NBA Award Tour 2007

You know, because no one else would hand these out if I didn't.

(Ed.'s Note #1: This post is best enjoyed if read while listening to the following:

- John Tesh, "Roundball Magic"

It just lends a certain air of excitement.)

(Ed.'s Note #2: Some more post-season thoughts are here.)

(Ed.'s Note #3: Everyone posts end-of-year awards right about now, and it gets a little boring. Without deviating all that far from reality, I usually endeavor to be a tad bit different, not just for the sake of it, but also because it makes for more fun.)

Although some people would have you believe that I hate the NFL (which I don't) and resent its success (which I do only a little), most of the negative things I write about it and its players are actually based on some reason, some modest circumspection. I mean, bullshit and unbelievable people are why God made blogs. (They were also made to chronicle all things Dip Set.) On matters of greater on-field consequence, I'd like to think that my dissension is similarly warranted. And of that justifiable "criticism" (or "observation" if you're a little less sensitive and don't get excited about things like July mini-camps), I would cite the bland NFL MVP discussion as a mild shortcoming of the league. No one ever really cares who wins the MVP award in the NFL. Peyton Manning. LaDanian Tomlinson. Tom Brady. Columbian, Dominican--yeah, whatever. Sure, award-related feuds like the one between the steroid user in San Diego and the tall guy with all the Jordans in Miami are fun, but those are few and far between. Mostly, everyone just knows who's good and waits for the Super Bowl. It's the same in baseball. MVP's won are Hall of Fame credentials, but they seem to count for little else. Outside of Minnesota, does anyone really care that Justin Morneau won it last year?

Given how much discussion it generates and what so many people take it to symbolize, the culture surrounding the NBA MVP award is distinct. For as long as a month or more, people worry about who's going to win as writers and fans build cases that they carry around as ammunition. The tepid fascination and subtle urgency that can characterize the discussion owes to the award always getting set in a historical context, with its heritage uniquely intertwined among the lineage of NBA greats. All MVP designations are validation, of course, but the mythology of the NBA MVP award contains a self-perpetuating element of timelessness: we worry about who's worthy given whom else has won, and this indelibly etches more and more names into the stone tablets that fans consult each spring. While the fact that he's white, can look awkward, has obvious holes in his game, and plays in a unique environment has made Steve Nash's recent MVP reign even more polarizing, that it implicitly argued for Nash deserving to be spoken of in terms reserved for Michael and Magic and Kareem and all of them was by far the most unsettling factor for Nash's detractors (myself included). Why it was unsettling is discussion for another day (or the comments section), but that it caused such a stir to begin with is futher evidence of the NBA MVP's singular place among post-season awards. (And let's not kid ourselves, NBA fans: that last sentence, though true, is sort of silly.)

In general, there appear to be elements of summation and declaration that come with the MVP award, an odd paradox since it is handed out before the playoffs conclude and creates a false sense of finality. If Dirk Nowitzki wins this year's award, that doesn't mean that he was the best, that Dallas will win, or that the matter is settled. But people pretend that it carries that weight (perhaps just so that they can argue otherwise). And that makes the whole thing a farce and a great deal of fun for people who can maintain some measure of perspective.

Let that be a precursor to what follows.

Ten Intriguing Storylines (in no real order)
10) "All Things Through Christ," and Other Large Humans of the Next Generation - Dwight Howard, Chris Bosh, Al Jefferson, Tyson Chandler, Tyrus Thomas, Emeka Okafor, Andrew Bynum, Andris Biedrins--all creepin' on the come-up. Amare and Yao, already way the fuck up. Big men had ceded control of the Lig to the perimeter darlings of the new age, but this season was auspicious for the future of big men.

9) We'd Like You to Know that Shawn Marion Would Like You to Know That He's Undervalued - It got played out as the season wore on (thanks in no small part to Seven Seconds or Less), but Shawn Marion finally got some deserved shine, and was happy to tell you about it. Around the Association, secondary dudes like Josh Howard seemed to earn greater recognition.

8) Things (are) Done Changeding - Golden State has made the playoffs with a young-ish nucleus. So have the Bulls, a team that challenged for the second seed in the East until last night. Orlando and the Lakers, two more playoff teams, are young. And New Orleans was in the race through the final month thanks to a youthful nucleus. There is promise to be witnessed.

7) My Favorite Player Isn't on the Team Yet - A long time proponent of the NBA's age requirement, I feel validated as I look ahead to next year and prepare for the Oden and Durant obsessions that were cultivated on ESPN and CBS every weekend this winter. Overall, it's good for basketball.

6) Jews Love Basketball - Micheal Ray made that clear; Elie Seckbach made that clear; and best of all for the NBA, the Jewish media elites who own teams, serve as kosher lawyers, and get that moneeeeey made that clear. No league is doing more with all media--notably television and internets--to provide fans with access to players and content. It makes for better fandom and robust blogging. Peep our man and the communal growth.

5) Punks Jump Up to Get Beat Down - There were many culprits on December's memorable fight night. And the coterie of ignorant offenders got told by perpetual Man of the Year David Stern.

4) Dream Teams - Dallas plays team ball. Phoenix plays team ball. San Antonio plays team ball. Golden State plays team ball. Washington plays team ball (kind of). Eliminating certain defensive restrictions has helped boost scoring, but the aesthetic improvement in the game also owes to a renewed focus on teamwork. There are many more teams I now enjoy turning on. (Sadly, not really the Knicks.)

3) Gilly the Kid - Kind of self-explanatory. This was Gilbert's year.

2) All I Wanna Say Is That They Don't Really Care About Us - Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen, Grant Hill, Steve Francis, Ron Artest, Peja Stojakovic, Mike Bibby, Brad Miller, Jermaine O'Neal--none of them matter right now. Most won't matter ever again. That's nearly an entire generation of players.

1) Kobe Bryant, All-Time Great - While I've always admired his game, Kobe Bryant was one of my least-favorite players for a long, long, loooooong time. But that changed this year. And not only has he won me over, but having watched what he did this year, I don't think it's a stretch to call him the most talented player of all time. He doesn't have Michael's rings, and he hasn't elevated a team as MJ did, but he's a better shooter, even more explosive, and probably as competitive. When assessing what it was that he could do, Kobe will be remembered as one of the five or ten greatest players ever.


Carter Memorial Biggest Punk Award - Nate Robinson, New York Knicks*

A perfect encapsulation of what he brings to the table.

This guy doesn't do a single thing to help his team win. He's forgetful on defense, sloppy on offense, totally undersized, and his priorities seem to primarily include dunking, trying spectacular and spectacularly stupid things, fighting, acting hard, and going for dolo. I hate Nate Robinson. There is nothing cute about him. He wields none of that internets-ennui appeal. He is just a fucking cancer on my team.

Charles Oakley All-Gully First Team

Pushing Michael off the block and out of position. Gully.

G - Nate Robinson - Hatable, but brolic.
G - Flip Murray - If you watch The Wire and Oz and listen to enough G-Unit, you probably think that Murray, upon seeing gunmen following a woman into his house, should have bum rushed them. But that's how people get shot. Instead, he slammed the door, avoided bullets, and then went out and hit a game-winner the next night. Gully!
F - Stephen Jackson - After getting hit by a car, I would be on the ground convulsing. Jackson was licking shots.
F - Zach Randolph - Only the gulliest take bereavement leave at the strip club.
C - Tyrus Thomas - Technical not a center, but someone on here has to get gully on the court, and this most certainly qualifies.
Coach - Joey Crawford - Um, the dude t'd up Tim Duncan, challenged him to a fight, and then quit the NBA while dissing Dick Bavetta on the way out. I mean, yeah, it was Tim Duncan, but still...


Brad Lohaus All-Non-Gully First Team

Oversized plaid in some dive bar? A glimpse into Mike Dunleavy's future.

G - Tony Parker - Dropping horribly cheesy Euro rap records and allowing Sports Illustrated to get its Us Weekly on at your expense is not gully...
G - Kobe Bryant - ...neither is knocking guys in the head as you come down from jumpers just because they're doing what they're supposed to be doing and playing defense...
F - Carmelo Anthony - ...neither is throwing a punch and then running away...
F - Mike Dunleavy - ...neither is being Mike Dunleavy...
C - Brendan Haywood - ...neither is pulling a teammate's hair.
Coach - Bob Hill - Middle-aged retread white guy. 'Nuff said.


Coach of the Year - Sam Mitchell, Toronto Raptors

Game recognize game

I thought that Toronto would struggle to score; wouldn't shoot well; and just didn't have the players. Instead, they're the the East's third seed in the playoffs.

2) Jerry Sloan, Utah Jazz - Another team that had some question marks. He's developed Deron, made Memo a legitimate weapon, and gotten Boozer back on track.
3) Brian Hill, Orlando Magic - Taking a young, limited team to the playoffs.
4) Avery Johnson, Dallas Mavericks - Three ten-game win streaks. Hello!
5) Jeff Van Gundy, Houston Rockets - Lots of injuries, minimal depth, and still playing at home in the first round.


Most Overrated Coach - George Karl, Denver Nuggets

When the best thing we can say about you is that you went to UNC, you're not a good coach.

I really don't get why Karl still commands respect. His work with the Sonics was ages ago and since then, he flamed out in Milwaukee and has presided over Denver teams that are never as good as they should be and can't get out of the first round. What a mastermind.


Executive of the Year - Bryan Colangelo, Toronto Raptors

Yeah, this guy was really killing Phoenix. Nice move, Robert Sarver.

Got it right trading for T.J. Ford, drafting Andrea Bargnani, and reinvigorating the franchise.

2) Chris Mullin, Golden State Warriors - Rehired Nellie, and that mid-season trade got Golden State over the hump, quite an accomplishment.
3) Joe Dumars, Detroit Pistons - Improved the bench and overhauled the offense by adding Webber, all on a limited budget that will allow him to re-sign Chauncey.
4) Carroll Dawson, Houston Rockets - It's a tradition.
5) John Paxson, Chicago Bulls - Wallace signing was OK, I guess, even though Tyson Chandler has been better in the tangible ways. However, just wait until he wins a playoff series and still gets to pick in the lottery just for giving up bad-heart, no-defense Eddy Curry.


Worst Executive of All Time - Isiah Thomas and Charles Dolan, New York Knicks (tie!)

An action shot from the Idiots Convention.

*sigh*

*sigh*

*sigh*

What's even left to write? Isiah, we all know about. Dolan is just about as stupid. How did that contract extension work out, you assholes? Please stop holding my team hostage!


Rookie of the Year - Brandon Roy, Portland Trailblazers

(Insert pun here)

I believe that I was calling this since last June. That's all.

2) Andrea Bargnani, Toronto Raptors
3) Randy Foye, Minnesota Timberwolves
4) Paul Millsap, Utah Jazz
5) Jorge Garbajosa, Toronto Raptors


Sixth Man of the Year - Leandro Barbosa, Phoenix Suns

He keeps his back so straight when he drives...

What a unique scorer. He is a good shooter whose lightning quick, drives with awkward posture, hits a lot more shots than you think he will, and never stops attacking. That's pretty much a perfect bench asset.

2) Jerry Stackhouse, Dallas Mavericks
3) Manu Ginobili, San Antonio Spurs
4) Jamal Crawford, New York Knicks
5) Antonio McDyess, Detroit Pistons


Most Improved Player - Monta Ellis, Golden State Warriors

Best dunker ever among those who weigh 160 lbs.

Monta become a reliable scorer, expanded his game, and was among the most exciting young men to watch.

2) Kevin Martin, Sacramento Kings
3) Deron Williams, Utah Jazz
4) Luol Deng, Chicago Bulls
5) Devin Brown, New Orleand Hornets


Defensive Player of the Year - Shawn Marion, Phoenix Suns

Has he mentioned that they don't run plays for him? It's been at least five minutes.

Controls the boards, defends anywhere on the floor, fouls up passing lanes, and hustles most of the time.

2) Bruce Bowen, San Antonio Spurs
3) Marcus Camby, Denver Nuggets
4) Tyson Chandler, New Orleans Hornets
5) Tim Duncan, San Antonio Spurs


Most Valuable Player - Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers

"One of the best yet"

Let the debate begin. "Most valuable" is, of course, an ill-defined term. Kobe is my pick because he's the best player, so obviously he is of exceptionally high value in general. He has guided a relatively unathletic and inexperienced team lacking a great point guard to the playoffs, providing greater context for his value. He is a lethal scorer and strong defender. And he would always be trusted to take the last shot in any big game.

2) Tracy McGrady, Houston Rockets - I was so impressed by TMac this year. Beyond numbers and wins, he was a fantastic leader who is always happy to hustle on defense and defer to his teammates unless he's needed, as he was when Yao was out. In response, McGrady elevated his team and got them homecourt advantage against Utah in what should be the best opening-round series in the playoffs. McGrady was quietly sensational this year.
3) Steve Nash, Phoenix Suns - I've come around on Nash. I still think he benefits from the system and gets to play with great players, but it's not fault of his that his coach knows how to use him. Plus, he clearly makes things easier for his teammates, his moxie is off the charts, and he's a wonderful passer. He's had a great year, but I don't think he means more, in general and to his team, than the guys listed above him.
4) Tim Duncan, San Antonio Spurs - The Spurs just keeping kicking ass thanks to their quiet, dependable leader. People should be cherishing all these years that Duncan has given us. That's a cliche, but there is truly a simple pleasure to be had while watching him operate.
5) Chris Bosh, Toronto Raptors - When Bosh is healthy, he's just about unstoppable, and he has fully embraced the responsibility of leading a youthful team to the third seed in the playoffs. That needs to be recognized.


All-NBA First Team
C - Tim Duncan
F - Chris Bosh
F - Tracy McGrady
G - Kobe Bryant
G - Steve Nash


All-NBA Second Team
C - Yao Ming
F - Dirk Nowitzki
F - LeBron James
G - Gilbert Arenas
G - Dwyane Wade


All-NBA Third Team
C - Mehmet Okur
F - Kevin Garnett
F - Shawn Marion
G - Josh Howard
G - Chauncey Billups


Straight Bangin' Select List**

Straight Bangin's idea of perfection ()

Hall of Fame Members: Scottie Pippen
Coach: Jeff Van Gundy
Also Receiving Votes: Tyrus Thomas, Baron Davis, Chris Paul, Antawn Jamison, Yao Ming, Josh Howard
Dropped Out: Larry Hughes, Charlie Villanueva, Ben Wallace, Chauncey Billups, LeBron James, Manu Ginobili

It was a year of shakeup for the Select List...

10) Antonio McDyess
9) Monta Ellis
8) Gilbert Arenas
7) Dwight Howard
6) Paul Millsap
5) Tim Duncan
4) Kevin Garnett
3) Josh Smith
2) Michael Redd
1) Tracy McGrady

* This award was created at the height of Vince Carter's Bitch Period. Two years ago, he outdid even his usual bitch-ass, always-injured, no-account self and earned this award's naming rights for all of time by playing gutless, immature, selfish basketball in Toronto. No supposed "superstar" quits on his team and sulks his way into a trade; then, after forcing said trade, starts doing his Half-Man-Half-Amazin' thing again instantly and shamelessly; and later admits to tanking! If there is any karma in the universe, Vince will get hurt in the playoffs, cost his team a playoff series, and watch helplessly as his career falls into a Grant Hill-like downward spiral, replete with injury after injury but without the comeback. Vince Carter is still such a sucker-punk asshole--even though he remains an excellent player. I wish that Charles Oakley would come back and pretend that Carter were a money-owing Tyrone Hill or a girl-chasing Jeff McInnis.

** Simply a list of my ten favorite players, most chosen for inexplicable, esoteric, and/or capricious reasons.