BlogPoll: Ballot #5! And If You Act Now, You'll Also Receive...

It was mighty kind of Tennessee to volunteer (zing!), but LSU needed no help choking.

- Previous week's ballot (sort of)

- Weekend recap (sort of)

Miscellaneous links:
- Tough weekend for college football's walking sociology experiment (what do lunatics do when they're in charge of 100-odd impressionable young men?) and answer to Bill Romanowski. It wasn't bad enough that Ole Miss lost at home to Wyoming (which is actually a good team). No. On top of that, Ed Orgeron looks like he's losing his brothers in stalls, er, arms. As Ed would say, "Those fucking pussy-boy bitches, I oughta--" and that would be it because the rest of what came out of his mouth would be indecipherable as he tore a Hummer in half with his teeth and broke out in explosive acne. Just wait until Mississippi is good enough for these losses to mean something; Orgeron will have to be frozen in liquid nitrogen for a week.

- I swear, this is not my side hustle. And in related news, UM peeps are, indeed, the leaders and best, even when it comes to holding coaches accountable.

- Peep so much game: DJ Uncle Rico. Jeez--music please...

- And more game to peep: Chill but Real

- Boo fucking hoo. Is there anyone who would be upset if this sanctimonious, self-absorbed, disingenuous blowhard were struck by lightning? Is there a god?! Can't this happen already?

- I can't pimp this shit enough: required reading.

- I didn't see this. Shockingly, Bol says it was pretty weak. Anyone else? Fam?

- What happened, Ian? Love for the East Coast? Didn't you hear that the sky had fallen down on top of us while there was a simultaneous sinkhole emergence east of the fall line? Jokes, jokes.

Alright, stop...ballot time:
1) USC - As much as I love college football, I think this season might be one of the relatively least engaging as time wears on. This is like the Braves and the NL East--no one else is winning. USC should sit its starters for three quarters just to keep things interesting.
2) Texas - Is the Big XII any good? We know that the North isn't. A&M might be. Otherwise, I don't think anyone seems all that imposing. Mack and his cattle ain't done shit until they win a Red River Shootout, but I am finally comfortable forecasting a UT victory.
3) Virginia Tech - Texas has done nothing wrong this season and probably has the most impressive victory (at night in the rec yard), so it can't drop, but Virginia Tech is clearly an elite team. In college, if you cultivate speed and know how to play defense, you're gonna be pretty hard to beat.
..........
4) Scarlet-clad Prison League Champions Who Take Untimed Tests - The defense is championship caliber. The running game has been better. Hall and Gonzalez bring a lot to the table and they are the backups to the stars on the perimeter. OSU has already lost, but it might be the second scariest team in the country because it is just so physical and so well prepared each week.
..........
5) Florida - Um, teams can throw on LSU, even in Death Valley. I just thought I'd mention that. I haven't seen a lot of UF this year, so I still am not totally sure about it, but the results have been impressive, and no one else stands out.
6) Georgia - See above. I am not too confident about this pick, and it would be nice if we could see Georgia in a real game.
7) Florida State - LSU lost-->this team moves up.
8) Arizona State - Offense for days. Probable pretender. Judgment day coming this weekend.
9) Michigan State - Offense for days. Probably contender. Judgment day coming (insert Corso-style preemptive "not so fast, my friend!" here)...in a few weeks when it travels to Columbus
10) Tennessee - Impressive comeback. Defense looked great in the second half. Stick with Jimmy's brother.
11) LSU - ASU and Tennessee beauxth moved the ball on this defense when they had to. Archie Bell and the Drells are calling...
12) Miami - From now until 10/22, this potential butterfly will be in its incubatory coccoon phase. Check back with me after the Georgia Tech game.
..........
13) Minnesota - A meteoric rise. I don't ever believe the hype about the Gophers because Mason and Co. always blow it, but they hung a lot of points on what I thought was a good defense. Best running back in the country not named Bush.
14) Cal - *Shrug*
15) Alabama - Put up or shut up week.
16) UCLA - Winning the battle of rankings attrition
.........
17) Pitt - Fire whoever coaches Youngstown State. Like, now.
17 for real) Georgia Tech - Virginia Tech is really, really good, and it was playing at home. Tech defends (usually) and still has impressed in victory.
18) Purdue - Probably better than they looked on Saturday.
19) Texas A&M - I don't know
20) Texas Tech - PLAY SOMEBODY!
21) Auburn - Getting things together, I think.
22) Iowa State - I'm running out of teams to rank
23) Notre Dame - I still don't think this is a particularly good team
24) Boston College - Eagles come back into poll; still could (and probably should) have beaten FSU.
25) Wisconsin - Does beating Lloyd Carr in his road opener really mean anything? I mean, mediocre or bad teams like Notre Dame '04 and Oregon '03 did it. For now, Badgers get some respect; Madison was a good time.
..........
7,458,343) Oklahoma - With the way things go in this world, may still win in Dallas.
7,458,344) Iowa - Come on, what was that line play?
7,458,345) Michigan - The coaching sucks; the quarterback sucks; the play calling sucks; the kick returning sucks; the personnel choosing sucks. UM hasn't beaten a non-MAC team since middle of November. The defense's resurgent return to mediocrity will be tested this weekend. Someone hand me a fucking length of rope. Cue Stacey and Jon...

A Lost Year

This is the picture you have to use when discussing Gravediggaz

Have there been five truly good records this year? As we approach the final quarter of the calendar, Little Brother's Minstrel Show seems like the only indisputable really good or great record of the year. Kanye has mad problems. Common was not nearly as good as I had hoped and initially thought. DangerDoom is the epitome of average. Slim Thug has grown stale. The Game's joint was a half album, full of solid beats but devoid of any lyrical content with appeal beyond the "What is this idiot going to say next?" incredulity factor. Is it possible that Beanie put out the second-best record of the year? That thing seems like Ironman compared to what else gets released. I have high hopes for Rhymefest and I need me some Ghostface, but what else is going on?!

Hit me with some reassurance. In the meantime, some new-ish new isht:

- Papoose, "Trials and Tribulations"
One of the few Registration beats I can big up without reservation...and Papoose pretty much sucks with it

- Talib Kweli, "Fallen Star"
I like this, but it's enough with the Tupac glorification already.

- Last Emperor, "The Monolith"
Last Emperor, the hip-hop version of Kwame Brown: pretty good but is just never gonna be a star and is kind of disappointing because it never all gets put together. This is on the new Prince Paul record, Hip-Hop Gold Dust.

- Gravediggaz ft. Craig Gee, "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark"
Fuck yeah.

I Don't Want Any Zing in My Zang Zang

The closest Mr. Overrated is ever getting to the Heisman trophy

Holy derelict blog, Batman!

Work ran a train on me last week, and then I was traveling over the weekend, first to Madison for another rape and then to Boston for a wedding. And since I was traveling for a Michigan football game, you know shit had to get fucked up. On Thursday night, I was supposed to fly from New York to the D to Quintessential College Town, WI. I got to Beirut alright, but once there, weather made further air travel impossible. Compounding matters, Northwest flexed its Chapter 11 strength and said I couldn't get on a plane until, at the earliest, Friday night. That would have been alright, except I had to meet up with six current Badger students who didn't want to exercise their rights to watch Michigan collapse on the road and instead wanted the money they could get from sick masochists like my friends and me. So, my roommate Curt and I rented a car in Detroit and drove for seven hours from Detroit to Madison, getting into town at 5 AM.

From there, my life resembled Grand Theft Auto: Madison, as I made my way around town completing illicit transactions across campus, driving someone else's car, drinking, getting beaten up (emotionally), defacing property, and sleeping with prostitutes before killing them and getting my money back. On Sunday, I flew from Madison to Boston for a wedding and then eventually came back. My suggestion to other people: Don't do this.

It's too much. Wisconsin is a place where beer flows like a mighty stream, class is what's done in between parties, and sleep comes reluctantly, only when the drinking and partying have to stop due to biology or city ordinance. Similarly, weddings are events at which the alcohol flows like a mighty stream, food gets consumed in between (or concurrent with) drinks, and you can't stop (won't stop) until the band has run out of standard R&B songs and all of the standards that the geriatrics want to hear. That takes a while. And, of course, there're speeches. It's just so taxing.

Especially when you've invested and lot of time and money so that you can follow your favorite sports team as it tries to find new ways to embarrass itself and every person with whom it's associated. Imagine all of the stuff I mentioned above--the drinking, the eating, the partying, the getting up at 5 AM so that you can make it to the wedding--accompanied by the emotional equivalent of a disembowelment. Honestly, from roughly 6:40 CDT--which is when I looked at the Camp Randall scoreboard in horror as I realized that Michigan had pulled a, well, Michigan and only gotten 13 points despite ~250 yards of total offense in the first half--until roughly 9:15 CDT--which is when I did my third annual walk of shame up an opposing team's stadium's staircase after watching Lloyd Carr steal defeat from the jaws of victory in a road opener--I felt like someone was digging my intestines out of my torso with an infected needle. My god, it was horrible. It was what I imagine drowning to death must be like--you know it's coming, you know you can't avoid it, and the debilitating anxiety is probably as worse as the actual event.

Lots of stuff has already been written about this weekend's Carr Bowl 2K5. Fixate on the six consecutive lost road openers; marvel at the 1-7 record in such games since 1998; become engorged in puzzlement as you ponder why it is that UM is the same team every season regardless of who's on the team and who Michigan is playing. For some guidance, read all this.

I am no Lloyd Carr fan. Anyone who reads this website with any regularity has probably figured that out. Why? Just get the tape from this weekend. Michigan's special teams are average or worse, as we don't cover kicks well and certainly don't block or return them; Michigan's offense is always stalling out, whether it be predictable play calling or asinine play calling; Michigan's defense can't stop good runners; Michigan's offensive line is always struggling in short-yardage situations; Michigan's personnel choices are infuriating and baffling, as the fully-permeable membrane that we call DT Pat Massey is kept on the field at crucial junctures while effective runners like Max Martin are treated with a double standard; Michigan's team psyche in big games is somewhere between abandoned child and battered puppy; Michigan's quarterbacks release the ball low, throw short passes as hard as they can, and miss wide open players. I mean, it's a cavalcade of inept preparation and game management. Why do you kick a field goal on THIRD DOWN in the red zone at the end of a half with 9 SECONDS on the clock? Why don't you make any adjustments to exploit the physical tools of your wide receivers? Why does Pat Massey play on obvious rushing downs? Why does the game plan leave so little margin for error that perfect execution is required to win? Why--

I can't do this, to be honest. Cataloguing all of the problems with this program--it's not just this year's team--is basically unbearable. So I need to stop now. I've won the BlogPoll Straight Bangin' award over and over again because I have consistently ranked Michigan lower than other voters. Well, hopefully all of my peers have finally learned that no Lloyd Carr-coached team can ever be counted on to win "like it should" or even the games that it should so long as that stubborn, hopeless, chickenshit coach is calling the shots. With each of these losses, it becomes more and more obvious that Charles Woodson was the greatest coach in the history of Michigan football.

That's it for now. More tomorrow, if all of the vomit on my keyboard doesn't seep in between the keys and corrode the motherboard. In the meantime, read this too. And for the record: Big, Rich, and Gimmick Troy have RUINED College Gameday this season. ESPN has become the Microsoft of sports media--you need it, but you hate it.

What, a Weekend?

The many same faces of Dave Wannstedt. I hope his resume is written in pencil.

For a lot of people, the onset of September means that fall is starting, school is starting, and football is starting. For me this year, it has meant that I have a significantly diminished amount of free time. Two weeks ago was that party; last weekend was a ridiculous (in a bad way) bachelor party; this weekend was a wedding; next weekend is a football game and a wedding; the weekend after that is a trip and a concert; and the following weekend, I'm going to try and make it to Home Depot, but I don't know if I'll have time. Jesus.

As mentioned, I was away at a wedding in Maine this past weekend. My cousin--one of the nicest, coolest, classiest people you'll ever meet--married a really sweet girl. I've always loved my cousin and his immediate family, so it was nice sharing the experience with them.

Sadly, my grandmother had to come, and my parents and I had to transport her in the car. Given what ensues in this post, here's a brief scouting report about my grandma (who I call Belle-bo Baggins because she mostly looks like this, minus the hairy feet and pipe): Complains about her ass a lot; discusses minutiae to an extent that would bore even Jerry Seinfeld; impossible to please; hard of hearing; likes strangers more than anyone she knows except for her niece and her niece's good-pension-having husband. You know that thing that most of us have in our heads that stops us from saying everything that we think? Well, Belle-bo doesn't have it. If you're fat, unkempt, tired, or anything else, you'll hear about it.

In fairness to Belle-bo, she's 90-years-old and has been dealt a pretty tough hand in life, so some of her accomplishments--like raising two successful children despite having no spouse for a looooooong time and no money--are worthy of true wonderment. Many weaker people have failed in identical situations. And, she has her moments of authentic compassion and generosity. Really, I think that she's less malicious and more just nervous, always seeking to please people but usually self-conscious about herself and her abilities. But some of her behavior and comments are so absurd and inappropriate that one loses perspective when dealing with her and mostly just wants the time spent in her company to end swiftly.

Needless to say, this weekend was a struggle at times. Though well worth it (it was really nice to see my cousin and his family), the traveling seemed likely to cut into my college football watching time, however good scheduling, bad Maine weather, and my DVR really came through for me. So now onto the proof that I can't have a girlfriend...

Scrimmages Watched:
Ypsilanti High School Super Varsity vs. Michigan - Michigan did what it was supposed to do, winning 55-0, and now I know what happened last weekend: Lloyd and Co. were saving their best stuff for the Battle of Washtenaw County. (P.S.: Couldn't Gameday have talked about this a little more just so that we could have head Corso say "Warshtenawr"? That would have been the best ever.) You're telling me that Breaston couldn't have run a direct-snap play against NIU? Awesome job, guys. In case you weren't sure, at Michigan, winning the Big Ten is always the top priority. Always. One day, maybe we'll get the tallest midgets in the world on campus, too.

How high school was Eastern Michigan? The quarterbacks were looking at the sidelines while lined up in the shotgun multiple times on every play. And on the sidelines, the coaches wiped their asses after they made poopy. What is that? The Eagles were probably the worst team I've ever seen--slow, uncoordinated, and defeated before the bus rumble into the parking lot.

I suppose that the best player during the scrimmage was Max Martin, the presumptive starter against Wisconsin unless Michael Hart gets healthy. Martin had a pretty good game, showing decent speed when running to the outside, consistently finding cutback lanes, and setting up his blocks well. I actually thought that his vision on a couple of runs was the most notable trait he put on display. I was a little worried early on that he was running too tentatively and too upright; he's a big dude (read: tall) and on a few of the runs in between the tackles, it looked like he was thinking about the motion required to move his legs instead of just running smoothly. But overall, he looked good, albeit against the functional equivalent of a Pop Warner champion. Really, that's the caveat with all of these impressions.

I also think that the Michigan offensive position-group coaches should get some credit. It was Eastern Michigan, sure, but UM has consistently produced WRs, RBs, and QBs who can contribute early on and get better over time (with a few exceptions, of course). Andy Moeller is dealing with some depth issues, but he, Erik Campbell, Scot Loeffler, and Fred Jackson are very good at getting guys ready to play. The game plan often leaves much to be desired, but I'd put more of that blame on the OC and HC.

Some other random notes:
- Holy fucking shit. The band did the Monty Python music at halftime? A-W-E-S-O-M-E. Watch part one here and part two here. Hail to the Victors!

- Steve Breaston looked too slow on that return. But he also looked hurt; his hamstring seems like it's still a problem. With sadness, I must say that Steve is probably the most overrated player in college football. He makes no impact on the game as a receiver and his big return in the first quarter remains his only notable special teams contribution so far. People actually want him instead of Ted Ginn? I have seen the guy play much more effectively (last year's Rose Bowl, the 2003 sucktacular at Oregon), but that was with Braylon Edwards on the field alongside him. Guess how many touchdowns Breaston has caught this year. The same number as I have. He has written more slam poems than me, but I have a better blog. I'd call this one a draw.

- David Harris is why people don't like Scott McClintock, Vijay. McClintock could be black and Harris could be white and I'd take the white dude, because Harris makes plays and gets to the ball sooner.

- The UM offensive line is in trouble. The holes weren't all that big and the team only got 4 yards per carry against a team that USC would have beaten 140-0.

- Chad Henne is still too inaccurate when passing downfield.

- It was nice to see a fullback, Brian Thompson, catch two passes. They don't only have to be lead blockers, right?

- Mario Manningham and Antonio Bass are going to be better at Breastoning than Breaston is. (And they might be already.) Also, Manningham made a great play the one time that UM ran a crossing route. Can we please see more of those?

- I liked the direct snaps to Bass. I didn't like the fact that Bass played. To me, it means that: 1) The coaches think that Bass has so much potential this year that he can't stay off the field; 2) Dutch and Arrington are seriously hurt; 3) the coaches are idiots for wasting his redshirt. I want to think it's #1; it could be #2; I am more inclined to think that after the season, it will be #3. We'll see...

- Tim Jamison and Shawn Crable coming off of the edge are what UM needs more of. Now Crable just needs to remember that he's playing football and not running a race.

Games Watched (or, in the case of Mississippi, fantasized about):
Michigan State vs. Notre Dame - Does this mean that the media will get off its knees and wipe off its chin for at least ten minutes? As Corso said (and I'm grateful for it), I know that Weis invented football, but the hype has been ridiculous. Michigan has no chance of beating Michigan State. If Drew Stanton played for a national power, he'd be a top-five Heisman candidate. I also don't get Brady Quinn; he misses a lot of throws. My inclination is to think that the Notre Dame defense looked better than it really is when it played Michigan. Pittsburgh scored 21 against ND and then lost to Ohio while scoring 10 (!) and Nebraska while scoring 6 (!). Michigan State had no problems scoring this past weekend. Nothing makes a defense look better than a horrible Chad Henne and Lloyd Carr in a big game. As for the MSU defense, I wasn't too impressed, but Weis does, in fact, draw up good stuff, and it's hard to sustain the intensity and momentum when you're up by 21 on the road.

Florida State vs. Boston College - Don't look now but FSU could be putting together a pretty good season despite all of the doubts (some of them held by me). It's won two of the three hardest games on its schedule and still doesn't really play offense. And by that, I mean that Jeff Bowden still works there. FSU has Syracuse and Wake at home; the Noles go to always-good-enough-to-lose-the-supposed-big-games Virginia and then Duke; after that, they host looking-pretty-bad Maryland and first-team-to-five-wins N.C. States; and then finishes at Clemson and at Florida. Those last two games will be tough, and going to the Swamp this season seems unenviable, but Bobby doesn't lose to Tommy and the FSU defense is just nasty. In the past, some pretty good Noles teams have lost when the offense has gotten bogged down and the defensive backs have been exposed. If the FSU defensive line and linebackers keep flying around at this clip, though, the latter may not become a problem. As for the former, Carr looked pretty good this weekend so maybe FSU will have something that counts as a passing game by the time it heads to Gainesville. Given that I'm a Corso guy (), I'll drop one of his inexplicable new go-to phrases: I say nothing...

Pittsburgh vs. Nebraska - Here are the results of the last eleven games that Dave Wannstedt has coached: L, L, L, L, L, L, W, L, L, L, L, L. If Pitt can blow it against Youngstown State this weekend, that will be a nice little palindrome.

I know that it's early in the Wannstedt tenure, and he needs to bring in his own players, drop the dead weight, yadayadayada, but I'd like to propose that Wannstedt might be one of the worst continuously employed head coaches I have ever seen. Honestly, who has been so consistently wack? Dennis Erickson? The dude can at least win in college. Does the Wannstedt disaster tour ever come to a close? I mean, what has this guy accomplished? How does he continue to get jobs? He is redefining "retread" one failed endeavor at a time. Dorin Dickerson, do you still really want to be a Panther?

I'd also like to mention that Bill Callahan isn't exactly the Pete Carroll of middle America. Here is a note to athletic directors; NBA general managers might also want to read this: Previous employment as a head coach in a professional league does not prove that a guy can actually coach. It's correlative; not causal. Or something like that.

Pulled Pork Barbecue vs. USC - If Barry Tompkins is to be believed (and honestly, he is the college football equivalent of Kenny Albert, so his credibility is not a given), USC scored on four of its first eight plays. I can't remember a quarterback throwing a deep ball with better touch than Leinart's; Dwayne Jarrett is not legal; and Reggie Bush is a god in the backfield. USC absolutely dismantled an SEC team. Maybe the Hogs are just awful, but, USC : Arkansas ~:: Iowa : Ball State.

Tennessee vs. Florida - There isn't a pint of ice cream left in Knoxville.

The SEC, where reputed offensive geniuses go to...become defensive masterminds? First Richt, now Meyer? I think that the Meyer spread-option thing will take better shape once he's recruited the kids he wants to be in his system (Tim Tebow, come on down!), but so far, I'd say his tenure in Gainesville has been characterized by the revivification of the defense. That group looked great, and it never hurts when an opposing coach decides that running the ball is for suckers. It also doesn't hurt to have an accurate passer like Chris Leak when the pressure is on. Florida has shown me something, and I can't tell you how excited I am about its trip to Baton Rouge.

Oregon State vs. Loulvulle - The Cardinals were rapidly losing their Q rating with me coming into this game. And the first quarter didn't help much. But then Brian Brohm showed that he's probably the best sophomore QB in the country (not a typo) and Louisville played opportunistic defense fueled by good pressure.

Virginia vs. Syracuse - Ian had plenty to say about this. All I want to add is that I don't know if I'm impressed by Al Groh going for it on fourth down and winning on the road or if I am disgusted that Virginia struggled to beat a team that plays offense as though it were waiting for Thomas Jefferson to step off the UVA bus.

And, um, Al Groh references Risky Business? What?! I can't wait until we hear Lloyd, mic'ed up for sound on the sideline and meeting with the defensive line, say, "Sweep the leg." More college football coaches need to be quoting movies. We could get a geriatric like Joe Pa, trying to seem hip but remaining true to his diet, lamenting at the opening of an early-season game, "It's hot; milk was a bad choice." Or maybe a coach like Mack Brown could explain away another loss to Oklahoma at the state fair with a simple, "We should never have some here." How about Ed Orgeron yelling, "I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast"? Oh, and speaking of Ed...

Mississippi vs. Vanderbilt - "...And out of the smoke came forth locusts upon the earth; and power was given them, as the scorpions of the earth have power. And it was said unto them that they should not hurt the grass of the earth, neither any green thing, neither any tree, but only such men as have not the seal of God on their foreheads. And it was given them that they should not kill them, but that they should be tormented five months: and their torment was as the torment of a scorpion, when it striketh a man. And in those days men shall seek death, and shall in no wise find it; and they shall desire to die, and death fleeth from them. And the shapes of the locusts were like unto horses prepared for war; and upon their heads as it were crowns like unto gold, and their faces were as men's faces. And they had hair as the hair of women, and their teeth were as teeth of lions. And they had breastplates, as it were breastplates of iron; and the sound of their wings was as the sound of chariots, of many horses rushing to war. And they have tails like unto scorpions, and stings; and in their tails is their power to hurt men five months. They have over them as king the angel of the abyss: his name in Hebrew is Abaddon, and in the Greek tongue he hath the name Apollyon. The first Woe is past: behold, there come yet two Woes hereafter. And the sixth angel sounded, and I heard a voice from the horns of the golden altar which is before God, one saying to the sixth angel that had one trumpet, Loose the four angels that are bound at the great river Euphrates. And the four angels were loosed, that had been prepared for the hour and day and month and year, that they should kill the third part of men. And the number of the armies of the horsemen was twice ten thousand times ten thousand: I heard the number of them. And thus I saw the horses in the vision, and them that sat on them, having breastplates as of fire and of hyacinth and of brimstone: and the heads of lions; and out of their mouths proceedeth fire and smoke and brimstone. By these three plagues was the third part of men killed, by the fire and the smoke and the brimstone, which proceeded out of their mouths. For the power of the horses is in their mouth, and in their tails: for their tails are like unto serpents, and have heads; and with them they hurt. And the rest of mankind, who were not killed with these plagues, repented not of the works of their hands, that they should not worship demons, and the idols of gold, and of silver, and of brass, and of stone, and of wood; which can neither see, nor hear, nor walk: and they repented not of their murders, nor of their sorceries, nor of their fornication, nor of their thefts."

Ed Orgeron lost again. Watch the fuck out.

Pete Rock Invented the Remix?

God-body producer

Today on a very special Better Than Yours, Pete Rock lays claim to the coveted remix patent...

- Naughty By Nature, "Hip-Hop Hooray (Remix)"
Who would have thought, horns on a Pete Rock track? I love--LOVE--the piano that subtly carries this joint.

- House of Pain, "Jump Around (Remix)"
Just a radically different song, still very good, and fairly incredible given the general departure from the exhilarating original. Horns, horns, horns...

- Brand Nubian, "Slow Down (Remix)"
Alright, so this one's not radically different, and the original sample is what makes this song, but still...

- Das EFX, "Real Hip-Hop (Remix)"
This is about as electronic as Chocolate Boy Wonder gets, and those cascading synthesizer riffs work for me, somehow.

- Public Enemy, "Shut 'Em Down (Remix)"
Pete's killin' 'em with those horns. Cot'dam!

Q.E.D., MFers.

Still Stewin' on No-Nos, Wrapped in No-Nos

Carr: Next question?
Those Honest With Themselves: Coach Carr, at this point, it seems like 1997 was a complete fluke...
Carr: We're looking into whether he has any eligibility left. I know. Next question?
Those Honest With Themselves: Thank God.

BlogPoll: This week's poll was released. Check out the full rundown.

Well, it's Wednesday. At this point of the week, I should be over it. Frankly, I should have been over it by Sunday night. After all, I didn't think Michigan would win. I never do when UM plays an opponent that is:
a) coached by someone even halfway competent (and that group now includes notorious loser Mack Brown, I guess);
b) talented;
c) in possession of even a modicum of college-football history or notoriety (and yes, this means that Oregon counts), or;
d) some combination of the first three.

In a move that will acknowledge one of his rare positive contributions to our species, I actually think that the college football cognoscenti and we fans should re-appropriate a term first coined by Chris Berman: college football has found its version of the Rasputin game.

If you'll recall, "Rasputin games" were those Lions games in which Detroit would improbably win, oftentimes inadvertently extending the tenure of the seemingly impervious Wayne Fontes. Now that Fontes is gone, so too is the reference, but to me, games that serve as de facto referendums on a coach's employability remain Rasputin-like. And now in college football, we should start talking about Carr Contests, those games that test a coach's ultimate mettle. Is he good enough to beat Lloyd Carr at an important juncture of the season? Any coach worth his weight in, um, gold (?) (in Weis's case, that's a fucking fortune; In Fulmer's, you might have to cancel the credit system because dude would run the world) should be able to. Otherwise, find someone else.

People like me are tired of Carr. We're tired of the predictable letdowns against seemingly inferior teams when relying on criteria like past recruiting hauls, perceived athletic strengths, and previous exploits to establish the relative strengths; we're tired of the scared mentality that governs preparation and game plans for road games; we're tired of the predictable schemes and inflexible formations; we're tired of the persistent inattentiveness given to areas of the game like special teams; we're tired of the program's inability to fully develop defensive talent. In short, we're tired of Michigan being less than what most seem to think it can be.

I will be the first person to stand up for Carr when assessing him as a man: I think that Lloyd is intelligent, compassionate, humble, articulate, and of strong moral fiber. I will also acknowledge that he has his strengths when assessed as a coach in full: He recruits very well; his players mostly avoid trouble; he's loyal; and he'll tell you without hesitation that the University of Michigan is the greatest school on the planet (fact). I can even try to cut him a fair deal: Recruiting in Michigan isn't so easy given that the state has a limited talent pool and awful weather; winning in college football is so important that breaking the rules seems nearly inevitable; even a great coach like Steve Spurrier has only won one national title. I get all that.

But then I come back to the numbers. Since 1998, the year after he won the lottery, Lloyd is 22-17 against top twenty-five teams and 8-4 against the top ten. During that time, he has lost seventeen games while coaching the higher ranked team, including six to unranked opponents. On the flip side, he has only won 8 games as a rankings underdog. He's 1-6 in road openers. If you want to try to better isolate trends, consider the numbers from the last five seasons and the first two weeks of this season: Lloyd is 14-12 against the top twenty-five; 3-4 against the top ten (and two of those wins came in 2003 against perennial paper tigers Michigan State and Purdue); has won as a rankings underdog 5 times; has lost as the rankings favorite 13 times; has lost to five unranked teams; and hasn't won a road opener. And in a larger sense, let's not forget that Michigan hasn't been a legitimate national title contender and usually is out of the race by the end of September because Carr is so uptight on the road.

Even worse, Michigan is losing more of the important games. Yesterday, I posted the numbers--in short, Carr is losing about 75% of the biggest games these days (which I'd consider to be Ohio State, Notre Dame, Iowa, and bowl games). That is just not acceptable. Especially since the program's prestige is coming into questions. From national media outlets to Northwestern message boards, people are ridiculing and questioning Michigan. It's infuriating, but it's understandable. You just can't constantly be less than the sum of your parts and expect people to respect, let alone fear, you .

Those who support Carr and think that people like me are completely crazy always point out that since 1995, Michigan has won a national title and has won or shared five Big Ten titles. That's good, but I can't help but think about what has been squandered through inertia, stubbornness, and incompetence. Carr is so loyal and so wedded to his ideas that UM has witnessed a slow erosion of its defense; its ability to be physical; and its ability to gain short yardage. It had a linebacker allegedly coaching the defensive linemen; it just wasn't coaching special teams for a long time (or so it seemed); and it still has a defensive coordinator/linebackers coach whose had the same problems for nearly a decade and can't produce impact linebackers. That's an elite program?

How about an offense that for all its supposed might routinely falls apart due to a failure of imagination and is so inflexible that this year's version asks players to do what they physically can't? What kind of team is that?

This latest Notre Dame loss was just another in a long series of games that has seen UM outperformed and out-coached by teams that no longer fear the Wolverines and can regularly compensate for any athletic inferiority because the coaching staff and players at UM fail to maximize potential. That's why it's Wednesday and I am still fuming.

Say what you will about my logic. Yeah, UM usually gets the benefit of the doubt and is inevitably ranked too high. No, Carr isn't an out and out bad coach. Yes, college football is cyclical. No, not every loss is the failure of coaching. Say all that. But explain why Carr is still adequate if he can no longer muster the ability to win at the highest levels. I don't know that you fire a Lloyd Carr because of all his strengths, what he has accomplished, and how much Michigan means to him (it would just be mean, and that's not UM), but you certainly don't let him pick a successor and you certainly let him know that the flame under his seat is getting more and more intense.

Brian has a good post today exonerating Carr and co., laying the blame for the Notre Dame loss at the feet of the offensive line, Chad Henne, inexperience, and injury. I think that's plausible, but it's not the entire explanation. There was, in my mind, a failure of coaching. If Chad Henne struggled so much because his line was falling apart, he had limited time, and he didn't have enough space, why wouldn't UM try to run the shotgun, giving Henne more time, better view corridors, and some passes that could have helped him find a rhythm and some confidence? No offense can be all things at all times, but this seems like a fairly elementary idea that the coaches might want to explore. Maybe they have and can't do it. But if not, I'd like to know why. Are there rocket scientists playing quarterback at schools that use the shotgun?

And overall, why is it that every year, the players and excuses change but the disappointing results remain? At some point, a persistent failure to execute--the de facto motto of the program--is a persistent failure to teach football well enough. And, as Ron Burgundy would say were he a Michigan fan in agreement with me: it's coaching.

Other Michigan thoughts:
- What happened to Charles Stewart? All off-season, I read about how impressive he was, and yet we've yet to see the dude get some real snaps as a DB. Granted, I get most of my "inside" information from fanzines like TheWolverine.com, and some of those writers would report that Lloyd Carr's aim was excellent as he made quick work of twenty people while robbing a bank. But come on, were those sources just making things up?

- Where's Alex Mitchell?

- So, Max Martin can't get on the field because he fumbles too much but Kevin Grady can fumble three times in his first two games and keep getting the ball? Does Martin own the doghouse and, as a result, he can't leave because he has a mortgage to worry about? What's the deal there?

- Again, what happened to playing to the strengths of the wide receivers and exploiting space in the middle of the field?

- Why does Pat Massey keep his job?

- Has there been a discernable improvement in the play of the defensive line since Steve Stripling arrived?

- UM should not be favored heading into Madison. Injuries + Carr + road game + night + Brian Calhoun = big, big trouble.

- Purdue and Notre Dame are losing this weekend.

Great News...

Chad Henne and the Michigan coaches put together a bottle-throwing bad performance

...I've pulled myself together after the emotional dismemberment I suffered through on Saturday.

There is so much to say about Michigan and Notre Dame and college football, but I don't want to ramble, so I will do my best to keep this entertaining, informative, and brief. My vitriol and irrational emotion can be saved for the message boards: I think on one of them, I proposed that we disband the university and give Lloyd Carr the Ralphie treatment.

In this post, you'll find some thoughts from the weekend; my response to the seventh installment of the BlogPoll Roundtable; and my weekly ballot. If you don't care about college football, there is plenty of other stuff to read right here.

Notre-Dame Michigan
Rather than engage in a depressing re-examination of every excruciating detail of a completely filthy game that would send me into a self-defeating, alcohol- and anger-fueled spiral like that which we call the lives of the '86 Mets, I'd like to move on to some of the larger issues that were either epitomized, disclosed, and/or exacerbated by the collective shit that the Michigan coaches and players took on Saturday.

- First, let's all agree that Chad Henne was atrocious and didn't need the terrible game plan and awful program tendencies. (Check out this photo sequence for more proof.) He was doing just miserably without them, thank you very much. Henne was locking onto receivers, bailing out on progressions, and making horrible throws all day. Henne's poor decisions and bad throws may have made the Michigan offensive game plan seem worse than it really was, but was anyone impressed with that play calling? I have advocated throwing to the tight ends more, so it was nice to see Tyler Ecker involved, but I never wanted a TE to become the primary receiver on a team full of quick, athletic receivers.

All that said, before this season began, all anyone wanted to say and write was that Terry Malone was a genius and this UM offense would be unstoppable. I was skeptical because so long as Lloyd Carr is the coach, there will always be opportunities for the offense to fail and for the team to seem mentally and emotionally unprepared in big games. Well guess what? I was right, and never has that felt worse. If you want to do yourself a favor, never again believe any preseason hype about Michigan. I have learned this the hard way. You CANNOT believe anything you read or hear about the team until you actually see it successfully carried out.

Those rumors about the offense adapting to the personnel? Lies; just ask our "deep threat" Steve Breaston. Or Doug Dutch and Max Martin, two guys who were supposed to excel by running across the field out of the slot. Does Terry Malone even know what a slant is? At UM, change only happens after embarrassment has forced it upon the coaches. On Saturday, Henne and the entire offense would have been aided by some in-game flexibility. Maybe they could have spread out the formation to create some more space; maybe they could have gone to the shotgun; maybe they could have tried running outside (oh wait, we don't recruit speed backs. Forget that.); maybe they could have rolled the pocket so that Henne had some more time and different angles and a better view of things. There were injuries, but there were also horrible tendencies that stay the same, year in and year out.

But the predictable strategic failure of the coaches is not as startling as these numbers (which almost everyone knows at this point): Michigan has lost three of its last four games; three of its last four to Ohio State; three of its last four bowl games; and three of its last four to Notre Dame. Is this program headed in the right direction?

I'd go on, but time is limited, and I still can't write about this rationally. Look, we need a new coach who can beat rivals, win big games, and inspire his team. What he said.

I also watched in totality or in part: Iowa-Iowa State; Texas-Ohio State; Arizona State-Louisiana State; Clemson-Maryland.

BlogPoll Bickering #7
This week, it's hosted by our friend ATL_eagle:

1) What member of the mainstream sports media (preferably one who covers college sports) makes your skin crawl, blood boil, forces you to change the channel or hit mute? Why?

I respect all of the BlogPoll voters, and I'd even consider some of them friends in that internets kind of way. But unless they answer "Billy Packer," they're all terribly wrong. That's the only correct response. I've answered this before. Edit: Q.E.D. MFer.

I'd also throw Dick Vitale on that list, too, because he has absolutely nothing to say but insists on yelling all the time, anyway.

In college football, NBC's resident shameless homer, Pat Hayden, and ABC's Tim Brandt, he of the synthetic bonhomie and ability to lose the forest from the trees, both really make me nuts. I am also an ageist and have no use for never-met-a-rule-he-couldn't-break Lou Holtz or Beano Cook, the first person to naturally recreate the Jabba the Hut look. Cook, in particular, really bothers me. If it isn't some quixotic rant about Army playing the University of the Jurassic Era, it's ridiculous, factually inconsiderate pronouncements. He is totally useless.

Conversely, I love some people who others hate. Give me Lee Corso, Keith Jackson, and Mike Gottfried all the time. And as bad as things have gotten on the self-proclaimed Worldwide Leader, nothing is worse than the forced dissolution of marriage between Ron Franklin and Gottfried. That's a crime against men.

2) What writer, broadcaster, show, website, etc. deserves more recognition? Who is someone we should all be reading, watching, or listening to?

I will restrict my answer to sports-oriented sites, of course. I think that everyone already reads MGoBlog; already enjoys Sexy-Results!; already congregates at EDSBS; already respects the knowledge dropped at iBlog for Cookies; already tolerates the annoying Irishness of the endlessly engaging Blue-Gray Sky; and already gets pretty worked up by the likes of Heismanpundit. So I'm gonna give a shout out to my man paulwesterdawg. Georgia Sports Blog teaches me a lot, makes me laugh, and stays on top of things.

Also, are enough people reading Tom Orr's excellent Michigan Monday? He might be the only literate Buckeye I've ever encountered, and he is almost always right on when assessing UM. Let's just hope that he doesn't go to jail soon.

BlogPoll: Ballot #3

• Previous week's ballot

For the record: I really don't know that any ballot will be all that well informed until next week or the week afterward. With that in mind...

1) USC - This is already getting boring and I might have to do this until January
2) Texas - Who knew that Mack Brown was such a good Big Ten coach?
3) LSU - They gave up too many yards, but there were a lot of extenuating circumstances, including the ascendancy of Sam Keller.
4) Virginia Tech - Only surrendered 35 yards. All game. What?!?!?! That is one of the most incredible stats I can remember. Duke or not. 35 YARDS!
5) Georgia - I don't feel especially good about this pick given that Boise has already lost twice and Shock G didn't look so good against a team that runs an i-formation with its defensive line. I am dropping this team, win or lose, after Florida and Tennessee tussle
6) The Ohio State Joke of a University - That defense is amazing, even when Brent Musberger is blowing the linebackers during the game. The Fuckeyes seem to have FSU-like speed and tenacity on defense.
7) Tennessee - I don't know enough about this team yet. The next two games will be telling.
8) Florida - Really, by default. Gators have been good while others have either lost or seemed fairly iffy.
9) Louilvulle - Sort of like Georgia. I am less impressed now that I've seen more of Kentuckuh. The Cardinals had better put the Beavers in their place.... (And just for fun: Cincinnatuh)
10) Florida State - Um, that final score was kind of deceptive. And Jeff Bowden still runs the offense right?
11) Georgia Tech - Struggled with North Carolina, but the Jackets usually lose that sort of a game. Maybe they're finally for real.
12) Purdue - Do we really know anything about this team?
13) California - The Tedford legend grows...
14) Miami - I still can't get over how much I liked Kyle Wright once he got used to the game. I just think that he, and this team, have a ton of potential.
15) Notre Dame - Yeah, so no one is impressed by the Pittsburgh win. And honestly, has the glory actually returned? Notre Dame won by seven after Michigan made three trips into the red zone and got no points. Stop Drew Stanton and then I'll respect this team.
16) Arizona State - Maybe the Sun Devils need to drop more since they lost, but honestly, I was impressed by Keller and, surprisingly, the linebackers. LSU doesn't win that game if ASU doesn't have two special teams breakdowns. I'm leaving them here for now.
17) Clemson - Won a road game in the conference. That works for me.
18) Texas Tech - This team can win and drop because it plays no one. Period.
19) Iowa - A Kirk Ferentz-coached team can't get blown out like that.
20) Boston College - Gonna make a big leap next week if Chestnut Hill is inhospitable.
21) Michigan - The defense was a little better but benefited from an erratic Brady Quinn. The offense was a joke. The coaching has been a problem for years. I really hope I don't win the Straight Bangin' award this week.
22) Texas A&M - Still trying to repair the hype machine, I'd imagine.
23) Oklahoma - ...where the one-man offense comes sweeping down the plain.
24) Auburn - For a minute, I got excited when I saw the 28-0 score because I thought Orgeron had been shut out. I figured that would have led to some Gilgamesh-style violence and feats of strength. Oh well...
25) N.C. State - Idle.

Randoms

Hail to the Victors?

- Was there a better moment from this past weekend than when Nick Simpson and Desmond Howard sang "Hail to the Victors" on top of the Horseshoe? It was the ultimate "Eff you" from ESPN to the Fuckeyes. I'm pretty sure it was the highlight of my life. It would have only been better had a disinterred Woody Hayes been hanging from the railing while wearing a maize and blue rugby shirt.

- Yeah, it's a good thing that racism and racial division ended in 1968, right? More than 75% of blacks say that Bush doesn't care about them; more than 66% of whites say that he does. The divisions created by race in our society are likely the hardest to bridge, and I don't profess to have the answers. But this survey was a somewhat jarring--though not really surprising--reiteration of a problem so many people are so happy to ignore.

- There is not possibly a more likable player off of the court and a more annoying one on the court. At least, not when he's careening into the team you're rooting for. Kudos to open-minded Shaq ().

- Have you bought the new Little Brother record yet? If not, you should. Do it now. Having listened to it for about a week, now, I can affirmatively say that it's the best rap album of the year. It has its problems, but you won't find a better combination of smart, fun lyricism and complementary, albeit mellow, beats. And if you're in the NYC, peep LB and crew this Thursday at B.B. King's. Hopefully Joe Scudda will be on time out. Or maybe he will have gotten the job at Burger King that's been calling his name.

Check this out:
- David Banner, "Lost Souls" (Buy)
As we know, I don't buy into the southern hype (somewhere, Mayke Joynes is posted up in a parking lot working on ten more albums' worth of content), but I do like David Banner. As I've said before, some of dude's appeal stems from the fact that he is about to earn a master's degree and obviously plays a role to cartoonish perfection. But even were that not the case, Banner's disarmingly attractive flow () and ability to take risks within hip-hop without divorcing his sound from the genre's essence is admirable and endearing. Of course, there is plenty of Banner's music that seems disposable and far too similar to the trite shit that pours out of the souf, but he also has moments of inspiration--lyrically and musically--that redeem him. And while I'm conflicted about my ability to embrace some of Banner's work while routinely dismissing similar sounds, sometimes you just like shit for whatever reasons. Banner is just magnetic.

Also, does anyone else think that DJay from Hustle & Flow was meant to sound like David Banner on the mic?

- David Banner, "Play" (Buy)
You know how there are always those sexually explicit songs that women pretend to find offensive but secretly love? At this point, the phenomenon is so predictable. The first time or three that a girl hears a song like "Back That Azz Up" or "Wait," she'll dismiss it as being dumb, inappropriate, deplorable, or all three. But secretly, she'll be loving it, because not only is the beat infectious, but it allows her a vicarious fantasy about being that kind of girl. You know? Well, once she hits the fraternity, the club, or the stripper pole, all of the inauthentic indignation that she previously summoned is immediately forfeited as she shakes her ass like she wants to recreate the video for "Pop That Coochie." A white girl might even says she's dancing "like a black girl" (something I have heard uttered more than once). These sorts of songs also have an appeal because they play to the sexual ambivalence that permeates our culture, one that glorifies sex at all times but also imposes a synthetic demure veneer that makes candid discussions about sexuality taboo.

Well, this track toes the line, entering "She Swallowed It" territory.

Prize Time

If you had September 10th in your office's "When Will Michigan Ruin Its Season Against an Inferior Opponent" office pool, you won! Leave your name and address in the comments section and I'll mail out the prizes. Winners will receive a ticket to a bowl game in central Florida or San Antonio and a commemorative "Lloyd's done it again" t-shirt.

I am reviewing the tape and posting more tonight. Look for some analysis, some anger, some thoughts on the other games I saw this weekend, and my ballot for the week's poll. In the meantime, this just about sums it all up.

Telling the Truth About Chief Justice Rehnquist

He looks pissed off here, doesn't he? Some "Hebrew" must have bought his house. Fuck.

Given that today marked the opening of the John Roberts confirmation hearings, it only seemed appropriate to better examine his mentor and the man he would replace, William Rehnquist. The following is from noted legal scholar Alan Dershowitz. I received this in an email today but it appears to have been posted last Sunday on The Huffington Post. I would know this if I actually still visited that site, but at some point in its nascent stages--amidst the endless XML updates from people I had never heard of and didn't care for--that piece overwhelmed me with useless shit, and I blacklisted that internet. Maybe I'll check it out again. Anyway, take it away, Alan...

My mother always told me that when a person dies, one should not say anything bad about him. My mother was wrong. History requires truth, not puffery or silence, especially about powerful governmental figures. And obituaries are a first draft of history.

So here’s the truth about Chief Justice Rehnquist you won’t hear on Fox News or from politicians. Chief Justice William Rehnquist set back liberty, equality, and human rights perhaps more than any American judge of this generation. His rise to power speaks volumes about the current state of American values.

Let’s begin at the beginning. Rehnquist bragged about being first in his class at Stanford Law School. Today Stanford is a great law school with a diverse student body, but in the late 1940s and early 1950s, it discriminated against Jews and other minorities, both in the admission of students and in the selection of faculty. Justice Stephen Breyer recalled an earlier period of Stanford’s history: “When my father was at Stanford, he could not join any of the social organizations because he was Jewish, and those organizations, at that time, did not accept Jews.” Rehnquist not only benefited in his class ranking from this discrimination; he was also part of that bigotry. When he was nominated to be an associate justice in 1971, I learned from several sources who had known him as a student that he had outraged Jewish classmates by goose-stepping and heil-Hitlering with brown-shirted friends in front of a dormitory that housed the school’s few Jewish students. He also was infamous for telling racist and anti-Semitic jokes.

As a law clerk, Rehnquist wrote a memorandum for Justice Jackson while the court was considering several school desegregation cases, including Brown v. Board of Education. Rehnquist’s memo, entitled “A Random Thought on the Segregation Cases,” defended the separate-but-equal doctrine embodied in the 1896 Supreme Court case of Plessy v. Ferguson. Rehnquist concluded the Plessy “was right and should be reaffirmed.” When questioned about the memos by the Senate Judiciary Committee in both 1971 and 1986, Rehnquist blamed his defense of segregation on the dead Justice, stating – under oath – that his memo was meant to reflect the views of Justice Jackson. But Justice Jackson voted in Brown, along with a unanimous Court, to strike down school segregation. According to historian Mark Tushnet, Justice Jackson’s longtime legal secretary called Rehnquist’s Senate testimony an attempt to “smear the reputation of a great justice.” Rehnquist later admitted to defending Plessy in arguments with fellow law clerks. He did not acknowledge that he committed perjury in front of the Judiciary Committee to get his job.

The young Rehnquist began his legal career as a Republican functionary by obstructing African-American and Hispanic voting at Phoenix polling locations (“Operation Eagle Eye”). As Richard Cohen of The Washington Post wrote, “[H]e helped challenge the voting qualifications of Arizona blacks and Hispanics. He was entitled to do so. But even if he did not personally harass potential voters, as witnesses allege, he clearly was a brass-knuckle partisan, someone who would deny the ballot to fellow citizens for trivial political reasons -- and who made his selection on the basis of race or ethnicity.” In a word, he started out his political career as a Republican thug.

Rehnquist later bought a home in Vermont with a restrictive covenant that barred sale of the property to ''any member of the Hebrew race.”

Rehnquist’s judicial philosophy was result-oriented, activist, and authoritarian. He sometimes moderated his views for prudential or pragmatic reasons, but his vote could almost always be predicted based on who the parties were, not what the legal issues happened to be. He generally opposed the rights of gays, women, blacks, aliens, and religious minorities. He was a friend of corporations, polluters, right wing Republicans, religious fundamentalists, homophobes, and other bigots.

Rehnquist served on the Supreme Court for thirty-three years and as chief justice for nineteen. Yet no opinion comes to mind which will be remembered as brilliant, innovative, or memorable. He will be remembered not for the quality of his opinions but rather for the outcomes decided by his votes, especially Bush v. Gore, in which he accepted an Equal Protection claim that was totally inconsistent with his prior views on that clause. He will also be remembered as a Chief Justice who fought for the independence and authority of the judiciary. This is his only positive contribution to an otherwise regressive career.

Within moments of Rehnquist’s death, Fox News called and asked for my comments, presumably aware that I was a longtime critic of the late Chief Justice. After making several of these points to Alan Colmes (who was supposed to be interviewing me), Sean Hannity intruded, and when he didn’t like my answers, he cut me off and terminated the interview. Only after I was off the air and could not respond did the attack against me begin, which is typical of Hannity’s bullying ambush style. He is afraid to attack when there’s someone there to respond. Since the interview, I’ve received dozens of e-mail hate messages, some of which are overtly anti-Semitic. One writer called me “a jew prick that takes it in the a** from ruth ginzburg [sic].” Another said I am “an ignorant socialist left-wing political hack …. You’re like a little Heinrich Himmler! (even the resemblance is uncanny!).” Yet another informed me that I “personally make us all lament the defeat of the Nazis!” A more restrained viewer found me to be “a disgrace to the Law, to Harvard, and to humanity.”

All this, for refusing to put a deceptive gloss on a man who made his career undermining the rights and liberties of American citizens.

My mother would want me to remain silent, but I think my father would have wanted me to tell the truth. My father was right.

New isht, new isht:
- O.C., "Martyr"
- O.C., "Goin Nowhere"

From the song titles to the samples to the production style, there don't look to be too many original ideas on this new O.C. record, but I've always liked dude (). And you really can't ever go wrong with Rocky.

- Can't stop, won't stop: Don't forget to cop that Minstrel Show TODAY.

Game day open thread

Please feel free to leave all your neurotic, elated, dejected thoughts here as the game progresses. I'll check in at various points. The drinking could get out of control quickly if our defense doesn't show up.

Better Than Yours? Better Than The Listening? Better Than the Irish?

It was to my detriment that I never owned enough Cross Colours gear

Better Than Yours:
- Special Ed, "Ready 2 Attack"
Listen to a track like this and then listen to something like Kanye's "Bring Me Down" and tell me that the latter is better. That the latter is some "next level" hip-hop. Tell me and get a big "Fuck you." Far from a great song, "Ready 2 Attack" is a fine example of hip-hop from back when a beat was supposed to complement an MC's rhymes, not overwhelm or obscure them. Later on, you'd get groups like Tribe and MCs like Nas who would find this same balance but with a richer overall sound. That's what I want. And thus, Ed's track has some merit just for sounding like real hip-hop. On top of that, you hear Ed lace the track with that romanticized but foundational expository flow: he's letting you know who he is, what he's about, and why. Maybe he's got a car, or a chain, or some other material possessions, but they're provided to color his life; they aren't his life. Throw in some punch lines, similes, a little simple imagery and you've got an elemental track. There is a lot to be said for something like that.

- Run DMC, "Down With the King"
Every time I hear this song, I can't help but think of the hours and days I wasted in my elementary-school art classes subversively disobeying the teacher (Edith? Claire? Both?) and talking to my friends about music. I think the teacher let us have a radio once, so I brought in a mixtape and this was the song that got the radio taken away. I was getting too "excited" as I listened to this loud, infectious beat, all looped and scratched, flowing from the skeletal and failing horns to the lush and layered chorus reminiscent of T.R.O.Y. In my mind, you can't hear a song like this and dismiss the work of a hip-hop producer. It's not some Prefuse shit, but there is just a lot going on that some how all comes together to work. I also loved the simple, accessible rhymes.

New Isht:
- This week's Blog Poll is posted here. Guess who is still the least excited about the respective team to which he has pledged his first born? Yup; your boy boy. I just don't believe in the UM coaching staff and the UM defenders.

- Peep game: Journalism Is for Rockstars

- Best news ever? Pretty close.

- Can white sportswriters trying to seem cool stop invoking Nate Dogg as the dependable also-ran? It's just embarrassing.

- Rodney Harrison is still a MAN. Did anyone else see the smackdown he put on during Oakland's kickoff return with about five minutes left in the third quarter? As Jim Nantz said last year, "Harrison just goes hunting for conflict." I think he then let out some tourette's-like, breathless, "And this is Jack's tournament!"

- An internet I really like had a "pre-sale" and I got that new Little Brother album. We're all gonna buy it here. I said here. HERE! Right?

I am still processing the album and my thoughts. My initial reaction is that I like the album--it's probably the best one I've heard this year so far--but there are parts of it that drag. And I don't like it more than or as much as The Listening. I wouldn't say that LB is stuck in the trite but unavoidable hip-hop sophomore slump, but they also haven't exceeded their initial offering.

But let not this caveat deter your interest; there is a lot to like about this record. Pooh has become a much better rapper, more dynamic and engaging as he flows; Phonte cements his place as one of the best MCs in the world (PERIOD!) with his laugh-inducing punch lines and deeper personal disclosures; again, LB has crafted a record in full, one replete with a narrative arc and smartly sequenced tracks; Phonte and Pooh continue to give listeners lyrics that actually require some thought and careful attention.

The weakest part of this album, perhaps paradoxically, is the production. 9th Wonder is a lot like the LaVell Blanchard of hip-hop: a guy who made a strong debut and had room for growth but never really got much better. Unlike LaVell, 9th started out toward the top of the game, so I am not really knocking dude. But aside from the quasi-experimental shit he makes for Legacy, 9th seems to have plateaued creatively.

The man knows his shit when it comes to the science and techniques of beat making--interview him and see what I'm talking about--and I am positive that were you to listen to this record in his company, he'd point out all kinds of intricate, almost hidden stuff that would engender awe and enhance your appreciation of the music. I love the man ().However what I just described, developing a better understanding of the record by listening to it with 9th, is a hypothetical. In the real world, a lot of that little stuff and the blending is lost on the listener, and most of these beats, though objectively good, seem to lack an energetic component that would take the album to a higher, better place. Do the sounds complement the rapping? Yes. Do they make the latter much better? Not really.

What immediately emerges as one takes the time to listen to this album is how smart, perceptive, and articulate Phonte and Pooh are. These guys can think and can then write rhymes that are relatable and engaging. Through their flows, these two relatively obscure dudes start to become friends--nuanced characters with opinions, depth, humor, whatever. One reason that I harbor so much positive sentiment for LB is that in nearly every way, they are reminiscent of the classic hip-hop groups who were more than just synthetic, contrived personalities with gimmicks.

As mentioned above, I'll have more to say about this record after a weekend worth of listening. In the meantime, peep some hotness. The second track caused a scene on the subway this morning as I laughed loud enough to disturb some other corporate zombies.

Oh, and P.S.: Joe Scudda fucking sucks.

- Hiding Place (ft. Elzhi)
- Cheatin'

HERE!

Better Than the Irish?
Some stats from last week's Notre Dame beatdown of Pitt on the road:
Irish rushing yards: 275
Irish yards per carry: 5.5
Irish passing yards: 227
Irish yards per attempt: 8.4
Irish time of possession: 32:46
Irish rushing yards allowed: 103
Irish yards per carry allowed: 3.3
Irish passing yards allowed: 220
Irish yards per attempt allowed: 5.5

Some stats from last week's Michigan more-like-a-placedown of Northern Illinois at home:
Wolverine rushing yards: 208
Wolverine yards per carry: 4.3
Wolverine passing yards: 239
Wolverine yards per attempt: 7.2
Wolverine time of possession: 35:09
Wolverine rushing yards allowed: 211
Wolverine yards per carry allowed: 6.6
Wolverine passing yards allowed: 200
Wolverine yards per attempt allowed: 7.7

What does this all mean? Given that Notre Dame and Michigan have not played a common opponent and have each only played one game, probably not much. But maybe some significant things.

- Against a shifty running back like Garrett Wolfe, UM surrendered almost seven yards per carry, and many of the those plays came as the Huskies' offensive line moved or moved back the needs-to-be-stout Michigan defensive line. On Saturday, Notre Dame comes to town with Darius Walker, a shifty runner, and an offensive line that helped Notre Dame get close to three hundred yards on the ground. Maybe that's an indictment of the Pittsburgh defense more than it is a validation of the Notre Dame offensive line, but the Irish probably have talent analogous to that of the group at Northern Illinois. If you can find a casino somewhere that will give you action on the Irish o-line versus the Wolverine d-line, take the former.

This is a significant takeaway from the statistics because the Notre Dame defense is not the strongest group. The secondary is almost entirely new and could be exploited if the pass rush can't consistently generate pressure. Against a veteran UM offensive line that looked great in pass protection situations last week, the Notre Dame secondary might be tested. However, those DBs won't need to worry if the Notre Dame offense can put together ten-play drives, stay on the field thanks to healthy ground gains on first and second downs, and connect on 2/3 of the third-down conversions, as it did last week.

- The Irish defense gave up 88 fewer yards than the UM defense did despite the Panthers possessing the balls used in their game for longer than the Huskies possessed the balls used in their game.

- The Irish defense surrendered 3.3 fewer yards per carry than the UM defense did. The Irish defense surrendered 2.2 fewer yards per pass attempt than the UM defense did. Again, maybe this just proves that Northern Illinois is substantially better on offense than Pittsburgh is. Or maybe it merely proves that the UM defense was the blandest flavor of vanilla possible: UM rarely blitzed, used a base 4-3 with a linebacker covering a slot WR for most of the game, and played a zone coverage that can be best described through analogy as an orgy in a porn movie--just find a hole! Or maybe it means that while not exactly a steel curtain, the Notre Dame defense is significantly better, on a given play, than the sad unit UM has been trotting out for at least the last five games it's played.

I'm trotting all of this info out--along with the remedial and nearly mindless statistical "analysis"--to illustrate just one point: This game is hugely important to Michigan, because the numbers indicate that it is hugely losable. And I wonder if enough people are saying this. In Michigan circles, we are, but what about elsewhere? What if I told you that Mike Hart is dinged up, Kolodziejsdf;khsd9483y might not play, and Tim Massaquoi is definitely out (for the year?)? Does that change anything? I don't want the pain of a loss to be compounded by the unwarranted embarrassment that would stem from perceptions that UM lost at home to an inept team. A loss at home to the Irish, given the recent state of that program and the dumb-as-rocks general public's perception, is embarrassing enough as it is. And we've never won a game under Carr when ranked #3. Fuck.

Even comparing the offense is far less comforting than it would have been a month ago: Notre Dame scored more points and got more yards per play than Michigan did last week. There were all kinds of divergent circumstances--Weis was trying to win his debut on the road while Lloyd was trying to make UM 18-0 against MAC teams; Weis was trying to show his players that his system works while Lloyd was trying to extend the impressive offensive production that has suddenly become the UM calling card; Weis was trying to beat a used-car salesman, Lloyd was trying to beat a dude he knows (and you know that means he'd like to win 3-2 after holding the ball for 50 minutes); etc. I get that. I understand all of the arguments that would prevent someone from jumping to the conclusion on the conclusion mat that reads "Get ready for an upset." But I still am immensely worried.

And here's one more thing to consider: In recent history, this game has meant much more to the Irish than to Michigan. Over the course of the last ten meetings, Notre Dame is 4-5-1. In those five years that the Irish won or tied, the team was a combined 46-14-1, and only once (last year's 6-6 campaign that ended in racism) did the team fail to win fewer than nine games. When the Irish lost to Michigan, Notre Dame was 33-28-1. Michigan, meanwhile, was 46-13-3 in the years that it lost or tied and 50-11 when it won. I think it's fair to infer that Notre Dame always takes the Michigan game seriously because it can be an emotional catalyst for success, perhaps the ultimate show of respect to the program that taught the Irish how to play. Michigan had better be ready.

Prediction: Notre Dame 35, Michigan 28.

How I Waste Brain Cells

I don't know this guy, but that's what I had for breakfast on Saturday

The endless minutiae that I call "life" and some called Seinfeld:
- On the heels of this observation about Jimmy Williams and Virginia A&M, I started wondering what sort of majors get listed underneath the names of Buckeyes. License-plate making? Shower rape? Prag studies? Tobacco-based currency alternatives? Skin art? Adebisiology? Lifting?

- Maybe Azher knows. Peep game: Any Given Saturday. Literacy may be endangered in Ohio, but at least one person is a committed practitioner of the failing craft.

- Want to know more about my weekend? Read RustedJesus.

- The University of the Confederacy won 10-6. In related news, the contractors are showing up at Orgeron's house tomorrow to replace the walls. And they've been told to disregard the guy in the yard chewing on nails and biting the pit bulls.


Ed Orgeron, the Autobots' contemporary answer to Devastator

- Your 2005 Heisman winner is...a middle-aged woman from Michigan? I thought it was supposed to be...Tim Massaquoi?

Trying to catch the buzz:
I've only ever watched one episode of Entourage in its entirety. I understand that during the last few weeks, Saigon has been on the show. It's about fucking time. Haven't we been hearing about him forever? This is for the Entourage set:

- Saigon, "Stocking Cap"
- Saigon, "Diduntdidunt"
- Saigon, "Contraband"
- Saigon ft. Ali Vegas and Mek, "We Want In"

All I Wanna Say Is That They Don't Really Care About Us

Serious for a moment:
Like many who do not live on or within any close proximity to the Gulf Coast, I have experienced the crushing tragedy of Hurricane Katrina only through the sobering news stories, wrenching images, and disarming first-hand accounts relayed through newspapers and television. When the storm first began to unleash its destructive fury on the helpless communities it has destroyed or severely incapacitated, I didn't fully grasp its severity and proceeded as though the Southeast were afflicted by a hurricane that is common during this time of the year. However, I was quickly disabused of this ignorance as I began to read about lives lost, families broken, and cities destroyed; as I began to read about our horrible leaders, myopic policies, and ugly social plagues.

This event has been devastating. We all--well, maybe not Michael Chertoff or Rocker George Bush--know that by now. And I don't just mean for the victims. I would never presume to know what those unfortunate folks have endured. Nor do I need to chime in with my impression of what's happened; the news and blogs have chronicled so many of the stories that were created by this awful and harrowing episode. Rather, I sit in front of a computer every day welling up with anger, frustration, sympathy, and overwhelming dismay as I process the sadly unending stream of information that is documenting this horrific event in world history. I'd be disingenuous were I to write that this is all I think about; it's not. I can still work, make jokes, socialize. Moments like this past Saturday still can command my attention and provide a welcomed respite from our dispiriting reality. But for these diversions I am consciously thankful, because the huge, recurring sorrow that news of Katrina engenders can be paralyzing at times.

But while my fortunate geography and absence of social ties to the region have partially insulated me from the pain, I am hurt by the indescribable sadness of a family with almost nothing losing everything. I am hurt by the social truths that, paradoxically, needed to be buried under water before they could be seen by all. I am hurt by another significant erosion of my remaining secular patriotic faith.

America is far closer to a social-caste dystopia than the meritocratic utopia our national creed tells us it is. This is not a land of opportunity for all, and this is also not a place where those in need can find the help they require. No, no. This is a place where black people are still treated as inferiors, as disposable, solely because of their skin. This is a place where public schools are left to rot while taxes are cut to aid the rich. This is a place where just because someone is poor, we punish him or her by cutting services. This is a place where policy is driven by ego and pandering and fallacy and religion, not deliberation or consensus or prudence or even science. This is a place where the money we need to protect our own citizens can't be summoned because it's been spent fighting a superfluous war. Why were so many people opposed to invading Iraq? Well, if they were like me, it was because they knew that America--land of the unsympathetic, home of the inequality--had some things--like schools, health insurance, and, as it turns out, levees--that needed fixing.

This post is not some socialist's anger-driven wet dream. Please don't take from it that I want all people to have all things to an equal extent. I believe in hard work; I believe in accountability; I believe in life just being unfair sometimes. But I also believe in treating people like the humans that they are; I believe in helping people who have been forced into helpless situations by the actions of others; I believe in policies intended to help all people, especially those with the greatest needs. I haven't seen much of any of that so far. That hurts.

One more Katrina note:
- Ian has been the standard bearer for me in covering this event. Please take some time to read through his many admirable and informative posts.

It's Spelled F-O-S-T-E-R...

G.O.O.T.?

Make out that royalty check. Again:
- Ghostface Killah ft. Wiggs, "Misdemeanor"
This beat will never cease to stop you in your tracks and show you that it's ruthless.

- Ghostface Killah ft. Kool G Rap, "Ghost and Giancana"
The following topic is gonna be its own post soon, and maybe I'll make it an open-source thing since so many people will have input, but at this point, can we all just agree that Ghostface is one of the greatest MCs of our time? I am NOT engaging in mindless hyperbole. I mean, he's not even good on this track and I still listen to it on repeat. The dude's charisma is so crazy that just hearing his voice commands my attention. And who gets more out of the available syllables? Dude makes so many references that force you to go back, think, and slam your head into a wall. Dude says crazy nasty funny shit. The man is a prolific hip-hop wordsmith.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Chuck D, Rakim, KRS-One, Melle Mel, etc. Fine. Influence, originality, intelligence. Whatever you want to trot out as reasons for their preeminence, go ahead. I mean, maybe Kool G Rap is at the top of the list. Man can flow; man has incredible mic presence; man defined gangster. Fuck, Kool Mo Dee wrote a whole book trying to quantify this discussion. I am not proclaiming anything right now beyond this: Ghostface is a god. Have you seen his arm piece (PDF)?

BlogPoll: Ballot #2

State Prop, Chan Gang!

• Previous week's ballot

• (Brief) weekend musings

1) USC - The Trojans did what was expected, and their only failure was not reaching 70 or more. Questions about defense will get sorted out as this weak schedule plays itself out. No one will stop their offense. How can you?
2) Texas - The Longhorns' ground game looked really strong, albeit against a weak team. UT benefits from Tennessee looking less than stellar. Young did his Young thing (7 ypc, 49 yards, 1 TD), but 13-17 with 3 passing TDs might signal improvement. If so, watch out.
3) LSU - I like the Tigers' roster and think they can be good. Nothing has changes since the last time I voted, although I wonder if the hurricane will affect them. Can anyone down in Louisiana really be as focused on football?
4) tOSjoaU - Ted Ginn is still fast; the defense looked stout; the team played with confidence; and the inmates were never tested by a Miami team that is probably good. This really hurts, and I was afflicted by the pangs of sorrowful rememberance on Saturday as I recalled sitting in a Denver hotel room, in 2002, mortified as a freshmen named Maurice Clarrett and a bunch of other criminals carved up Texas Tech and put college football on notice.
5) Virginia Tech - The Hokies have probably already conquered the toughest defense they're gonna see. Not a [Lloyd Carr]tremendous[/Lloyd Carr] win, but how many other teams opened up by winning a conference game on the road at night? Jimmy Williams was pretty awesome; I loved that first-half play in which he lined up over the slot receiver and canceled his coverage, instead streaming into the backfield and blowing up the pitch. Top-fifteen draft pick. And yes, Jimmy Williams's major really is "apparel, housing, resource management." Um, quick question--WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!?!?!?!:

6) Iowa - The Hawkeyes did exactly what you're supposed to do to a markedly inferior opponent. 56-0 is a score I respect.
7) Georgia - I probably haven't moved them up enough, however a piece of me doesn't want to get caught up in the Dawg hype just yet. As I wrote, I was impressed by what Georgia accomplished, and their performance augured well for a special season. But it was still just one game at home against an outclassed team with less talent.
8) Tennessee - I was gonna watch this game, but all that orange threw the color on my television for a loop. And then the camera panned away from Fulmer's stomach. Thank you, thank you; you're too kind. Anyway, The Vols struggled at home as Ainge looked overrated (by people like me). Is this a championship offense?
9) Louisville - Playing Kentucky probably wasn't a fair test of the Cardinals given that intrastate rivalry games carry with them extra motivation and all that. That said, the game should have been over at halftime.
10) Florida State - I am reserving the right to use Florida State like a rankings yo-yo, moving the 'Noles up and down, until I understand if the defense can maintain its Miami-game level and if the offense can get better. Just a ferocious pass rush. Ferocious enough to compensate for a middling secondary that can't cover tight ends. Michigan should take notes.
11) Florida - Mixed returns for the Urbanites. Leak and the receivers looked good throwing; Leak and the runners looked mediocre running. The defense sounds like it will be a more aggressive unit this season.
12) Purdue - And by Purdue, I mean "The Boilers didn't play, and I really can't think of anyone else who deserves to be here."
13) Georgia Tech - Why not? The offensive line looked steady and knocked around Auburn's front seven. They won at night on the road in SEC country. And they beat a good team.
14) Michigan - They won and looked pretty good on offense, so maybe moving them down one place is unfair. I will defend my ballot if I am asked to, though (someone associated with Michigan has to defend something). All I know is that this defense still misses tackles, still doesn't generate sacks (just one on Saturday), gave up five yards per carry, and didn't get much from a defensive line that needs to be a strength. As I have written before, I am always wondering, "Could Team X beat the Y teams ranked ahead of it?" With the defense UM showed on Saturday, I think this seems reasonable. And oh by the way, didn't Northern Illinois run a sprint draw on its second play from scrimmage for big yards? Wasn't that UM's problem last year? This is not just a Jim Herrmann problem, folks. His linebackers are no good, but the UM defensive shortcomings are not all on him.
15) Arizona State - Nice scrimmage against Temple, Sun Devils. Prove that the Pac-10 is a real league next Saturday night. Don't just roll over in Death Valley.
16) Texas Tech - What's the line on Tech as the team most likely to put up a PlayStation score next week?
17) California - The Bears won...but they don't move up because their best QB is done for the season and the other two available were 2-17 on Saturday. I have written of my faith in Jeff Tedford. It might be tested this week.
18) Miami - Kyle Wright is gonna be a star. Like, a win-you-some-big-games star. The Miami offense didn't look great tonight, but I think it's unlikely that in coming weeks, it's gonna be playing an FSU-caliber pass rush. It is likely, I think, that Wright will have more time to find his receivers and that said receivers won't drop as many balls. It seemed like a really good running team could rush on Miami, though. We'll see.
19) Clemson - "The other Death Valley, where Dennis Franchione hype goes to die." It doesn't slide off the tongue so well, but it seems apt this week. Was beating A&M a building block for that long-predicted and never-realized "sleeper" season, or was it just the beginning of the annual mercurial ride toward Tommy Bowden job-security watch?
20) Boston College - It took me ten minutes to find any information about this game because I kept following Big East links. I should finally get this conference realignment all set by September 18th, the day after BC beats Florida State in Chestnut Hill. I like the 3 points surrendered, the effective passing, and the serviceable running. I don't like the 330 yards surrendered through the air, although BYU only had 16 rushing attempts. Failing to rank BC on my preseason ballot was an oversight (sorry Fresno State).
21) Texas A&M - Tough way to lose a game that could (should?) have been a W. If Reggie McNeal's run toward the Heisman were a board game, he'd have to take a step back given his pedestrian performance.
22) Oklahoma - I never got a chance to post this weeks ago, but I've been saying all summer that Adrian Peterson isn't getting 1,500 yards this year and probably isn't flying to New York for the trophy ceremony. I am not throwing any dirt on the Sooners' casket, though. I think this could still be a good team, and I don't believe the four-loss prognostications I also still believe in Bob Stoops. But man, that passing game was feeble.
23) Auburn - Replacing an NFL backfield is hard, and Georgia Tech looks to be good. Find an offense or fall off this list.
24) N.C. State - I watched the VaTech game on tape this morning. The offense was better than expected and had some fits of success against a good Hokie defense. The defensive line was pretty much as advertised, and I loved how quickly the defense got to the ball carriers. No shame in losing a competitive game to a national title contender.
25) Notre Dame - This is a compromise pick. I don't think that Wisconsin is one of the twenty-five best teams in the country, because while it looked good, the Bowling Green defense seems horrible. I couldn't leave Bowling Green on my ballot since it lost to a team I won't rank (yet). Of the other teams I saw, the Irish are likely the best. The offense was creative and well executed. The defense seemed decent, limiting a Pitt team that could score a lot with similar personnel last year.
Dropped out: Boise State, Pittsburgh, Fresno State, Bowling Green

Somewhere, Omar Jacobs says: "A defense, a defense! My kingdom for a defense."

A quick note: Things are pretty fluid right now while the season is still in its nascent stages. Until teams put together broader bodies of work, it is hard to assess their relative strengths and weaknesses. I am a little alarmed by how uncertain I feel about most of these votes this week. I watched a healthy amount of football this weekend but didn't get to see everyone and -thing that I wanted to. I expect to have a far more informed perspective next week after Michigan plays Notre Dame, Ohio State plays Texas, LSU plays Arizona State, and teams like Purdue and Texas Tech get on the field. And when I am not hosting guests, partying like the world is ending on September 6th, and staggering along the long road to full recovery.

The Weekend Is Here

Things change but the game remains the same

My apartment's becoming-legendary football kickoff tailgate happened again yesterday. And again, it happened. What's it? Far too many people (50? 60?) shoved into far too small a space (my 16' x 20' backyard and my living room) drinking far too much alcohol. What does that yield? Bottles thrown into a neighboring yard; chairs colliding at high speeds with fences; beer pong and flip cup; flowers destroyed; kegs finished off by 6; shopping carts full of beer being brought in for reinforcements; marauding; littering; hooking up in the park; falling asleep on the floor of the bathroom; pouring soda on the heads of loved ones; cursing out and kicking out obnoxious, asshole-ish unwanted friends of friends of friends of friends. There are also a lot of guests in town, so while I had a wonderful time--it's always a good party when a neighbor requests a respite the next morning at 8 AM as you pick your way through garbage, dead animals, overturned tables, half-dranken (yeah, I said it) beers, and puddles of vomit mixed in with top soil--I didn't get to fully immerse myself in the foosball as much as I usually would.

Nonetheless, a few observations from shit I watched courtesy of my ESPN Game Plan:
Oklahoma-TCU - We knew that OU would struggle with a passing game, but wow. I mean, when did Stoops turn into JoePa? 17 points against TCU at home? That's just one step above beating Utah 10-7 at home a few years ago; I pity the team that did that (oh boy...)

Wisconsin-BGSU - I was rooting for Omar Jacobs, just like everyone else. That dude can play for my team any day. I have been one who thinks that Michigan's game against Wisconsin is going to be as pleasant as hanging with Trent Lott in all of his rubbles, and nothing that transpired yesterday makes me feel better about it. UM will move the ball and score (at least, it should if Terry Malone is as good as I've been told he is), but so will Wisconsin. This team seems like it might be underrated. And it's gonna be at night. And everyone loves beating Michigan. And it's the first road game. Fuckity fuckity fuck.

Georgia-Boise State Intramural B Champions - We're coming to you live from in between the hedges. Welcome to SEC football! I thought that the MOST under-discussed storyline heading into yesterday was the VanGorder departure from a team that has been the college football equivalent of the Baltimore Ravens. Wasn't the head coach supposed to be an offensive genius? Well, he obviously learned something about defense while he was hanging out with the Andre Wadsworths and Reinard Wilsons of this world. And Shock G, the one who put the satin on your panties, looked pretty good, too. That one heave where he barely had his feet set after stepping up and to the side in the pocket was some internet-message-board fantasy shit.

Michigan-Northern Illinois - Jim Herrmann isn't receiving a paycheck this week. At least, he shouldn't. Tell me all you want about vanilla, base 4-3, zone coverage, a linebacker covering the slot, and no blitzing. That means shit. When is Michigan going to EVER be a team that plays with some swagger and intimidates someone by playing aggressive defense? Is that ever happening? Was it strategic to "hide" UM's "best stuff" from Notre Dame? Yes. Is there actually anything to hide? Probably not. The defensive line was pedestrian, the LBs were mostly clueless, and the secondary was underwhelming. Mark this down: ND 35-UM 25. FUCK. And I say that because...

Notre Dame-Pittsburgghghghghghg - Pitsburgh's defense is Herrmann-like, so that tempers some of my esteem for the Notre Dame offense. But on the road and at night, the Irish played with poise and confidence, executing everything, even diving circus catches in the end zone. Next week in Ann Arbor, one team is going to enter the game with confidence, enthusiasm, and a desire to make a statement by beating a team it "shouldn't." Another team is going to try to survive and will be prepared to defend the ghosts of Montana, Ismail, Bettis, et al. with its poor tackling, overpursuing, limited-pressure-applying defense. Yeah, I'm a pessimist, but really, is anyone feeling good about Herrmann vs. Weis?

Texas A&M-Clemson - I only saw bits of this game. I think that the Aggies will still be a good team, and one game a season does not make, but maybe this will dial down some of the hype.

Georgia Tech-Auburn - Maybe BlogPoll voters will provide us with some awesome irony as Auburn--a team some have at #2 because, you know, we're still playing last season's games--stays overrated, falling a little after losing at home. Jason Campbell has never looked so good. He and Jason White probably had a party yesterday.

Miami-Florida State - Some quick notes because I'm tired:
- It looked like some teams will be able to run on Miami, especially by running at the DEs
- Both teams are faster than anyone else I saw this weekend. Really, the contrast between them and a team like Michigan--at least, on defense--was staggering
- Miami has a lot more upside than FSU on offense
- Jeff Bowden is just horrible. Bobby should dock him some part of his weekly allowance
- Lots of sloppiness

MichiblogCity Version 1.0 Part One

Brian from MGoBlog (note the proper style), Vijay from iBlog for Cookies, and I thought that a good way to spend a Wednesday night would be to sit at our computers and type at each other for three hours. After initially type-yelling any- and everything on our minds related to Michigan football as the thoughts emerged, we got our act together and staged a discussion in three parts, each "moderated" by a member of the fanboy triumvirate. I presided over a compelling seminar on offensive expectations and perceptions. Brian lorded over the second session, and he's posted that on his site. Following a brief dinner and a motivational speaker who led us through a challenging exploration of our deep-rooted fan issues (mine is trust; Vijay's is hopeless optimism; and Brian's is a willingness to ignore perhaps hurtful truths), Vijay concluded the summit by focusing on the general status of the program and the direction in which it is headed. Those thoughts can be found here. Below, you will find a transcript of the offense discussion. I also present our self-images; may they inform how you process our comments. Enjoy.

Images:
Joey: Well, from my perspective: The sky is falling, Carr is a jerk, a playoff is swell, the defensive line is the thing, and Terry Malone is overrated. Like Marlin Jackson. And I, too, am a jerk.

Vijay: From my position, I am a hopeless optimist, I think 10-1 is realistic, we'll improve enough on DL to hide some schematic and back 7 flaws and we'll win the Big 10. Carr is good enough that he shouldn't have the complaint/praise ratio he has, and the only thing I hate more than ND and playoffs is the idea of ND being in the playoffs.

Brian: I, on the other hand, choose to ignore the fact that our safeties are forced to undergo Katzenmoyerization upon matriculation, Herrmann's determination to confuse his own defense into submission, and Carr's decision to leave his nuts in a jar at home whenever he plays a road game, and believe we're destined for a Weis-like run of greatness and the next 6 national championships.

Discussion:
Joey: With Chad Henne, Mike Hart, Jason Avant, Steve Breaston, a veteran--though reshuffled--offensive line, and a plethora of young talent, the offense is expected to be dominant. Is this a fair perception of the team and what it will do?

Vijay: I'll start: Dominant for Michigan, yes. Top 10 in scoring nationally, no

Joey: Explain your qualification

Brian: What do you mean by dominant for Michigan?

Vijay: We will never pile up the 40 point games that you need to put up eye-popping stats, but if we can count on 30 when needed, that's dominant for the situation.

Joey: Brian, thoughts?

Brian: I think we'll be very, very good as long as Henne makes the improvement he needs to.

Brian: Without that it's going to be more of the same. He was too erratic at times last year.

Joey: Are you both confident that the offense will adapt to the personnel?

Brian: Yes. I am terrible excited about Terry Malone.

Vijay: Yes, very. Not as much as some fans want, though. I don't expect to see fun 'n gun. I like Malone.

Joey: What about some criticisms of Malone that I think are valid:

Joey: UM underutilizes the tight ends; UM runs too many routes short of the first-down marker; UM is too timid with a lead

Brian: I think that's the first time I've ever heard someone accuse Michigan of underutilizing tight ends.

Joey: If the offense is going to be markedly better, I think it needs to improve in these ways and some others

Vijay: On the three: 1) I think we have lots of weapons, and you won't get enough numbers for them all. Henne set the season record for attempts, but the TEs didn't get enough? How do you get them more?

Vijay: Skipping to 3) That's frustrating at times, but predates Malone as OC and is actually diminishing, so I put that on Lloyd and really do believe he is opening up (as he loses faith in the defense).

Vijay: Back to 2) I don't know. Sometimes you have to, and you have to expect your guys to pick up a few. I don't know how often those are check-downs, etc.

Brian: I think a lot of the issue with 2 last year was a problem with Breaston's health.

Brian: Those passes that seemed like a good idea turned out to be three yard gains with Breaston limping around out there.

Brian: Michigan was also understandably wary of letting Henne test the deep middle in his freshman year.

Brian: Often when they let him he would misread a coverage and throw an interception or turn a wide receiver into a defensive back.

Brian: On 1: Michigan threw 35 passes to the TEs last year

Joey: That's three per game

Joey: Is that enough?

Brian: I was re-watching the 1998 Rose Bowl and was shocked by this fact: Jerame Tuman, All American, had 27 catches all year

Joey: Really?

Vijay: You want to take those away from Braylon? Avant and Breaston already were under quota, if you ask me.

Joey: Ok, you both have given a verbal middle finger to some of the common concerns about the offense

Joey: What are yours?

Joey: If any

Brian: The offensive line in short yardage situations.

Brian: That fake inside hand off-outside pitch thing against MSU in the OT would never ever have happened 10 years ago. It would have been strictly line-em up, shove em over.

Joey: Vijay?

Vijay: Agreed, Brian. Michigan should be able to pick up 2.5 at will, even in 3rd and short.

Brian: And the 3rd and 2 in the Rose Bowl which was a rollout pass... I wanted some throat cramming action right there.

Joey: No argument here

Joey: Does UM struggle in short yardage because of S&C?

Brian: Who knows?

Joey: I certainly don't, but that's the explanation often cited by those who pretend to

Brian: I think it's unlikely; our linemen head right to the NFL and start.

Vijay: I know nothing about S&C

Joey: I can't help but think that a lot of those plays are just about who has the energy and desire to move another body

Brian: I think it's probably a perception issue, actually. If we had hard numbers I bet Michigan would be well above average on third and short conversions.

Brian: But it ain't like Bo.

Vijay: I think the complaint is we are good at turning out brutes, but not at turning out freaks. The critics say Woodley would be a speed rushing demon if he were at FSU.

Joey: Again, I don't know enough to say

Joey: But I threw us off course

Joey: Let's get back to the offense

Brian: My main concern is Henne though.

Brian: For the offense to be great he has to be great.

Brian: That means he has to improve a lot.

Brian: Should he? Yes.

Joey: I whole-heartedly agree.

Joey: Well, at least about what he has to do

Brian: Doesn't mean I don't fret about it, though.

Joey: I always take a wait-and-see approach with this team

Brian: But I believe in Loeffler.

Vijay: I'll state my biggest complaint: not enough big plays. Sounds easy, but Moeller had a philosophy that was far more conducive to the big play than Carr's.

Brian: Strange, I tholught our offense was a series of disconnected big play ast year.

Joey: I think one of UM's problems is that it gets none in the ground game

Joey: UM hasn't had a back that you couldn't catch from behind in a long time

Vijay: Brian, maybe I'm not describing this right.

Vijay: Moeller had a philosophy that every play should be designed to score a TD if executed perfectly. A play where Avant finds a soft spot and sits for a 13 yard gain won't do that.

Vijay: Braylon got a ton of bombs, but Moeller would be dreaming of ways to get Breaston, Dutch, Manningham and Bass running free, and I'm not sure Carr wants that.

Joey: Vijay, this is part of the larger discussion about offensive aggression

Brian: I don't know if I agree with that.

Joey: UM is far too content to play nice with a lead. This coaching staff doesn't seem like it wants to run up the score. Just score enough and let the clock and defense do the rest of the work

Brian: Which is not an insane thing.

Brian: Too many fans think that's a major cause of problems with the team.

Joey: It is if your defense can't hold up its end of the bargain

Joey: And sometimes it can, and sometimes it can't

Brian: Well I think this goes back to my opinion of Carr's major flaw: he is slow to adapt.

Joey: I don't even crave more scoring, though. I just wish that UM would attack an opponent's weakness for 60 minutes

Brian: I think that's often easier said than done.

Joey: Perhaps. I could see having to stop calling something if the other team catches on. But sometimes, I wonder if the coaching staff doesn't abandon things too readily

Vijay: Moeller used to do that, too. Hated it. He'd walk us right out of our strengths in an effort to attack their weakness. Or that's how I felt at the time.

Brian: I mean, I get that way too, and there have been flagrant examples in the past--I remember screaming "THROW IT TO TERRELL" at the top of my lungs for a whole half in the Orange Bowl--

Brian: but we went right after OSU's wonky pass D, opened in a spread against Minnesota, etc.

Vijay: I really honestly feel that Carr has changed that. 2004 saw a Carr that, for the first time ever, opened games trying to grab as many points as he could. I think he lost faith in the defense at some point.

Brian: This may be wishful thinking but what I saw last year was a genuine change in offensive philosophy severely hampered by the growing pains of a talented but very young and inexperienced quarterback.

Brian: By which I mean "I agree entirely with Vijay."

Brian: This is the year we find out, isn't it?

Joey: Maybe this is the year

Brian: That's why I am excited. I think we can bust out this year.

Brian: Unleash the inner Wolverine

Some New Music?

New York is not over

Enjoy, friends:
- Mack 10 ft. Nate Dogg, "Like This" (Stream - wmp/real)
This track is just the epitome of innocuous. It's not bad, but it's also not memorably good. I have listened to it about five times and I can't tell you a thing about it. Sounds like Petey Pablo yelling in the background. He's on Tha Row.

- AZ ft. Ghostface and Raekwon, "New York"
This beat is dying for someone to kill it: it's wearing a short skirt; it has it coming; it's asking for it. Sadly, I don't think any of these dudes--three of my favorite rappers ()--manage to really work it over like they should have. In that respect it's a disappointment. It also sucks that AZ is blabbering over it the whole time to fuck up people like your boy. But like preseason NFL, just having something that seems like the stuff you usually like is enough to make you excited. And while Ian has done been leading the East Coast's funeral for a while now, this beat sounds like some classic New York shit, and I still really like that sound. I mean, Nas could rhyme over this in a second. True, there aren't four minutes of rhymes about the many ways one can overhaul an older car and use it to get women, but I still like this track enough.

(P.S. There are at least two tracks on this AZ album that sound like they rely on the same gun-clap drums, and I don't know if I like that or hate it. I'll get back to you.)

The Real Answer

We Michigan types have a lot of fun draping ourselves in the maize and blue when talking football, but here's why I really think it is great to be a Michigan Wolverine:

U-M Responds to Hurricane Katrina

Dear Colleagues:

I have been working on a welcome letter to the University community to celebrate the start of our academic year, but have set that aside to write you about a far more somber matter: the devastation dealt to the Gulf Coast states by Hurricane Katrina. This disaster has destroyed the lives and homes of thousands, and I know you share my sadness and shock at the scenes unfolding hourly in Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama.

Our campus has not gone untouched by this catastrophe. I hope you will join me in offering sympathy and comfort to friends and colleagues whose families have been affected. This is a natural calamity the likes of which our country has never known, and I ask you to extend support as our co-workers and students help their loved ones to rebuild their lives.

We also have an obligation to assist those in need. I first want to tell you how the University is responding, followed by information about how you can help personally. I also have included a number of University websites at the end of this letter where you can find more information.

The University is reaching out to students, faculty and staff in need:

• Eighty-two U-M students are from areas hit by the hurricane. The Dean of Students’ Office will serve as a coordinating resource so academic units and support systems — including the Office of Financial Aid — are in a position to aid these students. If you need assistance and are not sure where to go for help, please contact the Dean of Students at 764-7420, deanofstudents@umich.edu or Assist-Me@umich.edu.
• Counseling & Psychological Services will offer support for students. The Faculty and Staff Assistance Program and the U-M Health System’s Employee Assistance Program will be available to support any faculty and staff who may be affected.
• The Dean of Students’ Office and units such as the Ginsberg Center for Community Service and Learning and the Office of Student Activities & Leadership will be working with student organizations and others in support of fundraising and relief efforts. Also, the Dean of Students’ Office will provide updates on critical incidents, maintain and distribute general information and be prepared to make referrals to other offices as necessary. Details and updates will be posted on the Student Matters and Division of Students Affairs websites.
• We are working with the Association of American Universities to assist students from other universities who have been displaced by the storm. The Office of Undergraduate Admissions has already received several inquiries from students hoping to continue their studies at Michigan until classes can resume at their own universities, and we want to do all we can to assist within our available resources and based on what is in the best interest of the students. Please contact Director of Undergraduate Admissions Ted Spencer at 647-0102 or tsz@umich.edu if you are aware of such an inquiry, and he will coordinate the necessary follow up on an individual basis.
• U-M Survival Flight is making itself available to Children’s Hospital in New Orleans, which needs fixed-wing service to transport patients to nearby facilities because it is forced to close. In addition, U-M Health System leadership is participating in an emergency meeting of the Michigan Hospital Association today to determine the most effective ways for hospitals to respond. A number of Health System caregivers are interested in offering their services, and information on how to get involved is forthcoming.
• The U-M football season begins Saturday, and we will take the opportunity to ask our 112,000 fans at Michigan Stadium to help with relief aid. The Department of Intercollegiate Athletics will broadcast calls for support on the large-screen scoreboards and public address system, and volunteers with the American Red Cross will be accepting donations around the perimeter of the stadium.
• The local Association of Religious Counselors is providing support if needed.
• The School of Social Work will hold a silent auction all of next week to raise relief funds. The auction will be coordinated by students, faculty and staff. Items can be viewed in McGregor Commons until Sept. 9, and the School is still collecting items for bidding.
• The Doctoral Program in Anthropology and History has arranged to host a professor from Tulane University’s History Department. He will be at U-M for an undetermined amount of time, from about September 21.
• We are contacting alumni in the affected states to offer our support and share with them the news of relief efforts on campus.

Devastation of this magnitude overwhelms us with grief, but also motivates us to do all we can for those affected by the tragedy. Here in Ann Arbor, the Washtenaw County chapter of the American Red Cross is asking for volunteers to help staff phone lines and process cash donations. Volunteers also are needed for hardship assignments of two to three weeks that will take them to the devastated areas; volunteers must be at least 18 and undergo a 10-hour training course.

The local office also is in need of donations of blood and cash for the Red Cross Disaster Relief Fund. To volunteer or donate, call 971-5300 or visit the chapter’s website.

Another local organization, the Washtenaw chapter of the Salvation Army, is seeking donations of money and is taking names of potential volunteers; there are no age restrictions and no training time is required. You may contact the Salvation Army at 668-8353, or send an email to bcarroll@usc.salvationarmy.org.

Because the situation throughout the Gulf Coast region is so unstable, the Federal Emergency Management Agency is discouraging people from traveling on their own to the region to help. Rather, FEMA is advising people to show their support by making cash donations to voluntary organizations. You can find these organizations on FEMA’s website.

I want to thank you in advance for your support and understanding during this unsettling time. If you have additional information, please share it with me at presoff@umich.edu and we will make it available to the community.

Sincerely,

Mary Sue Coleman
President

Better Than Yours, Back in the Building...

Back when he was still an "elevator man," as certain bald idiots on ESPN called him.

...But first, these NBA-related notes:
1) I don't author End of the Bench anymore. I resigned. Maintaining this shit was hard enough; I couldn't run that site, too. So now, all NBA thoughts are back home on the Bangin'. The cursing, the Isiah Thomas hatred, the Scottie Pippen deification--it's all here.

2) The NBA Political Correct Gender Equity Sideshow is almost done. My pick for the playoffs? Watch something else

3) Has there ever been more written about a golden parachuter picking a new bench to sit on once he inevitably gets hurt than there has been about Michael Finley? Did he grow ten years younger this summer? No? Was he ever a consistent all-star? No? Does this make the Spurs a title favorite? No? (Because they already were.) Does this warrant so much attention? As Whitney would say about bringing kids along on vacation, "Aw, hell to the naw!"

A little twist this week:
Which song should Jay-Z have sampled for what became "Early This Morning?" Obviously, it would have had a different name and a slightly different sound, but I think it really could have gone either way.

- Gary Wright, "Heartbeat"
You know, he of "Dream Weaver" fame. One of the cheesiest songs I've ever heard. Is it a love song? Is the beginning chopped and screwed? (For real, shouldn't the chorus progress a little faster before the sappy happiness really kicks in?) Did he really just say "something something" as a real lyric? Did Eminem steal that from this song? Do these mixed metaphors work? It's a fucking mess--in your eyes; night; day; music. Pick one!

or

- Styx, "Castle Walls"
I think it's best to listen to this song with the lights turned off and the arena-style laser light show in full effect. If you don't have one, borrow your friend's. I am not a Styx aficionado, but this strikes me as a pretty good example of that "kind of cool because it sounds creepy, I guess" sound they were going for. When DeYoung and them wrote music, do you think they just watched movies the whole time and tried to make "cinematic" stuff that could go with their favorite films? Sort of like if I wrote syrupy stuff to accompany Anchorman. Hey, "cinematic" is a word that I've "heard" used to describe that new Kanye record. Maybe all those critics can bust one next year if Kanye teams up with executive producer Dennis DeYoung. They could even get someone to play the triangle in the background to enhance the sonic composition and take hip-hop to a whole new place.