you kicked off the Michigan Difference campaign? Michigan athletics, Michigan football are special parts of the Michigan experience.

But I am concerned that your administration is allowing this fundamental element of the Michigan experience to slowly erode. Any objective observer who cares about Michigan football has seen a program in decline over the past few years. Uninspired play, failure in crucial moments, middling strategy, and physical inferiority have become program hallmarks as the Wolverines have faced opponents with commensurate levels of talent. Merely making it to a few recent Rose Bowls, along with several other hollow accomplishments, cannot obscure the mounting evidence that radical change is needed in Ann Arbor. Michigan can no longer compete with Ohio State, a team playing for its third national title in six years, and it is regularly defeated, if not embarrassed, by the truly elite programs, such as Texas and USC. Not a single friend of mine did anything other than cringe yesterday when it was announced that Michigan had to play Florida next month. The ignominy of losses to Appalachian State and Oregon this past season only reinforced the sad reality: due to an out-of-date culture and approach to college football, Michigan is no longer among the leaders and best.

Lloyd Carr's retirement offered a needed opportunity for change, but sadly, it appears that this change may not come swiftly, if at all. I spent my weekend in Boston first dismayed and then, as I watched and read more, infuriated that Michigan had been outmaneuvered by LSU and would not be bringing coach Les Miles home to Ann Arbor. (Don't even get me started on a basketball program that cannot beat Harvard.)

First, let me say that Les Miles may not have been a panacea for all that ails Michigan, but no other coach appeared as likely to solve so many problems while avoiding the precipitous decline that has plagued Nebraska, Notre Dame, Alabama, and several other football powers. Despite having played and worked for a Michigan football legend, Miles seemed to offer the promise of much needed change. In fact, hiring Miles would have given the program continuity--no one doubts how much Miles cares about Michigan or reveres Bo Schembechler--while allowing Michigan to implement a modern strength and conditioning program, to hire the best possible coaching staff (something that should be a priority), to do away with the cronyism that seemed to inform many decisions of the Carr era, and to be led by someone whose intensity is undeniable and whose energy would have galvanized on-field efforts and off-field recruiting and preparation.

However, Michigan fumbled this chance. Below, I am forwarding a story I received from a former football player. Michigan is alleged to have never made clear to Miles that he could have the coaching job if he wanted it. The story says that Athletic Director Bill Martin, waiting until Sunday to speak with Miles, was on vacation as the deal fell apart. Worse, when he had a chance to salvage the situation, Martin would only offer Miles an interview and supposedly was reluctant to pay a market-rate salary for a premier coach.

If this story is true, it is the epitome of incompetence and institutional arrogance. (If it is not true, please disabuse me of the idea, and I would appreciate if I weren't merely referred to Martin's stilted statement from last evening.) How could Michigan have bungled this situation so badly if it wanted Les Miles to be its coach? No one is naïve enough to think that the public statements about waiting until Sunday precluded the University and its agents from finalizing a deal with the Miles camp in the interim. And worse, how could Michigan fail to understand that it must offer a competitive salary if it wants a great coach to carry on the school's football tradition? Let's not forget that Michigan's athletics budget is in the black and there is a new, revenue-generating stadium in the works. Please answer these questions. Further, If Mr. Martin was, in fact, on vacation during this crucial period--or even unavailable to rectify a failing negotiation at a critical juncture--then Michigan should find a new athletic director. Tales of a lazy, frugal effort to hire such an important figure only reinforce the growing concern that the people who run my alma mater are out of touch with the realities of college football.

Of course, this all presupposes that Miles was a preferred candidate, and perhaps he was not. It is no secret, of course, that Lloyd Carr and several of his supporters do not like Les Miles. One merely needs to read the Detroit Free Press or Detroit News to understand that a rift exists. But given that the Carr regime has ended so poorly and has left the program with a number of festering ills, I hope this group of people was not allowed to render undue judgment of Miles. It's obvious that they do not understand what it takes to win in contemporary college football, unless Michigan is now settling for consolations like its domination of Minnesota.

I will conclude my note with this: I know that I am not a big-money donor, although I do lay out more than a thousand dollars a year to make contributions to academic and athletic funds, and to travel to home and away football games. I know that much of what I have written will be disavowed, even if it's true. And I know that there are many people with much invested in this process, me being only one of them. I get all of that. But if the University of Michigan really is committed to being among the leaders and best, and to serving its many constituencies in the best possible fashion, then you and the regents I have copied here will consider my words, because my sentiments are shared by many people who care deeply about Michigan.

We are alumni and fans who have grown frustrated by and tired of Michigan football's cultural inertia and the seemingly arrogant presupposition that just because it's Michigan, there is no need to change and everything will work out. That's ignorant. Michigan must enter the modern era if it would like for the football program to remain both elite and an important part of university life. One merely needs to hear ESPN analysts laughing at the idea of Michigan competing with Florida in January's Capital One Bowl--as they did last night--to realize the sobering state of affairs. No one suggests that the University compromise its standards or do anything unethical. That would turn Michigan into Ohio State. But there is nothing wrong with paying a market-rate salary to a coach who will break from the prevailing order, restore Michigan, and lead it to the highest successes.

What is wrong is embarrassing the University and the football program, as Bill Martin and this administration did over the weekend. Not only did the University of Michigan miss out on an ideal coach, but the way that this process has been handled suggests that the people making decisions are either not cognizant of or not willing to do what it takes to be successful. If that's the case, I guarantee that alumni and fans like me--people who want to come to Michigan Stadium, share in a cherished University ritual, and cheer for a team that makes us proud while winning--will remain dissatisfied and keep making noise. Nothing could make me sadder.

Sincerely,

Joey

(Begin forwarded story)
Les Miles did want to coach here very badly, and the reports were right. This can be attributed to him being on the phone with a former teammate and very good friend of his until 2:00 am Friday night wondering why he hadn't been contacted yet when Michigan authorities knew about the contract extension. Les was put in a very difficult spot because he had not been assured that the job would be his by anyone at Michigan. There were financial arrangements between third parties beforehand and that was all agreed upon but there was no indication from Michigan directly that the job was his. The discussion of finances before interviews is pretty standard for Michigan when conducting a job search as I was told.

It was apparent that the Michigan admin. had reservations about him (that's another topic all together and can be discussed by someone else) and were not ready to pull the trigger even though the search committee all but confirmed he was the right guy. The search committee, by the way, is a front with no real teeth. When the developments happened yesterday morning with ESPN, Les was put in a real bad position and had to address the issue so that it would not be a distraction. As everyone knows the extension offer was only good for Saturday and he stood to lose a lot of money with no word whatsoever from Michigan about his position. He did what a lot of people would do.

A former player and member of the search committee tried to frantically call the Michigan Admin. as this was all developing and did not get anyone on the phone. Reason why? Sailing.

Contact was made today by Michigan Admin. to Les with Les telling him "door is not closed but closing." The Admin. responded that Les was one of several in a pool of candidates they are considering, and that Michigan wanted someone who was more invested in being at Michigan than at being well paid. Les's agent considered it a dead issue.

It appears that the Michigan Admin. was not all that interested in hiring Les and used the gentleman's agreement of not calling until after the game to his advantage. It looks like Michigan Admin. got over on Les.

Don't blame Les on this one. He wanted to be the head coach here but it seems other people had other agendas. A lot of former players are really upset about the way this was handled, including myself.