Memes and Lanks

PCP is a hell of a drug!

I am not one to pass up a good meme, and today I've got two. The first, courtesy of Eccentric Southern Gentleman:

A favorite political track...
Public Enemy, "Can't Truss It" - So yeah, it's trite and easy to cite something by Public Enemy since that's what Public Enemy did. It was political above anything else. But I still have yet to fully recover from the late-night viewings of this video, a joint that probably affected me more than any other video ever has. It made old-world racism--the violent and shameful stuff upon which America was sadly built--tangible in a way that little kids (I was like ten when this dropped) can't understand when they learn about Martin Luther King and slavery from books or teachers or parents.

The other obvious answer would be something by dead prez. I saw the Chappelle Block Party movie this weekend (and loved it, for the humor; for the earnest enthusiasm; and most of all, for being a living testament to the hip-hop around which so much of my adolescence and early adulthood was and has been built) and that compelled me to throw on Let's Get Free, as it reminded me how much I used to love dead prez. Unfortunately, the ceiling on d.p. appreciation is fairly low. After you get the points that they hate white people; and the white people who run the record industry; and the white people who run politics; and the white people who run everything else, you have heard most of what they want to say, and you're quickly left with a lot of odd beats. Some of them, like the one for "Hip-Hop"--perhaps the greatest minimalist track of all time and such a deceptively energetic song--are fantastic. But then you remember that they also made a lot of joints like "Be Healthy," a song that did two things for me: 1) it ruined my appetite and made me feel guilty; 2) I used to take naps to it in the summertime while dreaming of the life that Andy Dufresne and Red must have set up in Mexico. It didn't really take.

One of those tracks that will make you dance on the dance floor no matter what...
James Brown, "Doing It to Death" - For my money, the most infectious song ever made. From the chants to the horns to the rhythm to the key change a little more than two minutes into it, this song is literally irresistible. I suppose it's not dance-floor material in the club-banger sense, but if you want me to dance, just throw this on and I will be moving.

The song you'd use to tell someone you love them...
2 Live Crew, "Pop That Coochie" - First things first: I know that the third word in the real title is something else commonly used in lieu of "vagina," but this word is funnier. And second things, um, second (?), the edited version is the one that my dad and I used to watch on The Box before we left the house in the morning when I was growing up. This is going to be the first song to which my wife and I dance at my wedding. This or "Feenin'" by Jodeci.

A song you know would sell lots of VWs (or iPods, or whatever) if they paid for it...
Beanie Sigel and Freeway, "Roc the Mic" - Um, hello?

"I miss the hood when I'm travelin'
Get neck when I'm travelin'
Chicks peck wood when I'm travelin'
Fuck a Lex 'cuz the clique fit good in the Caravan..."

You're telling me that you couldn't move a lot of Dodges if you had that song playing in a commercial as some dude got a blowjob, made a trip down to Maryland, and hung out with his friends? I already have a Dodge Caravan and I would get another one if the line were associated with Freeway. That's a perfect marketing synergy. And you could have a small franchise of commercials, as the next one after the Freeway joint could feature Biggie. Etc.

A song that forced you to sit down and analyze its lyrics...
Busta Rhymes ft. Mystikal, "Iz They Wildin' Us & Gettin' Rowdy wit' Us?" - These dudes just rap way too fast for a casual listen.

A song that you like that a two-year-old would like too...
Newsies, "King of New York" - And there's even proof: Juelz Santana sampled this joint.

A song that makes you drive too fast...
Ghostface Killah, "Winter Warz" - I think that the obvious answer would be something that is ridiculously uptempo. Or something crazy rowdy, like "Ante Up." But I tend to drive too fast when I am having a good time and am not paying attention to my speed. And from experience, I can tell you that "Winter Warz" does that to me. Such a simplistic beat, such ridiculous flow, such discaboomeration. It's hypnotizing. And when Vocabulary-donna starts talking, it's a wrap. I could be going 100, and I wouldn't know it.

A song that makes you feel like kicking someone's ass...
Black Eyed Peas, "My Humps" - Self-explanatory. And if that isn't working for you, and you want something that isn't as obvious as something all gutterific, how about Pearl Jam's "Leash." As gully as grunge can get (and I think that Pearl Jam was still grunge when Vs. came out).

A song that both you and your grandparents (probably) would like...
Michael Jackson, "Don't Care About Us" - I have two living grandparents, both grandmas. One is 91, the other is 88. The former is the greatest malcontent hater of all time; the latter is forever trapped in the 1960s living fabulously. So I need something both spiteful and delusional, and that, of course, leaves me with nothing other than past-his-prime Michael Jackson. I always liked this joint because it is so conspiratorial and prejudiced and ornery that it's almost not to be believed; between the anger and the detachment from reality, it would work for my grandmas, too.

The song you'd send to someone you hated...
Does the person know that I hate him or her?

If yes: Kanye West, "Heard 'Em Say" - Seriously, this might be the most annoying song I've ever heard. From Kanye's transparent pop-audience grab to that whiny-ass woman singing the chorus, it is just cringe-inducing horrible.

If no: Eazy-E, "Real Muthaphuckin' Gs" - This created such a sense of palpable, genuine hatred for Dr. Dre. Even if it was a little insincere, it still appeared otherwise. And I respect that. And it's so hateful. I'd have to attach a note with an explanation that covered who was Eazy, who was Dre, and how much better my flannels were.

A sad instrumental song that would be on the soundtrack to a movie about your life...
The Servants, "Cells" - You know this as the song from the trailer for Sin City. There is something dramatic and destructive and manic about this sad song, and I'd like to think there would be a scene of equivalent emotional duress at some point in my film. I mean, it would be realistic that way. Who hasn't had a moment like that?

The peppy song that would start the opening credits on the soundtrack to the movie about your life...
De La Soul, "Ego Trippin' (Pt. 2)" - A perfect encapsulation of me: lots of energy; always yelling; a little self-involved; matter of fact; funny; and really into samples and references.

An a cappella song...
Shai, "If I Ever Fall in Love" - ??? WTF is this question? I am not in college; am not a girl with emo-loving potential; and am not obsessed with downloading music-less versions of my favorite 80s pop songs sung by marginally talented people who take themselves a little too seriously. Thus, I don't know a lot of songs that I could use here.

A good song from a genre of music that no one could guess that you liked...
David Bowie, "Bring Me the Disco King" - What a pleasantly melancholy track. And it rambles so nicely. For seriously. Or maybe something by Gordon Lightfoot. Or "Poor Places" by Wilco.

A song you think should have been playing when you were born...
Dru Down, "Can You Feel Me" - I guess it would have to have been dedicated to my mother, no?

A favorite artist duo collaboration...
Raekwon and Ghostface Killah, "Criminology" - This category is too hard. And it isn't fair for a hip-hop head: there are too many collabos to choose from. Plus, what about all the collabos that entailed more than two artists? Posse cuts?! Man, fuck this. There should be a hip-hop meme dedicated to collabos.

I'd also include "Party All the Time" by Eddie Murphy with help from Rick James.

A favorite song that you completely disagree with (politically, morally, religiously, etc.)...
Everything good by the Dip Set. I can't help but like the production and marvel at the hilarious self-absorption that makes the entire clique somewhat fascinating. I guess much of the Wu-Tang catalogue, too. I mean, I don't really fuck with drugs and organized crime in my day to day.

Your smooth song for relaxing...
Al Green, "Simply Beautiful" - The title says it all.

A song that you don't like but would play loud to annoy the neighbors...
Young Jeezy ft. Akon, "Soul Survivor" - I am still searching for the reasons why anyone likes this track. The beat sounds like something that would come out of a children's toy; Jeezy is just really, really lame; and Akon's singing is a little too saccharine for this ersatz drama.

A favorite song that's about sports or a sport...
Jurassic 5, "The Game" - Most songs about sports are not good. I like this one because they do a lot with the imagery system. Not always so easy. I'd also throw in assorted verses from my man Phife; there were so many sports references in Tribe's music.

A favorite track from an outfit that's considered a "super group"...
Native Tongues, "Let the Horns Blow" - Totally slept on.

The song that makes you want to drink more beer...
The Roots, "Quicksand Millennium" - A song that's easy to sit and listen to, and the sort that might come on as you sat with some friends sipping some beers and relaxing.

And the second, from Trent:

The Rules: Open iTunes or Windows Media Player; go through the library; answer honestly no matter how embarrassing it may be.

How many songs?
4,702

Sort by artist
First artist: 'Til Tuesday
Last artist: Zion I

Sort by song title
First song: "'03 'til Infinity" - Consequence ft. Kanye West
Last song: "Zoom" - Slum Village ft. Phat Kat

Sort by time
Shortest song: 0:04 - Seinfeld clip (Kramer), "The Ass Man"
Longest song: 49:10 - ?uestlove DJ set, "Sample Lesson Mix"

Sort by album
First album: 1988 - Blueprint
Last album: Yield - Pearl Jam

First song that comes up on "shuffle"
Willie Hutch, "I Choose You"

Most played song
The Allies, "Change Ya Ways" (45 spins)

Lanks
- Peep game: Sophisticated and Coarse

- Peep game (and the rare literate Buckeye): Sean's Site

- Peep game: The Cynical Ones

- Ian had amazingly similar thoughts to mine (and wrote more of them down) re: Chappelle's movie. Peep them here. And I co-sign nearly everything he wrote, although I see a lot more movies than he does because, well, I'm pathetic.

- In case you're into idiots.