Open Thread: Which Western Team Will the Celtics Still Lose to?

Enjoy Boston. Wear red socks and don't speak your mind.

Though you'll find many positive sentiments about Kevin Garnett on Straight Bangin', you won't find the Celtics anointed as champions. To win a title, you still have to defend big men. And I don't just mean tall men. I mean bulky men; I mean men with girth. Kevin Garnett doesn't really do that.

So which team will be beating the Celtics next summer? And, with a healthy Dwyane, do even he and Shaq give the C's problems due to the aforesaid big-man issue? In the rush to celebrate LeBron James, I think people have neglected Dwyane a bit. And as a buddy noted in an email, the C's will basically be using three all-stars and nine guys from Southie.

Pays to Be Catholic: XMas Comes Early for Notre Dame

But, to be fair, he does look really good in that half-and-half jers--oh, wait. That's not a man.

Much to my chagrin, Michigan today announced that it had extended its football series against Notre Dame for twenty years. I've struggled to understand if this is good or bad, and to assist myself, I've chosen a blogger's favorite crutch: the list.

Top Ten Reasons Why Michigan Should Not Keep Playing Notre Dame:
10) Tradition. Michigan has plenty of it. A small amount comes from the Notre Dame series. Much more could be developed playing other, better teams. Failing to play Notre Dame will not take away Michigan's most wins of all time, highest winning percentage of all time, 11 national titles, hall-of-fame fight song, iconic uniforms, status as the team that taught Notre Dame how to play, status as the team that taught the Joke of a University how to write "Ohio" in cursive, or anything else that distinguishes the greatest program in the history of the sport.

9) Have You Seen South Bend? Why would Michigan subject its players to an every-other-yearly trip to one of the ugliest, most boring places in America?

8) The Big Ten. It's one of the best football conferences in the country. Michigan is in it. Notre Dame isn't. Michigan can rely on playing an annually competitive slate of the Columbus Barnstorming Criminals, Wisconsin, Iowa, the Program Formerly Known as Penn State, Purdue, and Minnesota. Notre Dame can rely on playing the service academies. Of course, Notre Dame sort of likes to pretend that it has a spot in the Big Ten, always scheduling Michigan and Purdue and now Penn State and Michigan State (or some other team that will choke on apple sauce). But then the idea of sharing its money comes up and it quickly distances itself from the notion that it would ever deign to join a conference.

I don't really understand why BCS teams even schedule games against the Irish. Their participation in the entire system is unfairly weighted in their favor (witness the windfall contracts and undeserved bowl berths), and you'd think that the other schools would just render Notre Dame irrelevant by boycotting them until they chose to stop taking their ball home every time they didn't like something in the sandbox. It's not like anyone would dispute a champion crowned by the BCS were Notre Dame not in the mix. This isn't 1988. Or 1977. Or...you get the point.

7) Notre Dame Games. Weird, improbable things happen to the Wolverines when Michigan plays Notre Dame. Like when touchdowns at the goal line are ruled to be fumbles. We have no need for that; why subject ourselves to the torture of Irish luck?

6) It's Boring. There are many annual pastimes in college football that never get old because the sport celebrates history in a fashion that spares its fans from the tedium and sanctimony of baseball. Playing against the Buckeyes every year, for instance, never gets old because the cataclysm of good meeting evil never gets old. If it did, there wouldn't be movies. Also, your average Buckeye is such a troglodyte that making fun of him or her takes on new, colorful variations all the time. But Michigan-Notre Dame does get old. The Notre Dame fans are the same self-satisfied snobs year in and year out; the exceptions and excuses never change; you can't be returning to glory for 15 years straight; and the games, though usually competitive, do not arouse the same passion that they once did. There are other teams in the world; Michigan should play some of them.

5) Lloyd Carr Likes It. Stop encouraging him to linger. (I am sort of kidding. Sort of...)

4) It Screws with the Schedule. Scheduling and economic realities being what they are, I think an ideal Michigan schedule would look like this: 1 marquee non-conference game (USC, LSU, Texas, Georgia, Florida, etc.); 1 non-conference game against a middling-to-good BCS team (Missouri, Virginia, Arizona, Arkansas, Boston College, etc.); 1 MAC game; 1 local directional-school game; 7 Big Ten games; 1 supernatural battle against the Devil's Rejects in Ohio. If you staggered the home-and-homes at the top of the schedule, that setup would allow Michigan to play seven home games a year, to satisfy the fan base, to extend its recruiting reach, to generate positive media buzz, to insulate itself from strength-of-schedule suspicions, and to satisfy the locals who like it when Michigan plays against Midwest schools. Series against BC or Rutgers could even be played in places like the Meadowlands, creating mega events and allowing me to see my team without flying. But Notre Dame, mostly due to reputation, tends to count as Michigan's top-tier non-conference opponent each season, and until Michigan stops settling for the Irish and padding the resume with Vanderbilt, a better schedule seems likely to remain elusive.

3) It Means Listening to Pat Haden and Tom Hammond Once Every Other Year. At this point, you could dub the audio from Rocket Ismail having sex with two groupies over video of the game and I wouldn't even notice a difference.

2) Michigan Can Never Really Win. If Michigan wins, it was supposed to, because Notre Dame hasn't been very good for a while. If Michigan loses, it was overrated and Notre Dame is teh back!!!!!!!!1111!!!1!11!!!!!!!!!!!!

1) No Michigan-Affiliated Person Should Have Anything to Do with These People:


Top Ten Reasons Why Michigan Should Keep Playing Notre Dame
10) Old People Like It.

And I can't think of a single other reason...

Music for a Monday on a Tuesday: Justus League Lives

Two years ago, I was still very much hoping that Little Brother would find a widespread audience; that the Justus League, on the whole, would find a widespread audience; and that these two events would help make things better in rap music. That was all incredibly foolish.

So here we are today: Little Brother and 9th Wonder have split; Joe Scudda, the worst Justus League MC and one of the worst rappers alive, period, is the one who's gotten the most shine following LB; and "the game" is in moderate disrepair. If only Chaundon would drop a hot ringtone.

Anyway, there are, still, Justus League happenings (I think). 9th Wonder is dropping an album this fall. Here's what will be on it:

1 Mr. Dream Merchant Intro
2 Shots f/Big Dho & Sean Price
3 Merchant Of Dreams f/The EMBASSY, Skyzoo & Torae
4 Brooklyn In My Mind f/ Mos Def, Jean Grae & Memphis Bleek
5 Sunday f/Keisha Shontelle & Chaundon
6 Baking Soda f/Big Treal
7 Reminisce (Take Time) f/Big Remo & The Great Novej of the A.L.L.I.E.S.
8 No Time To Chill f/Little Brother
9 It Aint Over ft. Jozee Mo & Tyler Woods
10 The Last Time f/ Royce the 5'9, Naledge & Vandalyzm of the MIDWEST WRECKIN' CREW- The D, The Chi & The Lou
11 Saved f/Saigon & Joe Scudda
12 Milky Lowa ft. Camp Lo
13 Backlash f/Sean Boog & Buckshot
14 Thank You f/ D.O.X & O-Dash
15 Let It Bang f/Ness & Skyzoo
16 What Makes A Man f/Rapper Big Pooh & Buddy Klein

Can't say I approve of anyone putting Scudda on anything (or crappy-ass Sean Boog, for that matter), but LB, Sean P, Saigon, and Chaundon are right.

The Camp Lo joint is a semi-brick though. And it came out last year...

- Camp Lo, "Milky Lowa"

JL'er Median is also dropping an album in the fall. It's called Median's Relief. And it will have:

1.) Love Again f/Real Love (produced by Koen)
2.) Simile (produced by Zo!)
3.) Collage (produced by 9th Wonder)
4.) Personified (produced by 9th Wonder)
5.) Rize f/LaDehra (produced by Khrysis)
6.) What Would You Do? (produced by Ant B)
7.) Powershift (produced by Nicolay)
8.) Brenda’s Baby (produced by Nicolay)
9.) Right Or Wrong? (produced by Centric)
10.) Choices f/Joe Scudda & Chaundon (produced by 9th Wonder)
11.) How Big Is Your World? (produced by 9th Wonder)
12.) Strides f/Mark Wells (produced by Nicolay)
13.) Pardon Me Dude f/Louisha (produced by C.Keen)
14.) 2 Sided Coin Remix f/Spectac & L.E.G.A.C.Y. (produced by Khrysis)
15.) Personified (Super Charged Remix) (produced by Khrysis)
16.) Comfortable (Midnight Remix) (produced by Koen)

This track list prompts a few notes:

1) Scudda? Again? Really?!
2) Who's ruined more songs, Scudda, Shawn Wigs, or Young Jeezy?
3) A producer is named Koen? Is this some kind of joke because there are so many Jews who like rap music?
4) 9th, Nicolay, and Khrysis--a production lineup that shames whatever bullshit was on T.I.'s album.

Those familiar with the Justus League catalogue are likely well familiar with "How Big Is Your World," but it remains an easy listen. Those who don't know it can find it on Spine.

Non-Justus League Update: Peep this eclectic dude Danny, who was featured on Okayplayer and has a bunch of smooth shit on his MySpace page. Dude has listened to a lot of Tribe.

- Danny, "Check It Out"

Superbad Will Be Supergood. I Hope.

I see myself enjoying this film. George Michael + inappropriateness + profanity = up my alley ().

When Keeping It Real Goes Weird

Courtesy of sometimes author, alltimes sister The Buckets...

Teletubbies walk it out:


Chipmunks flirt:


I'm as much of an internets enthusiast as anyone, but even I think this argues for people needing better hobbies. Go build a house in New Orleans or something.

Now Officially Coming to a Winged Helmet Near You

Bad Newz Follows You

$100m is fifteen cents multiplied by roughly 666,666,667.

A recurring struggle in my life has been that waged in the name of consistency, a supposed stasis of personality that I've elevated to sacrosanctness. I've often encountered pangs of anxiety or tension as choices, patterns, and behaviors have arisen that have, in my mind, compromised or carried the potential to erode the elements of my life that I've long felt defined my constitution. We all have our own sets of preferences and quirks and values and allegiances that serve as the language of classification. For instance, I am...

a Michigan graduate;
a hip-hop fan;
an NBA lover;
a New Yorker;
a New Yorker reader;
a liberal;
a proponent of free trade;
an opponent of gun proliferation;
an enemy of the open-toed shoe;
an admirer of Tracy McGrady;
a clotheshorse;
a hater of tomatoes.

The list goes on, and we all have our own respective lists. What I find sets me apart, I think, is that I am so ill at ease when any of even the most quotidian of these identity elements is somehow challenged that I can sometimes wander off into the hinterlands of self-destruction just to defend a synthetic sense of self. For instance, I've positioned so many subjective judgments as rules and absolutes that it can be hard, as circumstances change, to do what's best, or even to take new risks, without coming into conflict with some of my long-cherished rigidities. Upon going out with a girl for the first time not too long ago, I came away only lukewarm in part because I didn't like her gait. Longer story short, I can make things hard on myself. We all can.

Some of this issue is personal, of course, but it is also universal, and it speaks to the complexity of identity. I'll apologize in advance to anyone who's read up to this point and is now settled in for a treatise on personal definition. I am not in possession of the expertise or time required to author such a work. But rather, while I condemn Michael Vick's actions and think he's a fool, I am simultaneously sympathetic to the emotional turmoil that may have encouraged his participation in dog fighting. He and I are not the same, and the outrage surrounding his alleged transgressions would indicate that many of us do not share in his experience, but all people are likely familiar with the cocktail of emotions that emerges as we question who we are.

I'd imagine that having spent much of life impoverished and generally disadvantaged would leave someone with an identity that reflected these hardships. To be poor is not just an economic condition but also commonly a personal definition. Poverty carries with it social and cultural consequences. That really shouldn't be news to anyone. Furthermore, it shouldn't surprise anyone who follows American sports that many athletes who emerge as successful and rich are forced to deal with hometown friends, hangers on, and the scorn and jealousy that emanates from home communities where opportunities are scarce. We see it among black athletes, in particular, all the time since the United States has marginalized an entire group of people due to the systemic racism that drove our history and still influences so many parts of everyday life. Being poor and black is a full experience.

So, to have this identity as an impoverished, powerless black person--an experience that has even been celebrated and commoditized by certain hip-hop music and so many other cultural influences--suddenly invalidated by fame and fortune has to be a difficult process to handle. And I am not making any excuses for Michael Vick, a guy who has the resources to know better. But I am saying that many of us would struggle mightily if so much of what informed our respective identities was quickly rendered obsolete. In Vick's case, the NFL glory and its attendant millions would be nice problems to face, but the point remains: how do you stop being the person you think you are?

From what I've read, it seems like Vick was just doing what he and his friends wanted to do, and engaging in a pastime that had been reinforced to him through his peers as acceptable. With a college experience, corporate contacts, and all that money, Vick cannot claim to not have known better, but I tend to think that dog fighting was one way for Vick to keep it hood and remain connected to the friends and community from which he came. One way for him to still be him. I don't think he made a conscious decision--I'm gonna maintain my street bona fides by opening up a kennel; I think he just did something that he'd learned and that his friends approved of.

LZ Granderson wrote something similar this week about the notion of identity and the forces that compel us to go with what we see happening around us. It resonated because it makes sense. How many of us have done things, good and bad, mostly because that's what we grew up knowing? How many of us have done things because we've wanted to remain connected to our people? Again, dog fighting might not be right, and breaking laws is stupid, but in a culture that prizes authenticity, it can be hard to feel as though you're fronting. And in light of the street ignorance that has church kids eschewing snitching and academic achievers ostracized, let's not pretend like Michael Vick is the source of all evil. Dude wasn't looking to become infamous; dude was looking to keep it real. And in that regard, as he sought to maintain a sense of himself, I can understand where this might have come from.

Can't Tell Zach Nuthin'

Bring back Dog Bites Man!

A Reality-Based Columnist

Seriously, retarded or just that dishonest?

You know how you might pick a scab even though it hurts to do so? For whatever reason, you just do it.

That's how I feel about David Brooks. He is easily the most infuriating mainstream columnist. He drives me crazy with his obnoxious condescension, his disingenuous everyman posturing, and his specious arguments. "Crazy" isn't even the right term. It's more like fucking nuts. He is just disgustingly smarmy and undeservedly supercilious. Yet I read his writing each week. The pretentious intellectual in me would tell you that soldiering on and reading Brooks is incontrovertible proof of my open-mindedness, but laying claim to such a supposed high ground is ultimately the sort of Brooks-like rhetoric that makes me bristle. It's self-satisfied and self-serving. Really, I read him because: 1) I like knowing what the other side is saying (and usually lying about); and 2) I think I like getting mad (duh). It can be cathartic.

And, in some ways, it helps to reinforce the values and passions that inform my identity. There's no better way to immerse yourself in what you love than to rage against that which you hate.

Luckily for we Brooks haters, people like Dean Baker are around to poke at the animal, highlighting the usual array of questionable judgments and pitiful conclusions. What else would you expect from a Michigan-educated Ph.D? Read Brooks (if you dare and aren't already nauseous) and then read Baker tear Brooks apart. Go Blue, in both senses of the word!

The Roc--Still Alive?

Take off those stupid-ass glasses.

I've been listening to this new Kanye West joint, The Graduate Mixtape. It's mediocre--too much John Mayer (and by that I mean "Bittersweet," which sucks) and a lot of recycled material, with everything from Kanye guest verses to old-ass freestyles that Kanye fans were rocking back in, like, 2003.

But most notable among the repackaged music--which is sort of becoming a Kanye staple--is this "new" track with Jay-Z and the Memph Man, "Put Your Diamonds Up." The frenetic, whaling beat is fine; I like the energy. And it's sort of cute: Even though Kanye is Kanye, Jay-Z runs Def Jam, and Memphis Bleek is getting picked up at daycare by Beyonce, the Roc is still in the proverbial building. We get it. But the thing is this: Jay and Memph both sounded better when they were killing the original, Amil's "4 Da Fam." I always thought that song knocked, and it was totally overlooked, no? I guess it's a testament to just how much everyone hated Amil.

Anyway, recognize...(and let's not even get into Kanye re-using lines from "Diamonds") (EDIT: As one commenter notes, maybe this isn't a Kanye choice. But regardless, the real point is that the original track was my joint.)

- Amil ft. Jay-Z, Beanie Sigel, and Memphis Bleek, "4 Da Fam"

- Kanye West ft. Memphis Bleek and Jay-Z, "Put Your Diamonds Up"

Who Wanna Battle a Don?

Damn, Tony, why we always gotta play "Prison Date"?

You know how there are certain things that just do not make any sense at all? And that, no matter how hard you try, you simply cannot understand them? I put George Bush's entire career, the fact that there hasn't been a revolution in this country because of him, and the public's sustained interest in John Daly in this category.

Well, I am a week late on this, but I now have something else: This is mind-boggling. From a SPIN interview with Mr. Cent and his charity project, Anthony Cocaine, aka "The peanut gallery":

What about the MCs -- Chamillionaire, Ghostface Killah, Master P -- who have said that they're not going to curse in their music anymore, in response to the post-Imus outcry?

None of those people sell records.

Chamillionaire sold more than a million records.

Let him go sell gospel records, if he's so fuckin' righteous. I can write around the curses if I want to, but you can't tell me to write around the curses. First of all, there's a clean version of the record available, anyway, if people don't want to hear that content. This is adult entertainment. Why is pornography legal? Wouldn't you say that the women who do pornography are hos? They get paid $1,000 to fuck on tape. You understand? And we can't say 'ho'? And who's the leading consumer for pussy on a tape? Middle-aged white men.

The peanut gallery: "White men, yeah. They buy all of it. They're spending way more."

These white men are buying the pussy from the hos because they aren't being sexually fulfilled by the women they have in their traditional lifestyle at home. And they go outside for the thrills without any attachment, so when they go home, there's no phone number or nobody calling who can ruin their fuckin' lives. So it's understandable why pornography is the way it is. But after all that, why is somebody worried about me saying 'ho'? I make up different terminology all the time. I made an effort to make a reference to a male organ without being disrespectful in a woman's presence on "Candy Shop." If you say "penis, cock, dick," whatever way you want to say it, that's going to be disrespectful in the presence of some women, so I said, "the magic stick" and "the candy shop" is the bedroom and the "amusement park" is the bedroom, trying to come up with a way to do it where you're not being disrespectful. But those efforts apparently don't mean very much.

So what do you really think about those guys who say they're not going to curse anymore?

They're just saying it. They're not going to really do it.

Yeah, it's hard to imagine Ghostface is going to stop cursing, especially considering his last couple of records.

The peanut gallery: "Nobody even cares what he does." "Who's listening to him, anyway?" "That was the '90s, B. Kids don't even know Ghostface anymore." "The streets are different now," says Yayo. "Guys like Ghostface don't matter. They don't. They had a run, but it's over."

But can't he just make a great record, even if it doesn't sell, and we can appreciate it as listeners, as hip-hop fans?

No, because a great record is embraced and enjoyed by the public. And it's played in cars and clubs.

What if it sells a couple hundred thousand copies, isn't that valid? Or does it have to sell millions for you to take it seriously?

In my camp, a couple hundred thousand records is a failure. From my perspective, if I sell 200,000 copies, after selling 12 million records, it's considered terrible.

But maybe he's trying to make a different kind of record?

What, the kind people don't buy?

No, one with incredible, detailed storytelling that's moving and powerful, and isn't dependent on some obvious hook.

Look, I understand all that. But if you're on a major record label, and he [Ghostface] is, and you sell a couple hundred thousand records, that was a failure. Your fuckin' photos and videos aren't recouped with 200,000 copies sold.

OK, but can you at least acknowledge that a commercial flop, like, say, [Ghostface's] Supreme Clientele, can still be an artistic achievement?

"He didn't even write that album, man," says Yayo, his eyes narrowing.

What?

Yayo: "He didn't write it. That kid from Far Rockaway -- Superb -- he wrote that record. You know Superb from Far Rock?"

Like, what?! Who the fuck is this dude? Tony Fucking Yayo is talking shit about Ghostface? A guy best known for carrying 50's weed and hitting kids is talking about a great rapper? I'm sure this makes me seem like a hopeless Ghostface stan, but what rap fan can let this stand in good conscience? Even worse, we only know who Tony Yayo is because his relationship with Curtis makes Memphis Bleek look like Jay-Z's partner. What a joke.

Yayo is sort of like the Paris Hilton of hip-hop: famous for nothing, contributing nothing, and universally reviled. Please, I implore you: Reincarcerate Yayo!

Stumbling Upon the Neverending

- Common, "Forever Begins"

iNTERNETS CELEBRITIES Kill It

Watch this...



Then visit here for more. Dallas and Rafi are doin' the damn thing.

Check the Temperature in Hell

How 'bout "x" as in "Excuse me? Two posts in a row with this dude's picture?"

Download issue 47 of the FADER--featuring raspy-ass, yes-homo Lil' Wang ()--right here.

Why is Straight Bangin' pimping anything having to do with Most Overrated Rapper Alive Lil' Wayne? Because the man wouldn't let me pimp anything else (see below). Shouts to my girl Rosemary at Cornerstone for keeping me hooked up.

Assorted Notes (and Songs) from the Field

New bumper sticker: Rap Is Gay

- As soon as I post a list of the best albums, a new Camp Lo joint leaks, precipitating passing heart palpitations. Upon a single listen, I am ready to declare it worthy of Album-of-the-Year consideration--their sound is distinct, and it oozes style. From the first song to the last, this record, Black Hollywood, is quite a treat. Buy this joint!

Camp Lo, "Sweet Claudine"

- And, it seems like just yesterday I had anointed the worst rap albums of the year. But then I heard the new Freeky Zekey mixtape Book of Ezekiel, and I've now had to recalibrate just what it means to suck. On the mic, Zekey sounds like a mentally challenged version of Damon Dash. He has the worst, stiffest () delivery I can recall, and the production is a disaster. Wow. They should send him back to jail for this.

- Sticking with the Dips, some smart, funny dudes over at Fish & Crown put together a nice little parody remix of Cam's "Suck It or Not" video:


- A few weeks ago, I posted a T.I. review that referenced Joe Esposito's "You're the Best." Internets heavyweight Zilla flipped it into a hip-hop instrumental. If REO Speedwagon and Foreigner and every other cheesy thing can find it's way into a rap song, why not this?

Zilla, "You're the Best (Instrumental)"

Bonus: Clean Guns and Jamie Radford, "Tuba Thump"

- New isht from Strong Arm Steady, a self-proclaimed California underground "super group" composed of Phil the Agony, Mitchy Slick, and Krondon. Their album drops August 28th. They had that one song with Talib, "One Step," which was pretty good, and this is more of the same. I'll be checking for more.

Strong Arm Steady ft. Chace Infinite, "Again"

- Peep game: Rosenberg's World. Nice site, even nicer radio show. My man didn't like it when I spit that real talk about Miss Jones at the Brooklyn Hip-Hop Festival (please get her fired for her ignorance), but no one's perfect.

- Peep game: Chickens Don't Clap. Best blog title in the world.

- Peep game: sportsnipe. A sports RSS site worth a look around.

- If there were to be a live-action Thundercats movie...

The 199-Day Check In: Music of the Half Year

Cookin' again...

Now that we're 54.5% of the way through calendar year 2007, I thought it was only right that I hit you with my token music-retrospective post commemorating our arrival at (and now, to be honest, passage of) the half-year mark. Below are some loose thoughts about the year's best and worst, so far.

Before we proceed, here's where we left things at the end of last year:
- Songs of the Year
- Albums of the Year

And here are the caveats for the current lists:
- Things may change between now and December 31st.
- My taste, like yours, is not static.
- Songs can get dap for all kinds of reasons
- All lists are ordered alphabetically by artist

Away we go...

45 Best Songs of the First 199:
- Black Milk, "Popular Demand" - Perfect encapsulation of the year's best album. Dude just swims in those soul chops and loops.
- Bone Thugs-N-Harmony ft. The Game and will.i.am, "Streets" - "Across 110th Street"? Are you kidding me? Ill.
- Blu & Exile, "Dancing in the Rain" - The drums hardly match the melody, the hook hardly matches the verses--and it's an engrossing track both because and despite this.
- Cam'ron, "Curtis" - A weak beef record, but it's funny, and it made people talk, at least for a little while.
- Cappadonna, "Growth and Development" - The apotheosis of vagrant rap.
- Cilvaringz, "Wu-Tang Martial Expert" - It's too bad he runs with the Wu and not the Dips, as he seems to traffic in an alternate reality akin to that found uptown. J-j-j-j-j-j-jihad!
- Common ft. Dwele, "The People" - I stand by what I wrote earlier: this track intrigues me because it is another installment in Common's ongoing public psychodrama.
- Craig Mack, "I Heard" - A Craig Mack sighting. Mark it down.
- The Diplomats, "Feelin' Myself" - I have no excuse. I just like the beat and the absurdity.
- DJ Jazzy Jeff ft. J Live, "Practice" - As Bol said, this is Allen Iverson's Jewelz's best song ever.
- Fabolous ft. Ne-Yo and Raekwon, "Make Me Better (Remix)" - See here. Dope song, very well executed.
- Freeway, "Shootouts" - Off the latest State Property mixtape (like anyone really still cares). Freeway is polarizing--you either love his schtick or you hate it. I ride with the former.
- The Game, "Beautiful Life" - Among the songs of the year. We get the best of Game, here: playful, not preoccupied convincing himself that he'll actually kill 50, sincere. And all over some woozy, understated West Coast number. All of those non-album Game songs that have dropped this year would make for a strong EP.
- Guru ft. Common and Bob James, "State of Clarity" - Yay, jazz rap! This is some grown-man shit.
- Havoc, "Leave It Alone" - Lost amid Prodigy's first-quarter quasi-resurgence was this gem. The Jackson 5 sample is right, and Hav's flow is intact.
- Jay Dee, "Crushin' (Yeeeeaah!)" - Just a fun song. And a fine representation of the man's music.
- Joe Budden, "Pop Off" - Distinguished from other generic club songs by the personable Budden flow and the self-imitation Just Blaze makes manifest in the beat.
- Juelz Santana, "The Second Coming" - Admittedly, a song driven by a commercial. But still, an exciting moment in the recent history of the rap-and-basketball nexus.
- Jus Ske, "Jus Ske Shows You How to Hustle" - From the "Em Murdered You on Your Own Shit" Department--nothing like a producer getting pwned by another one on his own song.
- Kanye West, KRS-One, Nas, and Rakim, "Classic" - You know how it's nice to just see KG playing with Kobe and TMac each February, even if it's just an exhibition? Well...
- Kanye West, "Stronger" - Hate away, but the man's got an ear for samples. And this creativity is focused, not directionless, masturbatory bullshit.
- Kinfolk Kia Shine, "Krispy" - Marginally smarter than MIMS, but exponentially more infectious.
- Little Brother, "Good Clothes" - The sun rises in the East; you pay taxes and die; Ohio State is for morons; Phonte amuses.
- Lloyd ft. Andre 3000 and Nas, "I Want You" - Sensitive, smart Andre. A hackneyed choice, I guess, but this is what's been on my iPod, so I suppose it's working.
- MED, "Rhymes with an L" - Minimal electronic hip-hop isn't usually my thing, but this works.
- Nas, "Where Are They Now (Mega Mix)" - Robbie was unimpressed on the whole, I believe, but this shit was entertaining.
- Nature Sounds ft. Pete Rock, Styles P, and Sheek Louch, "914" - Quite a half-year for "UFO," huh?
- Pharoahe Monch ft. Showtime, "Desire" - The best way to wind up on this list is to find a K-Ci sound-alike.
- Polyrhythm Addicts, "Headsense" - Polyrhythm calling itself a "super group" is almost ridiculous enough to get booted from this list, but the energy of this beat wins out.
- Q-Tip, "Move" - Quite the party track.
- R. Kelly ft. T.I. and T-Pain, "I'm a Flirt (Remix)" - The simple piano belies the layers of appeal--Kelly's absurd, superlative libido () once again fully on display; T-Pain doing T-Pain things; the lyrics. If only T.I. didn't do his best to ruin it with his boring, lame rapping.
- Raekwon ft. Smif-N-Wessun, "I Recall" - The flows work so well with the beat, despite its gimmicky sound.
- Raekwon, "My Corner" - Multiple rhyme structures, Rae's nostalgia, the lovely melody--a great track.
- Rhymefest, "Angry Black Man on an Elevator" - My favorite "punch line rapper." I don't get why people don't make a bigger deal about him.
- Rich Boy ft. Every Rapper Ever, "Throw Some D's (Remix)" - The original dropped last year, but the remix was this year, and that's what fueled his already forgotten moment. Andre is good on this; Jim Jones is hilarious, both on purpose and not. Sneeze on a bitch!
- Rihanna ft. Jay-Z and Chris Brown, "Umbrella (Cinderella Remix)" - I liked it better when this track wasn't getting played out in all precincts. And there is something inherently wack about Chris Brown that I can't get past--people cheered when he was killed off in "Stomp the Yard," and somehow that seemed right. But this song is just too catchy to hate on.
- Sean Price ft. Rock, "P-Body" - Gulliest rapper alive.
- Skillz ft. Freeway, "Don't Act Like You Don't Know" - It's the whole Freeway thing again. He's especially Freeway-ish on this.
- Skyzoo ft. Torae, "Click" - Skyzoo can rhyme: the lyrics, the flow--he's beyond competent. And Primo kills this softly, what with the muted yet soaring horns. Plus, I like the nods to the internets that these dudes drop throughout.
- Styles P ft. AZ, "The Hardest" - I've never thought Styles was a great rapper, but he is, in fact, capable of a distinct sort of virtuosity: few are as casually disgruntled and destructive. Over a beat that should probably accompany a b-list cop movie, he sounds pretty good. And AZ is his reliable self.
- T-Pain, "Buy U a Drank" - Um, yeah. Club record of the year. Except for any parts having to do with Yung Joke.
- Talib Kweli ft. Jean Grae, "Say Something" - Talib is quietly among those rappers having a good year (at least, artistically).
- Talib Kweli ft. Candice Anderson, "Happy Home" - As I was saying.
- UGK ft. T.I., "Hit the Block" - I'm still surprised I like this as much as I do. As dumb as Pimp C is, the staccato rhythm of the beat masks some of his inadequacy, and Bun comes through. The beat works for overrated T.I., too, as he drops some math that likely goes over Foxy Brown's head (though I think Nas wrote that verse).
- UGK ft. Outkast, "International Players Anthem" - I am still not in love with this song--I find the waling too lush and sort of overwrought--but the rapping is very solid. Bun B's "entrance," so to speak, is fantastic.

11 Worst Songs of the First 199:
- 50 Cent, "Amusement Park" - THE most boring song of the year, hands down. A slow, cheesy derivative of a derivative.
- Cam'ron, "Suga Dooga" - Speaking of derivatives, this is not nearly as melodic as "Weekend" nor nearly as much the spectacle that a typical Cam venture into relationships might be.
- The Diplomats, "Anniversary" - Max B has no business being near a microphone.
- DJ Khaled ft. T.I., Akon, Birdman, Lil' Wayne, Fat Joe, and Rick Ross, "We Takin' Over" - Most. Annoying. Song. Ever. Maybe not ever, but certainly in a while. Yelling is not music.
- Fabolous ft. Akon, "Change Up" - When will the Akon novelty appeal among the general public wear off? What do people like about him? His voice?!
- MIMS, "This Is Why I'm Hot" - Set aside that his voice sucks and that the beat was boring--this was just an affront to logic, if nothing else.
- N.O.R.E. ft. Three Six Mafia, "That Club Shit" - Also known as "That Loud, Grating Shit, Emphasis on Shit."
- Paul Wall ft. Expensive Taste, "Slidin' on That Oil" - A white man, Paul likely thought that he had to experiment with a Fort Minor sound. That's really the only explanation I can summon for this absolute joke.
- Styles P, "S.P. Ghost (Bonus)" - Was this a Vanilla Ice cover?
- T.I., "We Do This" - T.I. fans insist that he's a really good rapper. Cheesy hooks and boring lines like these, combined with dollar-store production, do little to buttress the assertion.
- U.S.D.A., "White Girl" - I don't even know what to write about Jeezy anymore. After obvious choices like George Bush, he might be the most expendable human on the planet.

Five Artists Who've Won the First 199:
- Andre 3000 - Everyone loves his guest spots; he's rapping again; and the soundtrack from his TV show is a simple, fun record.
- Game - The outtakes from Doctor's Advocate are surprisingly engaging and he sounds like a big boy when he appears on all those remixes and collabos.
- Kanye West - The mixtape knocks, his production ear remains, and he's heavily involved with two of the most anticipated forthcoming releases.
- Raekwon - Again on the periphery of relevance and making quality tracks.
- Talib Kweli - I didn't think I'd ever again care about his studio albums, but the tape with Madlib was pretty good and Ear Drum was better.

Seven Songs I've Kept on the iPod for Most of the First 199:
- Beanie Sigel, "Return of the Bad Guy" - Consider me a stereotypical hip-hop fan, because I pretty much can't get enough of Scarface.
- Crowded House, "World Where You Live" - A completely underrated gem.
- DJ Jazzy Jeff ft. Peedi Peedi, "Brand New Funk 2K7" - Of all the Roc castoffs, Peedi is the one with the greatest potential.
- MF Doom, "Dead Bent" - Isaac Hayes's "Walk on By" is among the great songs.
- The Roots, "Quicksand Millennium" - One of those songs that you can always have on, regardless of what else is happening.
- Stevie Wonder, "Love Light in Flight" - It goes on for too long, but it's got such a plesant tempo.
- Strong Arm Steady ft. Talib Kweli, "One Step" - Better than the average innocuous rap song.

5 Worst Albums of the First 199:
- DJ Khaled, We the Best
- MIMS, Music Is My Savior
- Timbaland, Shock Value
- Tony Parker, Tony Parker
- U.S.D.A., Cold Summer

8 Best Mixtapes of the First 199:
- Altrap, Spam Filters
- The Diplomats, More Than Music, Vol. 2
- Joe Budden, The Album Before the Album
- Kanye West, Can't Tell Me Nothing Mixtape
- Little Brother, And Justus for All
- Mick Boogie, Unbelievable
- Styles P, The Ghost Sessions
- Talib Kweli and Madlib, Liberation

13 Best Albums of the First 199:
- Black Milk, Popular Demand
- Blu & Exile, Below the Heavens
- Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, Strength & Loyalty
- Cappadonna, The Cappatalize Project
- Cilvaringz, I
- Devin the Dude, Waitin' to Inhale
- DJ Jazzy Jeff, Return of the Magnificent
- Pharoahe Monch, Desire
- Polyrhythm Addicts, Break Glass
- Prodigy, Return of the Mac
- R. Kelly, Double Up
- Sean Price, Jesus Price Supastar
- Talib Kweli, Ear Drum

Waiting for...
Beanie Sigel
Common This joint is semi-ill.
Dr. Dre
Ghostface and MF Doom
Kanye West
Raekwon

When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong

What's really hood?

Read a Book

I saw this on TAN last week. The language is not safe for work unless you: a) use headphones; b) work at Hot 97.

Music for a Monday: You May Get Money. I Just Hope It's Not from Us

Is he wearing pants? Um, nullus?

By now, you've likely read that rap record sales are down. If your livelihood is driven by the antiquated economic model behind record stores, and if you resultantly harbor a seething hatred for the intertubes, this makes you very upset. Tall Israeli, short Israeli, black Israeli, Christian Israeli, non-Israeli Israeli, mainland Chinese Israeli--no matter what sort of Israeli you are (and by "Israeli" I mean what oh-so-enlightened Mos Def meant: someone running this rap isht), this news is distressing. Your entire career is built upon pumping out formulaic records that are often driven by one stroke-of-luck single surrounded by an off-putting collection of derivative, blatantly imitative, and/or insultingly manipulative "songs" that are immediately destined for the waste bin of history. If the idiots normally suckered into making some glorified weed carrier a star stop participating in the ruse, then what? You'd have to, like, get a real job and stuff. No one likes those.

I don't think you can blame we mindless masses for seeking greener musical pastures right now, though. Artists who make quality music are often industry afterthoughts while shitty DJs who yell abrasively and run with other crappy artists are sold to us as competent if not teh awesome. Pardon us if we can't even muster the energy needed to feign enthusiasm. We were ultimately going to realize that you were pissing in our ears.

Aside from record executives, the person most likely dismayed by the sad news has to be 50 Cent. No person in the music industry is a better symbol of all that afflicts it than Cuuurtiiiiis. With his talent overstated and his best rapping behind him, 50 has gotten by peddling ignorance and titillating people with lowest-common-denominator gimmicks (see: his endless beef cycle) while reaping the residual fortune that still comes with the Dr. Dre imprimatur. In the process--and, to be fair, he's been aided by morons like Miss Jones--he's carried hip-hop to a worse place, his commercial success an impregnable defense against criticism, no matter how perceptive or reasonable. 50, hate it or love it, has been an economic juggernaut.

(And though this is an aside that invites further discussion, I can't resist noting that in some ways, given his patent manipulations and happy trafficking in the destructive, all while working for plantation-like Interscope, 50 is the whitest rapper alive.)

But maybe no one is truly immune to the collective malaise, if not antipathy, that hip-hop fans have displayed at the record store. Maybe 50, in this new market of free downloads and single-song iTunes purchases, is now about to witness the strength of economic street knowledge. I mean, he's already had to release three "singles" in advance of Curtis and all of them are bricks. No?

This latest joint, "I Get Money," is easily one of the most forgettable songs of the year. Who thought that looping an Audio Two sample on top of the drums from "I'm a Hustler" and alongside a lazy, nondescript synthesizer "melody" was a good idea? And to pair that with rhymes that are straight out of a studio-gangster manual? This is almost a stereotype. It's something that my father could have made just by relying on his tangential contact with contemporary hip-hop (he never recovered from the death of Biggie). What a glorious mess. And I write "glorious" because the market may not allow for even 50 to be putting out garbage.

Let's hope.

- 50 Cent, "I Get Money"

Also...
- Fabolous ft. Ne-Yo and Raekwon, "Make Me Better (Remix)"
Pursuant to my musings above--what does it say about contemporary rap music that "Rainy Dayz" is the best-sounding idea of the year even though RZA had it 12 years ago?

- Joe Budden, "Pop Off"
If 50 was trying to make a modern throwback, he should have bought this beat from Just Blaze. Joey B raps with a righteous anger that keeps his shit engaging. I don't know that I worship him and his record-label martyrdom as some internet stans do, but I've always thought his flow was nice and his wit was sharp.

Parody Rap Hits Hard

Remember when everyone went wild for "Lazy Sunday"? And when people were wondering if parody rap was better than rap music?

Well, somewhere in between is your boy The Assimilated Negro. I am more than a month late on this, but nonetheless, I encourage you to peep this latest creative gem:

- TAN, "Blogging's the New Rapping"

Michael Moore Pwns CNN and Wolf Blitzer

Kicking the Tires: An Impromptu BlogPoll Roundtable

He was answering the question, "Given what you've accomplished since 1997, how many times would you say that lightening can strike?

Something tends to happen to me every July. It's not inexplicable, because I understand it, but it's nonetheless weird.

When the calendar arrives at July 1st, summer is only just finding its rhythm--it's finally hot, people start taking vacations, your coworkers drive the HR staff nuts by placing too much emphasis on the "casual" of "business casual." Even public school kids are free. July 1st = summer. And I, more than anyone I know, really love this. Summer is my thing. Despite being a hard worker and owning more ties than your local Brooks Brothers, I am built for the leisure life. A day spent gardening, barbecuing, reading, sleeping, golfing, and/or eating ice cream, all while dressed like a middle-aged WASP, makes me happier than an awkward PR bonus would Les Miles.

But despite my adoration of all things summer, the minute it's in full swing, I start looking ahead to another sublime pleasure that appears on the horizon: college football season.

Since last week, I've found that what was already a near feverish consumption of all-things college football has taken on an almost manic quality. I simply cannot read, talk, or think enough about Michigan football and the larger college football landscape. Will USC be dominant? Will the Penn State offense by somnolent? Will the rebuilt Michigan defense be competent? And what about supposedly surgent Rutgers, resurgent Florida State, and desurgent Iowa? It would be dishonest and contribute to the sad erosion of our language to say that "I literally cannot wait for the new season," but it sort of feels that way sometimes. And it will only get worse.

Luckily, Fire Mark May (abso-fucking-lutely!) is hosting a BlogPoll roundtable to help we college football fiends get through the long dark of summer. So I thought I'd inaugurate another year of the unique loving and loathing of Michigan football found on Straight Bangin' by chiming in.

Give the more zealous portion of your fanbase a religion. What's this cult following? Feel free to give the splitters a derogatory nickname.
This is a hard question because there are so many Wolverine zealots carried in so many disparate directions by their zeal. Yet, we all remain die-hard Michigan fans, and there are certain cultural values that unite us. In that regard, being a Michigan fan is sort of like being Jewish. And, just like Jews who attend synagogue only on the High Holidays, even the most derelict of Michigan fans know that there is always atonement to be found at the end of the regular season when good rises up in Ann Arbor and attempts to subdue the unrelenting march of evil that emanates from Columbus.

Among Michigan zealots, we have the Schembechler Set, whose members might be seen as the Orthodox wing; the Carr Defenders, whose members might be seen as the Conservative wing; and the Modernists, whose members might be seen as the Reform wing.

A Schembechler Set member is so thoroughly convinced of his own righteousness and so set in his ways that he'd rather allow the program to grow irrelevant than make concessions to the changing cultural norms that otherwise govern the sport. He hates in-stadium advertising, he regrets that any Michigan quarterback has ever chosen to throw a forward pass, and his approach to recruiting is that anyone who doesn't choose Michigan is a loss happily incurred, because the program only has room for "Michigan Men," whatever that self-serving designation is supposed to mean. A 9-3 season is great so long as Michigan wins the Big Ten and beats Ohio State.

(I have no patience for this group unless it starts to also advocate for leaving Division 1 football, not that I'd support that position, either. While following the rules--a caveat that reveals one of those unifying values we Michigan fans cherish--you either play to win or your don't play. It's like the Herm Edwards Rule.)

Carr Defenders are to the Schembechler Set as the Conservatives are to the Orthodox. Many traditions and customs remain, but they allow for some modernization. A Carr Defender never wonders what could have been but instead insists upon what was: a national title and a handful of Big Ten Championships. She might concede that Lloyd does not have the highest q-rating, and she might acknowledge that it would be nice to win the Rose Bow again one day, but she won't let you run off to a bar or radio show or message board and defame a nice man. She'll come back to that--he's so sweet--over and over as she parries assaults related to game strategy, media approach, recruiting effort, and everything else that Lloyd Carr is criticized for. She might even be genuinely perplexed and hurt as those foolish, immoral detractors denigrate Mr. Consistent, Captain 9-3. After all, she'll tell you, it's better than being Penn State. 9-3 is fine--it could have been better but it also could have been worse, and no one did anything stupid.

Michigan Modernism is like Reform Judaism--the culture of the program and those uniting values are more important than the legacy practices that may no longer be attractive or applicable. A modernist is likely to be pessimistic and critical to the point that he or she can seem irrational or even nasty. And unfortunately, the exaggerations of the emotion-fueled rhetoric can sometimes obscure the very relevant arguments being made regarding the need for change. So, too, can these moments of weakness and extremism take away from a reasonable desire to get ahead of the curve rather than perpetually attempting to catch up to it. 9-3 is more of the same unacceptable underachieving.

Your biggest rival is in town, and College Gameday is coming....to your citaaaaaaay... Create a blatant corporate sellout promotion to appeal to the mass unwashed.
Partnering with several local banks, aspiring investment bankers from the Ross School of Business will be roaming the grounds of Michigan Stadium to help Buckeyes like Troy Smith smartly invest their booster money. Meanwhile, J & J Bail Bonds will sponsor a booth at each Michigan Stadium entrance where the visiting team can receive ongoing legal counsel and services. J & J has courteously agreed to show up early to accommodate the needs of all 55 traveling criminals.

Add one local delicacy to your stadium's concessions. Post-tax pricing is optional.
Panchero's. I am told that Big Ten Burrito and several other companies have sprouted up to challenge Panchero's in Ann Arbor, but I'm not trying to hear that.

With an unlimited AD budget, add or subtract one thing to your school's gameday experience that has nothing to do with football.
I'd initiate a semester-long weekend exchange program with the University of Georgia wherein the Dawg women would come to Ann Arbor each weekend, trading places with the usual array of Michigan co-eds. Given this unlimited budget, paying for plane tickets wouldn't be a problem, and weekends would run from Thursday mornings through Sunday evenings.

Can I get an "Amen!" from the congregation?

Coin a hilariously unrealistic stereotype that you would like to "make stick" for this upcoming season.
Um, not to rain on this BlogPoll Roundtable parade, but that's is already an operational norm on SB. Witness coverage of Ed Orgeron and, of course, SB Memorial Whipping Boy Dave Wannstedt.

(Note: There are three more questions from this roundtable, but they are all the sorts of topics that have been discussed many times before--realign conferences; design a playoff system; pick an NCAA president. With no intended slight to Fire Mark May, I'll pass for now. The same way that I might neglect to answer an inquiry into the meaning of life.)

Still Alive

Just been getting killed at work. My apologies. Enjoy this and I will be back over the weekend.

Music for a Monday: Hip-Hop? Never Heard of Him

No cymbal? Don't you need that to be a band? God, Phish sucks.

I will let you, the reader, in on a little secret: I don't regularly listen to a lot of music beyond the realms of hip-hop and R&B. Here's a correlated secret you also may not have known about: I am a hater who tires easily of a lot of rap music. It feels good to be honest for a change. All these years carrying on a charade, maintaining a misleading facade as I spent my time praising the Lil's and Youngs of the world--it was taxing. [/removes tongue from cheek]

That I primarily spend my time on rap songs and ballads about sex shouldn't make you think that I am a complete idiot savant, though. I know some other music. At least, the good stuff. Obviously, there's Pearl Jam. But I also generally know about what one is supposed to know--Who, Rolling Stones, Michael Jackson, Temptations, Aretha Franklin, Bob Dylan, Nirvana, whatever. You get the picture. I even know stuff that I probably shouldn't, like Gordon Lightfoot and all that 80s cheese that I trot out endlessly.

I mention this all today because drawn primarily by Pearl Jam and the Roots but also inspired by a general appreciation for music that is oftentimes manifest, I decided to attend Lollapalooza this summer. (The lineup is intriguing, no?) Over the weekend, as I was bored by some new, crappy mixtape and realizing that Lollapalooza is now just a month away, I turned off the hip-hop and invested in some rock and roll. I have to say, it felt good.

It felt really good. And so, to kick off the week, I thought I might potentially initiate a conversation in waters that this site does not commonly sail. Below, please find some of the music that kept me company this weekend. And shouts to Fat Albert, a reliable enabler.

Any recommendations?

- Pearl Jam, "Light Years" (Live, Manchester, England, 06.04.00)

- Wolfmother, "White Unicorn"

- Led Zeppelin, "Ten Years Gone"

- Yeah Yeah Yeahs, "Black Tongue"

- Albert Hammond, Jr., "101"