Albums of the Year

We've arrived at the conclusion of the greatest gimmick week in blogging, the year-end lists. I hope that you've enjoyed it as much as I have. In case you missed anything:

- Ten People Whom We Saw Far Too Much of in 2006
- Ten People Whom We Need to See Much More of in 2007
- One Idiot's Favorite Television and Movies from 2006
- Songs of the Year

Sadly, we will be going out with a relative whimper and not the bang that I had initially intended. On Wednesday night, a good friend came to town, fresh off three months in the Dominican Republic and then Botswana. As he leaves today, four more friends will be arriving to ring in the new year with champagne, vomit, and lots of yelling during the Rose Bowl.

Until blogging becomes my livelihood (which is not likely to actually ever happen), I think it's only wise to choose real life over the synthetic, and as a result, I just haven't had time to make this the thorough post I wanted it to be. I apologize. Instead, help yourselves to some more music-related lists--this time, it's all about albums, but sadly, without annotation--and let's use the comments section to bullshit back and forth.

The Ten Best Mixtapes of the Year
1) Little Brother, Separate But Equal
2) De La Soul, Impossible Mission
3) Camp Lo, Fort Apache
4) DJ Premier, No Talent Required
5) Black Milk, Broken Wax
6) Dert, Sometimes I Rhyme Slow
7) Skyzoo, Cloud 9: The Three-Day High
8) Killer Mike, I Pledge Allegiance to the Grind
9) Loosie All-Stars, Champion Hoods
10) Papoose, A Threat and a Promise

The Three Most Disappointing Albums of the Year
3) Busta Rhymes, The Big Bang
2) Jurassic 5, Feedback
1) Cam'ron, Killa Season

The Ten Worst Albums of the Year
10) Ice Cube, Laugh Now, Cry Later
9) Jim Jones, Hustler's P.O.M.E.
8) Mobb Deep, Blood Money
7) Inspectah Deck, Resident Patient
6) Mos Def, True Magic
5) Pharrell, In My Mind
4) Lil' Wayne and Baby, Like Father, Like Son
3) Yung Joc, New Joc City
2) Young Jeezy, The Inspiration: Thug Motivation 102
1) Rick Ross, Port of Miami

The Ten Entirely Middling Albums of the Year
10) Jay-Z, Kingdom Come
9) Zion I, Heroes in the City of Dope
8) Method Man, 4:21...The Day After
7) Outkast, Idlewild
6) Hi-Tek, Hi-Teknology 2: The Chip
5) Snoop Dogg, Tha Blue Carpet Treatment
4) T.I., King
3) Masta Killa, Made in Brooklyn
2) Ludacris, Release Therapy
1) Clipse, Hell Hath No Fury

The Nine Good Albums of the Year
9) John Legend, Once Again
8) The Game, Doctor's Advocate
7) Panacea, The Ink Is My Drink
6) Soul Position, Things Go Better with RJ and Al
5) Da Backwudz, Wood Work
4) Lupe Fiasco, Food & Liquor
3) Jay Dee, The Shining
2) Dudley Perkins, Expressions (2012 A.U.)
1) Pearl Jam, Pearl Jam

The Ten Best Albums of the Year
10) AZ, The Format
9) The Coup, Pick a Bigger Weapon
8) Rhymefest, Blue Collar
7) Jay Dee, Donuts
6) Bronze Nazareth, The Great Migration
5) Murs, Murray's Revenge
4) Nas, Hip-Hop Is Dead
3) The Roots, Game Theory
2) Ghostface Killah, More Fish
1) Ghostface Killah, Fishscale

Songs of the Year

Two quick notes about what follows: 1) The actual order of the final list is loose, as it's fairly difficult to definitively measure songs relative to each other. Sure, #1 is better than #50, but is there really such a difference between 35 and 25? I'd say most likely not. 2) This was a year when so-called "real talk"--a repudiation of so many mindless hip-hop conventions--seemed to become more abundant and more resonant, the latter a reflection of my own growing dissatisfaction. I'd say that this value judgment strongly informs my taste, and that likely creates the appearance of hypocrisy when a song devoid of lyrical merit or a track that's highly rated "just because" is listed ahead of someone's calculate diatribe or righteous battle cry. However, this perceived inconsistency is only a problem if you are forcing me, and all of us, into narrow fields of classification. If not, then just recognize that a given song can be a favorite for any number of reasons. The hip-hop canon runs from Public Enemy to 2 Live Crew for a reason.

Enjoy...

The Skit of the Year
- Runner Up: Ghostface Killah, "Bad Mouth Kid"

- Winner: DangerDoom, "Skit 1." Or, to be more descriptive: Master Shake on the "wheels of steel."


The Sixteen Worst Songs of the Year
16) Beyonce ft. Slim Thug, "Check Up on It" (Remix)
That vacillating electronic noise drove me crazy, and Slim Thug sounded horrible on it.

15) Busta Rhymes ft. Missy Elliott, "How We Do It Over Here"
You know that racing-horn noise that radio DJs will drop over reggae songs? It was unfortunate that it became the looped backbone of an entire song, especially something as awkward and boring as this.

14) Field Mob, "Baby Bend Over"
The heartwarming tale of the neighborhood stripper set to a melody that sounds like something that was discarded from a role-playing video game. Craptastic.

13) Ice Cube, "Stop Snitchin'"
Cube momentarily forgot that it wasn't 1990 anymore and tried to front like he still gets gully. It didn't really work, not least of all because the boring couplets and cheesy chorus diminished a god-body MC.

12) T.I. ft. Young Buck and Young Dro, "Undertaker"
You know how the popular thinking about the workways of southern rappers dictates that these guys know how to make money because their innate marketing abilities enable them to move units, even if it's out the trunk? Well fuck that--the real key is how cheap it is to give them studio time. They save labels a lot of money by rapping over whatever crappy keyboard riffs they can come up with in about 30 seconds.

11) Mobb Deep ft. Young Buck, "Give It to Me"
The years-long re-branding of Mobb Deep has been an embarrassing and belittling process, for them and their fans. This track--some kind of hackneyed iteration of lust set to some kind of bastardized "exotic" beat that not even Truth Hurts would fuck with--is among the low moments. It was stolen from the 50 Cent play book and executed so poorly that it hurts to even hear it.

10) Gnarls Barkley, "Transformer"
Cee-Lo already walks a fine line, what with that high-pitched singing of his. When he sounds like he's whining, it can be a catastrophe. It's made even worse when the background music is this high-pitched, screechy mess.

9) Gucci Mane, "745"
There are some rappers that you can't help but feel bad for, and Gucci Mane is one of them. Think about how awful it must be to be so terrible at something that you love and have made into your career? Were his rhymes at all sophisticated, and were he ever rhyming about anything interesting, you could perhaps forgive the generic beats. But by failing to meet either of the first two conditions, Gucci Mane basically just strikes out. In his defense, he seems to hate Young Jeezy more than anyone else, and that's something I can get behind.

8) Paris Hilton ft. Jadakiss, "Fighting Over Me"
If there were a fraternity house in which all the rappers lived, Jadakiss would have the worst room and be hazed until he died for attaching his name to this abomination. He needs to get on as many posse-cut remixes as possibly in 2007 to atone for this and flood our memories with happier thoughts.

7) R. Kelly ft. Fabo, "Gorilla"
At some point, the sparsely orchestrated, percussion-heavy R&B song became an industry standard, and this is among the worst of them. They can often have a "guest" rap spot, as this one does. And this one is a completely generic, phoned-in effort. For all I know, R. Kelly didn't even record this song--it might just be a series of deftly edited clips from older a cappellas.

6) Yung Joc, "I Know You See It"
Do idiot rappers think that they need to record their albums in order, working on the intro, then on the first song, and so forth until they reach the "hidden" bonus song that will be advertised on the packaging? I ask because "It's Goin' Down" is the second song on Yung Joc's record, and no fewer than two more, like this one, blatantly attempt to re-create it, sort of like someone liked it and told him to keep making 'em like that. This song is a disaster.

5) Rick Ross ft. Akon, "Cross That Line"
Akon, with that grating voice and bizarre niche as a soulful ex-con, was a horrible idea. So, too, was the neck-bearded wannabe drug kingpin who can't rhyme. Combining them simply magnified the errors.

4) Cam'ron ft. Hell Rell, "He Tried to Play Me"
See here and here. This song may actually be the worst idea in the history of rap music. No joke. And though I don't usually like using this word, this song is undeniably the gayest one made in 2006.

3) Lil' Wayne, "Get 'Em"
Again, this is the man that people lose their shit over? It seems that most of his rhymes, like those on this song, are a loosely organized collection of repetition-driven couplets or not-that-impressive punch lines that necessitate him playing with his voice since the content is generally boring. Oh, and his production tends to suck.

2) Lakey the Kid, "No Homo"
See here. And shouts to Robbie for making us aware of this ignorance.

1) Young Jeezy, "Hypnotize"
Whining, groaning, synthetic noise, and drugs--you are immersed in the Young Jeezy experience!


Seven of the Most Blatantly Derivative Songs of the Year
7) JR Writer, "Get 'Em" (Minimalism)
6) The Game, "Lookin' at You" (West Coast, circa 1992)
5) Mary J. Blige, "Be Without You" (Generic female R&B)
4) Jim Jones, "Cook It" (Busta Rhymes, "Touch It")
3) Jagged Edge and Fabolous, "I Really Wanna Know You" (Jodeci, "Come and Talk to Me")
2) Fergie, "Fergalicious" (JJ Fad, "Supersonic")
1) Beyonce ft. Jay-Z, "Deja Vu" (Beyonce ft. Jay-Z, "Crazy in Love")


Six Notable 80s Samples
6) Murs, "Dark-Skinned White Girls" (Spandau Ballet, "True")
5) Rick Ross, "Push It" (Paul Engemann, "Scarface (Push It to the Limit)")
4) Cam'ron, "Weekend" (S.O.S. Band, "Weekend Girl")
3) Jay-Z, "Kingdom Come" (Rick James, "Super Freak")
2) Big Sty, "Cry for Us" (Heart, "Alone")
1) Diddy, "Testimonial" (Tears for Fears, "Head Over Heals")


Joe Scudda Memorial Least Valuable Rapper Award
Shawn Wigs


Ten Beats We'd Like to Have Back for Someone Else to Use
- Cam'ron ft. Juelz Santana, "Byrd Gang Gold"
- Panacea, "Ecosphere"
- T.I., "I'm Talkin' to You"
- Consequence ft. Mike Jones, "Been Robbed"
- Mobb Deep, "Pearly Gates"
- Soul Position, "I'm Free"
- Pharrell, "Show You How to Hustle"
- Big Noyd, "You Already Know"
- Diddy, "Everything I Love"
- Busta Rhymes ft. T.I., "Cannon"


The "I Can't Believe She Wore That Too; What a Slut!" Award
Who liked Lou Rawls' "You Made Me So Very Happy" more, Diddy ("I Am") or Kanye West ft. Consequence and John Legend ("Grammy Family")?


Most Overrated Song of the Year
Clipse ft. Pharrell, "Mr. Me Too." Maybe I am just not the target audience for "skateboard rap," but I don't get why this song was considered exciting or good. Pharrell's "rapping" is a tired routine, the Clipse are their usual quipping-to-get-nowhere selves, and the beat is just sort of boring. It sounds like lounge music, doesn't it?


Song You Most Hated Having Stuck in Your Head
Shawnna, "Gettin' Some"


Top Fifty Songs of 2006
50) Dave Chappelle, "I Wrote This Song a Long Time Ago"

Isn't it sort of sad that a guy from Ohio made one of the best "West Coast" songs of the year?

49) Mobb Deep, "Put 'Em in Their Place"
I feel more than a little guilty including a song on which the verses barely rhyme, but the beat is terribly infectious. And hearing them say "Curtis 'Billion-Dollar Budget' Jackson" is funny in a tragic kind of way. Consider this a production acknowledgment.

48) De La Soul, "Voodoo Circus"
There are few hip-hop sounds as relaxing and welcomed as De La screwing around over a fairly mellow soundscape. As usual, Posdnuos comes with that real talk on the second verse.

47) The Game ft. Nas, "Why You Hate the Game"
I was immediately reminded of Kanye's wannabe Earth, Wind, and Fire joint "We Major" when I first realized that I liked this track. I think it's one of those polarizing efforts that people either warmly receive or quickly reject. The swelling sound and vocals work for me; Nas's flow works for me; and the inadvertent character study that we get from Game works for me.

46) 9th Wonder ft. Mos Def, Jean Grae, and Memphis Bleek, "Crooklyn Dodgers III"
Having heard True Magic, people should relish this track as one of the few instances these days when Mos Def dispenses with the boring artistic exploration and gets back to rapping, something at which he's actually good.

45) Outkast ft. Sleepy Brown and Scar, "The Train"
Big Boi's stroll down memory lane, though notably without any input from Andre, is oddly reassuring. And the horn riffs certainly don't hurt.

44) BHI, "Do It, Do It (Poole Palace)"
The club record of the year. I couldn't help but want to dance to this track.

43) Papoose, "Double Crosser"
The David Ruffin sample is gorgeous (and please pardon me if using that word makes me sound like some pretentious prick), and it lends Papoose's street talk a certain mournful maturity that a number of his rhymes have suggested in the past.

42) Busta Rhymes ft. KRS-One, "New York Shit" (Marley Marl Remix)
If Busta's rhyming were any good on this track, it would likely place higher, because Marley Marl killed this, and it worked perfectly with KRS's vocals. He overwhelms this like a vortex of bravado and old-school pride.

41) Big Noyd, "Number 1"
Noyd's accelerated assemblage of common street images and ideas sounds like one of those verses that dudes concoct ahead of time when scheduled to "freestyle," the assonance and references tightly packed to create the appearance of sublime skill. That all sounds right over this somewhat frantic horn loop.

40) Black Milk ft. Mr. Porter, "Keep It Live"
Eminem and Bronze Nazareth's aside, the Detroit sound has become the Jay Dee sound--nearly all production from that city these days seems as though it were put together following a Dilla style manual. Black Milk, Young RJ--they're not Jay Dee, but you can hear him in their beats. This track seems to exemplify the movement, and Black Milk might be one to watch next year following some strong mixtapes.

39) UNK ft. Outkast, "Walk It Out" (Remix)
I couldn't give a fuck about UNK, and the beat for "Walk It Out" is passable. But Andre's verse just rings true, a dope reality check in an era of assembly-line hip-hop. And that it came on such a generic "Southern" song is a perfect juxtaposition.

38) Jay-Z, "The Prelude"
Were Kingdom Come filled with more of these stories matched with well-suited beats, it would have been much better.

37) Papoose ft. Ghostface Killah, "In the Bushes"
Papoose's energy seems misdirected when he tries to sound menacing, and so much of his rhyming is just about showing off, rendering much of his catalogue mostly generic. However, this beat was among the notable that harnessed his intensity and brought it to bear as an asset on the mic. Also gotta love that someone took these seemingly innocuous Ghostface rhymes from "Fast Cars" and made them a catchy hook.

36) Skyzoo, "A Day in the Life"
Sky is my pick for Rookie of the Year. He just has a natural flow--the rapping sounds easy. He also demonstrates an amusing versatility, telling stories, dropping punch lines, playing with his words. This song seems to capture his essence.

35) Nas ft. The Game, "Hustlers"
Best Dre beat of the year--seductive strings, subtle energy, full sound. This just knocks, and it was a dramatic score that I happily found stuck in my head. It's also a great platform for Nas's impromptu history and boasting session. Game? He just does his usual thing. Whatever.

34) Masta Killa ft. Raekwon and Ghostface Killah, "It's What It Is"
I was initially blown away by this track, although my enthusiasm subsided over time. Still love the horns, although it becomes a little repetitive for whatever reason. Raekwon's international criminality plays well (Alfa Romeos and Sicily yayo).

33) Little Brother ft. Legacy and Chaundon, "Boondock Saints"
Another shining example of frustration-fueled real talk that popped up all over the place in 2006. Phonte's verse on this track stands out:

Right
Back to business off a six-week tour
And I ain't never seen drama like this before
Gotta lotta shit to get off my chest, some wild shit to address
So I told Khysis press record
I'ma put it on wax and give you the raw facts
And truth about life and the things I'm dealin' wit'
Black folks saying that I'm too intelligent
And white folks saying I'm a little too niggerish
It got me in a strange predicament
I wish BET and MTV would judge more wisely
But I don't know what's worse
The fact that they ain't playing our shit
Or the fact that it don't even surprise me
Because I ain't shuckin'
And 'cuz I ain't jivin'
Some of these crackers won't stand beside me
And cuz I ain't killin'
And don't support pimpin'
Some of these n***as wanna call me a Cosby
Well, I'll be that dude
I'll scratch that itch
I'll play that role
Call me Heathcliff bitch!
If this ain't what you want then fine
But somehow someway we gotta draw that line
And it goes without mentioning
I thought about censoring this verse so my label and managers stay cool
But as of this recording, we ain't even out-sold The Listening
So really what the fuck I got to lose?
Bitch it's Phon-tiggah
Low, the show rippah
Hold cuz my hos would change week to week
But now my flows be changing from beat to beat
Tell my n***a Jim Bones we gotta beat the street
Cuz I know that they need us
It's gotta be more to this generation than drinkin' and smoking all they weed up
This my confession with the Embassy
You fucking imbeciles can put your rosary beads up

32) Hi-Tek ft. Jay Dee, Nas, Common, Busta Rhymes, and Marsha, "Music for Life"
Such a melancholy beat.

31) The Game ft. Kanye West, "Wouldn't Get Far"
This is Kanye's best production of the year, something that stands out for a few reasons: 1) I don't think it's a coincidence that he conjured this for a playful track on which he got to do what he does best, talk shit; 2) It wasn't a good year for his beats.

Kanye and Game are pretty funny on this. Also funny was talking about this song with the Resource and effortlessly calling to mind every possible video chick. I think I need to get out more...

30) Rhymefest, "Dynomite (Going Postal)"
A blaring Just Blaze beat and a playful Rhymefest--the one who drops punch lines, boasts, and tears his way through just about anything--was a surprising, exciting combination.

29) Da Backwudz ft. Killer Mike, "Getting 2 It"
All three dudes just rip this brooding, mischievous beat, and the chant that comprises the chorus gets your head bobbing. Da Backwudz have displayed a nebulous personality that sets them apart from many other generic Georgia rappers.

28) Bronze Nazareth, "Good Morning (A Nice Hell)"
David McCallum's "The Edge" gets taken for a menacing walk, and Bronze Nazareth flows better than his detractors might admit.

27) Nas, "Where Y'all At"
Among the highlights of the year was hearing a focused, deliberate Nas own this murky, subdued production. The wordplay, the references, the images--Nas demonstrated why he remains an MC with few peers (even if he reliably picks out some shitty beats for his records).

26) Pearl Jam, "Gone"
Though Pearl Jam was a good album--arguably the best PJ effort since the underrated No Code--only one song really stood out, and that was "Gone," which showcased the group's talent for arrangement.

25) Ghostface Killah ft. Redman and Shawn Wigs, "Greedy Bitches"
How can you resist Ghost complaining about the Oreos and Red making a cameo to crack jokes?

24) King Reign ft. Saukrates, "Guilty"
Minimalism may be something of a sonic cliche at this point, but this beat was a refined endeavor into the trite. Just a crazy joint. And let's dap up Ian for getting this one right before anyone else.

23) Cam'ron, "Y'all Can't Live His Life"
Hate on this track's inclusion at your own peril. I defy you to name a funnier song. Even better is that the comedy is entirely unintentional. And don't forget: Cam's allowed to pop shit because he's surrounded by moneeeey. Hoffa!

22) Jay Dee, "Time - The Donut of the Heart"
This beat was ridiculous (in a great way) before Jay Dee passed away. After that, it became a fitting tribute to the man, both for its technical excellence and for the somber tone it sets. Just ask the Roots.

21) Count Bass D, "No Comp"
Sticking with the production focus of "Time," "No Comp" is on here because of the layered sampling and ornate melody.

20) Soul Position, "The Cool Thing to Do"
More real talk, not about hip-hop but life. The hallmarks of Blueprint's style--the wry humor, the matter-of-fact insight--were on full display.

19) Lupe Fiasco, "Intro" (From the leaked version of Food & Liquor)
The serious and engaging beat is one thing, but just behold Lupe's intelligent verbal dexterity. This was a thrilling way to start a debut album--an immediate declaration that Lupe had arrived. Only, this never actually happened, as it didn't make the retail version of Food & Liquor. Not since the original intro from Slum Village's Detroit Deli has an excised song so starkly detracted from a record's quality.

18) AZ, "Make Me"
These mid-tempo, soulful tracks are AZ's element, allowing him to get into the zone and just flow, talking about street life in a raspy fashion that is admirably devoid of empty bravado. He just projects a certain availability that his peers commonly don't.

17) The Coup, "Ass-Breath Killers"
Listening to a Coup record can be an odd affair, as cognitive dissonance might set in. The beats are the sort that might make you dance and party while the rhyming is this focused, political commentary that you need to play over and over to make sure that you don't miss anything. "Ass-Breath Killers" was a perfect encapsulation of this phenomenon, with a funky beat reminiscent of something Parliament might have come up with and a withering indictment of acquiescence set within a historical context of colonialism.

16) Jay Dee ft. Guilty Simpson, "Baby"
For all the misguided thought that Jay Dee was a treasure just for the backpack or "conscience" set, he, like Slum Village, could commonly be found rhyming about women, sex, and everything else that regular people--regardless of classification--tend to think about. He wasn't using the dead prez rhyme book. And that was evident on "Baby," as Dilla was this personable fellow having a good time alongside Guilty Simpson.

15) Green Lantern ft. Saigon, dead prez, and Immortal Technique, "Impeach the President"
Wow. REAL TALK. What a wonderful, perceptive critique of the Bush Administration. This was political rap at its best, and it was a repudiation of Bush far more memorable than anything we've heard from the Democrats. "Some bitch give him a blow job so we can impeach him." So perfect.

14) Ghostface Killah, "Big Girl"
Turn on the red light. "Big Girl" was another of the now-famous Tony Starks soul sessions, and on this one, a more introspective and compassionate Ghost flipped the drug talk on its head. As I've written before, there is an intimacy to Ghostface's rhyming that no other MC is able to create, and even on something that, on its surface, is somewhat unwieldy and unrelatable, he successfully draws in his audience.

13) Masta Killa ft. U-God, RZA, and Method Man, "Iron God Chamber"
Do you like the Wu-Tang Clan? If so, then this track is for you. End of discussion.

12) MC Travel, "This Is a Breakup Song"
Haunting and personal, MC Travel's signature track was incredibly resonant both for its sonic makeup and for its personal disclosures. This was wonderfully honest music.

11) Q-Tip ft. Andre 3000, "That's Sexy"
There are three cherished rappers who probably sing or experiment a little too much for their audiences' liking: Mos Def, Andre Benjamin, and Q-Tip. On this track, two of them were able to satisfy their creative impulses while still making exciting music. The varied vocals, the party-like tempo and guitar, Q-Tip's everyday narratives--a really strong effort that screamed "Saturday night."

10) Lupe Fiasco, "Failure"
The lazy, slightly off-kilter beat combined with Lupe's stream-of-consciousness word play produced one of the most memorable songs of the year, a unique presentation of Lupe who, himself, is rather eclectic. Another Lupe track that inexplicably didn't make it onto his record, though.

9) Clipse ft. Pharrell, "Hello New World"
The Clipse are EP rappers--I don't need 12 tracks of their bleak, ambivalent Virginia Beach drug trafficking. Four or five songs would do. And, if nothing else, it would only enhance their standing, because when they put their admittedly smarter-than-your-average-coke-rapper skills over such fresh and captivating beats, the results are great. Witness "Grindin'" and "Hello New World." The woozy synth chords and punchy drums were a unique sound that should have defined the Clipse, not been a notable outlier amidst a bunch of other stuff that was off the mark. (And that, by the way, is Pharrell's fault, I think.)

8) Killer Mike, "That's Life"
This, to me, was one of the most honest and angry songs of the year. Aside from the technical proficiency of the rhyme constructions, "That's Life" stands out because of Killer Mike's earnest examination of black leadership. I don't think that you need to agree with everything he says, but you must give Killer Mike credit for engaging in an honest discussion.

7) Ne-Yo, "Sexy Love"
This was the catchiest song of the year. I'm sorry. Hate on Ne-Yo as you will--I didn't even hear his album and couldn't stand "So Sick"--but this song was just solid.

6) Ludacris, "War with God"
Like hearing Nas focused, hearing Luda set aside his desire to solely make jokes and instead write such an intense and serious song was among the highlights of the year. Regardless of for whom it was that he was gunning, "War with God" was a rousing response to a hip-hop community that values vapidity and is easily swayed by the meaningless assertions of untalented newjacks.

5) T.I., "What You Know"
This track was all about the soaring synthesizers and the elevation of T.I.'s microphone persona.

4) Murs, "Yesterday"
The frustrations of everyday life take center stage as Murs escorts us through a bunch of resonant real-world scenarios. And 9th Wonder kills this toned-down beat, infusing the track with character without obscuring the lyrics or overwhelming the rhymes.

3) The Roots, "Game Theory"
So let's immediately just say this: Malik B's energy and flow on this track are insane, all the more notable given his prolonged absence. Maybe that's unfair--the simple fact that we got to hear Malik B might have given this track the appearance of particular superiority--but it is what it is. "Game Theory" also succeeds because Black Thought efficiently makes his way through dense verses that invite multiple listens and the production--an odd amalgam of samples and instrumentation--is unlike most other hip-hop.

2) Little Brother ft. Skyzoo and Chaundon, "Speed Racin'"
Just about the most unbeatable combination in hip-hop is Justus League insight over blended 9th Wonder samples. What are you looking for--punch lines? Inventive rhymes? Refreshing industry critique? Jokes just for the sake of humor? Melody? A beat that stays fresh? One that complements the MCs? That shit is all here. As is Chaundon's line of the year:

This is that crack
This is that coke
Said a few drug references
Now they say I'm dope

As DJ Drama says at the end: "Ill."

1) Ghostface Killah, "Shakey Dog"
Hip-hop storytelling at its most vivid, the rhymes strengthened by a dramatic reworking of the Dells' "I Can See a Rainbow" that makes Starks sound manic, his story urgent. An incredible way to start an incredible album.

One Idiot's Favorite Television and Movies from 2006

The Wire is lucky that FOX canceled the best show of the millennium, North Shore.

A favorite professor of mine used to always remind the students in his writing courses that we are each only experts when it comes to one thing: ourselves. I generally find this to be true, and though I consume enough basketball and hip-hop to have highly informed opinions about both, I don't think I'd ever represent myself as a definitive voice about those or any other subjects.

This is certainly the case when it comes to television and cinema, two realms of entertainment which I consume on the regular but with an odd sense of "taste." Consider that my cover-your-ass qualifier--another necessity preached by this wisest of professors--as you read some lists that will surely elicit scoffs along with agreement and outrage.

The Ten Best Movies of 2006
10) The Prestige

This was one of those pleasantly forgettable movies with serviceable acting that honored a script which kept the plot moving without demanding too much from anyone--the actors or the audience.

9) The Curse of the Golden Flower

Operatic in its staging, sets, and drama, The Curse of the Golden Flower was a dazzling spectacle, thanks in no small part to its expert use of color. And while less reliant upon the martial arts artistry of recent genre pieces such as Hero and House of Flying Daggers, it was a more engaging narrative.

8) An Inconvenient Truth

An avid Al Gore fan and sure Gore voter in 2008 if he runs for President, I was predisposed to enjoy this movie. However, even if one does not conflate its inherent quality with an admiration for its deft presentation of hard science in an engaging fashion, or similar admiration for its intent to affect important policy that the national leadership has neglected, it stands up as a well-made and provocative documentary. Inconvenient Truth loses points for the campaign-commercial-like interludes that saw Gore reminiscing about life in Tennessee and tackling potential political pitfalls such as his sister's death, but it was nonetheless an important and enjoyable 90 minutes.

7) Jonestown: The Life and Death of Peoples Temple

Historical documentaries can be boring, bland, and agenda-riddled. Or, they can be like this: powerful, terrifying, and illuminating. Jonestown was a fascinating depiction of Jim Jones and the desperation that led so many people to invest their lives in the pedagoguery of a selfish, sinister rapist and murderer. It's almost uncomfortable writing such warm sentiments about such a dark and disturbing film.

6) The Illusionist

Edward Norton is the best actor of his generation. That's about it.

5) Little Miss Sunshine

I really like movies and television programs that respect their characters, even when they're quirky or addled by developmental issues. That sense of respect came through in a warm movie about a dysfunctional family, making Little Miss Sunshine one of the most relatable films of the year. The particulars may differ, but the depiction of a family attempting to accommodate the many flaws of its members rang true. And, of course, it was hilarious.

4) Casino Royale

See here. I am a sucker for Bond. In fact, I have five Bond movies on the DVR right now--thank you, Spike TV.

3) Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

What's left to say about this movie? I don't know if you noticed, but a few articles were written about it. It was funny, although not as funny as the initial run on HBO. But that's what happens when you have some idea of what to expect. That fight scene left me wheezing. In a good way.

2) Inside Man

Honestly, the ending--when the movie became some weird World War II revenge epic--was disappointing. And it even led my parents to say that, as always, Spike Lee's anti-Semitism shone through. But until those final five minutes, I didn't have a better time at the movies all year, save for when I saw The Departed. The storytelling was great--little details, unspoken meanings, smart camera work. The acting was top notch--the actors really made the characters work, and they seemed to be having fun. And the drawn out suspense was really well executed. A really fun caper movie, colored by the authentic New York feel to which Lee has all but dedicated his career. And Denzel and Clive Owen are among the most likable men in Hollywood (no Dip Set).

1) The Departed

Again, see here. The suspense, the drama, the acting--it was masterful.


Television
10) The Office

Given the show's popularity, it's obviously not just me, but I am a sucker for awkward and uncomfortable humor when it's executed with The Office's mixture of sympathy and pitch-perfect reflection of reality. The Office also smartly presents a theater of the absurd in which Jim can send Dwight messages from the Dwight of the future, and Dwight can believe them--pulling that sort of prank is wonderful escapist fantasy that makes you wonder if you could actually get away with that at your own place of employment. The answer is no, of course, but the idea is tantalizing.

9) Pardon the Interruption

Because it's on everyday and the workways of ESPN's sports journalism demand that Tony and Wilbon stake out clearly defined positions on nearly every issue imaginable, Pardon the Interruption becomes an easy target for critics. There's too much yelling. They should be nicer to each other. The show is a symptom of our attack-oriented reporting. And so forth. I concede that the show is not without its flaws, but to focus on the problems is to miss what a gift it is that two articulate and thoughtful men work together each day to help infuse the general sports discussion with some intelligence and some unabashed attitudes that challenge a lot of conventions. Of course, they perpetuate a lot of conventions, too--Tony has become alarming doctrinaire when discussing topics such as Notre Dame and college football, in general--but no other sports reporting is as amusing, deliberative, or engaging.

8) Dog Bites Man

Easily the funniest show of the year. It's not even close. If Google hadn't effed us and bought YouTube, you could have seen for yourselves here and here. Like The Office, this was another show that did wonders with the humor that can be mined from the absurd, awkward, and audacious.

7) Survivor: Cook Islands

Survivor remains a social experiment from which it's hard to look away. And as the seasons have worn on, it seems as though the social strategy required for success is of even greater importance given every participant's familiarity with previous seasons. Cook Islands was a wonderful object lesson, as Yul's manipulations were the focus for the majority of the show, and his competitors saw what was happening and couldn't help create an alternative outcome.

It should be added that the initial outcry about the race-based groupings was totally ridiculous, something I always believed. There is nothing wrong with or racist about acknowledging race, which is what the initial set up did. Nor is there anything wrong with deliberately highlighting that social distinction on a show that is both all about social interaction and notoriously hard on minorities. On how many seasons have black and Latin players, in particular, been voted off for all kinds of arbitrary reasons? Had the challenges entailed activities like creating internment camps for Asian-Americans, that would have been ugly, but that was never the point. So calm down and just enjoy the show. Jesus.

Also, we need to dap up Jeff Probst, the paradigm for game- and reality-show hosts of the 21st Century. Were I on Survivor, I'd smack Probst's kufi off were giving me a hard time during a challenge--Joey, falling behind and struggling on that net--but I'd feel bad about it afterwards, because he's great at his job.

6) Lost

It's a compliment, overall, that this show can remain so highly regarded despite the steady drumbeat of criticism that now confronts it at all times. And the criticism is warranted--they do a marvelous job of telling us little, moving things along slowly, and frustrating everyone. It's getting annoying, and the show's quality has been inconsistent from episode to episode as of late. But still, it's such a captivating premise, and the painstaking detail and pace make the few rewards we earn quite sweet. In some ways, Lost reminds me of another cherished program that seems to lose its way at times, The Sopranos. However, The Wire--and to significantly lesser extents, Heroes and Prison Break--provided a looming reminder that one need not sacrifice detail and care in the name of plot. Though The Wire is far from fast paced, it is riveting without any of the attendant resentment that Lost engenders thanks to its difficulty keeping all the balls in the air. Things need to improve, but the show has started out so far ahead of non-HBO competition.

5) Prison Break

This is the weekly, one-hour-at-a-time television analog for the ultimate summer popcorn movie: The acting is decent, the script is hackneyed and predictable (not necessarily in plot turns, but in quips and all that), and the story takes so many sharp angles that you enjoy breathlessly following along, as nothing is beyond the realm of possibility. And ironically, the show is much better now that it is no longer set in a prison, as the constant stretching of the truth--oh, of course no guards saw them dash across a 200 yard field, they were wearing gray!--surpassed Oz (that's not a knock on a god-body show, it's just an acknowledgment that a lot of crazy shit went down) and nearly turned the entire enterprise into a farce. Doctor Tancredi remains an annoying dolt--she's the one that makes you want to yell as she bumbles along--but it's on FOX, and no one said the show was perfect.

4) Sopranos

I feel as though this show aired ages ago, but that might just be because I'm accustomed to decade-long breaks in between seasons. My general sense of Sopranos this year was that the show, though still interesting, was spending capital it had earned in previous years as it positioned itself for a denouement that will never meet expectations but will hopefully faithfully honor the story lines and established motivations of the characters. I still love the dialogue in Satriale's; the manner with which Tony sneaks around Carmela; the wonderful morality at play as characters tend to profess one thing but then act in a fashion that places a premium on something else--in short, these are such fully realized characters that merely observing them live is entertaining. I don't know that I need so much to be happening. But that said, like Lost, Sopranos can frustrate an audience by abandoning some stories and letting too much languish for too long. And personally, I've yet to recover from the death of Ralph Cifaretto.

3) Big Love

Wow, this show was juicy. The intrafamily wrangling; the portrayal of the curiosities that arise while following the Mormon faith; the incredible conjuring of characters like Roman Grant. Like all great HBO shows, Big Love was carried by focused acting and the creation if layered characters that we will look forward to getting to know better. I think an important challenge to conquer is that of keeping the show exciting once the initial intrigue of Mormonism-on-screen wears off.

2) Deadwood

Watching Deadwood was like watching a contemporary rendering of Shakespeare. I think this was the most literary and beautifully written show in the history of television, a distinction made all the more wonderful given how profane so much of the dialogue was...

1) The Wire

...and, to me, this is unquestionably the best show ever made. I could gush about it (again), or we could all agree and refer to Heaven and Here for a detailed account of all that makes The Wire such incredible TV.


BONUS: My Three Favorite YouTube Videos of 2006
3) Why White People Love Notre Dame


2) George Allen Establishing a Relationship with "Ethnics"


1) Destro ft. The Baroness, "Get Money"

Gerald Ford Was a Michigan Man

Hail to the Victors and RIP.

Ten People Whom We Need to See Much More of in 2007

Regardless of whom else we see or if Kareem is even wearing it, we need more of this jacket in 2007

These are confusing times: Needing to see more of anyone famous seems like an odd concept in a media age that allows us to track our favorite celebrities on a daily basis. We tend to know when Lindsay Lohan goes out, when T.O. goes to the market, and when Cameron Diaz goes sunbathing. Similarly, the fragmented and abundant media make just about any story easy to find, from political scandal to sports-world minutiae. But as the ascendancy of TMZ during 2006 demonstrated, there is always room for more in what seems like an already saturated marketplace. And, as yesterday's list demonstrated, there may simply be too much news about too many tired subjects, to the unfortunate detriment of more deserving subjects.

One solution might be a diminished level of coverage with a streamlined set of priorities. But the machine will not stop. We know this. The all-access, all-the-time news cycle demands ever more content, fodder. And thus, since the airwaves and webpages will inevitably be filled, I'd proffer that we fill them with more coverage of the individuals and story lines listed below.

What follows is not a list of the ten people most likely to blow up in 2007. Nor is it a list of the ten best people to know about, the ten most amusing people, the ten most beautiful--none of that stuff. Rather, it is simply a list of ten people that will make 2007 better in some way. Were I in charge, this is whom and what we'd know all about in the coming year.

10) The Leprechaun

Does it exist? Where did it come from? Why does it make the people who talk about it seem stupid? Plus, we need to figure out if it's a crackhead or not, you know?

9) A new basketball coach at the University of Michigan

Michigan is 11-2 this season, something that might make the casual observer question my sanity--the team's doing well, right? Fuck no. Wrong. Michigan just got blown out--like, a "Why Did You Even Show Up?" beatdown--by UCLA and has now lost to the only two real teams that it has played. In year six--SIX!--of the Tommy Amaker era, Michigan, which hasn't made the NCAA Tournament, looks no closer to getting in than it has in previous years when turnovers, defensive breakdowns, and sloppy offense were the most readily identified features of Tommy Ball.

For years, Amaker defenders have come up with a cavalcade of excuses meant to exculpate Amaker in the wake of failure after failure. There were injuries; the facilities are no good; the program was in shambles when he took over; he needs some time to implement his system; he needs his own players. The only thing people haven't cited is bad weather, and since the Amaker defenders will piss in your ear and tell you it's raining, I wouldn't be surprised if that's next.

To speak like Dick Vitale for a moment, the bottom line is that Amaker is not at all qualified for his job. A team that starts four seniors--among whom, three were top-100 recruits coming out of high school--should not fold on the road and look completely lost in nearly every phase of the game when it plays a real opponent. But that's what Michigan is, again, this season, and it's all about the coaching, which completely sucks. I have no clue what this team does in practice, because it sure as shit isn't anything having to do with beating good basketball teams. Amaker's teams don't get better, his players don't get better, and the same mistakes are made game to game and year to year.

Time is up, and Michigan is in need of a new coach. No school with a heritage like Michigan's--which is not UNC's but is filled with Final Fours and NBA players--should be forced to suffer through the annual impotence of a coach whose leading credential continues to be that he has a degree from Duke. As Phonte might say, just because you got the skills to sell drugs don't mean you got the same skills to rap about it.

I'd start a search here. Please, Athletic Director Bill Martin, make this happen. A new coach is a paramount priority. And I'll put my money where my mouth is: please earmark all contributions received from me for the Let's Buyout Amaker's Contract fund.

8) Tyrus Thomas in dunk-oriented situations

Through an amazing stroke of luck, I had the good fortune of sitting in the second row last Friday when the Bulls came to town to play the Knicks. Accompanied by my father, I got to the Garden early enough to see warm-ups--who wouldn't want to soak in the experience of sitting so close to the court that you could just about hear which plays were being diagrammed in the huddle? The highlight of the pre-game routine was Tyrus and his built-in pogo sticks. This dude gets up! But that's not news. What is news is that he's got the aerial creativity required to put on a gripping athletic show, the sort that, in the moment, makes an audience realize that it's seeing something transcendent. The sort that most big men usually don't posses or can't make manifest. I mean, Kevin Garnett is a dunker of awesome power but little flair, and even the tragic Shawn Kemp couldn't palm the ball. Thomas's gift for dunking a basketball, though, is the sort of unique human accomplishment that could make you fall in love with the NBA all over again every time you saw him get his head somewhere over the rim as he did something you'd seen in a video game once. Go see this man warm up. It's worth the money. And please, God, put this man in the dunk contest.

7) Chaundon

Allowing for the facts that: a) there are some brilliant mixtape moments in the lives of many rappers; and, b) I surely haven't heard every rapper, I'd like to go on record: Chaundon is the best rapper you haven't heard of. He's got this omnipresent affability that makes his rhymes especially accessible, he drops some of the funniest punch lines I can recall, and having heard him flow over an assortment of beats, I think we can say that his versatility is impressive. Absent from his catalogue are a standout story and, of course, a full-length album that might give an audience a fuller sense of his personality, a cohesive impression that goes beyond the handful of songs which you might hear and remember him for. In 2007, a Khrysis- and 9th Wonder-produced Chaundon LP would likely be among my early contenders for record of the year given how much esteem I have for what seems to be such a capable, perceptive MC.

6) Meagan Good

Can we please get this woman a star-launching vehicle? Or even a movie role that isn't a variation on the usual themes, namely Meagan as the token good girl in some mid-level movie intended for black audiences? Having never seen her in much that went beyond stereotypes--which I don't think is her fault, since actors take the roles that they can get, and compelling roles for black women don't seem to be a high priority for Hollywood's governing elites--I can't say with any certainty whether or not she can act, but that hasn't held back Jessica Alba or Jessica Biel or anyone else who's a star merely for looking good with little on. And there isn't anyone who looks better than Meagan. If nothing else, could someone who knows her get my number in her hands?

5) Clark Kellogg

I like Clark Kellogg enough, but really, this is more about Billy Packer than him. More Kellogg would likely mean less Packer, and while Clark leaves some things to be desired, he knows what he's doing, he approaches the games fairly, and he's even tempered. Packer, meanwhile, grows more and decrepit and detestable by the year, something that was sadly obvious last week as Florida put a beatdown on Ohio State. Have you ever heard a more crotchety jerk prey upon every negative and make a big deal out of nothing? Packer's focus on the minute and the inconsequential, coupled with his old-world basketball mores and antiquated notions of decorum, have left him the most joyless and irksome announcer in basketball. CBS should be tried for crimes against humanity since it continues to elevate Packer as its signature college-basketball voice. I defy you to find one person who actually likes Packer or enjoys hearing him call a game. Please, make it stop. Give me "the rack," "squeeze the orange," and everything else that Kellogg throws out there--even the lamest schtick is better than Old Man Packer.

4) Master Shake

For too long, we Master Shake fans have been limited in number and met with the contemptuous glares of a skeptical public. My family, my friends--they all fail to grasp the appeal of an anthropomorphic milkshake. Much like LeBron James, Shake is the sort of personality that would make witnesses of us all were he given a greater opportunity. Toiling away on oddly scheduled re-runs and fleeting eleven-minute flashes of Sunday night brilliance is no way to treat such an outrageous and amusing fellow, one whose hilarious selfishness and unyielding schadenfreude knows no bounds.

Luckily, some help appears to be on the way. But a cult movie destined for limited release will not prove sufficient. We need a Master Shake media tour, a variety show, and, if nothing else, a drama on TNT so that it can get promoted every ten minutes during NBA games.


3) Dr. Dre

Here's a scary thought, courtesy of Ian: Though 2006 was better than 2005 and littered with releases from nearly every big name that you can think of...what does that mean for 2007? Because come on, don't trip: it's not like we got Illmatic, Ready to Die, Southernplayalistic, The Diary, Resurrection, Do You Want More, and Blowout Comb this year. We got two very good albums from Ghost, a sort-of return to form from the Roots, a strong lyrical effort from Nas, and a bunch of stuff that fell between good and decent. But that augurs poorly for 2007 if we have to hold out hope that Raekwon will finally recapturing his magic and also actually drop an album; that Doom will come with something more along the lines of his solo work and less like The Mouse and the Mask; that Common will refrain from making an album entirely for Lite FM (shouts to Resource on that one); and that Kanye will stick with what he does best and leave behind the experimental crap designed for critics, not hip-hop fans. Maybe some of that stuff can happen--Doom seems like the only one above 50%--but all of it? There will be a gaping void created by the absence of good music. And thus, it would be nice if Dre would fill it with the long-awaited Detox. Of course, if it's along the lines of Method Man's "Take the Heat," we might just be fucked.

2) Kevin Garnett

In a rush to anoint the Lig's new breed, the NBA punditry, marketers, and general public all seem to have either taken the Duncans of the world for granted (We'll have plenty of time to talk about the Spurs in April, May, and June) or to have completely dropped the KGs from popular discourse (His window has closed). Writing a fond remembrance of KG has nearly become trite, but the underlying veracity remains poignant: he's an incredible ball player. Still. And forced to toil in functional obsolescence, he likely has a lot of emotion to get out. Maybe he could have a reality show? I imagine it being like The Office--weird and unfortunate things would happen at work while KG, playing a Jim-like role, would attempt to stay above the fray while shooting knowing glances at the camera. If nothing else, it would make for an excellent adidas commercial.

1) A volatile embattled football coach

While the NFL has been fun this year--and really, that's sort of a backhanded compliment, like calling something "cute"--I think a notable failure has been the absence of a coach about whose future we can all speculate at all times, fueled by his combustible personality and a volatile work environment. Were Art Shell not so stoic and such an obviously sad case, he might qualify, but those two caveats are huge. We need someone beleaguered on a Campo- or Wannstedt-like level, working for someone like Jerry Jones in a media environment like New York, and equipped with the ill temper of a Parcells or a Dennis Green having just blown an unblowable lead against the Bears. That's what the game's been missing, and that, really, would be so much fun for everyone. I mean, please don't forget that such a sad sack would still be making about $3 million a year for his troubles.

I Tried So Hard to Get Tickets

So, this beef deading is much more significant for people who spend their lives vicariously living out New York rap beefs and discussing them on message boards, but still, it would have been cool to have been there.

We'll Always Love Big Poppa

The Godfather of Hip-Hop

I don't think any self-respecting hip-hop fan should fail to take a few moments to remember James Brown, who died yesterday. Like the Beatles, Brown was a man who made one of the most significant contributions to all of music, and without him, there would surely be no hip-hop. I certainly don't need to tell you about what he did for soul music.

James Brown will be missed, but his music will remain timeless. For me, it gets no better than "Doing It to Death," a song that will always make me smile and get me dancing.

- James Brown, "King Heroin"
- James Brown, "Doing It to Death"

UPDATE: The Dork Set remembers the Godfather.

Ten People Whom We Saw Far Too Much of in 2006

The next time that you hear someone droning on about how to save a life, think of these douches.

An unyielding truth about Americans is that we don't collectively believe that there can be too much of a good thing. Or a bad thing. Or anything, really. Instead, we just consume and consume some more, eventually stopping when things have run out, when something better comes along, or when someone uses an ethnic slur. And even then, we'll worship your sitcoms and make your culturally exploitative ultra-violent movies #1 at the box office. We have Wal-Mart; we go along with it as Sacha Baron Cohen make the same Borat jokes in interview after interview (really, it got to be a little much, didn't it?); and we let any old person with a set of ears, bad taste, no self-awareness, and a last name starting with "B" and ending in "reihan" write about hip-hop. It should be no wonder, then, that as a people, we regularly celebrate the idiotic, the tasteless, the annoying, and the everything in between--we just can't really help ourselves. People like Carrot Top, Shaun White, Dane Cook, and Fergie are rich because of this sad condition. Doesn't that make you hate yourself just a little?

In 2006, there was no shortage of evidence that we continue to make horrible choices, as entirely too many people benefited from the misguided group-think that makes chatch flashing an acceptable device for reputation resuscitation and bitch-ass quarterbacks who can't take a hit presumptive top picks in NFL drafts. What follows below is not a list of the ten people whom I hate most or a list of ten people whom are destined to fall off. It's just a list of ten people whom we saw too much of, heard too much from, or read too much about in 2006*. I hope that next year, we can all do a little bit better. But you know that we won't.

Oh, and this is what last year's list looked like: Last year. Now then...

10) People doing the chicken noodle soup dance

I'm pretty certain that a white person came up with this dance. At least, I'd like to think that. If this assumption is borne out, the chicken noodle soup will go down as one of the great contemporary ideas of insidious oppression, another crowning achievement in the history of white people doing bad things to other groups. I mean, I can't imagine that a black person said to him- or herself, "What's the best way for me to get everyone dancing like minstrel shows are still in vogue?" I'm all for creativity and dancing, regardless of skin color, but there is something a little unsettling about the particulars of this dance. Watching people happily perform the chicken noodle soup is almost eerie.

9) Barbaro

Look, it's a fucking horse. It won one race that an ever dwindling group of people actually care about, and it was always destined, regardless of other outcomes, to spend its retirement getting pimped out to Saudis and other rich people who enjoy seeing horses have sex. This is a topic for endless conversation? A fucking horse? I think that the entire Barbaro episode represented a new low for sports journalists, but I guess that it also shouldn't have been a surprise given that this is a group of people who think Danica Patrick is a news story, won't shut up about which DVDs Terrell Owens watches before bed, and has made Steve Nash the reigning two-time MVP. Still, it wasn't just the media. Read about this equine--people send in cards and flowers! What is that? I mean, they know it can't read, yes? Imagine if Barbaro had fallen down a well. I honestly think that people would have taken time off from their jobs to go lower food and money and jewels and books to it. What an embarrassment.

8) Jay-Z

Jay-Z was everywhere, again, in 2006-- beefing with the Dip Set; coming out of "retirement"; putting on not one but two gimmick concerts; dropping an album that debuted at #1; appearing on crappy Rick Ross remixes and other Def Jam marketing stunts; kissing babies; runnin' with Coldplay; taking in Nets games. The only places he wasn't were the meetings in which they decide how to promote the artists signed to his label. But why get bogged down in trifling details like that when you have mediocre albums and boring rhymes to drop, right Jay? Who cares if your artists find it annoying? I mean, it's the Mike Jor'an of recor'in'. The tie is loosened up and Superman is back in the booth. Yippee!

The sad part, of course, is that Jay's album was probably his weakest (or just about), and that while Def Jam artists riding the zeitgeist wave did well in stores, too many of their deserving label mates got half-ass promotional pushes (something made clear when set in relief of the campaign that the label mounted for Jay). You'd hope that a talented, charismatic fellow like Jay would establish goals that were both economical and altruistic--like expanding his roster of commercially successful artists while facilitating the vitality of true hip-hop practitioners--and that was obviously not the case during a year that was selfishly all about him. I'd even be more tolerant of the situation were Jay-Z still making the best music around, but his last two records have been mediocre at best.

7) Samuel Alito

We really haven't heard much from Sam in a while, but he started out the year with a bang, dominating political discussions leading up to his confirmation in late January. That was enough for me, seeing as how the Supreme Court's swing vote was placed in the hands of a Republican Party operative and legal lightweight whose approach to jurisprudence is alarmingly unconcerned with justice. Did I mention that he's anti-choice and generally contemptuous toward an individual's rights? Were you following the news in January and February, there's now way that you would have missed that. This is one Bush Administration stain that won't come out through Congressional elections.

6) Barry Bonds

He's got bad knees, he can't run anymore, he's no longer the best hitter in baseball, and everyone knows that he cheated--what more is there to say? And yet, every baseball conversation seems to still involve this dude. I think some of it owes to the fact that the obnoxious baseball romantics have yet to accept that their beloved, boring game is kind of a joke. I mean, steroids were only outlawed ten minutes ago, everyone sort of celebrates the fact that you can cheat (doctoring balls, stealing signs, popping pills), and no one within the sport has the courage to say anything unless Congress gets involved. Whatever the case, can we all just move on from Bonds? When he breaks that record, nothing will change--he was going to the Hall anyway, right? Enough already.

5) Everything having to do with Grey's Anatomy

There are a number of reasons to be tired of Grey's Anatomy:

A) ABC promotes this show all...the...time, which wouldn't be so bad if it didn't mean always hearing that one song about saving a life and playing the piano like some emo-rock dipshit. Sadly, that is what the constant pimping of Grey's Anatomy means, and the world is worse off for it.

B) Women love it and talk about it all the time, treating its Thursday night airing like Shabbat-come-early. There hasn't been this kind of widespread enthusiasm and consensus since that one women's conference at which they decided that the most annoying character in the history of television, Carrie Bradshaw, was going to be nominated for sainthood.

C) Ellen Pompeo is the worst kind of cute: cutesy. She exudes this odd, annoying coyness.

D) Knowing that it's popular, the show takes itself so seriously and makes itself seem oh so precious. Lost does this too, and it blows. Just be good and let people figure it out.

E) People refer to the show as "Grey's," which is totally irksome. And the people who do this tend to be the people who say things like "obvi" instead of "obviously," but in earnest, not as some ironic joke.

4) Brady Quinn

Normally, when you lose every big game you play, miss too many throws, obviously can't respond to pressure, don't like getting hit, routinely come off the field looking dazed and seeming like you can't wait to find your blankey, and put up your "impressive" numbers against ten teams not named USC or Michigan that went a combined 56-66, you're seen as a work in progress. BUT, if you do all of that at Notre Dame while playing for a coach so smart that he invented Einstein, you get to be considered for the Heisman, projected as a top NFL prospect, and have shirtless visual tributes offered up. *sigh*

I will get back to this countdown once I stop throwing up...

3) Isiah Thomas

Honestly, I don't know that I can summon the will to write anything more about this incompetent, lowlife piece of shit, so perhaps you'll review some of my older invective and marvel that one man can engender so much vitriol:

- Isiah Thomas Sucks at Life
- Isiah Thomas Makes His Own Rules
- James Dolan Must Be Moses
- Isiah Ruins the Season Before It Begins
- Isiah Picks a Fight with the Denver Nuggets

2) Beyonce

For me, Beyonce has become one of those people whom I loathe but everyone else loves, and that makes me nuts. Her music is boring; she doesn't enunciate when she talks; she can't act but gets major movie roles; her image and career choices are maddeningly transparent in their orchestration--what is so great about her? Worse for me, no one else seems to agree. Everyone I know--my family, my friends, hip-hop fans, people with decidedly mainstream taste, people who don't know much about music--they all think she's great. She's talented; she's stylish; she's nice. She's on award shows, magazine covers--it's all too much. I mean, she looked good in the video for "Irreplaceable," but that doesn't compensate for her many other foibles. What makes her so compelling? "Deja Vu" was a derivative snooze; "Ring the Alarm" was off-kilter yelling. What the fuck?!

1) Britney Spears and Kevin Federline

Let's get the obvious reason why these two are number one out of the way immediately:

So for starters, the fact that Federline even put out a record--something that Britney enabled--is reason enough. But beyond that, these two were never out of the news, and their divorce was the vicarious social drama of the decade. Plus, the fallout was simultaneously compelling and disgusting: it says something incredibly horrible about Spears that as of today, Federline seems like the one with stronger morals. But that's what happens when you spend a month of your life deliberately eschewing underwear and partying with Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. And I don't think anyone has wanted to see Britney's vagina in about 5 years, certainly not since those "I'm gonna stroll through a gas station with no shoes on" and "I'm gonna marry Kevin Federline" incidents. All told, 2006 was a year in which two mostly untalented and mostly unlikable people stole far too much attention.

*N.B.: George Bush and Rene Zellweger are permanent members of this list. I hope that they both die of gonorrhea.

Merry Christmas

Dreams of Yo! MTV Raps

Throwbacks for the weekend...

2 Live Crew, "Pop That Coochie"


Chi Ali, "Age Ain't Nuthin' But a #"


D Nice, "Call Me D Nice"


Ice Cube, "Jackin' for Beats"


Black Sheep, "Flavor of the Month"


MC Ren, "Same Ol' Shit"


Fu-Schnickens, "Ring The Alarm"


Ed O.G. and Da Bulldogs, "Love Comes and Goes"


Yo! MTV Raps Final Episode Pt. 1


Yo! MTV Raps Final Episode Pt. 2

End of the Year Arrives Early

This is the end...

Your boy-boy has put in a little guest work over at the Brooklyn Bodega. Peep the 2006 (w)rap up.

Take

Well, he is from Italy and a wealthy Illadelph suburb.

- Programming Note: Next week, it will be list week on Straight Bangin'. Monday will be ten people who we saw too much of in 2006; Tuesday will be ten people who we need to see more of in 2007; Wednesday will be television, movies, and sports; Thursday will be the year-end songs post; Friday will be the year-end albums post.

- Methodology Note: It's not all that hard to figure out which ten albums you liked best. You listen, you think, and you just kind of get a sense of the ten that seem to stand out for whatever reasons. Picking songs is much harder; you don't have the same organized bodies of work to assess. Instead, you latch onto samples, hooks, verbal flourishes, flows, overall sounds. Reflecting upon a year's worth of music has been an interesting process, and I think that Thursday should make for lively discussion. At least I hope it does. I think my list's unifying theme is the tension between an appreciation for "real talk" and an obvious interest in what simply sounds good. I can't tell you--rather, I can't proffer an explanation that would pass the internets credibility test--why I can simultaneously love the Clipse's "Hello New World" and a song deriding the sub genre, Little Brother's "Speed Racing." We'll see what y'all think...

- Sociology Note: The incomparable dean of the basketball bloggers, Henry Abbott, has already sent many a reader this way, but I implore you to read the guest post up on Free Darko. Not even for the basketball talk, but rather, because the site regularly helps facilitate an admirable, open dialogue about social and racial issues.

- Basketball Note: While slogging around my apartment last night trying to maintain a life, I intermittently listened to Kobe on the Stephen A. show. Did anyone else catch this? I give Stephen A. props because I can't recall ever hearing Kobe speak so openly or seem so calm. He didn't drop any bombs, he didn't self-consciously advance an agenda, and he didn't pull a 50 and disparage people for the sake of headlines. It was oddly engaging. It was almost warm, in fact. Kobe sounded like what I imagine him to be when I approach him fairly and don't indiscriminately project all of my dislike while conjuring mental images of a heartless loner: he was basically a middle-aged dad. Had you not known that he was a basketball player--and the best one in the League, at that--you might have thought that he lived some generic suburban life. He just sort of carries himself with the poise and subtle fatigue of a 40-year-old, middle-class dude. He gave some bogus answers about things like changing his number, but he was mostly just a regular man.

It was a particularly memorable interview because you don't commonly see a multimillionaire black athlete on television sounding like he hangs pictures of Mr. Rogers on his wall.

Time to Put in Work: How I Joined the Stanfield Crew

Me and the boy Bodie got more in common than just...

Despite my sartorial predilection for Brooks Brothers, my burning passion for all things grammar, and my intimate knowledge of golf announcers (no Dip Set), you shouldn't get it twisted: I'm a soldier. At least, I am now.

I was at the theater the other evening seeing August Wilson's Two Trains Running, a long-ass two-act play about everyday black people living in 1969 Pittsburgh. It's a wonderful script, written with a compassion for the characters and an honest, nuanced world view that is reminiscent of The Wire. Given these similarities, it might not surprise you to find out that Cutty and Burrell--well, Chad Coleman and Frankie Faison--are currently starring in the production I saw.

What may surprise you, though, is that Jamie Hector, whom most of us know as Marlo Stanfield, was also there the other night, taking in some theater with a ladyfriend (and supporting his coworkers, I suppose). And of course, I couldn't help myself when I saw him idling away the time during intermission as though he were sitting in his park waiting to host a meeting or talk strategy with Mr. Partlow. I am always conflicted about approaching celebrities, but in this instance, I quickly dispensed with the apprehension given how much esteem I harbor for The Wire and how resonant the most recent season remains.

I strolled over toward Mr. Hector and initiated a conversation with an insincere confusion: You're Marlo Stanfield, right? I received confirmation and could see that as he said it, Hector was amused that someone had picked him out. (I think that Wire viewers forget that the show continues to put up numbers that fall short of impressive.) Emboldened by this encouraging reception, I replied, "Look, I just want to say one thing: Be nice to Michael. He's wants to be a good kid."

Without missing a beat, Hector fired back, "But he's a good soldier. And he owes me some work."

"Right, you put him and Bug up in that house. Well, you'd better watch out. McNutty's back with Major Crimes and they might get you."

"Then maybe McNutty will have to end up in a vacant."

I am so ashamed to sound so much like a fawning fanboy, but I have to say that the exchange was thrilling--it felt like validation: Marlo Stanfield was not only approachable and good natured, but he could see that I had done my homework.

We spent another ten minutes talking about the show--what kind of affect it has on its viewers; the direction in which it is headed; some notable plot points. Had the Knicks won and Michigan conquered the state of Ohio that night, I could have died without a single outstanding desire. And carrying on a warm, lively conversation with someone whom, up to that moment, represented the most cold, fearsome villain I could ever remember watching on television lent the entire episode an eerie quality. Of course, it's immature and foolish to think of actors as the characters they play, but the verisimilitude of Hector's performance is compelling in the face of logic.

Winning the trust (and attention) of Marlo reminded me of some stray Wire-related thoughts which I wanted to record for the sake of posterity if nothing else. If you can bear with the incoherent ramblings of a bleary-eyed blogger, read away.
...

On your typical television drama, even those that successfully endeavor to offer more than the usual string of boring hospital-based romances, you get a season finale that neatly wraps up the most important storylines and positions the characters for a new season. The unrequited love is finally returned; the dad makes a choice that defies the patriarchal precedent toward which it appeared he had been moving; the blind faith is rewarded and the door gets blown open. But of course, as was established from the moment that it first aired five summers ago, The Wire is not your typical television drama, and thus, it would be myopic folly to dwell upon the season finale when seeking to properly assess the show's most recent cycle of the devastating urban reality it chronicles.

Rather, I'd suggest that while Episode 50 was a depressing and fitting reminder that, even when filled with those who would attempt to do good, "the system" still struggles to help anyone, it was Episode 49 that grimly did justice to another sad, sublime season of The Wire.

Unquestionably, Episode 49 was the saddest hour of television I've ever seen. It's saying something awful when Duquan getting evicted and abandoned is the tragedy that is felt least viscerally. But consider all else that went down: Namond's life fell apart as he was crushed by the weight of his mother's expectations and the facade he was forced to maintain as one theoretically pursuing the corner life; Michael, already without an adult role model, moved in alone with Bug and emerged as a menacing soldier in the Stanfield crew, repressing whatever ambivalence he may have once felt; Randy and Miss Anna were hospitalized after their home was torched; and more than ever, Marlo and his crew appeared almost blithe in their meticulous violence and campaign of fear. It was a depressing procession of what felt like inevitable defeats, and that may be the defining, melancholy lesson taught so vividly by such a compelling show. The Wire is unrelenting in its quest for the authentic, and it's a startling and harrowing assessment of our world.

The most disturbing aspect of The Wire's fourth season was the ruthless fashion in which the Stanfield Crew carried out its business, a realization that fully fomented as I watched the police flounder about while Chris and Snoop were excitedly training Michael to be a killer. Whether it was the tempering voice of reason offered by Stringer Bell, the intra-family exploitation that took its toll on Avon and D, or simply the daily color filled in by Bodie's half-informed rambling and decision making, the Barksdale Crew seemed to be composed of real people. Characters like Slim were part of the bargain. Though their business and moral code may not have aligned with mine or those of the majority of the people whom I know, the Barksdales could engender understanding, if not sympathy or even empathy, because they were imperfect humans. They had vulnerabilities, sensitivities, likes and dislikes, passions. But not the Stanfield Crew.

Marlo and his associates are basically gullier than anything was ever intended to be. They are remorseless and betray little of the emotion that we're socialized to seek out when judging others as humane or even merely feeling. The operation is efficient, the rules are not compromised, and the simple solution to even a complicated situation is always murder. It's terrifying in its machine-like manifestation, and made even worse given how alien such unflinching cruelty is to so many of us. The portrayal of Marlo et al. is a masterful rendering of real-world evil, the Stanfield brand of terror made far more menacing in the absence of special circumstances. There is no supernatural power or even perceptible corruption at work. We can't attach hope to any element of the Stanfield system because we see nothing extraordinary.

And we also see so little. After two seasons of observing Marlo, Snoop, and Chris, it seems as though we can only definitively say a few things: Snoop mumbles; Chris wields the intimidating power of subdued violence; and Marlo is well insulated. The only thing that approaches personal insight is that the beating of Michael's step father suggested that Chris may have had some experience with molestation as a youth. But even that is only subtly conveyed, and on the whole, the Stanfields are shrouded in mystery.

None of this should be read as critical. If anything, it's an awe-inspired appreciation of the storytelling, because each scene with Marlo is gripping, as he emotes so little and is capable of ordering the most horrific acts at any time. Really, the story is riveting television, and the portrayal of Marlo is one of several Wire components that separate it from any competition in any era.

Transformers: The Trailer

I don't really know how to feel about this. Not that I'm not excited. That's known. I just...I don't know. I sort of wanted the theme song or to hear Megatron or something.

Music for a Monday on a Wednesday

We've just about arrived at that time of the year...

- Skillz, "2006 Rap Up"
This is my favorite gimmick in hip-hop. Say what you will about Skillz, but he does a good job with these records. (Of course, he has all year to write them.) I thought that the 2006 version was sort of lacking--a little too benign--but it picked up a bit in the final 90 seconds, hitting upon most of my favorite themes: The Wire; Jay not doing shit for his artists; Justin Timberlake transparently attempting to re-brand himself as a hip-hop artist; etc. Kudos to Skillz--this should carry him for a good two months before he goes back to the hidden location in which the Roots stash him from February through December.

- GZA ft. Big Daddy Kane, "Cameo Afro"
Is Kane gunnin' for Jay in this verse? What with the Superman references? Just wondering....Also, if these two made an entire album together, would it be denser than lead?

- Lil' Wayne, "Cry Out"
Yeah, this is the best rapper alive. And Nate Robinson is a gentle soul. And Donald Rumsfeld was good at his job.

This sounds like something that Joe Scudda would write, and he's pretty much the worst rapper in the world. I mean, I get that Wayne's trying to be emotional and topical and all that, but those necessarily preclude rhyming? Thinking? Sounding good? What a joke. He should stick to making out with Baby. Also funny: there is a Stylus writer named Evan McGarvey who likely considers this to be the best song of the year. It captures the anguish of Hurricane Katrina...

- Maze ft. Frankie Beverly, "I Need You"
Listen to this song and then throw on Mr. Cent's "Hustler's Ambition." That was one of the most underrated beats from last year.

Monday Miscellany: George Karl Kills Isiah

So yeah: The song above? Best Justin Timberlake song of the year. I just want to put that out there since his album was garbage and no one seems to have noticed.

- Also, take a look at this picture:



Even funnier is that Juelz took that picture while he was having sex with Cam'ron at the repressed homosexuality headquarters of the Dip Set, the Hall of Just Us. Ballin'!

- And finally, George Karl with some real talk. (Can't find a way to embed this video. Sorry. Blame Google and your favorite companies for ruining YouTube. And competitor sites that won't let me embed.)

Some Sunday Reading and Listening

Qualo wants to come out and play.

As I try to catch up on my internets...

- You can talk about the fight here.

- Henry has posted About's top ten rap albums of the year. He asked 12 bloggers, including this one, to make submissions. List is here, methodology here. I sent in a list a few weeks ago, and having now heard more music (like More Fish and Hip-Hop Is Dead) and thought some more about it, some changes are in order. But this is what I handed in:

1) Ghostface Killah, Fishscale
2) The Roots, Game Theory
3) Murs, Murray's Revenge
4) Bronze Nazareth, The Great Migration
5) Little Brother, Separate But Equal
6) De La Soul, Impossible Mission
7) Dudley Perkins, Expressions (2012 A.U.)
8) Jay Dee, Donuts
9) Rhymefest, Blue Collar
10) AZ, The Format

- Nate revisits the Nash vs. Kidd debate. I'm with Nate.

- I've been trying to get my year-end lists in order so that they can be rolled out between Christmas and New Year's, and that's entailed going through a lot of records that came out this year. I think I've had the hardest time with Lupe Fiasco's Food & Liquor. Jeff offered a nice review of Lupe's writing, and that's primarily what I like about him, because I basically hate the production on that record. I also think that my favorite Lupe track was left off--"Failure" was my joint.

- It's probably not unfair to say that Free Darko is a site proudly invested in style. Naturally, this would encourage such ambitious and capable fellows to come up with something like this, an incredibly engaging NBA style manual, of sorts. Worth some dedicated consideration.

- Peep game: Crate Kings. LOTS of great material (and now on the blogroll.)

- Aspiring rappers, take note: JeeJuh.com, for all of your production needs. And for discussion, we have Hip-Hop Gutter.

- MC Travel is back blogging again. Jyeah!

- Peep game: A Blog Soup

Also, check out some Real Audio from that Chicago group Qualo. Trying to make some things happen:

- Qualo, "Label Hoes"

- Qualo, "I Ain't a Pimp (Remix)"

Knicks-Nuggets Fight Open Thread

Fight night at the Garden!

So? What do we think? For one thing, this helps 'Melo fill his gully quotient. It was lacking since that whole snitching-video thing. You know? That punch was ridiculous--not a good idea. And even worse to swing at someone and then run away. Brilliant.

Proceed...

Update: Did people hear the speculation on TV that Isiah may have instructed that the Knicks give a hard foul since the Nuggets were blowing out the Brickers and the Nugget starters were still in? It's not fair of me, but I'm inclined to believe that. I could see Thomas spouting off in the huddle with some bullshit about respect and not getting embarrassed at home an all that.

Christ, Jared Jefferies basically says at much: "They just wanted to embarrass us. It was a slap in the face."

Update #2: Chris Sheridan is basically confirming that Isiah incited this mess. Sheridan writes:

"About a minute or two before the Knicks-Nuggets brawl erupted Saturday night in Madison Square Garden, New York coach Isiah Thomas mentioned to Denver star Carmelo Anthony that it wouldn't be a good idea to go anywhere near the paint, according to a member of the Denver Nuggets organization."

Isiah is such a fucking baby. If he would have assembled a real roster and taught his team how to play defense, he'd perhaps have to spend less time instructing people how to mete out the brand of justice that exists in his personal parallel universe.

But that said, the part of me that will forever celebrate Charles Oakley and worships the visceral animosity that used to characterize great NBA rivalries was really excited last night. The same way that I was completely transfixed by the Pistons-Pacers brawl (who wasn't, though?). There is a primal intensity unique to NBA fights. They're captivating in a way that's different from fights in other American sports. Some of it is generic--it has to do with the human nature that draws our attention toward violence and with the social conventions that, luckily, have rendered violence an uncouth and outdated mechanism for everyday conflict resolution.

But then there are extra components. First, unlike football and hockey players, basketballers don't wear any kind of physical protection, leaving them far more vulnerable to the results of an attack and elevating the potential severity of the violence. One of the stupid things about when guys in the NFL fight is that they always have their helmets on--it seems as though they are going to hurt their hands before they hurt each other.

Second, the NBA fights are never boxing matches, they're awkward exchanges. (Except for when someone pulls a jack move and sucker-punches someone else. Like Carmelo did.) The seemingly uncoordinated jostling demonstrates just how intensely emotional the combatants are--they appear to be so angry that they're overcome and lose coordination while abandoning any formulation of strategy. Honestly, it's sort of scary to witness people who are so consumed by rage. (Unless it's Jarred Jefferies, who is usually so laconic that seeing him wound up was oddly humorous. But that might have also owed to the fact they they needed to just about tear his jersey off to stop him from destroying Carmelo, who you know can't fight for shit. He reminds me of Namond from The Wire.)

Third, NBA fights tend to recall images we associate with schoolyard basketball, where amateurs without much notion of systemic decorum, lasting consequences, long-term obligation, or routine experience with the dramatic emotion of competition often will lose it and participate in some kind of incident. I can't remember seeing shouting matches or fistfights break out at pickup football or baseball games, but I've seen drama on a basketball court. In some ways, an NBA fight can be more personally resonant for a fan. At least, that's a connection I'm making today as I think about this.

Fourth, the aggressive masculinity that infuses hip-hop culture and, by extension, the NBA, is never more manifest than when an NBA fight breaks out. It's the same thing as when rappers and their weed carriers fight at awards shows. In some nebulous way, these fights offer a referendum on one's masculinity and extend the reach of the vigilante street justice that is seemingly sacrosanct. And this is not to say that NBA players, in the abstract, are prone to violence more so than football players or hockey players, who also participate in physical sports. But as noted above, without the padding, it's a different kind of contact.

Update #3: Were I doling out suspensions, here's what would happen:

- Isiah Thomas: 40 games. He was the one who incited the foolishness by instructing his team to try to injure an opponent. HELLO?! He even quasi-boasted about it to Carmelo. And as mentioned on FD, this is not the first time that he's gotten gully with opponents this year, demonstrating a pattern of behavior.

Isiah is nothing more than a petty, incompetent thug who happens to have been good at basketball at one time in his life. If you want to play a tough brand of basketball, that's one thing. Intimidation and physicality are a part of the sport. But being a bunch of no-account losers who don't put in effort and then get all ignorant is different. And trying to hurt someone is bushleague.

- Nate Robinson: 10 games. First, he is the guy who escalated the situation (as it was calming down) by getting his Stephen Jackson on, looking for a fight, and provoking J.R. Smith, who was entitled to feeling aggrieved since Collins had just mugged him. Second, practically speaking, this gets him out of the lineup for about two and a half weeks, something that I'd appreciate as a fan.

- Carmelo Anthony: 10 games. Similar to Robinson--things were calming down when this dude came in and threw a punch for no reason. Inexcusable.

- Mardy Collins: 1 game. He was doing what his coach told him, but rules are rules, and that foul was bullshit.

- J.R. Smith: 1 game. It looks like he threw a punch. Again, there's a rule against that.

This Is the Man About to Pass Dean Smith

Great coach, disgusting human. I can't say I'm not disappointed.

Let's Make a Trade

I'll give you this, a bomb-ass video courtesy of them dudes over at HM, and you (someone, please!) send me Frankie Beverly and Maze's "I Need You." It's straight.bangin@gmail.com.



Oh, I'll also give you this, a soul mixtape that's long overdue. My bad. It includes some of your favorite rappers' favorite songs:

1) The Delfonics, "I'm Sorry"
2) Creative Source, "I'd Find You Anywhere"
3) Ernie Hines, "Our Generation"
4) Odyssey, "Don't Tell Me, Tell Her"
5) Marlena Shaw, "Woman of the Ghetto"
6) The Meters, "Handclapping Song"
7) Billy Preston, "The Girl's Got It"
8) Aretha Franklin, "I Get High"
9) The Impressions, "Ballad of Matheia"
10) Ashford & Simpson, "Bourgie Bourgie"
11) Billy Paul, "War of the Gods"
12) The Stylistics, "Pieces"
13) Bobby Womack, "You're Welcome, Stop on By"
14) Modulations, "Those Were the Best Days of My Life"
15) The Commodores, "The Assembly Line"
16) Curtis Mayfield, "Back Against the Wall"
17) Jerry Butler ft. Thelma Houston, "If You Leave Me Now"
18) The Emotions, "How Can You Stop Loving Someone"
19) Jean Plum, "Here I Go Again"
20) The Sylvers, "That's What Love Is Made Of"

Better Than Yours Comes Out of Hibernation

Mr. Berto means business. Hardest-hitting welterweight I can remember for some time.

Simple game that some of you Straight Bangin' OGs might recall. Easy rule: Who best used the sample?

Round 1 - The Under Card (Diana Ross, "I Want Muscles")
Papoose, "Mother Nature" vs. Jim Jones, "Have a Happy Christmas" vs. Young Jeezy, "The Inspiration"

Round 2 - The Main Event (The Controllers, "If Tomorrow Never Comes)
Busta Rhymes, "Everybody Rise" vs. Snoop Dogg ft. Akon, "Boss Life"

Like the D.O.C., No One Can Do It Better

I'm sorry, but nothing on a basketball court ever screamed "cool" like AI in the navy Hoya uniform and buzz cut with the white and black Jordan XIs. Nothing. Oh, and Joseph Touomou, I see you!


And by that, of course, I mean to say that it's like this and like that and like this, and, uh...

- Peep HR spittin' that internets fire and venom at the Grammys. Tell 'em why you mad, son! What's sad is that he's on the mark, as usual. Especially the part about Snoop--what kind of ignorant-ass shit is that? If I had so much money that I could wear my shit in a perm and get arrested just about every month without enduring any discernable consequence, I'd have my kids reading and getting ready for Michigan. The closest they'd come to selling drugs would be if they wound up as doctors or pharmacology majors. As Clay Davis would say, sheeeit.

- You're not likely to find many people more inclined to think of things in racial terms than I am, and you're also not likely to find many people more loathsome of the idiotic euphemisms bandied about by sports broadcasters than I am. But, sadly, you're also not likely to find a more predictable and misguided sports writer than William Rhoden, whose foolishness struck again today. Writeth (incoherently, of course) the poorly spoken one:

For the last 25 years, athlete has been a buzzword. Highly charged with a double meaning: fast but slow; sharp but dull. The word is used as a backhanded compliment that simultaneously praises and diminishes.

The term came up again recently during a conversation with Mike Farrell, a recruiting analyst for rivals.com. Rivals is a college football network that tracks coaching hires and games, but it specializes in recruiting.

I’m not sure how we got on the subject, but Farrell predicted that Troy Smith, Ohio State’s senior quarterback and Heisman Trophy winner, would be picked lower than Michael Vick (first over all) and Vince Young (third) had been in their respective N.F.L. drafts, because he was not as good an athlete, though a better quarterback.

“Vince Young and Michael Vick are considered great athletes but not quarterbacks,” Farrell said. “There are guys considered great quarterbacks but not athletes. Perception is reality in a lot of cases.”

Judging from what Vick and Young have done, apparently there are times when it’s best to be more of an athlete and less of a quarterback.

On its recruiting Web site, Rivals designates two quarterback categories: pro style and dual threat. I wasn’t sure what pro style was, but I could guess what dual threat was. None of the top 10 pro style prospects was black. Five of the top 10 dual threats were black. A pro style quarterback can throw. That’s pretty much it.

“When you look at the traditional dropback guys, they’re usually bigger — 6-3, 6-4, 6-5, 215 pounds,” Farrell said.

Ryan Mallett, a 6-foot-7, 235-pound quarterback from Texarkana, Tex., and one of the nation’s top prospects, has committed to Michigan.

Why can’t a quarterback be a quarterback? Why create distinctions and designations? You play the position or you don’t.

In order, Rhoden's points appear to be that: 1) "Athlete" has become a euphemism for physically gifted players who are perceived to lack a certain cognitive acuity; 2) "Athlete" is an adjective applied to black quarterbacks more often than to white quarterbacks; 3) A quarterback is a quarterback, and the paradigm shift underway in football should lead to changing perceptions, not the invention of new categories.

In theory, I can get behind some of what Rhoden is saying. Indiscriminately terming the majority of black quarterbacks to be "athletes" is reminiscent of the racist notion that blacks weren't smart enough to play such a mentally demanding position. In addition, employing that word to convey an unspoken meaning is both insulting and a disservice to the original distinction. And, of course, the top priority for any football team at any level should be winning, and, accordingly, finding the players who will best help your team reach that goal. No disagreements here.

But he barely makes those points. He fouls up the racial argument by instead dwelling on how perturbed he is that people feel compelled to differentiate between mobile quarterbacks and drop-back quarterbacks. He fouls up the football argument by vaguely constructing some odd racial proof wherein the successes of Michael Vick and Vince Young demonstrate that Troy Smith would deserve to be drafted higher were he a better athlete. And he fouls up the language argument by failing to fully articulate or demonstrate how the sports vernacular enables the blithering idiots on television to talk around race.

And really, it's just par for the course for Rhoden. What a waste.

- On Pardon the Interruption today, Wilbon and Tony were discussing the nixed Allen Iverson-to-Charlotte trade and expressed some surprise that Iverson wasn't lured to North Carolina by the opportunity to play for Michael Jordan. Can someone explain to me why this makes any sense? Isn't a more appropriate question why anyone would want to play for Jordan? I understand that for males between the ages of 20 and 40--particularly those who excel at basketball--Jordan was the hero to end all heroes. But that was when he was the player we will all die fearing if not worshipping.

To recap what will soon be the past decade: Michael retired; he joined up with the Wizards; he drafted the biggest bust since Michael Olowokandi while demonstrating a generally poor feel for management; he came back as a has-been with bad knees who bitched and moaned while his teammates got annoyed; he then got fired; he got passed by Tiger Woods as the defining worldwide sports icon; and he stopped making good-looking sneakers.

Not really the kind of run that would make a player today say to himself, "Gosh, I really need to be a part of something that special. If I'm lucky, maybe Michael will show up at practice one day and demand that we let him workout with us while he shoots a lot and calls rookies demeaning nicknames." It hurts to write this, but Michael may have wandered a little too close to the waters in which you can find the Isiah Thomases and Jay-Zs of the world swimming.

- A hearty Straight Bangin' welcome to those of you who wandered over here looking for "history of dip set," "straight college guys" (no Richard Jefferson), and "guttter ball 2" (now with three times the "t"!)

Music for a Monday: Sorting Some Things Out

Nothing says dark and brooding and cool to a breathless critic like a snowman. Riiight...

It's been a wild month: Jay-Z. Nas. Ghostface. Snoop Dogg. The Game. Young Jeezy. Jim Jones twice. New records all around. Christ, even mixtape-circuit all-stars like Papoose and Saigon have dropped "albums." Oh, and creepy older uncle Hell Rell, too. How are we ever to sort it all out?

Well, the best place to start is probably by doing away with the worthless. Ignore what your Pitchfork friends say. As the Resource put it (see: comment #3)--and by the way, you should be reading Resource everyday, as dude is among the most perceptive and articulate bloggers you'll ever find--a guy like Tom Breihan "festishizes all the worst elements of rap," a disappointing truth given that he and his cadre of newjack taste-makers (the Ryan Dombals and Sean Fennesseys et al. of this world) seem to be taking over music criticism. (Not that Kelefa Sanneh is much better, of course, but that just sort of proves the point. *sigh*) Want to know why the ascendancy of crappy hip-hop has become an accepted reality? Dudes like Dombal are giving Young Jeezy records good grades in Entertainment Weekly. That, and the fact that 50 Cent still makes the needle move more than anyone whose name isn't an homage to two subway lines, should tell you everything you need to know about why so many hip-hop albums suck and why they continue to be made.

I guess this is my way of saying that "fuck whatcha heard" is applicable if you're seeking out an impression of the new Jeezy record. It blows. On the whole, the production is more of that hollow, southern synthesizer-and-computer shit that hasn't sounded all that new in more than five years (word: think back to when Cash Money first came through....) I commonly see this style referred to as "bombastic"--you know, because it's a busy sound centered around the awe-inspiring narrative of selling drugs and worshiping money--but that seems like a hipster's hopeless and self-reverent attempt to project a noble bravura onto what is, rather, a cacophonous melange of stale musical ideas, lame rhymes, and the ever nebulous "personality," here defined as a series of raspy whining. If only porn stars could become the subject of your favorite pretentious writer's annoying fetish--imagine the kind words we'd read about those passionate, nimble performances, the earnest meaning conveyed by those lovable moans. Oh that Jeezy; oh that Jenna. Give me a fucking break. This record, The Inspiration: Thug Motivation 102, also loses points for containing the single worst song of the year, the opening "Hypnotize." In a way, it's sublime sequencing, as it perfectly forecasts what's to come.

- Young Jeezy, "Hypnotize"

Oh, and about those lame rhymes--taken from "Streets on Lock":

These n***as just hatin'
Talkin' 'bout shit
I'm a grown-ass man
I flip my own bricks
I don't need your help
I can hold my own dick
Ain't no motherfucker helped me write my rhymes
Ain't nann n***a paid for my studio time
See me at the top and wanna claim my fame
N***a took my chain
Yeah motherfuckin' right
You betta off sayin' a n***a took my life
You wanna assassinate my character
But I ain't actin'
It ain't addin' up so you n***as subtractin'
Big said it first
Mo' money, mo' problems
The way I see it
Mo' problems, mo' money

Working within the same sub-genre, the Clipse have turned in a far more memorable and worthwhile record, but that's a distinction of degrees, and far from an outright validation of Hell Hath No Fury. I've written about it in the past, and I remain convinced that it is a good-but-not-great record that suffers from both awkward beats that fall far short of exciting creativity and the somewhat repetitive content. The Clipse own most other dope-boy rappers as lyricists, but if I wanted to hear about Pyrex endlessly, I'd ask for measuring-cup help at Williams-Sonoma. My dissent--when set in relief of the fawning and absurd praise (legendary mixtapes? That's embarrassing)--is not a plea for sunshine-all-around positivity or anything like that. I just don't find the Clipse's celebration of the grim to be all that fascinating.

- Clipse, "Ride Around Shining"

The Clipse put out a real album, though, unlike the fetid mess that you get when you pop in your Hell Rell tape. So skip that. And give the Pap (Fourth-Quarter Assassin) and Saigon (Return of the Yardfather) tapes a listen while wondering: a) why neither one of them can put out a proper record; b) why both seem to always fall a little short of really putting it all together. Saigon can't write hooks; Papoose can't rap but one way; Saigon's beats get corny; Papoose's beats get boring--it's always something.

The way to go might to be selling drugs, though. I mean, there is some bizarre method to the Dip Set madness if Jim Jones can put out another forgettable solo joint and a Christmas record. You know how Cam'ron says that he "gets moneeeeey" and is "surrounded by moneeeeey" on the funniest song of the year, "Y'all Can't Live His Life"? Well, now we know what they do with all that moneeeeey: They spend it on studio time making their corny-ass fantasies into realities, replete with raps about the usual battery of street topics. A Dipset XMas has it all: There's the wince-inducing R&B version of Paul McCartney's "Wonderful Christmas Time"; some kind of triumphant reminiscence about the hard times coming up, set to a beat that Papoose used for a song about Hurricane Katrina; a tragic interpolation of Run-DMC's "Christmas in Hollis"; and all reference hell breaks loose during the opening of "Hood Side of Things," as Jones asks the Lord to forgive "us," declares the ensuing tail to be about a "little drummer boy," identifies that boy as representing one chapter in the big city which is a novel filled with 8 million stories (that's not bad English, that's a description of the intro), and asks the listeners to envision a tale of a soldier who's a born leader but doesn't know the strength of his own power. *Catches his breath* Oh, and did I mention that there is yet another repackaging of the only marginally good idea Jones has had all year? Yup, you guessed it: Baaaaaalliiiiiiiin'...

- Jim Jones ft. Assorted Weed Carriers, "Dipset X-Mas Time"

And with that, we've concluded the shitty-album portion of this r--wait, sorry. Forgot to mention Jay's record. A lot's been written about Kingdom Come. Count me among those who aren't impressed. But I haven't been impressed for a while. We get it: you're a CEO; you can actually afford the things that most rappers lie about; and you think you're better than everyone else. Scintillating. Same for Snoop, kind of. I just can't seem to summon much interest anymore. Anyone else feeling like that?

You know what does capture me? The new Ghostface, of course. For the record, Ghostface has dropped two of the five best records of the year while nearly everyone else of consequence has sort of fallen short or sucked. Just sayin'...

There's a track on More Fish, "Outta Town Shit," that helps encapsulate why Ghostface is one of the greatest MCs of all time and easily my favorite solo artist. "Outta Town" really isn't anything special: not a great song, not even among the top few on More Fish. It's got this lazy, ambling, quasi-cheery piano loop that calls to mind the filler music of an old cartoon--the sort that might be played as an unseen narrator said something like, "Meanwhile, on a regular Tuesday in the big city...." Most MCs wouldn't do a good job with this beat; someone like 50 Cent, for instance, would have no clue of what to say. It's not nearly dramatic enough for his gangsterism, not really engaging enough for his simple party raps, and far from the formulaic mood music that gets wasted with that crappy "emotional" shit that he and his cronies spit when they're trying to get girlfriends. It would confound a lot of rappers, even a gifted story teller like Nas, who could handle the tempo (think of all the casually paced songs on Illmatic) but might struggle with the overall sound, which is far softer and more innocuous than that which tends to suit Mr. Jones. But for Ghost, it's not a problem, as he strings together these two dense, gripping verses about criminality that make you forget what else is going on. As you focus on the lyrics, trying to fully appreciate the detail-rich exposition, you lose track of the music, the time--it's just you figuratively sitting at Ghost's feet as he spits.

And that is a flattering measure of his skills: how many other MCs can flow so well that the beats cease to matter? How many others can so easily make their rhymes fit just about any beat you pick? Rakim comes to mind, and there are few others. "Outta Town," for me, is especially resonant when considered among the other songs that comprise More Fish: the unrelenting "Gun 'N Razors" that MF Doom fans know as "Fig Leaf Bi Carbonate" or "Dragon's Blood"; the groupie air-out "Greedy Bitches"; the cautionary R&B tale "Josephine"; the dream-like "Alex"--like Fishscale, More Fish is a wide array of hip-hop styles, and Ghost excels at pretty much all of them. Lyrically, this isn't his strongest album, and there is a little too much Theodore Unit (Shawn Wigs's "Pokerface" might be the corniest non-Diplomat song of the year), but it's yet another captivating album from the real King of New York (and hip-hop for that matter).

- Ghostface Killah ft. Trife, Cappadonna, and Killa Sin, "Guns 'N Razors"

I suppose that Nas would also claim King status, but sadly, I think we're past that at this point. While he may (and please note that "may" is a word that expresses potential without absolute certainty) qualify as a better writer than Jay, a successor to Biggie, a god-body storyteller, and a number of other distinctions, he doesn't make great albums. It's just a fact. Not that everyone else is showing up at the studio and pumping out 15 tracks worth of classic material, but there are too many forgettable (regrettable?) tracks on too many Nas albums. He remains capable of a vicious flow, insightful rhymes, and a strong hip-hop effort, in total, but somewhere along the way, as he puts together his records, something usually winds up missing, typically sonic cohesion. Illmatic is a canonical masterpiece and records like It Was Written and Stillmatic were strong, but even on those, there are too many duds like "Braveheart Party" that come out of nowhere and fuck shit up. In a bad way. It sort of happens again on Hip-Hop Is Dead.

Hip-Hop Is Dead is a very good album, although too many beats strike me as functional, not exciting or something better. Again, there is little production cohesion that makes listening to the entire record a unique experience. Holding out for that totality might be a fool's errand, though, as no one makes real albums anymore. And while I applaud verses like the second one from "Carry on Tradition..."

Now some of these new rappers
Got their caps flipped backwards
With they fingers intertwined
In some gang-sign madness
I got an exam
Let's see if ya pass it
Let's see who can quote a Daddy Kane line the fastest
Some of you new rappers
I don't understand ya code
You have your man shoot you
Like in that Sopranos episode
Do anything
To get in the game
Mixtapes
You spit hate
Against bosses
Hungry fucks
Are marvelous
You should be tossed in a pit
Full of unfortunate
Vocalists
N***as, I could've wrote your shit
I had off time
Was bored with this
I could have made my double-LP
Just by sampling different parts of "Nautilus"
Still came five on the charts
With zero audience
The lane was open
And y'all was droppin' that garbage shit
Ya got awards for ya bricks
It got good
'Til ya
Ya started tellin' the bigger dogs to call it quits
(What?)

...which is filled with authentic emotion and an accurate assessment of hip-hop, there are too many that come off as a spiteful admonishment. At times, Nas sort of sounds like someone's grandfather complaining about the noise and remembering the good old days. But even an overly self-conscious and self-righteous Nas is better than most other hip-hop. And that's something to appreciate as we make our way into 2007. Maybe someone will listen to the dude and make a change next year.

- Nas ft. Kanye West, "Still Dreaming"

Tom Breihan Gets Ethered by Combat Jack

Hipster music critics take note...

Thank God. Read Combat Jack's public service. I nominate this for post of the millennium. (HT: HR)

Guide to Not Having Any Service Interruptions on Your Blog

Never has there been a truer sentiment. Eff me.

1) Don't get a job. Ever.

2) See #1

3) Marry someone rich, so that you can carry out #1.

4) Don't travel so fucking much.

5) Seriously, stop going places.

6) Don't do fun shit like attending college basketball double-dips at the Garden.

Sorry, sorry, sorry for the prolonged absence. That's not what Straight Bangin' is about. I'll get things back to where they should be starting tomorrow. We'll have to get through:

- A sprawling assessment of The Wire;

- Honest speculation regarding the types of brain damage a person needs to have sustained if he or she claims to like Young Jeezy's new album. (Or his first one, for that matter);

- The required NBA catch-up post;

- An examination of which Sports Illustrated editors were officiating last year's Finals now that Dwyane Wade has been named Sportsman of the Year;

- A lot of Urban Meyer jokes related to him being a baby and a lot of angry words about Jim Tressel and the prison team he's got going down there in the Bizarro States of America;

- More typed swooning inspired by Ghostface's More Fish, along with reviews of the new Papoose and Saigon mixtapes, the new Mos Def album, and some other musics;

- A happy Christmas time with Jim Jones and his Purple City Byrd Gang;

- Some assorted thoughts about much more.

Again, I'M SORRY. Take me back, baby. Please. Eat the cake...