The Pied Piper of Our Inexorable March Toward the Middle

Update your resume. We beg you.

Since I've been depositing my thoughts on this interweb, people have left angry, self-righteous comments in response to my criticism of Lloyd Carr. In fact, it happened just last week. They say that Carr critics are unreasonable, that those with the temerity to voice their dissent are "crazy." They like to retort that he's won the Big Ten five times, that he's gone to three Rose Bowls in four years, that he's won a national title, and so forth. These sorts of Michigan fans cite these statistics to feel good about the football program. They wield them as supposed proof that the program hasn't fallen off, that the coach isn't completely antiquated, that Michigan is a leader in college football. And it's pathetic because it's delusional.

Michigan fans need to get real.

Lloyd Carr needs to get out.

Supposedly, no one could have seen Saturday's loss to Appalachian State coming, but yet we all sort of did, some more readily than others. These sorts of things--the embarrassments, the mind-boggling stubbornness, the routine failure on the big stage, the inability to defend the spread, the suspect special teams, the bland and unimaginative offense, the recurring problems from year to year and class to class and coordinator to coordinator--are not new. They happen a lot. For instance, when Appalachian State players were quoted after the game as saying that they felt good about their chances because they'd studied film and knew Michigan's simple schemes, were there not flashbacks to so many losses previous? USC, alone, seems to know Michigan better than the Wolverines do, and they only study the film for bowl game. What do you think Jim Tressel says? Lloyd Carr has made these absurd realities as much a part of his legacy as he has that one miracle season which he will never duplicate. Ever. Lloyd Carr football has been timid, self-defeating, predictable, naive football, and Michigan fans need to demand more.

Yet for years, most Michigan fans have tried to shout down any polemicist who has tried to point out the cracks in the foundation. Mainstream writers like Jim Carty and Drew Sharp are ridiculed on message boards for their anti-Carr bias; bloggers are nattering nabobs of negativity who can be easily dismissed as fringe crackpots; and even casual fans who'd like more from a program than empty consolations are told to be realistic. What's unrealistic about job accountability? What's so wrong with wanting a football team that doesn't make you fear a collapse or gird for disappointment? Is there any powerhouse program that does less with more? That makes winning feel like losing so often? That is so vainglorious that it will happily adhere to its old-world tactics, training regiments, and public relations protocols while everything else changes around it? Lloyd Carr is the man who inherited this great institution of college football and has allowed for this steady decay. And he no longer even runs a clean program, so what is he doing all day aside from seeking out more sand in which he can bury his head?

The saddest part, though, and perhaps the most damning, is that this has all been countenanced by the fan base at large. No Michigan alumnus or fan--not me, not my friends, not other "haters" who speak out of frustration and not malice--wants to see the school compromise its values or elevate winning to a place that forces the University of Michigan to become Ohio State. But there is a long way in between that and the prevailing mindset now: led by Carr, a culture of inertia and acceptance of mediocrity has enveloped Michigan football. It's the reason that Carr can fail in predictable ways year after year without being held accountable or asked to make real changes. And it needs to end if Michigan is still serious about college football.

I certainly didn't envision Michigan losing to a team that isn't even eligible for the BCS, but Saturday's loss to Appalachian State was just a miserable capstone in the continued decline Lloyd Carr has presided over. Anyone who can't see that, or who wants to pretend that lost Rose Bowls mitigate these damages, needs to move to whatever alternate reality Lloyd Carr has found.