4.29.2005

This Has Been a Long Fifteen Minutes

Jerry Buss; Phil Jackson

Look at the above photograph closely. Can someone please explain why Kato Kaelin is in the owner's box at a Lakers game? Is he the next Lakers coach?

Also, I had a random hip-hop-related musing while listening to my iPod this morning ("One Day at a Time" came on): Isn't it almost time for Eminem to dig up some old verse from a dead rapper and release another "collabo"? There must be some old Big Pun joints lying around in Fat Joe's basement. Em could even show Cuban Link and Tony Sunshine some love like he did with the Outlawz when he "collaborated" with a posthumous Pac.

Locked Up


Dum-ditty-dum, ditty-ditty-dotty-day...

- Memph Man was arrested:
"Police arrested rapper Memphis Bleek early Thursday after he and another man allegedly beat up a busboy at a Manhattan nightclub.

"The 23-year-old victim told police that the assault occurred after he entered a VIP room at the NV club to clean off a table. He claimed Bleek -- a protege of Jay-Z whose real name is Malik Cox -- and Ravelle Talik Smith punched him in the face and head, knocking out a tooth."
Here's more. I guess that Bleek was just keepin' it real (stupid).

- Wes Jack has an interesting post about symbolism in The Matrix.

- Birdman? This is just begging for some hip-hop shouts. Gully.

- It's just going to get worse (in a macro sense) as India and China consume more and more oil.

- So spending on programs for the poor (like Medicaid) will decrease while taxes on things for rich people (capital gains, dividends) will be cut more. What a nice group of people we have running the country.

- People can fight about affirmative action forever, but it will not solve the real problem: shamefully inadequate public schools.

Nightly Notes


The Diggler

Emphasis on notes, because I'm tired and gave y'all plenty to read all day:

TNT
- Could that new show The Closer look any worse? How was this thing made? Did a Turner executive commit a murder that Kyra Sedgwick knows about?

Miami-New Jersey
- Like the Basketblog said, this series was pretty bland until tonight, so it was nice to see an engaging game (too bad I missed most of it with my own basketball game)

- I'm a real Knicks fan, and consider that my caveat: I hate Alonzo Mourning. When he was the franchise player for the Heat, he set moving picks; he never won a playoff series of significance; he was overrated given his clumsy offense and rudimentary footwork; he was constantly scowling--he was generally detestable. I wasn't glad when he got ill, and I actually felt bad for him because he seemed like a good enough person when he wasn't playing basketball and being an asshole. But any positive sentiment he earned during his medical episodes has been forfeited by his despicable behavior this season. First, he demanded a trade from the Nets when it looked as though the ship was sinking even though the Nets signed a weak, aging center with bum kidneys to a four-year contract without insurance (!). And this isn't the NFL; NBA management needs to honor contracts. So that was totally bush league. But even worse, since he's been back with the Heat, his obnoxious, grating, antagonistic demonstrative outbursts of emotion have become out of control. As my father rightly said tonight, referees should be giving Alonzo technical fouls for taunting when he grabs a rebound and then starts flexing and running his mouth like he's won something. When the Miami plays Detroit, I hope that Rasheed, Ben, Elden, and Antonio all put Alonzo on his ass. (I'd include Darko, but there's a good chance that he'll be unavailable after he breaks his hand during garbage time this weekend.)

- Shaq is fantastic and dominant and all that, but the referees protect him as though they own stock in the man. I mean, he commits a foul of some kind on almost every play, yet the refs are either looking the other way of just being gutless. In overtime, with about three minutes left tonight, when Richard Jefferson went to the rack and got bumped by Shaq, that should have been O'Neal's sixth foul. Instead, there was a no call and it seemed as though the Nets' spirit was broken

- At the end of the first overtime, Vince's miracle shot overshadowed the fact that he dribbled away what seemed like it was going to be the final Nets possession. If you have the league's best playmaker and one of its most clutch players on your team (Kidd), why aren't you running your offense through him? I would have liked to have seen the ball in Kidd's hands more down the stretch.

Dallas-Houston
- Ryan Bowen is worthless. When he's in the game, it's as though Houston is playing four on five. He fumbles passes, he missed open shots, he gets beaten on the dribble, he rarely gets rebounds, he is never the one who grabs a loose ball. Houston could probably be the same if not better if it were to grab the most athletic-looking fan as he made his way into the arena and threw a Bowen jersey on him.

- Kevin Harlan makes a lot of mistakes for a guy who calls as many games as he does. He is constantly getting players' names wrong, missing calls, misjudging twos and threes. I like Harlan's enthusiasm (even if he does yell a little too often) and his repartee with Doug Collins demonstrates his knowledge, but he should be better, shouldn't he?

- In unspectacular fashion, Dirk Nowitzki really came through for his team tonight. He was steady, he was aggressive, and he made great passes to get his teammates nice shots.

- Yao has started to play more aggressively. He's still not a ferocious or an intimidating presence, and he's really not that athletic (he gets off the floor slowly), but suddenly he's sealing off defenders on his back, he's holding off men with his off hand while grabbing rebounds, he's getting the ball up on the glass when he gets fouled. I don't think that Yao is ever going to be what people want him to be--a Chinese Abdul-Jabbar--but he's more serviceable than it seemed he would be during the first half of the year. Given his soft shooting touch, it would be nice to see him get the ball more in pick-and-pop situations. He still seems tentative in crunch time, though.

- After McGrady, Bob Sura is the most important Rocket. He does everything, he loves the pressure of the playoffs, and he has that warrior mentality. Like Manu Ginobili, Bob Sura is a guy who would be fun to play with.

- I think TMac took too many jump shots in the fourth quarter. He wasn't hitting from three-point land tonight, and it would have helped Houston had McGrady put more pressure on the defense. Sometimes, a player can do too much to involve his teammates.

Boston-Indiana
- I watched almost none of this game because: 1) The Nets game was exciting and immediately afterward, it was TMac time; 2) It was a blowout; 3) Spero Dedes and Fred Carter are auditioning to be in a Christopher Guest movie. Right? Tell me it's a joke. Could these two be any more formulaic, awkward, and goofy? They are horrible and ruin every game they broadcast. (And please, please, please forgive me, Fred. I loved your work on the NBA 2Night, but the studio is your domain. Uh-huh, I like it. *finger point*)

4.28.2005

She's Smoking


Not cool. Not hot. Not even when Angelina does it.

Every morning when I go to work, I exit the subway system by traveling up a set of stairs that leads to an egress contained within an office building; I don’t use one of those free-standing subway staircases. The building that hosts this subway portal is massive and class-a style: beautiful marble lobby, those look-how-important-our-business-is electronic turnstiles, etc. Needless to say, there are a lot of people who work in said building, and roughly half of that population is people who carry two x-chromosomes. I see a lot of these people, women, in and around the lobby as I make my way to work each morning. On the good days, there are at least a few women who give me reason to glance in their direction longer than I normally would glance at a stranger. Feel me?

This morning was one of those fortuitous mornings when, indeed, there was a really good-looking girl hovering outside of the building, having just left. Given that she wasn’t making any forward progress, I could sense the impending feeling of mistaken excitement creep across my conscience, but I tried my hardest to ward it off for as long as I could. Perhaps she’s waiting for a colleague with whom she usually gets coffee. Maybe she’s just getting some fresh air; maybe she’s meeting a courier. My purposely optimistic and inevitably inaccurate hypotheses were quickly proven to be the falsehoods I sadly knew they would be when this attractive lady reached into her purse and retrieved her lighter.

Is there an everyday occurrence that is more disappointing than happening upon an otherwise attractive woman just as she is pulling out a cigarette? Honestly, is anything in the realm of the mundane as much of a letdown? Maybe arriving at the subway platform just in time to see a train closing its doors on you, but otherwise, I am at a loss. It’s such a shame.

Keep on keepin’ on:
- I see some blogs I’m likin’: Sexy Results!, (the popular and hip) lemon-red, funwrecker says get down.

- More hoops: Michael Wilbon on the poor, porous Wizards.

- FUCK YOU. Sorry for the expletive, but I find this so sickening: “…contributes to ending the life of an innocent child”? I believe we call those things in the fat ladies’ stomachs “fetuses.”

- So not only does Pope Benedict look like Senator Sidious, er, Palpatine, but he’s also a former Nazi and a harbinger of the apocalypse? Bad choice, cardinals.

- Seriously, this sounds foul (and gutter). Not so seriously, Cam could flip this, couldn’t he? I’ma merk you, throw you to the lions/Like some Urkel, throw you ‘cuz you lyin’.

- Jackogate: Rowe throws a curveball.

I Gave You Power


"Oh, God, this is the last thing I need -- a bunch of uppity homosexuals shooting their mouths off to the liberal media that the Federal Wildlife Marshal office persecutes gays."

The President disclosed some more details about his energy plan yesterday. I was confused by the Times’ coverage and the content of Bushie’s speech:
“Mr. Bush also proposed giving the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission the authority to choose sites for new terminals to receive liquid natural gas from overseas.”
If the idea is to diminish our dependence on foreign energy sources and fossil fuels, this had better be just a short-term solution. Natural gas, commonly transported as liquefied natural gas (LNG), is more abundant, cheaper, and cleaner than oil. However, it is a finite resource and the best reservoirs are found abroad. Given the President’s proclivities for dishonesty and cozenage, this sounds like a giveaway for natural gas companies that will be implemented without an accompanying program to develop renewable domestic energy sources.
“‘Because of our foreign energy independence, our ability to take actions at home that will lower prices for American families is diminishing,’ Mr. Bush told the business owners, who were attending a conference organized by the Small Business Administration. ‘Our dependence on foreign energy is like a foreign tax on the American people.’”
Did he actually say “independence” or did Bush's girlfriend Bumiller just eff this up? He obviously knows that our energy needs are not independent of other nations.
“‘But it's now time to fix it. See, we got a fundamental question we got to face here in America: Do we want to continue to grow more dependent on other nations to meet our energy needs, or do we want what is necessary to achieve greater control of our economic destiny?’”
...And then he announced that the Department of Energy was initiating an ambitious and exhaustive endeavor to develop solar, wind, tidal, and biomass energy sources. Right? (And by the way, I like his use of the word “destiny”; it’s very reminiscent of Reagan’s evangelical rhetoric.)
“…But the plan to build refineries on closed military bases startled energy experts outside the administration. Administration officials said that bases could either be leased or sold to private companies in open bidding. At present, there are about 100 closed bases in the United States, but some have already been redeveloped as commercial airports or economic free zones for businesses.
“Building more nuclear power plants has long been a part of Mr. Bush's energy policy, but offering federal risk insurance to companies or investors willing to try to get approval for them is new. In his speech, Mr. Bush said that his goal was to reduce uncertainty in the building and regulatory process, and to protect companies from construction delays beyond their control.

“Mr. Bush noted that the United States had not ordered a new nuclear power plant since the 1970's, and that since then 35 plants were stopped at various stages of construction because of bureaucratic delays.

“‘No wonder the industry is hesitant to start building again,’ he said.”
I guess not. No government effort to reduce the cost and increase the efficacy of domestic renewables, the real solution to out problems. The fossil-fuel industries have really gotten what they paid for.

And it looks like the nuclear- (or “nucular” as the President would say it) energy industry is starting to reap a return on its investment, also. I actually think that nuclear energy should be explored as an option given that France has largely avoided the problems encountered in Russia and the United States. Unresolved questions about nuclear waste, wastewater discharge, facility security, and siting make any support of mine conditional upon a thorough search for answers. What I think is stupid, though, is this tacit message being sent that nuclear power would be a panacea if those un-American, skeptical regulators and their regulatory processes would acquiesce to the industry and accept assurances that nothing bad is going to happen. “…And that since then 35 plants were stopped at various stages of construction because of bureaucratic delays”--what is that? Serenity now.

As for the increased refinery capacity, I guess it’s a necessary evil. If the U.S. can refine more oil, it can likely import more and make the commodity more readily available for consumers. Like more LNG, more oil would theoretically retard the energy-independence movement, but the infrastructure we have now requires more oil, and gas prices are killing people and businesses. More refineries would be a step back taken to (hopefully) go two steps forward. But again, this really just smacks of a giveaway to the petroleum companies. All in all, this “energy plan” is maddeningly duplicitous and myopic.

Jack Move?


Jackin' for beats?

At this point, everyone has heard Beanie's "Feel It in the Air," and Cuban Links has the original song that was sampled, Raphael Ravenscroft's "Whole Lotta Something Goin' On." However, the initial question I had upon first hearing "Feel It in the Air" lingers: Didn't Beanie jack the beat from Black Rob's "Permanent Scars"? Maybe I just heard the BR joint first? Anyone?

4.27.2005

Lazy Basketball is Losing Basketball


Kid went nuts after the first quarter. Did he even miss?

I am rarely more disappointed in a basketball team than I was tonight while watching the Wizards. What a gutless, sad display of "basketball." How did they eff up? Let me count the ways:

1) In the second quarter, with a thirteen-point lead, the Wizards got very content and stopped pressuring Chicago ball handlers, stopped driving to the basket, and stopped moving their feet. As a result, a Bulls second unit comprised of Othella Harrington, Jannero Pargo, Stephen Hawking, Estelle Getty, and my mailman not only made up the deficit but took the lead.

2) Once it had surrendered the lead, Washington became that team, the one that panics because it is self-conscious about its mounting errors, and this anxiety created more bad choices and miscues: rushed jumpers, missed box outs, errant passes, etc.

3) In the third quarter, only down by seven to start the half, Washington looked like a bad schoolyard team. Every offensive possession was sloppy and disorganized, with someone dribbling too much and recklessly charging toward the basket or launching some desperation three. If that wasn't happening, then a Wizards big man was committing an offensive foul by hastily putting his shoulder into the chest of a defender with established position. On defense, the Wizards were just lazy and committed every possible error: Players weren't moving their feet and dribble penetration couldn't be prevented or contained; Washington would surrender open jumpers from all parts of the floor because the players would lose their men on switches or through sheer lack of thought; Washington was fouling instead of hustling.

4) Eddie Jordan was a train wreck. Most of Washington's offensive inefficiency stemmed from an apparent absence of set plays. What were the Wizards supposed to be running? I mean, they weren't even doing simple things like a pick and roll. Also, with the team in desperation mode at the end of the first half, why wasn't Antawn Jamison in the game? With Hughes unavailable (three fouls), Jordan had Arenas, Dixon, Jeffries, Brown, and Thomas in the game. Hello?

I'd go on, but this is making me sick. When I picked Washington to win this series in six, I hadn't counted on three things: 1) The Wizards FOLD in crunch time. 2) The Wizards HATE defense. Hate it and just won't play it. 3) Hughes and Arenas are not calming influences on their teammates. Chicago is going to win this series. Book it.

...

Denver was another team a little too content with its success. During the first eighteen minutes of the Spurs-Nuggets game, the Nuggets showed up but didn't do much else. The Spurs got every loose ball, got into the lane at will, and "just wanted it more," as the cliche goes. What really hurt the Nuggets was that they were settling for a ton of jumpers in the first quarter and then struggled to get anything inside for the rest of the significant portions of the game (pretty much the first half). You can't fall behind the Spurs in San Antonio by fifteen or twenty and really expect to make a run. Denver was obviously content to have its split.

...

I'll now fall asleep with the Suns and the Grizz. And by the way, TNT's coverage is so much better when the mindless and phony Magic Johnson isn't commanding undue attention and deference.

Fun with Referrals, pt. III

If you were to conduct a Yahoo! search for "straight boys masturbate for the camera," this site's February archive page would be returned as the second-highest-rated link. Um, no homo? Sadly, Straight Bangin' is only the twenty-first site returned by Yahoo! when searching for "tim thomas fugazi" (I really wish that this site could be #1 in that department), but it did make the first page of the Google search conducted for "Mike Fratello + toupee."

Originalism Ain't Shit


The most dangerous man in America?

In yesterday's New York Times, there was an editorial both cataloguing and bemoaning the Republican stewardship of an escalating concerted effort to dismantle the legal bulwark that has long delineated government and public life from religion and, its critics would argue, implicitly attached opprobrium to countervailing efforts. Historically, this barrier, or wall, has been erected under the auspices of those--legislators, judges--who have shared an understanding of the First Amendment's "establishment clause" as not only a prohibition of state-articulated preference for one particular manifestation of religion, but also as a proscription of state-sanctioned religiosity. The establishment clause has been understood to forbid an espoused preference for religion instead of secularism.

Court decisions--like those judging a coerced Pledge of Allegiance recitation or mandatory invocation of God unconstitutional--that have fortified or made the wall more towering have routinely infuriated both those who earnestly believe that American society is necessarily religious and the far more sinister Christian zealots who unrelentingly agitate for a public adoption of some form of evangelical Christianity, acknowledgment of the sacrosanctity of Christ, and a vilification of those who would believe otherwise. I have addressed the threat posed by this latter group in the past, and while I am no less dismayed by its political potency or concerned about its apparent impending victories, I was recently more troubled by the Times' tacit understanding of the United States as a nation whose foundation is, at least in part, ecclesiastical.

In the editorial, the Times stated, "
Apart from confirming an unwholesome disrespect for traditional American values like checks and balances, the assault on judges is part of a wide-ranging and successful Republican campaign to breach the wall between church and state to advance a particular brand of religion." The article then continued, rightly, to demonstrate all of the poisonous and "corrosive" effects the evangelical agenda to which the Republican Party kowtows was having on society. From objectionable and imprudent appropriation of funding to harmful abuses of agency powers to ethical transgressions, the tendentious, if not explicit, Republican agenda has severely crippled the progressive America that used to strive for equality, meritocracy, liberty, and justice. In no way do I disagree with the Times' judgment of the Religious Right.

By deriding the specifics of the caustic Republican agenda--almost an evangelical fatwa--the Times has conceded that the issue is not whether religion belongs in public life but which religious beliefs and to what extent. Admonishing the Religious Right for its harmful objectives and fallacious practices is perhaps of greater utility than engaging in a more abstract and idealistic discussion of religion's role in public life. However, that discussion is one that needs to be occurring in tandem with the more focused, urgent exploration and repudiation of the Religious Right. The Establishment Clause--"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion..."--remains a source of debate, and its contemporarily accepted meaning (one which I believe clearly outlaws government from espousing a specific religion and the merit of public religiosity) must be serially reinforced, because there are many who would understand it as something else.


"Originalists"--the jurisprudence analogs for literature's deconstructionists--are among the many whose understanding of the Constitution, either purposely or coincidentally, lends itself to an assault on the wall. No originalist is more prominent than Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, and Margaret Talbot recently authored a lengthy, fairly even-handed examination of the proudly conservative, proudly supercilious, and proudly voluble Justice Scalia. Scalia serves as a sobering reminder that even theoretically cherished American values like so-called "freedom of religion" are open to interpretation and even revocation, depending upon one's understanding of the phrase.

Scalia's originalism, like deconstructionism, strikes me as a terribly boorish and paradoxically anti-intellectual legal ideology. (I'd call it a paradox because Scalia has a soaring intellect and is very well educated.) Originalists approach a text, like the Constitution or a state-level law, without regard for a document's applicability in contemporary political and social climates. Instead, an originalist will only examine the text and consider the document's intended meaning upon its inception, thereby significantly reducing the size of its meaning's potential universe by neglecting to contemplate how the document should be applied contemporarily. Really, constitutional originalism is almost like legal solipsism--it only acknowledges the words on the parchment and their intended 18th-century meaning. Nothing else exists. Kind of narrow boundaries, no?

I was reminded of Scalia as I read the Times' editorial because Scalia is a devout Catholic who believes that there cannot be a proper public life without religion, and as the assault on the church-state separation intensifies, an originalist like Scalia will happily accede to the maneuvering of religious zealots. To combat this ominously approaching shift in the accepted understanding of religion's relationship with government, theoretically socially responsible outlets with broad audiences, like the Times, must be having this other conversation.

You know how I do:
- Reader poll: Out of curiosity, I'd like to know how many people who read this site also consider themselves regular readers of ESPN.com's Sports Guy, Bill Simmons. Please let me know in the comments section. In the future, I would be interested in having a discussion (maybe even with guest entries or content grafted from the comments section) about whether or not he's still good at what he does.

- When frat boys become President: This is not awesome!

- New ish: My man Paul's got a blog. Go Greece Lightnin' Go. And I have been remiss for not mentioning Toyochin's spinachdip nyc.

- The next time that a conservative tells the truth in public will be the first. While I disagree with a lot of their beliefs (especially their social agenda), conservatives can think what they want, and I respect that right. But all I ask for is that they at least tell the truth and draw conclusions only after considering all of the facts. I don't understand the conclusions at which they arrive, but it's the cheating, lying, and hypocrisy that really piss me off. Juan Cole has a nice synopsis of Bush Administration subterfuge and chicanery.

- "...any potential failures in the licensing process." Nothing like vilifying regulatory processes designed to ensure environmental safety, adequate mitigation, and environmental justice. Also, this new energy plan seems to tacitly acknowledge the global warming problem, something conservatives have routinely dismissed as liberal fear-mongering. I realize that tax credits for certain vehicles are likely meant to induce less dependence on gasoline, but they also serve the purpose of promoting energy sources that produce fewer airborne pollutants.

- My life, my life, my life, my life...in the sunshine. Shouts to Roy Ayers.

- Jam-band awards? ?uesto needs to spend less time with John Mayer if the Roots are going to avoid another disaster like The Tipping Point.

- Jackogate: Defamer hits a home run with this. And credibility issues continue to dominate the trial. Do you think the judge would consider putting the day of Kobe's cross-examination on pay per view? I'd take the day off from work to watch.

- I'm sorry, but this ad is too funny (spotted on Trickology, and while you're there, check out the Black Eyed Peas news):


Talk to your perfect woman now! Perfect woman = body-less, hair-covered breasts? LMAO.

It's a Celebration...


I don't use this term lightly: Classic.

I haven't seen much mention of this news, but I am really excited: Digable is back. Blowout Comb is one of my favorite albums of all time, and "slept on" is an understatement; heads are hybernating on that record.

- Digable Planets, "Black Ego"

Tony's Money


Nothing like getting traded from the Knicks.

Redemption is a favorite theme in sports. Whether it's an athlete or coach who achieves his ultimate triumph upon revisiting the site of his most haunting nadir; an athlete, a coach, or a team defeating a tormentor who unjustly and cruelly diminished his or its humanity; or an athlete or coach returning from a crippling injury to reach the apex of his profession, there be an endless cavalcade of struggle to reclaim lost pride, taken dignity, and vanished opportunity. Tom Osborne after he won the 1998 Orange Bowl; The 1991 Bulls after they defeated their villainous antagonists, the "Bad Boy" Pistons; Jesus Freak, arch-conservative, and self-righteous Curt Schilling after the Red Sox won the 2004 World Series--they could all tell you about redemption in sports.

Like bowl-season football and postseason baseball, playoff basketball is a crucible in which athletes withstand and attempt to transcend the restrictions that should logically impede their success; really, the NBA is uniquely well-suited to serve as a perfect stage for this human drama. There are a lot of exciting and even endearing stories of redemption emerging during the nascent stages of the NBA playoffs--TMac's campaign for upper-echelon inclusion, Jerome James's arrival following rehabilitation of a terrible knee injury, to name just two--but none has been as stunning or stirring as the return of Tony Dice.

Y'all know Tony, and if you don't, then you should. He's the dude who had the preternatural leaping ability; the nuts-above-the-rim reputation. He's the dude who was evolving into a dominant interior force, first with the Nuggets, then with the Suns, and then again with the Nuggets. He's the dude who everyone left for dead when his frail left knee stopped working, healing. During the three seasons between 2001-02 and 2003-04, Tony appeared in just seventy games, endured three knee reconstructions, was traded twice, and contemplated retirement countless times. On some nights--when the doubts were pronounced enough, the pain was crippling enough, the rehabilitation was demanding enough--Tony would cry.

Maybe you don't care. Maybe you think that Tony is just another overpaid athlete who shouldn't take himself or his plight so seriously since he doesn't have a real job. Maybe you think that grown-ass men crying about being hurt is weak. Maybe you just don't know Dice. You should care about this man and his struggle. When you read that his teammates rave about how giving and humble he is; when you read that his coaches gush over his work ethic and passion, you should care. Imagine having your life's primary opportunity and singularly defining characteristic taken from you. Wouldn't you cry if you thought you'd never get it back?

Well, I'm pleased to report that it looks like there is going to be a happy ending to this tale of woe. If you've been watching the Pistons dismantle the Sixers with suffocating defense, cooperative offense, and generally enthused play (batted balls, floor burns, demonstrative reactions), you've likely noticed the most serendipitous development of the playoffs: Tony Dice is back! Are his numbers staggering? No, but they're also not bad. But, more importantly, Dice's athleticism has returned. He's the grown-ass man playing like a nappy-headed kid, soaring for rebounds, leaping to block shots, rotating to challenge a lay up, hustling to grab a loose ball. He's setting picks and then popping out for jumpers; he's posting up and nailing fade-aways; he's taking the ball to the rim with strength and determination. In short, Tony Dice is playing like the Tony Dice who could average twenty and ten, dominate a game from the interior, and reserve an annual spot at the all-star game.

Tony Dice is money, and there is no more appropriate venue for his coming back party than the NBA playoffs, the stage upon which many stories of redemption have captivated audiences and elicited applause. Kudos and dap to Tony Dice. Bravo, kid.

...

As a little bonus, I'ma throw up Ghostface's "Tony's Money" to commemorate Tony Dice's stellar play. Y'all may know this as "He Comes," the track's recycled incarnation that appeared on De La's dope Grind Date.

G-Dini, "Tony's Money"

...

And just because it seems to be Little-Known-Kanye-Song Week on the internets, I'll also throw up the song that, according to "Last Call," you weren't ever going to hear:

Kanye West, "Wow"

P.S. Buckets, I see you. How 'bout your Nets?

4.26.2005

Racialism?


The objects of envy?

Did anyone else see the bizarre McDonald’s commercial that was aired on TNT during last night’s Dallas-Houston game? It was the one with the black folks eating chicken selects while seated on an airplane. For the uninitiated, I provide this synopsis:
There is a black couple (one man and one woman) seated on an airplane. Directly in front of them is a little white boy with blond hair. He’s peering back at the black people while they smile at the inquisitive set of eyes (we can’t see more of his face). The kid has one of those distant glances about him, the sort that people have when they are paralyzed by fear, awe, or longing. While the couple is still smiling at the boy, we see the seat adjacent to his, and suddenly, a second white head with blond hair pops up. Now there are two sets of eyes vacantly gazing upon the black couple. They just sit in their seats smiling for a second, and then the camera focuses on the chicken selects that they’re eating. I can’t fully remember, but I think some music and a voiceover came on at that point, and the voiceover guy said something to the effect of, “No one can resist our grade-f meat and laboratory-grown chicken, especially when it’s fried.” The commercial ended with two white businessmen wearing suits turning their own yearning glances toward the black couple and its fried chicken.
So, am I just crazy or was this commercial intentionally ambiguous at the outset? For the first fifteen seconds, I had no idea what was going on, and all I could think was, “Is the point of this ad that the little white boy is surprised to see two black people on his plane? Is someone trying to lampoon white prejudice?” It was pretty creepy seeing two little eyes inside of a white head staring down at two innocuous black people. On top of that, making the black people and their fried chicken both a spectacle and the subjects of an inherently condescending kind of envy (the people who run McDonald’s and its advertisers know that no one--aside from the homeless and stupid little kids--is really dying to eat McDonald’s) was, at best, in poor taste. I mean, does anyone else find it unsettling that a plane full of whites was staring at the only two blacks because they were eating chicken nuggets?

Perhaps I overreacted and saw racism where it was absent, but the advertisement struck me as very bizarre. If not intentionally offensive or darkly humorous, the spot was very clumsy.

So much to cover today:
- Hip-hop, sneakers, and a hatred of Notre Dame = hot site! Check out Mr. Kamoji. And speaking of Notre Dame, it looks like it got back together with the media. I guess some marriages just thrive on conflict.

- Whose weed does Spider Loc carry? 50's? Buck's and Banks's?

- So will the next version of Microsoft Word auto-correct "homosexual" and replace it with "heterosexual"? Why else is Bill Gates runnin' with Ralph Reed? I don't know how to reconcile my disgust stemming from this revelation with the feelings of sympathy and appreciation engendered by Gates's demonstrated commitment to fighting AIDS and improving public education.

- Another week, another perfect Juan Cole missive. He is blogger, read him roar. Why did I not study with this man while at the U?

- Eddie rightly points out the failings of the Western world as it has completely neglecting "addressed" the global AIDS epidemic. I wrote about this problem a few months ago, and unlike Eddie, I am neither impressed by the President nor optimistic about significant change.

- Different Kitchen has some great audio links today, and Ian's gonna be spinning with Prince Paul on May 5th and the Knitting Factory. It should be a good look.

- Nothing shocking here: another bad idea from George Lucas.

- Guess who's bizz-ack.

No Propaganda Here

You wouldn't know it if you only listened to Dick Vitale or accepted that ridiculous American Express "My Life, My Card" commercial as genuinely sincere (golly gee, that Coach K is such a nice, wholesome, self-effacing guy), but Mike Krzrzrzrzrzqyrzewski and Duke University are not the beneficiaries of heavenly exceptionalism. THANK YOU, ACC BasketBlog, for calling this out (scroll down.)

TMac Attack!


Just don't start mouthing off about going to the second round yet.

I think it's safe to say that someone wants to win a playoff series. Huh? I had a few thoughts while watching tonight's Rockets-Mavericks game:

- People need to shut up about Steve Nash's absence in Dallas. If you want to contend that the Mavs miss his leadership, go ahead, because it's obvious that he can be a galvanizing presence in a locker room. But the notion that the Mavs played better basketball with him is arguably the most maddening fallacy in circulation, and I am constantly being driven insane by this contention. Nash is a very good point guard, and the success that Phoenix has enjoyed this season is evidence of that, but Nash can only be effective in one system: one where he has the ball constantly. Shawn Marion? He can drive, but generally, he's catching and shooting or rebounding and putting back or ooping an alley. Amare Stoudemire? He's just dunking or (maybe) knocking down a jumper yielded by a well-executed pick-and-pop. Joe Johnson? Catch and shoot. Quentin Richardson? Camped out behind the three-point line.

What's the point? Steve Nash is only effective when his teammates don't need the ball. That sort of a lineup affords Nash the chance to do all his cute little dribbling and leave his feet to throw a pass after sprinting into the paint as though he were running a race. In a half-court set, Nash pounds the ball into the floor forever. In Dallas, playing with players like Finley (who also loves to hold the ball) and Nowitzki (who needs to have the ball in his hands to initiate his offense), Nash usually dribbled away good looks or failed to get guys the ball where and when they needed it. Why is anyone surprised that Nowitzki had a better season this year? For once, he actually got to have the ball in a triple-threat position with time left on the clock before either backing his man down, driving to the rim, or taking a dribble to get in rhythm before shooting. It's not a coincidence that most of the plays Dallas runs for Dirk involve either a simple pick meant to get him in space or an off-ball screen that allows him to catch and--*gasp*--dribble once he receives the rock. The next announcer who dwells upon the idiotic idea that Steve Nash was a godsend in Dallas should be forced to update his resume.

And also, let's not forget that Nash is a fucking turnstile on defense.

- If Tracy McGrady keeps playing like the franchise player he can be when he concentrates, a lot of his critics will be forced to shut the eff up. Two games into his postseason of redemption, McGrady is doing everything right: no mean mugging; playing defense; getting his teammates good looks; hitting clutch shots; and most important, attacking the basket for four quarters. The effortless grace with which he plays--to say nothing of his emerging knack for hitting clutch jumpers--is mesmerizing. I believe my man John at Tar Heel Pundits was openly wondering how I could love TMac so much. Well, I offer his effort in these first two games as my compelling evidence.

- Is there anyone who hates winning time more than Keith Van Horn? I used to taunt my sister, an O.G. Nets fan, by reminding her that her beloved Keith was "not a fourth-quarter player." His timorous play tonight was sickening.

- TMac was running awkwardly and rigidly with about six minutes left in the game. I wonder if his back is going to hold up.

- Yao was great, but he still needs to get stronger, especially in the thighs. Too many guards are able to absorb contact from him in the lane and still finish.

- Does anyone else get the sense that Dirk is going to go off in game three? He's been relatively quiet, despite his strong play on offense down the stretch tonight.

- Jeff Van Gundy out-coached Avery Johnson tonight. The Mavs couldn't deny Yao in the first quarter, couldn't stop the high pick and roll with McGrady, and had no answer for Sura when the Rockets brought him in down the stretch.

I'm sure there's more to say, but I'm tired. Leave me some comments and the discussion can continue. Actually, one last note: Doug Collins is such a joy to listen to. He can't coach for shit, but he really understands the game.

4.25.2005

Series Over?


Don't think that I've forgotten that you pushed off when you made that steal against the Knicks.

9:30 Update
: Jermaine O'Neal can't do shit with his right arm and was just taken back to the locker room. That's all you need to know. Suddenly, a Boston sweep seems possible.

- Stephen Jackson was great tonight in the first quarter. I wish that the Pacers had kept him more involved throughout the night. As I have said before, he's a great three-point shooter when he gets his feet set, so it would be nice to see someone (AJ?) use dribble penetration to draw defenders in toward the paint and free up Jackson for an open look.

- I really admire the way that J.O. is gutting out this injury. I thought he was done for the night when he went back to the locker room during the second quarter.

- Is there a less graceful athletic player than Paul Pierce? All of his drives and spins and hops look sloppy and clumsy, yet they're generally effective. I can't stand watching him.

- How obvious is Ron Artest's absence?

- The sequence during crunch time when Antoine faked out his man, drove along the baseline, and then missed both a lay-up and a follow was, sadly, a perfect microcosm for his career: he always good, and always dangerous, but never great. I love him, and his skill set is the sort that I find so exciting, but he needs to make that shot and he never does.

The Return of Miscellany


Typical. An administration official hiding behind a flag.

What, you thought I'd fall off?

- Good thing that our money, attention, and resources are committed to Iraq. It's not like we'd want nuclear proliferation perpetrated by a rogue state controlled by a dogmatic lunatic to be at the top of the international agenda. I realize that perhaps I am making a superficially specious argument, but I can't help but think that had the U.S. spent more time focusing on these legitimate threats and less time lying about Saddam Hussein and invading Iraq under false pretenses, I'd actually feel safer. In related news, we're finally going to do something about North Korea. But, here's my question: The U.N.? How dare the Administration show up John Bolton like that?

- "Now the shit's gettin' crazier and major..." We're all gonna have to pick our game up.

- Young Rome back with another beat.

- I was troubled to read about how money from American Indian-owned casinos is being invested in Hollywood. I have no problem with American Indians seeking fair representation in media or engaging in commerce and art like any other group of people, but should casinos be understood by them and everyone else as the only instrument for empowerment and economic relief? Given the negative moral, economic, environmental, and land use impacts of casinos (and some of these problems are mitigated by the desert setting of Las Vegas), as I deliberate further, I may find this whole story troubling (from the New York Times' "Indians Investing, but Carefully, in Hollywood"):

"We wanted to begin to understand the business and for others to understand us, so our motives weren't solely for profit," said Ray Halbritter, chief executive and nation representative for the Oneida Nation. "It was important for us to show the industry we were capable of actually producing something, that we were a player."

This is not so bad, although many endeavors, like casino agreements and land settlements, undertaken by or negotiated "on behalf of" American Indian tribes are often actually just the whims and decisions of select individuals who either abuse or pimp their tribal allegiance/membership. Thus, before learning more about a guy like Halbritter, I will be forced to question his sincerity and purported altruism.
"Hollywood in its own infinite deteriorating wisdom has always thought of us as invisible," said Sonny Skyhawk, an American Indian producer in Los Angeles who was also a partner in "The World of American Dance." "Now that gaming has enabled us to empower ourselves, and people can see we're still here, our next hurdle is to make movies and programs that help change the old biases."
"Now that gaming has enabled us to empower ourselves" is a dangerous statement. There are many within the American Indian community who would say that gaming has had the entirely opposite effect: it has made Indians subservient to corporate gaming and hospitality interests who reward a select few with riches while exploiting the tax-free land on which American Indians can build their casinos. And again, many would argue that nothing good comes of commercial enterprises that insidiously prey upon human weakness.

I have been to casinos, and I enjoy playing poker at them, so I do not want to seem self-righteous. I just feel compelled to note that gaming is not the panacea some would make it out to be.

- I mentioned this a few weeks ago, but yesterday, Senate Majority Leader and likely presidential candidate Bill Frist make a mockery of his supposed faith, pimping it out to win a political battle. This country is so fucked up if Frist passes as a political leader and his decision to exploit religion passes as a lauded political decision. I know that liberals like me have gone crazy over this (and rightfully so), but he has scored so many points with his peeps. As Paul Krugman points out, though, the Republican leadership couldn't care less about "dissenters" like me because it only worries about and talks to itself and its political base, the ultimate tactic in brazen and smug governance.

- Women, what is wrong with you people? I can't say it enough: open-toed shoes are the worst.

- Jackogate: It looks like Kobe will soon have at least one thing to do during the playoffs. If he's called to testify, it will be the greatest day in the history of irony and unintentional humor.

Day Two


Three is a family

When I first assessed the Bulls-Wizards match up, my gut reaction was that the Bulls would win because of their defense. However, I then spent some time going through the Bulls’ roster and I was shocked to find that the void left by Curry and Deng was gaping: The Bulls would enter the postseason without a legitimate low-post scorer and without its best slasher and wing player. These offensive shortcomings, combined with my faith in the abilities of all-star Gilbert Arenas and impending-all-star Larry Hughes, led me to pick the Wiz. I figured that Washington’s offensive firepower and size advantage would be enough to win. I am not going to back off my pick after one game, but the Wizards really need to plug some holes.

Yesterday, the Bulls got to the front of the rim too easily; the Wizards lost the Bulls’ shooters in transition, during the secondary break, and during half-court sets too easily (hello?!); and the Wizards handled the ball with fear and trepidation during crunch time. It didn’t help that Gilbert Arenas stopped distributing the ball and started forcing (terrible) shots. Not only were the Wizards bereft of poise and cohesion down the stretch, but Eddie Jordan forgot what was working in the first half. Why wasn’t Hughes getting the ball? Why wasn’t Kwame Brown (of all people!) getting the ball in isolation against the Bulls defenders he was dribbling past all game? Shit, Jordan should have thrown Brown and Hughes into a pick and roll. Paradoxically, the Wizards looked like the younger less experienced team.

But what a great game. It was emotionally taut, Hughes and Gordon were playing out of their minds; Nocioni looked like the Eastern Conference Manu; Kwame actually seemed like a guy who should have been picked number one--the game was as exciting as I had hoped. And, if you want to be a Wizards-rooting optimist, consider that Washington could have won the game down the stretch despite abysmal performances from its best and third-best players, Arenas and Antawn Jamison.

As for the other games, I wasn’t too excited by Heat-Nets or Phoenix-Memphis. The Heat is just a better team than the Nets--better personnel, better execution, better defense. Dwyane Wade is going to win his match up with Vince, and he is so strong and so confident. Wade’s a dude who appears to play better during crunch time, and that is the kind of attitude that is going to be make him a preeminent star. If you made a list of the league’s best shooting guards and accounted both for contemporary performance and long-range potential, where would Wade be placed? I might put LeBron at the top, but after that, I could understand arguments for Wade, TMac, and Rapist. I mean, I’m not even seeing anyone else in the discussion at this point.

The biggest disappointment of the day has to have been that Denver received a technical foul…and it wasn’t on Nene. Nene didn’t get into a fight, and he only committed two personal fouls. The projected breakout lunatic performance did not get off to a good start. As for that game, it was kind of like the bizzaro world. In the first half, the Nuggets were pushing the tempo and San Antonio was doing fine, as I thought that it might. However in the second half, the game slowed down and Denver was better in its sets, getting key baskets (‘Melo’s board work was awesome) and, more importantly, forcing the Spurs to miss shots. With a healthy Tim Duncan, San Antonio would have won. I mean, did you see him down the stretch? My ninety-year-old grandmother could jump higher than he was.

Accepting Nominations


It's task force Tuesday, but Jada's inside rocking out to Styx.

I have spent a good portion of my day (parts not spent in front of the television) confounded by this song:

Jadakiss ft. Blu DaVinci, "Look in Your Eyes"

Why--WHY?!--would a track about gully ish like murder, slangin', and all of the other favorites from the studio-gangster catalogue of topics rely upon a looped sample of arena-rock star REO Speedwagon's standout power ballad "Keep on Loving You"? I mean, this has to be one of the best (worst?) examples of subject matter-beat incongruity. Shouting out D-Block while Kevin Cronin sings "You should have known by the tone of my voice, baby, but you didn't listen" DOES NOT WORK. Nothing is less credible nor more unintentionally hilarious.

I could see the Diplomats pulling something ridiculous like this, but only because they have patented a certain gully-while-simultaneously-corny ethos that allows them to pump out mixtapes and theoretically keep it real while sampling Cyndi Lauper, wearing purple, and dropping some of the most bizarre wordplay modern hip-hop has ever seen. Honestly, Killa can't be too far away from jacking "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" and flipping the chorus into something like "Every mami wants be Cam's girl." But that's Cam, and no one is touching his niche. What's Jada's excuse?! He's gonna go after 50 (and I fully support the endeavor) but turn around and make this song? What, could he not get Poison to clear the rights to "Every Rose Has Its Thorn"? Was the lead singer from Mr. Big unavailable?

How did this track get made? WHAT THE EFF? A certain curiosity (and parlor game) grew out of my perplexity and horror, though: Which are the best examples of hip-hop tracks whose beats and subject matter are completely mismatched? "Look in Your Eyes" and Jay's "Early This Morning" (which samples Gary Wright's "Heartbeat") are both on the list, for sure. I'm soliciting suggestions for others from the general public.

4.24.2005

Heartbreak


Ernest's last Michigan moment. Jim Herrmann can rot in hell.

Michigan's All-American SS Ernest Shazor did not get drafted this weekend. I am shocked and saddened. I am also left to wonder: Did Michigan do enough to help him gauge when he would be drafted? Is Michigan partially to blame because it allowed him, with his limited speed and coverage skills, to stay at SS when he probably projects as an OLB? I am not really trying to assign blame, I just think that these are fair questions. Overall, I just feel bad for the kid. Had he come back to school for his final season, he probably could have cemented his place as a first-day draft pick (much like CB Marlin Jackson, pick #29, and OG/C David Baas, pick #33, did this past season as seniors). Now, let's just hope that some lucky NFL team gets a determined undrafted free agent.

...

Hughes and Gordon have made today feel like 1987 all over again. I mean, this shoot out is a real throwback, and the first half of Bulls-Wizards was everything I was hoping for. I hope they keep it up...

Doing Fine


Is that a John Mayer guitar? Do you think Kanye's giving John his number?

Some unreleased Kanye. Why? Because I woke up with this loop in my head, and it's making me crazy. The best way to deal with it? Pump it to death. Kanye's flow on this track sucks. It sounds like one of those songs he must have made to warm himself up and get some of his weaker punch lines out of his system. Again, I ain't mad at him; I just thought I'd note that the beat gets stuck in my head despite my better judgment. I also find all of these unreleased Kanye joints notable because they, like other unreleased joints and outtakes, serve as hip-hop equivalents of historical documents, helping heads who consume, obsess over, and passionately study hippity-hop music trace the progression of MCs and understand the development of the music. Recycled lines, first-time uses of certain beats, younameit--these tracks are invaluable insights into the artists and their music.

Also, have peeps heard "The Way That U Do"? It's a John Legend track with one of those seemingly constitutionally mandated Kanye-produced-it-so-he-gets-to-spit-a-verse-at-the-end verses. I mean, he didn't even make any noises during the chorus or shout himself out at the beginning of the track, so how else were we gonna know that he was involved?

Neither of these tracks is new, but I thought I'd throw them up to spark some discussion (perhaps).

- Kanye West, "Doing Fine"

- John Legend ft. Kanye West, "The Way That U Do"

Day One


Today was a good day.

Interesting opening day/night for the Association. What did we learn?

- Detroit will likely have to battle itself as much as its opponent until it gets to the conference final because when it wants to be great, it can be devastating: Iverson had thirty points and ten dimes, Webber had twenty-seven points, Dalembert had seventeen rebounds...and Philly still lost by twenty-one. Damn!

- Tracy McGrady may be on one of those proverbial, trite, and oft-cited "missions" this postseason. It's only been one game, the Rockets' role players were superb, and Dallas seemed a little off, but from the first quarter tonight, it seemed like TMac was not only the best player on the floor but one who was basically refusing to lose. Everything seemed so easy for him, and he was throwing in everything. On a night when Dallas seemed sub par and Houston seemed pretty good, the Rockets only won by twelve, so I still think Dallas will win this series, but TMac was damn impressive.

- Hot shooters can decimate an opponent. Boston showed that tonight.

- Sacramento is not too good. Seattle tried pretty hard to give away that game and the Kangs did nothing to seize the opportunity. They missed free throws, they surrendered second chances, they turned the ball over. Sacramento has a last-days-of-the-British-Empire feel about it, no? Everyone just seems a little defeated, as if they know that the window of opportunity closed a few years ago.

- One last note on TMac: One of the criticisms even I have often voiced about him is that he settles for too many jump shots. Kobe, LeBron, Wade--these guys attack the rim constantly. TMac can do it, but he often chooses not to. Tonight, though, he was going to the rack, and it made a big difference. An aggressive TMac is an unguardable TMac, and he does his team and himself a disservice when he settles into that gunner role.

And by the way:
- Phil Jackson is gonna sit down with the Knicks. I'd be glad to have Phil, although I don't think even he can make New York a legitimate title contender. Also, I am only 99% sold on Jackson. All I'ma ask is, when was the last time he didn't have the two best players in the league on his team? Likely over a decade ago.

P.S. You're former Michigan safety Ernest Shazor. You didn't get picked on the first day even though limited Dustin Fox and fat Maurice Clarett did. Are you still glad that you passed up your final year at Michigan? Wow, Shazor seems like a dope right now. I hope he finds his way into a good situation for next year when he's picked tomorrow.

P.P.S. The NFL Draft is such a non-event. The announcers and analysts are windbags, the duration is too long, and the entire spectacle is obnoxiously self-important.

4.23.2005

What Did I Say?

The Pistons came out sluggish; looking eh right now looking fantastic now. When they concentrate, they are a great team.

I'm tryin' to see Common at S.O.B.'s on Tuesday, May 24th, but tickets are steep-for-S.O.B.'s $30. I mean, isn't that a little much? I want to go on Monday also, but that's the same night as a GZA show. After the NBA playoffs, the influx of hip-hop concerts might be the best thing about spring. And don't sleep on this: Common is rumored to be performing at Columbia University's Bacchanal on Saturday, April 30th. In the past, CU's had J-5, Blackalicious, De La, and Kanye. Not bad, huh? And even better, it's free.

4.22.2005

From the Polo Fleece to the...

Jesus Piece. Hot new site to peep.

And also, here're the ESPNU staff's post-spring practice top tens. (Sadly and ashamed) I think that Michigan is overrated while (the) Ohio State (joke of a) University is underrated. Yuck.

Playoffs?!


"Playoffs?! Are you kidding me? I'm just hoping we can win another game" - What's there to say?

Don't hold it against me, Jim, but I'ma talk to you about the playoffs.

That's right, peeps, the NBA regular season is over, the awards and honors have been handed out, and tomorrow, the Association embarks upon the most important two-month stretch of the year (despite what the obnoxious and relentless NFL-draft coverage would have you believe). I am not one of these people who thinks that you must like either the NBA or college hoops and denigrate whichever one you find inferior. Anyone who has read this site's content or met me knows that I come correct while following both, but I also am not going ignore that nothing--not...one...mother...fucking...thing--in sports is as enthralling as the NBA playoffs.

March Madness is my joint, just a beautiful mess of excitement, but compared to the L's playoffs, the Big Dance is a series of great but fleeting vignettes. The NBA playoffs, meanwhile, is an event like a soap opera, replete with whole storylines that find their respective denouements after festering and growing all season long. There's excitement, heroism, heartbreak, rivalry, passion, suspense, and most important, charisma. Shit, if it turned out that Rashard Lewis were Reggie Miller's stepson, the one that Reggie begot while boning down with Steve Javie's wife, the NBA playoffs would be North Shore. Given the American celebrity culture that David Stern and the NBA executives have brilliantly exploited, the NBA is a league whose players you know better than any other athletes, college or pro. Interviews, commercials, hip-hop crossovers, the individual nature of the game, absence of face obstructions like hat brims or facemasks--the NBA transcends television, radio, and print media. Sure, it's cute when Peter Gammons tells us which shade of lipstick A-Rod is wearing to punk out in a pressure situation; or when Chris Berman makes an ass of himself sings those oldies and waxes poetic about Brett Favre; or when Fowler and friends go on campus to show us how much they adore the Fuckeyes, but none of these media endeavors connect fans and athletes in a fashion analogous to that achieved by the NBA's showcases.

Knowing the players allows us, the fans, to live vicariously through them. When A.I. makes an elegant and determined drive into the paint and gets knocked down, not only do we see his desire, but we appreciate it, we respect it, we feel it. Duncan spinning off of a defender's elbow toward the baseline and throwing in a left-handed half hook? That's gorgeous, and that's crucial, and as much as we marvel at the athleticism and coordination, we're also saying, That's right, that's how we do it! Why is it so gratifying when Tayshaun swoops in to block a shot at crunch time? When TMac puts a game away by nailing a three and getting fouled? When J.O. goes to work in the post? Because we know these people so well that we feel like they're our friends; because we know these people so well that we can stock our refrigerators with what they eat; because we have so much in common with these people that they could be we.

No other event in sports can engender such visceral emotion, and that's why spring is initiated by the Masters but defined by the Association's sixteen-team tournament. The conlfuence of feelings--joy, relief, anxiety, optimism, altruism--that is aroused by the warming of the weather as we cross the threshold into the months of renewal and bloom is mirrored by the playoffs, chockablock with that same coalescence. And it is with deeply felt gratitude and anticipation that I approach this weekend, just as I approach my spring and summer. Like my man Tariq might say, "You feel this shit, soon as they throw it on/You feel this shit, this joint's your favorite song."

So here's what I think might happen:

Eastern Conference

1) Miami Heat vs. 8) New Jersey Nets

Vince, meet Dwyane and get used to seeing his highlights.

Which team has Shaq? Which team has home-court advantage? The answer to both of those questions is Miami, and those are the two reasons that I think this series will be won by the higher seed. Jason Kidd has cemented his place as one of the all-time great point guards, and a player of his caliber, one who can assert himself and effect a desired outcome at almost any moment, is not going to capitulate and resign himself to a beatdown. (I mean, he basically woke up one morning a few months ago and decided, probably on the way to the bathroom or while making breakfast, that he was going to resurrect Vince and force the Nets into the playoffs. I think today I'll grab a shake on the way home from practice, chew gum with only the right side of my mouth, and watch PTI later. Oh, and I've decided that we're making the playoffs. I've gotta remember to tell Lawrence about that at some point. Vince too; he'll be excited that I've elected to make him an all-star again. Ooh, the toast is burning...) However, I don't think that the Nets match up particularly well with the Heat, so even the magnificent Kidd will not be able to sway the series in New Jersey's favor. I think that the Nets could win a game or two, but not the series. Vince, as well as he has played, is going to have his hands full on defense trying to contain the always-attacking Dwyane Wade, and if Wade isn't getting the rim with his great quickness and explosive strength, he'll be creating an open shot for a Jones, Eddie or Damon. And, getting back to my initial point of emphasis, who on the Nets will be stopping Mr. Shaquille? I like Nenad Krstic and think he'll be a good player, but he won't be able to handle The Daddy, injured or not.

Vince Carter, currently residing in the stratosphere, and Jason Kidd will be good enough to win some games, but not the series. Miami in six.

2) Detroit Pistons vs. 7) Philadelphia 76ers

Two underrated small forwards who can both shut your ass down.

The more I think about him, the more I am in awe of Allen Iverson. Do you realize that he basically played the entire season one on five? I mean, Webber (always hurt, bad in crunch time, generally disgruntled--reminds me of what Frank Thomas has devolved into) was traded for relative non-entities, Korver is a sophomore who basically just shoots (and looks too much like Ashton Kutcher), Andre Iguodala is a rookie and already the Sixers' second-best player (!), Dalembert is also always hurt, and everyone else is either not good (Kevin Ollie) or not good anymore (Rodney Rogers). Somehow, though, Iverson not only made the playoffs but secured the seven seed. And he probably isn't six feet tall. And he can score fifty points on any given night. And he could kick my ass. And he never gives anything less than a maximum effort. He is so amazing; I have no qualms with placing him ahead of Steve Nash for MVP consideration.

A.I.'s immense talent, his even greater determination, and Detroit's typical maddening malaise will make this series a little more competitive than it should be. Last year, despite being a favorite in the East, Detroit dropped a first-round game to undermanned Milwaukee, a team that was carried by Michael Redd. I think that this series goes at least five and probably six because: a) Detroit, a team that just won eleven out of twelve, usually follows up stretches of great success with confounding indifference; b) Rasheed Wallace will continue to terrorize all of the Piston's fans by doing his disappearing/reappearing routine, and he probably won't take the playoffs seriously until he has to; c) Larry Brown has to decide that he wants to try hard, and that's been a constant struggle for him all season; d) A.I. is a lot better than Michael Redd.

Ultimately, though, the best player in the series will not be able to prevail because Detroit's defense is too good, both one-on-one and collectively. A steady diet of Chauncey, Rip, and even Tayshaun will force Iverson to work really hard for his shots, and he'll wear down. Down low, Ben and Rasheed Wallace will mitigate Webber's post presence (although who knows how they'll defend Webber's go-to crunch-time move, the top-of-the-key hand off to a guard who isn't scared shitless in the clutch). I like this match up for the Pistons because while A.I. will test them, the relatively weak Philadelphia interior (even Rogers is a perimeter player and Dalembert's offense has yet to really show up) might afford Antonio McDyess and Elden Campbell an opportunity to find a rhythm at both ends of the floor. In fact, I think that the opportunities for the Detroit bench to find a groove will be among the most important subplots in this series. (Another? How about the defensive virtuosity of Prince and Iguodala? These guys are prototypical defenders--deceptively quick, long, aggressive, and proud.)

In the end, the Pistons have way too many contributors and play defense that will confound the Sixers.

Detroit in 5

3) Boston Celtics vs. 6) Indiana Pacers

'Toine, do yourself a favor; don't point at Stephen. You know what? Don't even look at him. He buggin'.

It was fun while it lasted, but the Celtics' revival is starting to wind down. Toward the end of the season, the Cs saw injuries, odd substitution patterns, and a general lack of focus cost them games. They still won the Atlantic division, but that's sort of like a football coach countering claims that he's too conservative by saying that he takes more chances than Lloyd Carr with a ten point lead and a half left to play. I am picking the Pacers to win this series, although I find the perimeter triumvirate of Antoine Walker, Paul Pierce, and Ricky Davis worrisome. They can all fill it up and, when hot, do some you-can't-stop-this-style damage. (Also, I have always liked Antoine, too many three-pointers and all; I love his versatility and his competitiveness. It's no coincidence that Pierce kind of fell off--or straight tanked from an attitude standpoint--once 'Toine was gone. That shimmy shake, those threes, his occasional feeling of entitlement--you can hate on Walker for a lot of reasons. But, at the end of the day, I don't think he's a bad guy. I'd want to play with him.)

That said, I think that the Pacers are going to win. Indiana has the best overall player in the series (Jermaine O'Neal), an eternally clutch and dangerous Reggie Miller (who's been hooked up to the way-back machine at various points this season), and Stephen Jackson (the second-most likely player to get into some shit during the playoffs.) I hate on Jackson's attitude and lunacy (although, I also find him incredibly engrossing in a horror-movie kind of way) but I can't front on his game. Y'all saw him with San Antonio two-years ago, right? When he gets his feet set, he can be a deadly three-point shooter, and he isn't afraid to take big shots. He's not the defender or passer that Ron Artest is, but Jackson can ably fill the scoring void. If we assume that O’Neal, Miller, Pierce, and Antoine will all bring it, neutralizing each other in some way, I think that leaves Jackson, more than (also crazy) Ricky Davis, as the most important player in the series. So long as Anthony Johnson limits his turnovers and keeps the ball moving, I think that the Pacers will match the Celtics' scoring, and you know a Rick Carlisle-coached team will play better defense.

Boston can win: it has the scorers and the interior horses to bang with J.O., Pollard, and Foster. However, I don't think that any Boston big man will neutralize O'Neal consistently, and Miller, Johnson, and Jackson can all score twenty on a given night. I'd also be stupid to not mention that Carlisle is going to own Doc Rivers. I like Doc as a person and he seems very affable, but he didn’t show me much in Orlando and I doubt his ability to match strategy with Carlisle.

Indiana in seven.

4) Chicago Bulls vs. 5) Washington Wizards

Is Larry gonna let Flame On go off?

This is the Eastern Conference series about which I am most amped. Does any other match up feature two teams as exciting as these two (and for entirely different reasons)? Does any other series feature guards like Gordon and Arenas who could match each other, eruption for eruption? I mean, in a single fourth quarter, these two could combine for forty points. The only similar situation is the Texas Two Step because Dirk and TMac could both go off. Overall, this series is really more about the future than the present, because both of these clubs made significant strides this season, becoming both competitive and relevant. All the good things I say (and write) about the NBA stem from things like the joy that teams like the Bulls and Wizards engender. With young nuclei, and an array of potential stars, these two teams are the ensembles most likely to emerge as rivals (excluding the epic James-Wade duels I better get to see in the coming years). At least, until egos and contract squabbling fucks it all up. *Sigh* But I digress. Honestly, I don’t even care who wins; I just want to sit in front of the TV, frothing with excitement as these youngsters put the L on notice.

The Bulls, without Luol Deng and Eddy Curry, are probably going to slow the game down as much as possible. This will limit Washington’s possessions and allow the Bulls to lean on their league-leading defense. Reducing the number of overall shots might also mitigate Washington ability to exploit its size advantage (Haywood, Brown, Thomas, Jamison) when hitting the glass. Fewer shots will mean fewer rebounds, and in a half-court game, Chicago would theoretically be able to use its defense to set up box outs and limit second-chance points. Obviously, the allure of watching a team grow into its potential has been tempered by the injuries suffered by Deng and Curry, but discerning fans should still watch to see if Hinrich, Gordon, Nocioni, and/or Chandler display the intelligence and courage indicative of a hungry team on the come up. My guess is that Gordon and Hinrich will play inspired basketball. (And who knows with Nocioni? He’s foreign, and it’s impossible to know where his head will be, although he’s a tough dude, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s more Manu than Peja.)

If Washington is going to win, it will have to play real defense and get a cohesive, premium effort from its three stars, Arenas, Hughes, and Jamison. I’ve had a lot of fun watching the Wizards play loose, aggressive, fast-paced basketball all season, but they won most of their games by outscoring, not stopping, their opponents. That’s a problem if the Wiz plan on hanging around for more than a few games. Hughes, in particular, is going to have to lead the defense. I picked him as first-team all-defense, but a lot of his thefts (he led the NBA in steals) come from crowding passing lanes and exploiting the reckless nature of up-tempo basketball; it’s not as hard to get a steal when you’re ambushing some hard-charging ball handler playing at a pace that is faster than that to which he is accustomed. Against the Bulls, Hughes will need lead a more active, more stalwart Wizards defense by keeping a hand in the face of shooters and denying dribble penetration as often as possible.

I generally think that the team with more defense will win, but not this time. Arenas and Hughes have been on some next-level ish all season, and I don't know if the Bulls have enough scoring; it's not like Gordon even starts. I'm going with my heart and taking the Wiz in six.

Second Round

Miami vs. Washington - Miami exploits Washington’s inability to guard Shaq, and Dwyane Wade dazzles, as the Wiz are consumed by the conflagration in five.

Detroit vs. Indiana - Like Michael Wilbon, I think this series will be therapeutic for both teams and the League. Detroit is going to win by doing the same things it did last year: beating up Jermaine O’Neal, shadowing Reggie with the immaculately conditioned Rip Hamilton, and draping Tayshaun’s long-ass frame on any perimeter player who gets hot. Detroit in six.

Eastern Conference Finals

Miami vs. Detroit - I was pretty skeptical about whether the Pistons could stop Shaq and Kobe last season. What happened? Detroit swept the Lakers in five. This season, against Shaq and a Kobe-like Wade, I think it will be harder for the Pistons because the Miami role players seem to be more confident and better than their Lakers counterparts. Also, Shaq is hungrier and doesn’t hate the second-best player on his team. Furthermore, Detroit’s bench has not produced like it did last year, and it especially seems to miss Mike James’ pressure defense and perimeter shooting. So, I’m picking…Detroit, but in six.

Western Conference

1) Phoenix Suns vs. 8) Memphis Grizzlies

Your contract is ready, Mr. Johnson.

Joe Johnson is playing for money. It’s that simple, really. If it’s even possible for a sun to be outshone, Johnson didn’t get the same press that Nash, Stoudemire, and Marion got this season. However every time you checked a Suns box score, Johnson had filled up his stat line. I love this guy’s game. He has beautiful mid-range jumper, he can knock down the three, he’ll find open teammates, and he will even mix it up on the glass. Oh by the way, he’s a restricted free agent in July, so I assume he’ll use the playoffs as a means to establish negotiation leverage.

Memphis has no chance in this series. Their offense has been really erratic down the stretch as it has sought to reincorporate Pau Gasol, and there is no way that the Grizzlies can beat the Suns at their own run-and-gun game.

Phoenix in four.

2) San Antonio Spurs vs. 7) Denver Nuggets

Manu really doesn't look like one of the twenty best players, does he?

I want to establish a few things right now: 1) George Karl is a good coach (for a limited amount of time at each stop), but he is always stirring the pot, so I wouldn’t put it past him to do something stupid during the playoffs. 2) I like Carmelo Anthony and he has played very well since the all-star break, but I do not yet have any faith in his ability to come through in crunch time or handle adversity (I mean, before Karl was hired, ‘Melo basically sulked for six-straight months, starting last July). 3) There is ZERO chance that Nene will not get t’d up at some point. And I would probably put money on him throwing a punch, or at least one of those can’t-suspend-me-for-this half-punch, half-shove things. He is always bucking! (And he’s the reason why Stephen Jackson is only the second-most likely person to get into some ish.) 4) I don’t care if Voshon Lenard is healthy, he’s still gonna be fat and out of shape. If Lenard makes any impact in this series, it will be as though Denver hired a three-point-shooting John Daly, among the least probable events I can imagine, and I have been thinking about this for a good hour.

I can’t dismiss the blazing hot Nuggets, despite their shortcomings. As we all know (say it with me), Denver has been the hottest team in the league since the all-star break. They’ve gotten smarter, more positive play from ‘Melo; they’ve gotten good production from Camby, Nene, and KMart; and they’ve gotten steady stewardship from Andre Miller. The Nuggets are an aggressive at both ends, and KMart and Nene’s gangsta compensates for Camby’s softness. Against the Spurs, this gulliness will come in handy because the best way to win will be to attack Duncan’s limited mobility and force everyone else (though maybe not Manu, if they’re smart) to beat them.

San Antonio, meanwhile, just always plugs along. The highs aren’t too high; the lows aren’t too low. Everyone knows his role, everyone has to defend, and everyone has to be foreign. (Oops, my bad; that last attribute was a typo.) We all know what they do: defend, make open shots, break when they can (the Spurs are an underrated transition team), avoid making jokes about Pop’s awful hairdos, and get the ball to Duncan when anything important needs to happen. I like what the Spurs are about (Duncan) because I like his game. I also love Manu, one of my favorite fourth-quarter players. He can finish with both hands, he can score almost anywhere on the floor, he is always around loose balls, and he will not let you go by him in crunch time. What a stud (and definitely, along with AK47, among the most underrated stars in the league).

I think that Denver will make this a tight series because Duncan is hurt and the massive Nugget frontline will frustrate him. The Nuggets should be wary of running too much, though, because the Spurs have the speed (Parker), the smarts (Ginobili), and the spot-up shooting (Barry, Horry) to beat you with their own run-outs.

Rough. Fun to watch. Nene fighting. Nene carrying Camby’s shattered body back to locker room if there is a fight. Spurs in six.

(And P.S. This is a bad match up for Nene because no one on the Spurs is crazy enough or gully enough to really escalate anything.)

3) Seattle SuperSonics vs. 6) Sacramento Kings

No rebounder should go below the free-throw line.

I have written about Seattle, and I have been skeptical about it all season. But I now think that the Sonics can win a playoff series because they aren’t playing a team that can exploit their weakness--the interior. I mean, Sacramento has two guys, Kenny Thomas and Brian Skinner, who really won’t strike fear in the hearts of Jerome James, Reggie Evans, and Danny Fortson. That leaves things as Rashard Lewis, Ray Allen, Antonio Daniels, and Luke Ridnour against Mike Bibby, Cuttino Mobley, Peja, and Bobby Jackson. I’ll take Lewis over hates-the-playoffs Peja; Ray Ray over Cuttino Francis; Bibbers (huge) over Ridnour; and I’ll call Daniels against Jackson a draw since both have been hurt. Bibby could win a game or two by himself since he is so money in the fourth quarter, but I like Rashard Lewis a lot and I think Ray Ray will come up big.

Seattle in six.

4) Dallas Mavericks vs. 5) Houston Rockets

We're talking some Dominique Wilkins shit, dun dunny!

Oh boy. I have been dreading writing about this series because it forces me to be honest with myself about the shortcomings of two of my favorite people in the L, Jeff Van Gundy and Tracy McGrady. To make this as painless as possible, I’m just gonna put it out there: Both of them are about to see their reputations beat up even more. McGrady is widely regarded as a selfish, lazy player who can’t carry his teammates to greatness. (I think that the parts about selfish and lazy are unfair, but I can’t refute the last contention, sadly.) Jeff, meanwhile, is seen as spirited and smart but anachronistic, incapable of adapting to a faster game or devising a creative, aggressive offense. I could argue against these things forever, but all that really counts are results. To my knowledge, TMac has never won a playoff series and Jeff, though familiar with some success (dude won the Eastern Conference when his team was an eight seed), never fully gets over the hump. I don’t think anything will happen in the coming weeks to alter perception.

I just don’t see how Houston can win this series. There isn’t a single person on the Rockets who has any chance of stopping Dirk Nowitzki. Even TMac, who likely has the best chance, is going to be fighting an uphill battle because Dirk is four inches taller. So Dirk’s the biggest problem. But on top of that, Dallas is deeper, can rebound better, and can probably beat up and push around Yao. All in all, it’s gonna be so hard for me when my favorite player and my favorite coach get decimated in the media as the Rockets get ripped for failing to win a single playoff series despite fielding a team that features two all-star starters. I mean, WTF is that?!

Through a more sympathetic and measured lens, the Rockets' impending loss can be seen as just a bad match up. They likely could have gotten passed Seattle because Yao could have controlled the paint and Houston would have had the best player in the series, TMac. But neither of those will be true against Dallas.

What will be fun, though, is that Dirk and McGrady could easily be on some atavistic, ‘Nique-versus-Bird scoring ish. There could be at least three games when both guys are pushing forty, and I bet that each one will get a fifty at some point.

That will be nice. The Rockets losing? Not so much. Dallas in six.

Second Round

Phoenix vs. Dallas - "Ooh, I spilled my popcorn." So said an excited and out-of-it Isiah Thomas once during his brief and ill-fated tenure as an analyst for NBC. Well, that's how I'ma be during this series. There will be a lot of points scored, but I think Stoudemire (and, surprisingly, Hunter) will be big for Phoenix as the Suns advance in six games.

San Antonio vs. Seattle - Seattle could be the best thing that ever happened to Tim Duncan's sore ankle. San Antonio in five.

Western Conference Finals

Phoenix vs. San Antonio - I want to pick against Phoenix, but I think Duncan will be worn down by this series and no team can put pressure on the Spurs' defense like Phoenix. I'm gonna let the good times roll. Phoenix in seven.

NBA Finals

Phoenix vs. Detroit - The Wallaces are athletic enough to deal with Stoudemire; Tayshaun can match up with Marion; and the Detroit defense will wear down Steve Nash. Again, Joe Johnson could be the difference, but I'll take the deeper, more experienced team. Detroit in seven. Back to back, baby!

Ice Grillin' It

- Frequent (and appreciated) comments-poster Max is now doing his blog thing: Ice-Grilled Cheese

- It looks like I'm not the only one who doesn't care about Mike Jones (Who?). Peep Noz, Bol, and Johnny Whitewater. *big grin*

Hip-hop Halftime


Whatchu know about making good music?

I've been listening to this album for a few days, and I think I recently stumbled upon an answer to the rhetorical question that provides the record with its only cohesion (well, aside from the fact that every song is about the same thing--nothing). Who is Mike Jones? An annoying-ass rapper. Period.

I am DONE with this interchangeable, boring, sold-out-the-trunk southern hip-hop. It's always talked up and given undue attention, I usually fall for it and worry that I should get down with it, and then I am always disappointed to find that it's just more of the same crap. I have no qualms with those who like or even live for this shit, but can everyone else please STOP SLURPING? I read too much about this junk. I even say that it's a good thing that there are different sounds out there, because too much of one thing--be it the Kanye chipmunk soul, the Eminem faux-dramatic synthesizer beats, the Dip Set looped sample over handclaps, the Just Blaze blaring samples, the Soulquarian organic sonic mosaic, etc.--even when it's a good thing, makes the game stale. But come on, how can people still be so engaged by the hollow and synthetic crunk sound? It's not exciting, and it's not new. Yeah, in a club, I want to hear Lil' Jon and his weed carriers. And yeah, there are southern rappers--OutKast, Scarface, Missy (if Virginia counts), and even the Cash Money dudes back in 1998--who have conquered regional sonic biases (or perhaps musical shibboleths, if a shibboleth can even be non-verbal) to contribute interesting and even, at times, progressive takes on what hip-hop is. But Mike Jones is just another rapper talking about trite vapidity over undifferentiated beats.

From what I can tell, Mike's name is Mike Jones, girls didn't care about Mike when he didn't have a record deal, you should call Mike's cell phone, his name is Mike Jones, his car rides on eighty-fours, he's from Houston, and his name is Mike Jones. I didn't neglect to mention that his name is Mike Jones, right? Damn, it's enough with this dude...

And one more thing, people need to keep it in their pants with regard to this new Kanye joint (this is a link to an article, not the song. Sorry.) I'm not trying to hate on any members of the blog mafia (it's always all love), and I like the track, but "Diamonds" isn't that hot. Now, don't get me wrong, I love me some Kanye. I've been pumpin' dude hard since Fall 2003, but this wasn't blowing my mind the way that it seems to have everyone else's. First of all, I like the synthesizer and loops from "Diamonds Are Forever," but those whaling vocals during the verses suck. Second, dude recycles so many rhymes. That line about a stripper named Porsche? That's olllllllld. And everyone recycles, but Kanye's had a lot of time to think of some new punch lines. Third, he is still not really a rapper. His flow is kind of rigid sometimes, and there are moments on "Diamonds" that sound disjointed.

BTW, I know Rome said this, but "Diamonds" isn't really a lead-single type of song, and I'm wondering if maybe just a small part of its release--given the title and subject matter--is a subtle, backhanded, clandestine, surreptitious, secret, whathaveyou "fuck you" from Jay's Def Jam, owner of the Roc and Kanye, to Dame Dash and his operation. Anyone else seeing that or am I just getting my Vince McMahon on?

I am loving the new Camp Lo, though. Welcome back, kids!

4.21.2005

Come and See Victory, in a Land Called Fantasy

The situation was bleak. It was the last weekend in October--you know, the one before the NBA season tipped off--and my fantasy-league basketball team was already in disarray before it was even selected. The night before the fantasy draft, a friend had an emergency that required my assistance, and the drama (and interstate driving) that ensued precluded my participation in one of the best events each fall. How much had I been looking forward to the draft? Draw your own conclusions from the anecdotal evidence: There was a spreadsheet prepared that indexed perspective picks by position and round, theoretically preparing me for any contingency. If Nash and Kidd were gone, and I was left with a hole at PG, I could consult the chart; if I had filled my needs, and was left with a quandary about who gave me the most value as a ninth round pick, I could consult the chart. Was Latrell Sprewell a reach in the sixth but a steal in the tenth? Again, what does the chart say?

So my team was decimated before it even showed up at training camp. Sure enough, I hated my roster when I finally got a chance to sit down and take a look at what the Yahoo! autodraft system had done to me (picks listed by round, and I was in an eight-team private league picking third, fourteenth, nineteenth, etc.): 1) Kobe Bryant; 2) Paul Pierce; 3) Sam Cassell; 4) Zach Randolph; 5) Donyell Marshall; 6) Marcus Camby; 7) Kirk Hinrich; 8) Keith Van Horn; 9) Eddie Jones; 10) Emeka Okafor; 11) Kwame Brown; 12) Jerry Stackhouse.

Or, when listed another way: A high-turnover, bad FG-percentage rapist; a high-turnover, bad FG-percentage pouter; a malcontent whose locker is in the trainer’s office; the only PF in the league who probably blocks fewer shots than the PGs on his team; one of those I-know-he’s-ranked-high-but-I-don’t-understand-how guys who you never want to put your faith in; Mr. Glass; a good PG who is probably undervalued as the fifty-first pick; an oft-injured and soft Mormon who’s yet to find teammates that like him; the third option on an only-two-options team; the rookie with the most predictable fantasy value; one of the greatest busts in the last quarter century; and Stack.

Needless to say, I went right to work, and I had to. I participate in a fantasy league with a recurring membership, and the guys against whom I compete in fantasy hoops are often the guys against whom I compete in fantasy football (I don’t fuck with baseball because it’s too boring). A few of the competitors are usually, um, [euphemism] disengaged and reckless [/euphemism] when it comes to managing their various rosters, and as much as I wanted to win the league, I was mortified and equally motivated by the prospect of an entire season spent bearing the slings and arrows of both outrageous fortune (how did I miss the draft?!) and insulting jokes about how I had obviously been corrupted by the more delinquent owners. (I really didn’t need to become that guy. You know, the subject of jokes concerning alleged sexual encounters with family members, disgusting physical feats like eating an entire Taco Bell family platter, and general lunacy, all somehow tangentially related to my shortcomings as a fantasy owner.)

I immediately traded one of my two high-turnover SGs, Paul Pierce, for a legitimate center, Ben Wallace, who was expendable because Wallace was on a team with Shaq. Next, I picked up a reformed Jason Williams hoping that he could back up or even replace Cassell in a starting lineup that looked unlikely to generate a lot of assists. Thus, Kwame, or as he should be known, El Busto (sorry, Dan Issel, but at this point Kwame can only dream of being Tony Battie), had to go. Intrigued by Eddie Jordan’s motion offense, I also dumped the injured and bench-bound Stackhouse for Larry Hughes. The initial roster overhaul was then completed when--in response to the commissioner’s choice to expand rosters and allow all teams to play a PG, SG, G, SF, PF, F, C, and Util each week--I added Jalen Rose (a good-numbers-on-a-bad-team guy) and Grant Hill (worth a roll of the dice given the promise of an all-star-caliber season).

In the coming weeks, my team, ScottieForever (named right after Pippen formally announced his retirement, and yes, the original name was RapeCan’tStopKobe), struggled with injuries (Cassell, Camby, Randolph), suspensions (Wallace), drop offs in production (Cassell, Williams), and inconsistent playing time (as coach and GM, I had a hard time finding the right chemistry while also showcasing players that I wanted to move.) Wallowing in the mediocrity and irrelevance, I made a drastic move and got lucky: I acquired top-ranked-fantasy-player Shawn Marion and a back up PG, Carlos Arroyo, for Jason Williams, Donyell Marshall, Jalen Rose, and Eddie Jones. Marshall’s versatility, Jalen’s versatility, and the fact that I work immediately adjacent to the guy who traded Marion all helped seal the deal. (Hey, Juwan, have you thought some more about that trade? No? That’s cool, I’ll just ask you again in an hour.)

The Marion transaction was the turning point in ScottieForever’s season because at that moment, my line-up had morphed from a disaster akin to Shawn Kemp’s post-1997 life into something respectable and competitive: Hinrich, Kobe, Hughes, Marion, Randolph, Okafor, Wallace, Hill. I could begin thinking about surging into contention, but that would require another blockbuster deal, so, I traded for Kevin Garnett and Jamal Crawford by offering up Randolph, Hill, Camby, Cassell, and some more persistence. The KG acquisition vaulted my team into the league’s upper echelon, a tier inhabited by only two other teams, both of which were also fantasy-all-star ensembles.

My last move of significance--shipping Okafor and Hinrich to another elite team for Starchild and Udonis Haslem--simply fortified my team’s scoring capabilities without diminishing its ability to accrue assists. I made a deadline deal for Brad Miller about ten minutes before his broken leg put him on the shelf for the rest of the season (he only cost me two waiver-wire pick-ups, Raef LaFrentz and Damon Stoudamire), however I was headed to the playoffs as the three-seed with a do-it-all roster: Marbury, Kobe, Hughes, Marion, Garnett, Haslem, Wallace, and Crawford.

The result? A title.

I’ll be back tomorrow with a playoff preview…

Take a Break

Amidst the NBA love-fest I've been staging, I thought I could throw up a few links of interest:

- ACC BasketBlog offers a fond remembrance of Clarence "Big House" Gaines

- Tom Friend gets his Mel Kiper, Jr. on and articulates some truth: Braylon Edwards is the NFL draft's best player.

- Eddie Beaver is always on point.

Thank You

I hope that you all will afford me a moment of immodesty to boast about a wholly modest (but nonetheless validating) accomplishment: Today, this site went over 5,000 visits since its inception almost three months ago. Again, this is not a tremendous happening given the site traffic enjoyed by some of the sites maintained by my colleagues in the "blogosphere" (indeed, some sites get 20 times more visits each day), but it is still a noteworthy number. I'd like to thank everyone who has read this site, disseminated this site's address, and/or commented in the comments sections at the end of the posts. I have found that maintaining this site keeps my mind active and, counterintuitively, makes the theoretically anonymous cyber universe seductively social. Everyone, keep bangin'.

4.20.2005

The Envelope, Please...


Tim Thomas might take home this trophy...if it's ever awarded to the biggest fugazi

While I still have much of mine to live (jah bless), life appears to be mostly comprised of a series of choices and the consequences that follow. Go out drinking on a weeknight, suffer through work the next day, and indulge one's persistent and reluctant-to-fade college-era impulses; or stay at home, miss the fun, and get ahead at the jobby job? Rock the latest throwback Js, break necks on the street, and potentially ruin them by getting the joints dirty; or keep those Jordans wrapped up in your closet, look like any other person, and pimp your kicks on eBay like an investment in five years? Buy the latest 50 Cent record, convince yourself that you keep it gully by staying plugged into the streets, and immerse yourself in phony thuggery and mainstream condescension; or cop that new Def Jux release, get copious amounts of respect from anonymous Internet "backpackers" who love them a nice polysyllabic scientific flow, and immerse yourself in pretentious hip-hop? (I guess that last one is just a choice between two evils.)

See, full of choices. Well, peeps, handing out NBA post-season awards is like life: filled with choices. Does the best defender in the Association, Andre Kirilenko, merit consideration for Defensive Player of the Year even though he hardly played? (No.) Which owner is worse, Donald Sterling or George Shinn? (Shinn.) You see? It can be a challenging and arduous process sorting through an entire (marathon) season of dunks and punks, picks and kicks, winners and sinners, but I will happily preside over a semi-thorough ceremony honoring the best and worst of my beloved L. So throw on "Award Tour," pick out that dope Jerry West throwback that
everybody nobody else will have, and let's do this.

(NB: The following are solely my opinions, and while they are subjective, they're also probably right. Also, in the interest of your and my time, I have attempted to deploy brevity where possible, so get those synapses firing and please use the comments section to argue or seek further elucidation.)

Ten Most Memorable Storylines:
10) Real World: Bizarro Universe - The Christies are coming to reality TV!
9) Leave no coach behind - One third of the league's teams fired their coaches
8) Supernovas - Three of the L's top-ten stars (KG, KB, LBJ) saw their teams flame out
7) Baby Bulls - Is there a more promising roster in the NBA? Size, speed, shooting, scoring.
6) No snitchin', no bitchin' - My 'Melo, my man and the Nuggets finally got their shit together
5) Fight Night at the Palace - Greatest. Night. of. TV...Ever.
4) Pack-a-Shaq - Bowie over Jordan. Kobe over Shaq. Dr. Buss, welcome to infamy
3) Heliocentrism - When Steve Nash is with guys who don't need to dribble to score, he's good.
2) The return of scoring to the league - My senior-year AP U.S. history paper about the decline of scoring in the NBA (you think I'm joking) is suddenly obsolete.
1) "Beast of the East/On MCs I have a feast" - The Eastern conference is back. Yes, there are more legitimate title contenders in the Western conference still (San Antone, Phoenix, Dallas, Houston), but the East has Detroit, Miami, Indiana (when its players aren't putting a beatdown on fans) and, more importantly, the future. All those years of middling or bad records and roster revamping (and Kobe-Shaq feuding) have re-stocked the Eastern Conference (save for the decrepit Knicks) with no less than twenty-five current or future all-stars: Okafor, Howard, Gordon, Hughes, James, Wade, Bosh, Jefferson, Smith, Arenas--the list can go on and on. While a number of immediately more important plots unfolded this year, in a macro sense, 04-05's most significant development was the indication that the balance of power is shifting.

Carter Memorial Biggest Punk Award* - Darius Miles, Portland Trailblazers

Life's all weed smoke, video games, and obstinateness for Darius

And it isn't even close. I have already documented DMiles's disgusting, abhorrent behavior (and this, alone, clinched the award), but here's the postscript: Not content to have merely embarrassed and effectively fired one of the nicest human beings in the NBA (Maurice Cheeks), Miles, who has yet to appear in the playoffs or win ANYTHING, decided that he needed to show up another coach by storming off of the court multiple times during a game last week. "Y'all are trying to make it seem like I'm Kobe or something," he said. News flash, Darius: You're doing a wonderful job by yourself. And I am so mad because not only did I used to like DMiles, but also he just reinforces every negative perception people have of NBA players. I mean, even after dropping 47 last night, DMiles had the temerity to say that he, and his 54-loss team, didn't have anything to prove. Motherfucker, what?!

Bust of the Year - All Timberwolves not named Kevin Garnett

Which is your suitcase and which is mine?

We went through this already on Monday. Just pathetic.

Charles Oakley All-Gully First Team
C - Nene - Always into sumthin'
F - Eddie Griffin - Punches teammates, drinks, crazy glean in eyes--does it all
F - Stephen Jackson (Captain) - I mean, come on
G - Rafer Alston - NBA is just warm-up for the Rucker
G - Ron Artest - Buy his CD
Coach - Gary Sheffield

Brad Lohaus All-Non-Gully First Team
C - Greg Ostertag
F - Mike Dunleavy
F - Emeka Okafor
G - Casey Jacobsen
G - Ray Allen
Coach - Maurice Cheeks
(Note: No one guy on this team really requires explanation, does he?)

Coach of the Year - Rick Carlisle, Indiana Pacers

Rick earned a thumbs-up this season.

Disagree? Fine. You take a team, strip it of an all-star for the whole season, a very good player for a third of the season, and the best player for thirty-eight games and tell me if you earn a sixth seed in the playoffs. 'Nuff said.

2) Scott Skiles, Chicago Bulls - Relying on immature, unproven post players and a bunch of rookies and sophomores, Skiles earned home-court advantage in the first round. Tadow!
3) Nate McMillan, Seattle SuperSonics - See my post from yesterday; Nate won his division with a glorified college team.
4) Mike D'Antoni, Phoenix Suns - D'Antoni took Phoenix from the lottery to best record in the Association, and he helped usher in a revitalized brand of basketball.
5) Jason Kidd, New Jersey Nets - I respect and admire Lawrence Frank, but the guy calling the shots at the Meadowlands is Jason Kidd. This year, he basically just chose to make the playoffs when he really has no business being in them. I mean, have you seen the Nets' roster? Also, Vince Carter owes Kidd about 75% of his salary.

Most Overrated Coach - George Karl, Denver Nuggets

Tick tock, tick tock...

Enjoy the winning now, George, because a playoff flame out and a regular season of disappoint can't be too far away. If anyone is confused by this choice, please consult a Milwaukee Bucks fan.

Executive of the Year - Bryan Colangelo, Phoenix Suns

New-ish coach, new PG, new SG, new bench--Colangelo earned this award.

Phoenix has enjoyed the third-greatest single-season turnaround in league history, rising from the ashes of last season’s immolation (29-53) to the top of the league. The primary reason for the turnaround is Colangelo, a guy who dumped perpetual losers (Stephon), traded away bad contracts (Penny Hardaway), and trimmed the fat (Jahidi White). Colangelo also installed a retread coach, Mike D’Antoni--whose fast-paced system makes him kind of like an experienced stunt driver--as the guy behind the wheel and then bought him a new Porsche (Nash, Q, Walter McCarty, Jim Jackson, Steven Hunter) and said, “Do your thing.”

2) Carroll Dawson, Houston Rockets - Made the move of the off-season when he acquired TMac. Since then, Dawson has supplemented his two-man team by bringing in underrated Bob Sura and Mike James, serviceable Juwan Howard and David Wesley. He even dumped Maurice Taylor's contract.
3) Kiki Vandeweghe, Denver Nuggets - Already in possession of a good nucleus, Denver get the best frontcourt in the league by adding Kenyon Martin over the summer. That would have been enough, however Vandeweghe also made smart moves bringing in DerMarr Johnson and dumping Jeff Bzdelik, salvaging the season.
4)
Bernie Bickerstaff, Charlotte Bobcats - Smartly moved up in the draft to secure Emeka Okafor; smartly drafted and developed Primoz Brezec; smartly filled out his roster with inexpensive players who try hard (Keith Bogans, Brevin Knight). While the Bobcats weren't world-beaters, they did not secure the worst record in the league and lost sixteen games by three points or fewer, a testament to their competitiveness.
5) Rick Sund, Seattle SuperSonics - Trading for Danny Fortson gave Seattle a new attitude and rebounder on the interior.

Worst Executive of All-Time - Isiah Thomas, New York Knicks

"...and we can't wait to trade for Calvin Booth, Shawn Bradley, and Chris Webber."

No news here. Isiah Thomas has been an unmitigated disaster as the GM of the Knicks (and if anyone is surprised, then he or she obviously is unfamiliar with Isiah’s work. See: CBA, Raptors, Pacers.) To recapitulate: The Knicks are about fifty-million dollars over the salary cap, do not have a true center, do have an endless supply of undersized forwards and shoot-first guards, and will not be competitive until 2084. Those good GMs--guys like Colangelo and Dawson--look so good, in part, because Isiah helps them all out by sending them good players who need minutes (Lampe) or taking bad contracts (Taylor). Maybe we’ll all get lucky and Isiah will develop a severe case of amnesia that causes him to permanently forget how to get to his office. I would write more about this, but I’m feeling nauseous.

Rookie of the Year - Ben Gordon, Chicago Bulls

It takes a defense of millions to hold him back

Any dude who comes into the league and is immediately the most dangerous scorer on a playoff team with first-round home-court advantage should win this award. And that’s why I chose Gordon over an otherwise deserving Okafor (and even Howard). Gordon was surrounded by more talent than Okafor was, however the Bulls have been feeble for years, and the only other new addition of significance was the injured Luol Deng. Plus, Gordon leads the entire NBA with twenty-one double-digit fourth quarters, so you know he likes the pressure and is in the game for winning time. Gordon is already “an assassin” as Kevin Harlan might scream for no reason, and his court sense and basketball savvy will continue to improve.

2) Emeka Okafor, Charlotte Bobcats - Leads rookies in double-doubles (and is fourth in the entire league), points per game, and rebounds per game (again, fourth overall). Immensely likable, more durable than expected, and destined to be an all-star.
3) Dwight Howard, Orlando Magic - This dude is going to be nasty once he puts it all together. I mean, twenty-first-century, Karl Malone-style nastiness.
4) Andre Iguodala, Philadelphia 76ers - I said it last year during the pre-season NIT and I will say it again now: If he gets a jumper, he is going to be a new-age Scottie Pippen.
5) Josh Smith, Atlanta Hawks - Dunks and blocks aren't enough for an entire SF career, but they were a great start.

Sixth Man of the Year - Ben Gordon, Chicago Bulls

Mini Microwave?

Gordon has some serious competition for Rookie of the Year, but no other substitute has had nearly as profound an impact as he, so this should be almost unanimous. In addition to his twenty-one double-digit fourth quarters, Gordon has also put together twenty-five games with at least twenty points. Dude also ensures that Chicago gets to rest Hinrich and Duhon since he can do it all in the backcourt, and he makes sure that Chicago’s second unit has some real firepower. Honestly, the man needs a nickname that befits his prodigious and explosive scoring ability. Toaster oven? Flame On? Human Torch?

2) Ricky Davis, Boston Celtics - Ricky has always had the talent, and this year he seemed to finally get his mind (sort of) right. I wonder if things won't sour, though, as a guy like Ricky will often take advantage of a "player's coach" like Doc.
3) Antonio Daniels, Seattle SuperSonics - I can't see or hear his name without thinking of J-Jax, the BGSU, and the NBA 2Night. The show that loves to flow needs to come back! Does anyone else even know what I'm talking about?
4) Jerry Stackhouse, Dallas Mavericks - I was happy to see Stack get in where he fit in this season. I've always been a fan, and I think Stack has an unfairly conferred bum rep. He can really score, and I think his defensive ability is underrated. As for his defensive motivation, well...
5)
No other notable options Earl Boykins, Denver Nuggets - No player does more with less (mass) than Boykins. He is a crunch-time player who will take big shots, and his energy makes him a major asset.

Most Improved Player - Dwyane Wade, Miami Heat

All you jealous punks can't stop my dunks

The two most difficult tier improvements for a player to make in the NBA's player-quality stratification system are raising one’s game from niche player to contributing role player and from good player to star. Dwyane Wade’s improvement falls into the latter category, and it was staggering. Through the first month of he season, Wade was arguably the best guard in the NBA and he didn’t slow down. Last season, Wade was a slasher and finisher who couldn’t shoot and didn’t play an all-court game all the time. This year, he’s gotten better from the perimeter, he’s set up his teammates more often, and he even bangs inside. No one is LeBron, and Wade’s style is not analogous, but while everyone was busy calling James the next Big O, Wade turned into a triple-dip man himself. Plus, does anyone attack the basket like Wade? All of a sudden, Wade is one of the top-fifteen players in the league and a better franchise player than heads like Ray Ray, Baron Davis, and even Paul Pierce. Whoa!

2) LeBron James, Cleveland Cavaliers - Became one of the five best players in the L, and he continues to exceed the expectations, if that's possible.
3) Bobby Simmons, Los Angeles Clippers - Stepped up from niche to role. I really like his mid-range game.
4) Primoz Brezec, Charlotte Bobcats - "Went from a never quite was to an overnight buzz." Seriously, Brezec isn't bad, and he works his ass off. He is a very serviceable big man.
5) Larry Hughes, Washington Wizards - Larry was already a good player--good athlete, streaky jump shooter, etc. But this year, he became an all-star caliber guy by getting to the line more, doing anything he could to help his team win, and making himself a consistent threat at both ends of the floor.

Defensive Player of the Year - Shawn Marion, Phoenix Suns

Malik Rose enters the desert of the realness

NBA defense is all about disrupting elemental sets like the pick and roll, forcing bad shots, crowding passing lanes, funneling movement toward multiple defenders, and limiting second-chance points. Aside from Andre Kirilenko (who should own this award in years when he’s healthy), no one can do all of those things as well as the Matrix. And the numbers back it up: Third in rebounds per game (11.4 per); twenty-third in blocks (1.49 per); fourth in steals (2.03 per).

2) Tim Duncan, San Antonio Spurs - The anchor of the best defensive team in the league. Why do you think Manu and Bowen can apply so much pressure on the perimeter?
3) Ben Wallace, Detroit Pistons - Ho-hum, just another year among the league leaders in steals, blocks, and rebounds. Wallace's ability to make all-NBA and all-star teams proves that defense is still a valued commodity.
4) Bruce Bowen, San Antonio Spurs - What a stopper. He may get away with some questionable physical tactics, but his enthusiasm for defense and ability to force bad shots is sensational.
5) Larry Hughes, Washington Wizards - He's one of those high-steals-numbers guys who lives in the passing lanes and is always getting a hand in here and there.

Most Valuable Player - Shaquille O'Neal, Miami Heat

Ben Wallace isn't supposed to look so small

This is a pretty simple choice, isn’t it? Last year the Lakers were 56-26 and made the NBA Finals while the Heat was 42-40 and merely made the playoffs. This year, The Lakers have already lost forty-seven games and will not make the playoffs while the Heat has already won fifty-eight games and will be the East’s top seed. That makes the Lakers at least twenty-one games worse and the Heat at least sixteen games better, a thirty-seven game swing. If that’s not value, then what is? Shaq remains incomparable, unguardable, and most valuable. And his per-gamer averages of 22.9 points, 10.4 rebounds, 2.3 blocks, and .601 field-goal percentage are fantastic. Also, when assessing the playoffs, the West has not felt as wide open in years while, similarly, it’s been a while since the East seemed destined to field a worthy challenger for the Finals. Detroit’s ascendancy helped change this perception, but no player has as great an impact on the entire league as Shaq.

2) Dirk Nowitzki, Dallas Mavericks - The Mavericks lost floor-general Steve Nash (a guy who many others are touting for MVP) and yet were a better team this season in a competitive conference. Most of that improvement owes to Nowitzki, a guy who was consistently dominant and spent more time attacking and less time drifting out to the perimeter. Dirk also boards and blocks shots, so don't cast him as just another Euro gunner.
3) Tim Duncan, San Antonio Spurs - Before Duncan got hurt, the Spurs were cruising toward the best record in the league. As usual, Duncan wasn't grabbing the headlines, he was just grabbing boards, scoring in his understated manner, and serving as the key figure for the NBA's best defensive team. Watching Duncan's efficiency, array of skills (passing, bank shots, etc.), and quiet tenacity is among the most enjoyable experiences for a real basketball fan.
4) Allen Iverson, Philadelphia 76ers - What a Herculean effort! A.I. was the league's leader in scoring while playing great defense, raising his assist total, and carrying an undermanned team (one whose second best player is a rookie SF) to the playoffs. The 76ers' mid-season acquisition of Chris Webber may pay dividends in the playoffs, however it seems as though it was almost more trouble than it was worth given all of the off-court drama. Allen simply refused to let Webber derail the team, though, and down the stretch, A.I. has willed his team to victory and the East's seven seed.
5) LeBron James, Cleveland Cavaliers - Failing to make the playoffs will be a sad way for such a wonderful season to end, and it will give the haters a lot to harp upon. But even his detractors can't overlook what James accomplished this season. King James seized his throne by playing as the single most dominant guy in the Association not named Shaq. Whether he was getting a triple-double, ripping 18 boards, or scoring damn-near fifty on a whim, James was a force who made the sad-sack Cavaliers a playoff contender (despite a meddlesome new owner). And he's still just twenty-years-old

All-NBA First Team
C - Shaquille O'Neal
F - Tim Duncan
F - Dirk Nowitzki
G - LeBron James
G - Allen Iverson

- I know, I know. Where's Steve Nash? I bumped him down to the second team because: 1) D'Antoni installed a new system that has contributed to Nash's success and; 2) anyone who's seen Marion and Stoudemire play knows that the Suns are far from a one-man team. I'd also add that Steve Nash is only a good PG in certain systems. In Dallas, he played well and the team enjoyed a lot of success, but there were too many times when Nash failed to recognize the needs of his teammates, and I think that's part of why Dallas didn't try harder to re-sign him last summer. Meanwhile, Shaq, LeBron, and Dirk--in my mind---are no-brainers, while A.I. has had his best season and carried a team with almost nothing to the playoffs. Duncan is here, too, because had he not gotten hurt, the Spurs would have earned the best record. And let's be honest: You can't put one of the game's all-time great post players anywhere else.

All-NBA Second Team
C - Amare Stoudemire
F - Tracy McGrady
F - Kevin Garnett
G - Dwyane Wade
G - Steve Nash

- These all seem like obvious choices, although I can understand arguing for Marion to replace McGrady. Marion, like Nash, suffers from the talent around him and the system when making these decisions.

All-NBA Third Team
C - Yao Ming
F - Shawn Marion
F - Ben Wallace
G - Jason Kidd
G - Kobe Bryant

- Gil Arenas has been nuts this season, but so has Hughes and, to a lesser extent, so has Antawn Jamison. And while his team sucks and he's one of the most despicable people in the L, Kobe has had a great season that deserves acknowledgment, even if it is begrudged.

All-Defense First Team
C - Ben Wallace
F - Tim Duncan
F - Shawn Marion
G - Bruce Bowen
G - Larry Hughes

All-Defense Second Team
C - Marcus Camby
F - Tyson Chandler
F - Kevin Garnett
G - Allen Iverson
G - Kobe Bryant

All Rookie Team
C - Emeka Okafor
F - Dwight Howard
F - Josh Smith
G - Ben Gordon
G - Andre Iguodala

- Josh Smith probably shouldn't be here, but who else really did anything on a consistent basis? Maybe Deng.

Straight Bangin' Select List**
10) Antonio McDyess
9) Antoine Walker
8) Ben Wallace
7) Josh Smith
6) Tim Duncan
5) LeBron James
4) Manu Ginobili
3) Larry Hughes
2) Kevin Garnett
1) Tracy McGrady

Coach - Jeff Van Gundy
Emeritus - Scottie Pippen

For more year-end lists, peep:
- ESPN.com's Mark Stein
- SI's awards (sub. req.'d)
- Idle at Work

- And also, just for fun, here are the hottest selling jerseys in the NBA.

* This season, Vince Carter outdid even his usual bitch-ass, always-injured, no-account self and earned this award's naming rights for all of time by playing gutless, immature, selfish basketball in Toronto. No supposed "superstar" quits on his team and sulks his way into a trade; then, after forcing said trade, starts doing his Half-Man-Half-Amazin' thing again instantly and shamelessly; and later admits to tanking! If there is any karma in the universe, Vince will get hurt tonight, cost his team a playoff spot, and watch helplessly as his career falls into a Grant Hill-like downward spiral, replete with injury after injury but without the comeback. Vince Carter is such a sucker-punk asshole. I wish that Charles Oakley would come back and pretend that Carter were a money-owing Tyrone Hill or a girl-chasing Jeff McInnis.

** Simply a list of my ten favorite players, most chosen for inexplicable, esoteric, and/or capricious reasons.

4.19.2005

The Best College Team in America


"Show me the rock, so I can show these fools what I got..."

Whether it was Washington earning a number-one seed, Louisville advancing to the Final Four, Villanova taking it to North Carolina, or even a lesser feat, like Wisconsin-Milwaukee advancing to the Sweet Sixteen, the excellent NCAA tournament that served as the capstone for an excellent season of college basketball demonstrated the power of transition basketball, three-point shooting, frenetic ball movement, and superior rebounding. As Sports Illustrated hinted at in its 2004-2005 college hoops preview, NCAA basketball is now owned by teams with speed. And don’t think that speed is only a literal description. Yes, the top players on the best teams—the Nate Robinsons, Dee Browns, and Raymond Feltons—are extremely fast. But in a larger basketball sense, “speed” is as much a style description as it is a physical attribute, and as the former, it commonly connotes a looser style of play that features frequent (and relatively accurate) shots from the perimeter and good rebounding to complement refined fast-break attacks.

Ironically, though, were one to primarily watch college basketball to the exclusion of also following the NBA, he or she would not even know about the best college-basketball team in the country: the Seattle SuperSonics. Using speed, precision perimeter shooting, and a spirited though unheralded legion of rebounders, the Sonics were the most surprising team of the season, capitalizing on Denver’s slow start and Minnesota’s implosion to win the Northwest Division. The Sonics will enter its first-round match-up against the Kangs as the team favored to win, and while Seattle likely will not emerge from the entire postseason as a championship team, I’d wager that it could beat the North Carolina Tar Heels and establish itself as the best college team in the country.

Calling the Sonics a college team is not meant as a full-on insult. Yes, I view the Sonics as the weakest of the division winners (likely even weaker than Boston), and yes I have long touted Seattle as the team most likely to be upset in the first round of the playoffs (though not any longer since it won’t be playing Houston or Denver); however labeling it as I have mostly owes to its style. Seattle is a team that is led by perimeter players Ray Allen, Rashard Lewis, and Luke Ridnour. Even the team’s most important substitutes, Antonio Daniels and Vladimir Radmanovic, are perimeter players. On top of that, the only real post presence is the wildly inconsistent Jerome James, who even at his best is a relative non-entity. Overall, this Seattle team’s composition kind of sounds like a Taquan Dean/Francisco Garcia/Larry O’Bannon/Ellis Myles-led team; or a Luther Head/Deron Williams/Dee Brown/James Augustine-led team; or an Allen Ray/Randy Foye/Mike Nardi/Jason Fraser-led team. Catch my drift? Seattle plays college ball.

Now, you could simply accept what I’m telling you, or you could challenge me to support my argument that Seattle (and also Phoenix, although the interior presence of Amare Stoudemire makes Phoenix a vastly better team) plays college basketball with great success. In response to such a challenge, I’d offer the following information (league rankings in parentheses): This year, Seattle shot .444 from the field (17th); allowed opposing teams to shoot .458 from the field (21st); forced just 12.9 turnovers per game (23rd); and took 26.3 free throws each game (14th). It’s leader in free-throw attempts, Allen, ranked just 27th in the league, and his 426 were 358 behind league-leader Stoudemire (that’s four fewer attempts per game, and eleven of the sixteen playoff teams had at least one player who took more). So on any given night, Seattle was going to miss more of the shots that it took than its opponent would miss of its own; Seattle was going to get the eighth lowest amount of extra possessions from its opponent; and Seattle was just as likely to shoot fewer free throws as it was to shoot more free throws than its opponent.

A team that doesn’t force opponents to miss more shots, waste possessions, and surrender more trips to the free-throw line doesn’t usually win a division or beat elite teams. But the Sonics succeed because they shoot .366 from beyond the arc (6th); attempt 24.6 three-pointers each game (2nd); hit at a .790 clip from the charity stripe (3rd); commit 12.7 turnovers per game (2nd); get 1.25 points per every shot taken from the field (6th); and grab 3.1 more rebounds each game than their opponents (2nd).

In effect, the Sonics both create and then compensate for their relatively low overall field-goal percentage by taking and hitting so many threes (28-percent of Seattle field goal attempts are threes). Furthermore, a team can afford to force so few turnovers when it commits a paltry amount to begin with. But most important, Seattle has won this year because relatively unskilled though massive bruisers Danny Fortson, Reggie Evans, and James have hit the glass hard enough to give Seattle the second-best rebounding margin in the league (behind only the Wallace/Wallace/Prince frontline in Detroit). When a team is making so many threes and protecting the ball while also limiting another team’s second-chance points and creating its own, it has a very good chance to win. Just ask Illinois or any other college team that compensated for limited interior presence by bombing away, pushing the tempo, and rebounding hard.

I would also be remiss were I to neglect that Tar Heel Pundit made a similar observation recently, and that a more vigorous statistical analysis is likely necessary to support a definitive statement (although I think that the results would validate my conclusion).

Additional NBA notes:
- On TNT's Inside the NBA, David Aldridge reported that Portland will contact Ol' Roy Williams about coaching Team Dysfunction next season. I guess we now know why the Blazers would fire Mo Cheeks to satisfy Darius Miles: GM John Nash has to be carrying DMiles's weed. I mean, what else could the Portland executives be smoking?!?! Maybe after contacting Williams, Portland can get in touch with John Wooden or even Red Auerbach.

- Houston, as much as I love TMac and JVG, did not do itself any favors by clinching the fifth seed...

- It doesn't matter who coaches the Knicks if the roster remains mostly the same and, worse, Isiah Thomas retains his post.

And what else:
- Honestly, I'm apoplectic after reading this Tom DeLay statment.

- Spotted on funkdigi: Can you really sue someone for giving you herpes? What's with these Vicks? And Ron Mexico? That's got to be one of the unforeseen perks of being a professional athlete: You can credibly use porn-name aliases when on the road. By the way, Marcus, the one who drinks with underage girls and drives recklessly, is starting for Virginia Tech this coming fall.

- The brilliant Mike Davis has an excellent, insightful, and depressing essay on TomDispatch today. One of my tertiary takeaways (as usual): nothing destroyed cities like the FHA and America's post-World War II car culture. Maybe there is so much poverty and such a pronounced difference between the haves and the have-nots in American cities because following 1945, school systems were deserted and underfunded, jobs followed the white flight to ther suburbs, and racism precluded public policies from intervening on behalf of the suddenly abandoned and underserved urban populations.

- Update: How much do you really know about Deadwood? Get educated.

4.18.2005

Requiem for Joy, or, Da Kid Gets Outta the Picture


KG is the truth

It was going to be like any other Thursday night spent immersed in the L. Given my diminished senior-year workload (twelve total hours of classes on just Tuesdays and Thursdays), I had given myself the greatest gift, NBA League Pass. So, like many nights that year, I sat on the couch, absolved of academia-related anxiety or obligation, and ready for an evening occupied by important research.

There were a lot of answers to be found that season: Did the Warriors really have the biggest homer announcers, even worse than Gorman and Heinsohn? Could TMac credibly claim to be the best guard in the Association by winning the scoring title and improving his defense while carrying an undermanned and undersized Orlando team to the playoffs (again)? Would the Lakers survive the constant (though serially escalating) Shaq-Kobe drama and win a fourth consecutive championship? How many times could the Knicks make me vomit, and which Knick had the most cumbersome contract? Was there any chance that Doug Christie's wife would start carrying brass knuckles in her purse--and use them on women whom she perceived to be lecherously looking at her husband (read: anyone with a vagina who had ever met Doug)--after insinuating herself into the Lakers-Kangs (yes, that's "Kangs") pre-season brawl? Could anyone--well, you get the point. The NBA was, as it is every season, endlessly fascinating.

And so there I was on that Thursday evening, elated that my only concern was picking which basketball games to watch. At the time, I did not realize the implications of what seemed like simple whimsy, but one of those choices wound up being among the most important I have made in recent years: I tuned into Utah playing the Timberwolves.

...

Kevin Garnett is immensely likable. Be it his perseverance despite societal factors working against him; his devotion to his friends, like Ronnie Fields and Malik Sealy (R.I.P.); his unflinching determination to lift an otherwise moribund franchise into relevancy despite having played with too many undeserving teammates; his charitable endeavors; his thoughtful demeanor; his hip-hop ethos; or simply his exuberance and passion for basketball, Garnett almost bludgeons one into adoration. His game, his aura, his words, his deeds--KG defines cool.

Furthermore, Garnett is the paradigm for the modern-day NBA: A highly skilled player who is intelligent, dedicated, and a looming presence both on the court as an all-star and off the court as a marketing force. How did David Stern get so lucky? Garnett succeeds on the court by eschewing me-first basketball and simultaneously triumphs away from the arenas, avoiding the legal problems (like most Americans) that are often encountered by his colleagues. Resultantly, he is accepted in almost all precincts of America, equally palatable for the hip-hop-oriented consumer who likely participates (to some extent) in the And 1-streetball culture and the suburban consumer who may bemoan the decline of the game and the league because of the interest and influence of the former. (A charge that, as I have written, is unfair and racist.)

Perhaps the greatest proof of Garnett's sublime character is anecdotal, though: I have never encountered anyone who has actively disliked Da Kid. Yes, some people may not really follow his exploits or list him among their favorite ballers, but never have I heard someone discuss Garnett with contempt or dismiss him as just another punk (Darius Miles) or fugazi (Tim Thomas) (or rapist--Ruben, Kobe, I see you both).

Needless to say, I am an unabashed KG fan. Dude can play, dude is classy, and dude just has that "it," that magnetic presence (I guess it's charisma in its truest sense) that captures your attention and wins your enduring adoration. While he will never supplant Scottie Pippen as my favorite player (and why Scottie is atop my list is another post for another day), Garnett has always been among that top-tier group. I respect his work ethic, I love his versatile game, I wanted the first high schooler in years to make "the jump" to find success, and--as one who simply appreciates athletic achievement--I have always been entranced by his athletic body. I mean, has anyone ever looked more like a basketball player capable of playing the game the right way?

Sadly, I have not always been afforded a lot of opportunities to watch KG do his thing. During his rookie season, Minnesota was a bad team that finished thirty-three games out of first place and didn't make the playoffs. While the wins and playoff appearances accrued as the years went by (and, of course, so did the first-round exits), Minnesota still wasn't on national television that much: Minneapolis is not the biggest market; the TWolves don't have inter-regional appeal akin to that of a team with stars and history like the Lakers; Garnett's game was growing into his body and he was still establishing himself as a preeminent player; the Wolves never had a roster that seemed capable of legitimately challenging for a title; the new crop of NBA superstars had not, collectively, gained traction as the L's brand names; and the NBA was still dominated by now-faded storylines like Michael Jordan's greatness, the Knicks-Heat rivalry, Karl Malone and John Stockton's quest for a title, etc. All in all, most people outside of Minnesota weren't seeing the TWolves too much unless the local NBA squad was hosting Minnesota or visiting the Target Center.

After the lockout-shortened season in 1999 that culminated with a Spurs championship, though, the landscape was suddenly changed. Michael had left. Duncan had arrived. Kobe had grown up. A.I. had blown up. The NBA was different, and Da Kid had used his formative years in the Association to create a game that was singularly transcendent--Kevin Garnett could do (almost) everything, he played a smart game (kept the ball high, kept the ball moving, etc.), and people were noticing. Soon, the TWolves were on television more and the journalists and sportscasters spoke of KG in fawning terms, slurping his style, slurping his passion, and slurping his struggle. If anyone were discussing KG, his preternatural basketball ability and incredible passion were givens. Instead, the focus was on when he'd get some teammates who could appreciate his gifts, follow his lead, and win with him.

It was during this time--the birth of the post-Jordan, coalition-of-stars-led NBA-- that I really took note of KG. Like I have written, I had seen him play (and the vicious dunks he would throw down were staples of SportsCenter before it jumped the shark and became unwatchable) and could recognize his gifts, but I had never really concentrated on him because he was a work in progress from a city that, in the basketball world, was a remote location. Really, the only times I had gotten to consistently watch Kevin play were during his brief playoff appearances, the ones when his season would end fairly quickly by exiting in the first round. Did I like what I saw? Of course. Did I think Garnett could be on some next-level isht? Yes. Did I think Garnett was one of the top-five players in the L? Probably. But all that said, I also didn't really grasp what the big deal was. To me, KG was another talented player who didn't have the championship mentality--the ability to assert his will, the almost-scary ability to hate his opponent in the moment and act like an assassin--or the go-to arsenal to win a title. And if you can't display those abilities, you might be good but you ain't ever gonna be all that with me.

...

The game started like any other--with a jump ball. Minnesota was wearing its popular third-color uniforms, the black joints with the green tree-pattern trim. Garnett--a lithe, sinewy man--was rocking the shit out of the uniform, his broad shoulders but slight build making his jersey and shorts look like they were insignificant hospital scrubs or pajamas. You got the sense, just observing this athlete, that he could probably do anything that he wanted; his body would willingly accommodate any ideas that his mind could conjure. His body would acquiesce to his imagination. Sure enough, the suspicion was correct: Garnett was jumping center for the TWolves, and he went after the rock as though he had been held against a rubber band that was stretched in the opposite direction and let go when the ball left the referee's hands. Damn, the man really gets up.

Their first time down the floor, the Timberwolves got the ball to Garnett at the free-throw line (a place where he commonly receives the ball), and KG swung the ball to a teammate beyond the three-point line before spinning off of his man's hand check and making his way, relatively unencumbered, to the front of the rim. The shot went up from the right side (where KG's teammate had caught it) and caromed off the back of the rim. Those long arms--the ones attached to a seven-foot body; the ones that make Garnett seem like a pterodactyl when he bangs inside or crowds a passing lane--rose above everyone else's and allowed Garnett to retrieve the ball and lay it in. The sheer ease with which he asserted himself was astonishing; Utah was not the best team in the league, but Garnett had made NBA players look like they were still in tenth grade. Damn, the man’s body is so active.

The Jazz brought the ball down to the other end of the floor and worked it around the perimeter before, failing to find anything inside, setting for a Mat Harpring jumper. Throughout the possession, KG was doing his one-man zone, side-to-side-slide thing at the top of the key. If the ball went left, the nimble giant went left, arms spread to deflect passes and obscure good looks at the rim or at an open teammate. If the ball went right, Mr. Graceful went right, forcing Jazz players on the perimeter to stay a few feet beyond the three-point arc just to ensure that they didn't surrender the ball when throwing their skip passes. However, when the shot went up, KG was gone. No longer at the top of the key, Garnett had darted down toward the basket, and when the Harpring jumper got the iron-unkind treatment, who do you think shed a box out by rising over his man--not by going over the back, but rather, over the top--and pounding the ball into a grip, using his right hand to slam the ball into his left as though he were trying to clap louder than anyone ever had before? Damn, people that big shouldn’t move that well!

Kevin kept it up all night; he was doing everything. On the next possession, he initiated the offense at the top of the key before setting a screen on the weak side and then coming through the lane to establish position and drop-step his way to a lay-up. Back at the other end, if he wasn’t deflecting a pass, he was rotating on defense to alter or block a shot. Jumper? Check. Dribble, draw, and dish? Check. Flip pass over the shoulder to another player on the interior for a dunk? Check. Hedge move to disrupt a pick-and-roll? Check. You feel me? And, perhaps most astonishingly, anything that didn’t find its way through the hoop was his. I mean, he owned the glass to an extent that players were paying him rent just to toss up a miss or call “board” when trying to bank one in. Think Hakeem son-ing Ewing, Jadakiss son-ing 50, James Joyce son-ing English. Damn, this isn’t just rebounding; this is a spectacle.

Perhaps even more impressive than the pronounced distance between KG’s ability and that of anyone else on the court, though, was the effect KG had, on the game and on me. The lock down Da Kid had put on all rebounds was killing Utah’s will on the glass. After a few instances of KG either destroying his man by get around a box-out or out leaping the competition for a rebound that had been tipped around, almost everyone stopped trying, and KG just took the game over. It was mesmerizing, and I couldn’t help but only watch him. Even if Garnett didn’t have the ball or wasn’t guarding a man who took a shot, he was so captivating that the game became a one-man ballet.

The expression “couldn’t take my eyes off of him” is hackneyed, but it is apt here.

For two hours, nothing else caught my attention because Kevin Garnett was making basketball, a passion that has colored my life for as long as I can recall, beautiful and new again. I couldn’t help but feel literal amazement and awe as I witnessed someone hoop with style, passion, and ability that literally changed the game. You know that wonderful feeling you experience when you realize for the first time just how much you love something? Well, imagine how great it would be if you could have that feeling again. Or, put another way, there are moments in life when you feel as though someone or something has touched your soul. A teacher, a friend, an album, a movie, a book--someone or something just speaks to you, almost as though he or she or it understands your thoughts and subconscious in totality. It’s human nature to seek this form of external understanding and validation. We, people, are social animals. It’s why we crave community, crave the duality of simultaneously owning something bigger than us and feeling owned by it.

Well, that was the zone I was in on that otherwise insignificant Thursday night, as I watched a seemingly innocuous regular season basketball game. It was like the Great Awakening, and I will be forever grateful for it.

This was a terrible season for the Minnesota Timberwolves, and it has come to a sad end now that they have been eliminated from playoff contention. I will not miss Latrell Sprewell and Sam Cassell (although with the former, you never know what kind of crazy shit can pop off). Nor will I miss whiny-ass Wally Szczerbiak. And, not only will I not miss Michael Olowokandi, but I will revel in his sustained failure and ineptitude. But beyond the fire and venom, I will mostly feel regret and dejection when considering the 2004-2005 TWolves, because their absence from the playoffs means that the Association, absent its most blithesome presence, will be a little less exciting this Spring.

KG deserves much better than this. To claim the ignominious distinction of falling from first (and the Western Conference Finals) to worst (and heading back to the lottery) does not befit a player of his integrity, talent, and spirit. Sadly, I have to be open to suggestions that perhaps Minnesota’s fall is, in some ways, a referendum on KG’s leadership. Maybe he just isn’t a championship guy; maybe he is just the greatest second-fiddle of all-time. The arguments, at least to some extent, make sense: As his team’s (and perhaps the L’s) best player, and its undisputed leader, he was the one who should have gotten his teammates playing better defense and better basketball; he was the one who needed to find the antidote for the poison that had contaminated the locker room; he was the one who should have kept his teammates in line when they were squabbling over contracts or tuning out the now-deposed Flip Saunders; etc.

I understand all of those arguments, and like I just wrote, they may have some validity. They may even have a lot of validity. But I don’t care about accountability right now. And I don’t want to calibrate KG’s performance by using the scope of NBA history. Maybe he’s gonna be a Barkley or a Ewing or a Miller; maybe he’s gonna be an Erving or a Robertson or a Baylor. Who knows? Right now, who cares?

All I am concerned with is this: Only Kevin Garnett could have made an otherwise pedestrian and unremarkable Thursday evening a revelatory moment, and it’s to everyone’s detriment that the NBA will spend the playoffs without its greatest ambassador.

I Love This Game!



Hi Friends, I thought I'd just mention that I shall be embarking upon a theme week between now and the start of the NBA playoffs on Saturday. (And please note: Theme weeks will not become regular features on this site, so fear not, those of you who appreciate the varied content usually found on Straight Bangin'.) I anticipate posting about hip-hop, politics, and the minutiae that comprises my life during this week, but the focus of most posts (i.e., the leading topic before the usual collection of links) will be the Association. A tentative schedule of subjects:

Monday: A sorrow-fueled essay about my man, Kevin Garnett
Tuesday: A relatively brief statistical examination of the best college-basketball team in the country, the Seattle SuperSonics
Wednesday: NBA Awards
Thursday: A fantasy basketball wrap up
Friday: Playoff predictions

Feel free to post comments regarding the L, and please challenge me if you disagree with anything written.

4.16.2005

Apocalypse Now?


"Academically street smart" or just another MC?

Does respecting an MC's hustle constitute a compelling reason to support his career and appreciate his music? The preceding question may well serve as a de facto epigraph for this post, because I have been pumpin' a lot of Saigon's underground joints lately, and I don't know what to make of him. I hear contemplative joints like "Slap Niggas," funny joints like "L.O.V.E.," streetscapes like "Say Yes," charismatic joints like Sai's verse on "We Want In," and socially significant joints like "Kiss the Babies ," and I both really appreciate Saigon's talent and happily anticipate his (seemingly) impending ascendancy. I become even more enthusiastic when I consider that Just Blaze is gonna produce the shit out of Greatest Story Never Told. However, my enthusiasm and positive sentiments are then tempered when I hear such boring, pedestrian tracks like "Let a Nigga Know " and "NY Streets," songs that are just more of the same shit that anyone can make.

I mean how can a dude who writes things like:
"...They're manufacturing gats
To kill Latins and Blacks
If it ain't each other it's black on Latin or Latin on black...
...Call it what you want, black hatin' or mad rap
All that material crap ain't abstract
Shit's mad wack
My flow is here to show what the difference is
Blind folks follow a book in which they don't really know the significance
Religion ain't feedin' babies or curin' the sicknesses
These Jehova Witnesses need to open some businesses...
...What makes it cool to be a gangsta?
What makes it cool to be a thug?
What is it that's so cool about possibly gettin' hit in your head with a slug?
What makes it cool to be hip-hop?
What makes a grown man wanna crip walk?
What is the reason, I swear to fucking God, that I seen George Bush with a pitchfork?"
or:
"...I don't really think that y'all know what niggas is facin'
We are near the end of a twisted civilization
This isn't a nation
Cut all the money for education
And build more prisons as a replacement
How is it that they can win a war against terror an'
In the ghetto, we losin' the war against heroin
Where are all the thoro men--the Martins the Malcolms
The ones that'll lose they life to change the outcome?"
turn around and hit us off with trite bullshit like:
"Let a nigga know
You wanna go to war, pa?
Wanna hear the four-four pop?
Let a nigga know
You wanna see the gun that'll make more than just your jaw drop?
Let a nigga know
You wanna mess with the best
Or do you wanna save your momma some stress
Nigga, if you really want it
Let a nigga know
I'll come and chop you in half
My clique is coo-coo for coco
They'll pop you and laugh...."
I would like to think that Saigon's real talent and lyrical style is better exemplified by the first two excerpts than the last one, and that perhaps some of his weaker efforts owe to too much time spent making too many freestyles and mixtape tracks (it can get repetitive). I also recognize that to get really embraced by the streets and build a true urban following that will validate his music and lend him the credibility needed to really move units, Saigon has to put out enough street anthems for the gully set, either real or imagined (as record-label executives and radio stations pretend that this group is the only non-suburban hip-hop audience.) All that said, though, I am kind of nervous; he better come correct with his best verses on his album. I'll be disappointed if he doesn't, because the talent is obviously there: he's got a pretty good flow (sometimes he struggles to "find" the beat and he rarely changes shit up), he can tell a story, he can crack a joke, he can play with words, and he is culturally aware. In short, I think that Saigon may play down to his audience (because we all know that Talib is not exactly the shit you're hearing in the streets or seeing fly out of the record stores), and thus, I can respect what he's doing in an in-on-the-joke kind of way. At least, I think so.

The "good" Saigon + on-point Just Blaze = New York HEAT; the "bad" Saigon + just-eh Just Blaze = Disappointment and more disposable studio gangsterism.

Also, peep Borrowed Pen. A hot blog.

4.15.2005

Pimping the Faith


Medicine and religion are this gorilla pimp's hoes.

This site has experienced a recent increase in daily traffic, and I suspect that most of the new visitors are people whom I have never met. As a result, I would like to make something clear to preempt any confusion or anger and to encourage dialogue: I fully support religious freedom. I believe that any person should be entitled to make his or her own choices about faith and spirituality. I believe that each person is free, even, to decide that he or she does not believe in God. As a result of my belief in spiritual self-determination, I also fervently believe that in no way should public life (government, public schools, etc.) intersect with religion in a fashion that would either purposely or effectively promote one set of values (let’s say, for instance, evangelical Protestant) over any other. Historically, the United States has been a nation whose secular government has been established and revised by men who openly invoked their respective faiths yet appeared to understand that their choices should not be forced upon others. I find that delineation between secular and theological life to be a foundational and defining American attribute, as do many others.

I am compelled to post this expository statement today because I am deeply troubled by the news that Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist will cast the impending filibuster debate as a potential triumph of religiosity and the evangelical cause. First, I posted about this topic earlier this week, but I neglected to emphatically declare that the filibuster must remain a procedural tool available to the minority party (Democrats or Republicans) in the Senate. In a democratic system that has always sought to lend every citizen a voice yet has recently become an opinion-poll-driven, partisan simulacrum that sadly dismisses valid concerns of a minority too often, the filibuster remains one of the few ways in which a large minority can still be heard. I do not advocate eroding the tactic’s significance through capricious employment (to functionally just yell “no” instead of seeking compromise is lazy and polarizing), but I do think the filibuster has its place.

More important, though, I am sickened that Frist--one who already has, in my mind, pimped his medical credentials for political purposes--wants to obfuscate the separation of religion and government by standing on a solely religious pulpit to make a wholly political argument. I am also upset and frustrated by the sustained attempts of the Christian Right (a term I am using to define politically active and often didactic Christian evangelicals; I do not mean to offend anyone who might have similar beliefs but behaves in a different fashion) to define every issue as a struggle between heretical secular heathens (and I use “heathens” on purpose because the word’s etymology shows that it was derived from a Greek notion of “the other"--one from the heath--and in the binary moral justice system of the evangelical world, opponents are always demonized) and moral protestant martyrs who have been oppressed in our areligious society because of their faith. Not only is their operational modality self-righteous, disingenuous, and intolerant, but it’s wrong: While not officially a theocracy, the United States is a decidedly Christian nation, replete with legislators and a President who routinely invoke God when conducting their secular business.

The Christian Right is always so baffled and (often) angered by those who do not share its beliefs, and its self-reverential dogma has conditioned far too many people to view anything that isn’t explicitly pro-religion as being aggressively anti-Christian. Again, I do not begrudge any evangelical Protestant his or her faith. I also recognize that among the tenets of that faith are the notions that those who do not embrace Christ will not be saved and that it is important to spread “the truth.” My qualms, though, are that: 1) Seemingly every right-wing Christian activist fails to even acknowledge that perhaps other faiths approach non-believers in analogous fashion (like orthodox Jews, for instance); and that, 2) politically active evangelicals consistently diminish the sanctity of their views by always lending their faith to the political cause du jour. It would be nice if for once, James Dobson and people of his ilk actually honored biblical principles like respect, humility, and compassion by allowing this non-Christian nation to conduct its secular business bereft of pressure from religious organizations. The same can be said about overzealous Zionists, anti-abortion Catholics, and others, so please don’t think me myopic or discriminatory.

And finally, I’d just add that while despicable morons like Hillary Clinton insincerely pander to religious groups because Clinton and other scheming megalomaniacs view the population merely as votes to be had, most Republicans (I mean, I disagree with John McCain but at least I can respect how he conducts himself) so easily raise the ire of so many people who would like to see intelligent debate and respectful, ethical democracy because the Republican leadership never fails to poison a political debate with incendiary elements like religion. I have no problem with someone who wants to embrace evangelical Christianity; however it, and all other religion, has no place in government.

What's really 'hood:
- GoBlueWolverine's Mark Ouimet continues his examination of the nearly post-spring-practice Wolverines by addressing the offense. As I have said, that offensive line is a real concern.

-
You Can't Spell "Citrus" Without UT Department: The Ballcoach is officially back now.

- The always-poignant Juan Cole hammers Norm Coleman and foretells of impending Republican hypocrisy.

- Once again it's on at Nappy Diatribe and The Swift Chancellor Report. Both sites are featuring some nice discussion pieces.

- A few weeks ago, I circulated an email to some friends asking which was the kiss and which was the hug when people ended notes and letters with the "xoxo." I stated that I could understand arguments both ways (and I will spare you a reiteration; most people attached prefaces to their responses that were universally meant to say, "Joey, you're an idiot for asking"). Well, Ask Yahoo! has come through for me. Confusion ameliorated.

- Lots of hip-hop news today:
- LMAO. A grandiloquent and gifted writer like A.O. Scott applies his talent to State Property 2? I'm seeing this movie.
- Puffy changes up his distribution. Too bad that it doesn't matter: Has he actually developed an artist or put out any good music in a minute? (And by the way, what ever happened to G-Dep? I kinda liked kid. "Let's Get It" was my joint.)
- OutKast settles its lawsuit.
- Stupidity knows no bounds.

4.14.2005

People Actually Like This?


Brick Tamland says: Loud Noises!

Underground hip-hop is over. I mean, it's just over. I was reading some reviews of the new Prefuse 73 album, Surrounded by Silence, and I don't understand how anything generally good can be written about this assemblage of clamorous noises, disjointed tones, and annoying-ass samples. (Although, I don't really ever expect much from Pitchfork or Rolling Stone when it comes to hip-hop coverage.) At this point, the media seems to have collectively decided that any "hip-hop" (in quotation marks because I don't think that this awful album should count) that's different and edgy gets pretentiously (e.g., "
Jumping from buzzy lounge-hop to hard grooves to jazzy fantasia...") glorified in hackneyed parlance as courageous, smart, and revolutionary. If Prefuse 73--like all those overrated Def Jux cats; like the sonically off-putting Edan; like anonymous and boring crunksters from I-don't-give-a-shit, TX or who-cares, LA--is going to be held up as a paragon of a truer, smarter, better hip-hop (at least, among too many in the media, too many white people, and too many wannabe critics who yearn to seem different), then let's just dead the whole term and find something else to use as a label. I refuse to let a group like Little Brother, practitioners of real hip-hop, inhabit the same niche alongside crap like Surrounded by Silence just because people are unimaginative and adhere to a binary, restrictive labeling system.

Sorry for the rant, but I approached this album with a lot of curiosity and hope since so many people were slurping it. (And full disclosure: Prefuse is an artist whose work was largely off of my radar until recently, so maybe his earlier albums are better.) But Jesus, this record is so atrocious. I can appreciate a different take on hip-hop (see: The Roots' Phrenology) and a looser style of music that asks the listener to immerse himself in a melting pot of sound, but this is just loud, amelodic, distorted noise with an occasional flow mixed in. Not even Ghostface, one of my favorite MCs, could salvage this endeavor. What a piece.

Much more is what we got in store:
- You need to be reading the insightful, engaging, and smart
Tarheel Pundit.

- I better not ever date a girl who's been
sharing cookies with her dog. This is just foul

- Shit.
Discovered.

- A commendable effort, but is any kid actually gonna play
this game?

- Is John Rocker still a racist, homophobic redneck? Probably. I guess that settles
this matter. He says he wants to move on as though New Yorkers committed a transgression or were equally culpable.

- Jackogate: Again, I am compelled to wonder what sort of medication
this woman needs. I mean, which adult does all this?!

- Jerome puts it down and offers us his first chipmunked beat. Peep his collabo with Dupont Menage. And make sure you tell Rome what you think.

- I'm gonna say it right now: Despite a formidable backfield and a receiving corps that should be a weapon (you never know with Conservative Carr), Michigan is going 8-3 next season. I wouldn't be surprised if UM lost at Iowa, either at Michigan State or at home against (the) Ohio State (joke of a) University (Tressel owns Carr), and at home to Notre Dame (surely, the Irish will be fired up, and I will take Charlie Weis over Jim Herrmann any day of the week). (And before you scoff: UM doesn't play a non-conference game on the road this coming season, so how else will Lloyd enter the Big Ten season already out of the national title hunt?) I am really nervous about a very inexperienced secondary (two mediocre corners, one mediocre safety, and one other unknown do not augur for success), a new offensive line with players lining up out of their natural positions, an underwhelming linebacker corps, and a Chad Henne without an established deep threat. Here is a more (guardedly) optimistic assessment of the Michigan defense. I am a notorious pessimist, though, so take that for what you will.

4.13.2005

Gators Get Going


This is a bad combination for the rest of college football.

There were two Sports Illustrated-related observations I wanted to make having now finished the most recent issue:


- Florida is going to be the new “it” school for prep quarterbacks. It’s inevitable: First, Urban Meyer runs a unique and aggressive offense that every elite athlete will find attractive because the quarterback is asked to do so much but is also given so many options. If he can master the reads and the playbook (and nothing suggests that he can’t), Chris Leak is going to win the Heisman trophy playing for Meyer because the Gators are a glamour team, play in a BCS conference, and will put up a ton of points. Also, Leak won’t be hurt by home games against Tennessee and Florida State. Ask USC if producing a Heisman winner helps position recruiting.

Second, Alex Smith, a quarterback who no one had really heard of or cared about before last season, was a Heisman finalist and is going to be a top-of-the-draft pick in two weeks. Tim Tebow, and every other prep QB, will surely note that Meyer was able to produce a premier NFL prospect at Utah, a school with a fraction of Florida’s football resources and a lower level of overall talent. Ask Michigan if a reputation for putting players in the NFL helps position recruiting.

Third, given all of the Urban Meyer love in circulation right now, sports journalists are, in effect, recruiting for the Gators. No one has written that Florida is going to win a national title; however almost everything else has been printed. Whether its glowing reports of spirited practices or cheery assurances that the Gators will be “back,” there is a lot of good publicity out there. What’s sad for me, a Michigan Man, is that all of the reports are probably accurate. Meyer’s record indicates that he knows how to build a team that can immediately win, and for all of Ron Zook’s faults, the man did leave a stocked cupboard. Ask Oklahoma if endless media slurping of a coach helps position recruiting.

So add it up: Attractive system + previous success with QBs + good press = recruiting juggernaut. Michigan, USC, Miami--things are gonna be a little harder for all of the quarterback schools. And let’s not forget that Charlie Weis, who has his own incredible resume, might make Notre Dame a team that resembles what it used to be.

- David Stern is a genius. First, he employs his incredible business savvy to elevate a struggling league, establishing it as an indomitable cultural force. That’s an old story. But consider how he’s insidiously exploited the NHL.

He got Gary Bettman installed as commissioner of the NHL so that Stern could have a living, breathing, lesser foil--a guy in an analogous position who just makes every mistake possible. Really, Bettman is like a weird Stern-family cousin, the one who tries his best but just always messes everything up, routinely leaving David to shake his head, learn his lesson, and be thankful that he’s not Gary. I mean, look at what’s gone on lately. Bettman didn’t keep scoring up, instead allowing the zone trap to ruin his product, leaving it boring and unattractive to television-network executives. Seeing this, Stern did away with hand checking and implemented other changes that have revitalized the game and increased scoring. Then, after seeing Bettman’s league wallow in the mire of unrest, poor press, and irrelevancy, Stern has upped his collective bargaining game to ensure that the L will not endure a work stoppage (I can’t see a lockout this summer).

What’s gonna happen? Stern will likely implement an age requirement (as discussed yesterday) while forcing the Player’s Association to eat a system (sub. req.) in which a guaranteed contract is either shorter, or can be altered once it’s been proved to be a crippling mistake, or both. In return? He’ll up the salary cap. Big deal: if you read enough NBA coverage, it seems as though owners would much rather increase their yearly operating budgets and have more flexibility than be saddled with the bonehead contracts (Mark Blount, Calvin Booth, Keith Van Horn, Allan Houston) they give out during their usual moments of stupidity.

The net result of all this? Fan interest will not only be sustained but will likely increase as a higher salary cap induces more roster improvements and makes more teams seem like contenders. Meanwhile, the actual product will improve because there will no longer be players who just aren’t ready for the NBA. Instead, the draft will have a new look: It will still feature unkempt Euros who no one has heard of but we all hope can play like Dirk, but it will also feature college players who have been coached up and become legends. As great as LeBron is, imagine is he were entering the draft as the two-time player of the year and the guy who had led (the) Ohio State (joke of a) University to two consecutive Final Fours; imagine how cool it would be if down-trodden division rivals like the Clippers and the Warriors drafted players, like maybe Amare Stoudemire and Dwight Howard, who had played against each other when they were at Duke and North Carolina; imagine what a preternatural passer like Shaun Livingston would be like after two or three years of instruction from Tubby Smith. I mean, I think my head just exploded. David Stern is this era’s Einstein.

Some other stuff:
Update: ACC Basketblog with a smart, measured postmortem addressing Rashad McCants's final season and tenure in Chapel Hill.

- Um, get a flu shot, I guess? This is kind of scary.

- Howard Kurtz makes an important point today: What is the Democratic Party about? Has it proposed an articulate plan for Social Security? Has it ever set the terms of a debate? Defined the language of an issue? Successfully explained how the economy's failings affect the public? Stood up to Bush? No, no, no, no, and, that would be...no.

- One more reason to resent ESPN (as if the functional death of SportsCenter, the confluence of stupidity called Around the Horn, the bombastic and vapid "experts" like Dick Vitale, and Chris Berman weren't enough): In typical fashion, the excellent new blog maintained by ESPN Magazine writer Bruce Feldman is only available to Insider subscribers. For those who can read it, note that there is NO mention of Michigan ANYWHERE, save for a deserved jab at Lloyd Carr for his hostility toward the media. Way to generate good p.r., Lloyd. It's now official: there is not a single national college football writer who likes Carr.

- *Shakes his head* Soccer fans...

- It's still early, but it seems like maybe A-Rod isn't worth the money and really can't handle New York. What a punk. Maybe things will get better if he puts on a new shade of lipstick.

- This mess at Columbia just keeps getting worse. Now the Times is cutting deals and ignoring any opposition? Shame on the paper, shame on Columbia. Everyone, say it with me: Lee Bollinger should have never left Michigan.

- Russell re-ups his Universal hustle.

- And now, for the trashy section of this post: Jackogate and the coming birth of the antichrist.

Life After Death


The Love Experience is excellent, if you can deal with contemporary soul.

Short and sweet from me today...

- First, head over To New Frontiers if you have some time. I don't agree with the blog's politics, but it provides an informed perspective, and I am always down for that.
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- Second, I was sitting on the bus yesterday when someone walked on rocking the low-top, snakeskin-patent-leather Jordan XIs. I immediately suffered flashbacks of anxious pre-dawn hours spent in the Briarwood mall, waiting for Footlocker to open and praying that I was among the first two peeps seeking a size 11.5. Seeing those shoes and fondly reminiscing about sneakers got me wondering, what's the definitive top-five list of new Nikes to drop since 1990? I definitely gotta include:
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- The OG Jordan XI
- The Air Max Uptempo
- The Air Max 95

After that, I am still deliberating. I'm sure that Jerome and Ev Boogie would have suggestions.

- Third, is Raheem Devaughn gonna be this year's John Legend? I recently heard some tracks from The Love Experience (which you can buy here), and I am really feelin' dude's rich, passionate soul sound. All those people who always hate on contemporary soul music will likely find Devaughn to be just like everyone else from the genre; however real music fans who can appreciate contemporary R&B (and I mean real R&B, not Ashanti) will likely find The Love Experience to be inviting and really easy on the ears. This is fairly sensual music that one could easily throw on when around the house or in the car. My only gripe with Devaughn is that some of his songs sound like they were written immediately after listening to the Isley Brothers, but a guy could do a lot worse when seeking musical inspiration. (Make sure to hear "Until" and "Guess Who Loves You More" if you don't follow.)

As for my initial question, I will sadly answer no; from what I can tell, Raheem will not be ushered through the pop-culture scene by a multi-platinum self-promoter who already had the hip-hop-production game on lock. But still, don't sleep on The Love Experience. It may well be the best R&B record of the year. And all of this begs the question: If contemporary soul music is as dead as so many love to proclaim, from where do these bangin' new joints come?

(P.S. Raheem could actually become a "name" in hip-hop circles. I have heard some of his tracks on mixtapes, and he has a D'Angelo-like voice. Really, can singing hooks for the Roots or Mos Def be that far away for him? If he's smart, maybe he'll start beefin' with John Legend now, just to get that hype machine rolling. We all know that beef sells.)

- Fourth, I got held up at work last night and missed my chance to get crunked up with Lil Jon and friends. How was it?

- Fifth, and finally, ACC BasketBlog is a great destination for coverage of all sports at all levels. That site has sent more than a few visitors over to Straight Bangin', and I hope to reciprocate. Take careful note of how well those guys aggregate both important headlines from around the country and some of the more thoughtful blog commentary.

4.12.2005

Stakes Is High

How much is your blog worth? Find out at Blogshares. This site is pretty incredible.

Man-dating



The Pope died, the extent of Tom DeLay’s treachery is beginning to surface, the United States’ economy continues to spiral downward, and yet, in this twenty-first century of ours, this article is the most frequently emailed from the New York Times’ website? Despite the fact that gay marriage is gaining legal legitimacy, homosexuality is an omnipresent part of pop culture, and companies like Orbitz launch homosexual-specific commercial endeavors, people are still so enthralled by jokes and insinuations about homosexuality that this man-date article captivates everyone so much? (And please note: given that “man date” was a nonce term invented for the article, and, accordingly, has limited traction in our vernacular, I have chosen to create a derivative compound nonce word; I find my version to be a more appropriate visual expression of the idea, and one that better captures the nuanced pronunciation.) I am not trying to seem self-righteous (I mean, the article was kinda funny), but please, everyone, come on.

Maybe I should just be disappointed in the author of the story, the reporter-socialite Jennifer 8. Lee, for focusing on, and thereby sensationalizing, something I find so mundane, but it’s almost shocking that something as quotidian as two friends having dinner together warrants its own terminology and, according to the article, engenders so much discomfort and trepidation. I readily acknowledge that men are socialized to be less emotionally supportive of their peers than women are of theirs, and that this condition makes social interaction in a vacuum--encounters devoid of a purported purpose like watching a basketball game, playing cards, etc.--odd at times. I will also be the first to point out that two dudes engaging in one-on-ones while undertaking certain activities (like, say, making a picnic in the park) can feel homoerotic, and is not what I seek out. But all that said, are there really so many men who are so insecure and so ignorant that getting together with another male friend causes such anxiety? Look, meeting up for Chinese food with a buddy doesn’t make you gay. (However, if you obsess over the tablecloth pattern at the restaurant, well….)

I probably shouldn’t be so surprised given that the hip-hop community, a group of which I am a member to some degree (depending upon how it is defined), remains almost resolutely homophobic (e.g., "no homo"). (Although, there is understandable debate about the extent of the homophobia in hip-hop.) However, I always marvel at hip-hop’s disdain for homosexuality because it seems so antiquated. In some ways it makes sense, given the glorification of a “street culture”--slangin’, violence, pimping, prideful disenfranchisement, etc.--that is very much masculine and straight (even if one of its greatest champions, Cam’ron, wears pink and purple all the time). But at the same time, even street-hop has become mainstream, and on MTV, one can watch a Beanie Sigel video immediately followed by a program featuring Karamo and Dan. Also, while hip-hop struggles with attitudes toward homosexuality, it will never be as virulently anti-gay as the Christian right.

I think I’ve lost my point, so I’ll stop here. But I guess the idea is this: The Times article, while amusing, was a guilty indulgence given that it was predicated on highlighting something relatively immature and tired. We can all do better.

Who Runnin' This:
- Here are some taxpayer-paid-for lies, straight from your friends at the Health and Human Services Department. I hate this government.

- Jackogate: When I have kids, I am only letting them sleep with pop-culture icons if I'm getting iced out and dappered up in return. Some Brooks Brother suits, shirts, and ties will get you three consecutive day-time hours with my child; a set of Jordans with three pairs of each model in each colorway will get you a full-on, unsupervised play date; a trip to Vegas will get you six nighttime hours; a Rolex nets you an afternoon, a dinner, and six nighttime hours; and all of the above, along with Knicks season tickets, will get you a slumber party. I’ll even provide the milk, cookies, girlie magazines, live-in chimpanzee, and a facelift.

- As usual, Hendrik Hertzberg approaches a story, in this case, the so-called nuclear option, from a different, intellectually engaging angle. I have a hard time envisioning the Democrats taking the high ground on anything—they often seek it out but stumble before they can go down the road—but it’s a nice thought.

- It’s enough with the John Mayer! His music is boring; he is obnoxiously self-aware (he’s like the human analog of The O.C.); he is one of those phony dudes who pretends to be all sensitive and shit just to meet women; and he is completely replaceable. Damn you, Kanye; damn you, Dave Chappelle; damn you, ?uestlove; damn you, hip-hoppers!

- Is anything as unpleasant as or more painful than watching the decline of someone whose work you used to love? And what makes it even worse is when that person can't even see how bad he's become. Well, that's what reading the Sports Guy has become for me; it's like when Patrick Ewing was with the Sonics. I don't think that the Sports Guy has strung together three consecutive good articles in years. He's still funny sometimes, and will still share some good insights, but too often, the stories wind up being about him, and he is so didactic. His gimmick is really, really, really tired.

- I've spent most of this season baffled by the Pistons. Every time the team has seemed ready to roll, something bad has happened (the brawl, a Larry Brown absence, a sustained failure of concentration, etc.). Enough of those lapses have assured the Heat of the Eastern Conference's top seed, and while I saw the Pistons smite the seemingly celestial combination of Shaq and Rapist (at least, from the perspective of talent and ability), I am not so sure that Detroit has that championship character this season. There have been too many uninspired performances, too many failures of the bench, and too many defensive lapses (believe it or not). I am heartened, though, by Sam Smith's take on last night's game against the Baby Bulls. Hopefully the Pistons have just feigned indifference, smartly conserved their energy, and finally found their rhythm. Much like Smith, I really admire how the Pistons embrace the team concept. Without a doubt, I believe that were its personnel more skillful, Detroit would move the ball as well as any team in the league.


- The media's favorite new parlor game: Where is LeBron headed? (Or, by its other name: Which flames of controversy can we stoke today?) I mean, this woman isn’t even from Ohio, she probably has never said two words to LeBron, and almost everything she asserts is speculative! What, did she win a contest or something?

- Trouble in Bucketland

- 86 Reasons to hate the Red Sox. Reason 87: The enduring legacy of racism that will forever be a part of that city's unattractive and obnoxious sports culture. (I guess that this reason is kind of like #13.)

- And speaking of racism, I can understand where J.O. is coming from, but as one who is likely overly sensitive about race issues and predisposed to support this sort of perspective, even I must disagree. An age limit is all about improving the product on the floor. And anyone concerned about basketball and the NBA who saw the NCAA title game should be in support of this plan: With the exception of a rarity like LeBron, most high school phenoms--the Raymond Feltons, the Luther Heads--in big-time basketball need some coaching to fully realize their gifts. It's good for college and it's good for the NBA. Besides, while there have been a number of high schoolers who have exceled, there are also a lot of Robert Swifts and Darkos (you must click on this link).

- Best idea ever. Well, maybe that’s mean and an exaggeration, but this is a boon to the animal-hating community. If you’ve never had a pet, stand up!

- She's back? Who cares? And at the top of the second page, doesn’t it read as though Ursh is grouped in with the divas? LOL.

- Not that Michigan has much of a chance with Percy Harvin, but Braylon going number one would certainly help.

4.11.2005

Get Crunk Tomorrow Night

I don't know if heads are up on this, but tomorrow night, Lil' Jon and friends will be puttin' it down at Webster Hall in New York City:

Doors Open: 7:00
Doors Close: 8:30
Where: Webster Hall, 125 East 11th Street, New York, NY 10003

If you can't score tickets (they weren't on sale and have been a giveaway on Power 105.1), you can still watch the webcast here. I'll probably have to do that since I am not affiliated with this in anyway, and you know I'm not sitting around all day listening to the radio, phone in hand.

(And note: A friend put me on to this, so if I have somehow broken a law by posting the above, shoot me an email--straight(dot)bangin(at)gmail(dot)com--and I will happily take it down.)

Friends, How Many of Us Have Them?


This is too funny (spotted by Atrios). In tandem with what I wrote earlier today, this ad makes me think that there is a healthy amount of Joementum building behind the push to depose Lieberman.

What a Weekend


Eat it, Phil. This was the best moment of the weekend.

Nothing says spring like the Masters, and nothing says the Masters like a
furious finish on Sunday's back nine. Many have written about yesterday's fantastic golf action, but I would be remiss to not add my thoughts about an event that I cherish, both for its symbolic value and its athletic merit. And please do not mistake my meaning: I love golf, and I love watching it. While it may not be the single hardest course to play, Augusta National is an amazing test for the world's best golfers, and the undulating greens have made Sunday heroics and failures a staple of early April. However, the Masters is a greater cultural event, as it signals the true arrival of spring (and the weather in New York City over the weekend made that clear) and comes replete with that rich, simultaneously seductive and repulsive pomp and ceremony. I mean, as much as I bristle when considering how much thought and money goes into the event's contrived and ostentatiously understated pastoral elegance, I can't help but also find it romantically appealing.

With the warm weather, a resurgent though fallible Tiger Woods, and some great athletic drama to complement the quixotic ramblings of Dick Enberg and the self-righteous, self-aware narrative from Captain White Bread Jim Nantz, all was right in the world yesterday. And, as I mentioned above, how great was it that a failing-to-contend Phil Mickelson had to put the green jacket on Tiger? Maybe Phil could have done better if he were in shape and taking fewer barbiturates.

A busy Monday:
- Wes Jack pumps out a dope articulation of his reaction to BE. I gotta agree with a lot of it. Unabashed Common fans like me will really, really like this record, while some others may be a little less enthusiastic. And for sure, this record will not be in heavy rotation for members of the gully set. All that said, hearing new isht from Common is like hanging out with an old friend who you haven't seen in a while. Cop this record.

- Tom DeLay has to be on his way out, right? I mean, people who know where the bodies are buried are gonna start snitching, no?

- And speaking of snitching,
someone obviously didn't see that Carmelo Anthony video. The code of the streets says...

- Hashim is lucky. I would love to see this crunked-up mess of a show. Bia bia!

- New site: Pop Licks

- Juan Cole gets it right again. I have always said that while I was not sad to see Saddam ousted, the "war" in Iraq was a bad idea and a terrible allocation of resources. How about fixing some domestic problems instead of exporting an imperfect America?

- Will
Republican Democrat Joe Lieberman actually get what he deserves (spotted on Kos)?

- Where was this resolve when Gonzales (criminal) and Rice (incompetent) were confirmed? I guess it's better late than never.

- What effect does your name have on your life outcome? Does your race matter in that equation? Slate has an intriguing (though sort of underwhelming) examination. Also, peep the "whitest" and "blackest" names for boys and girls, as compiled by two economists.

- Blogging may already be passe
, and I am quickly thinking that blog journalism is following the same path. Is every story about Internet weblogs going to focus on how they differ from mainstream media analogs? Find some new angles, or stop with the golly-gee-whiz approach. Motherfuckers write about the Internet as though it were still only brought to us through dial-up modems and web-portal services.

- Usually, a movie will receive all this promotion if it's a dud and the producers need to find additional revenue streams. If you don't catch my meaning, watch the updated Godzilla that induced vomiting a few years ago.

- I shall shed no tears for Benzino.

-
Jackogate: Say it with me, now--We want Corey! We want Corey!

4.09.2005

The BE, Coming...


Album of the year...

"...Bush pushin' lies/Killers immortalized/We got arms, but won't reach for the sky...."

Common IS BACK.
BE is killin' it! Everyone needs to buy this record. Jay Dee, I eff-ing see you. (My only plea: Rappers, stop slurping John Mayer. It only makes him think that he matters, and he is sadly mistaken.)

4.08.2005

Once Again, It's on...


Not a hot look.

What Else?
- This morning on the subway, I was minding my own business, reading the engaging though plodding Strangers to Ourselves: Discovering the Adaptive Unconscious, when I was suddenly sent barreling toward a metal post. My incredible athleticism and grace enabled a successful avoidance of injury. (I grabbed onto the pole and used the force that had propelled my body as a means to swing around and stop 180 degrees later. All I needed was a thong and some 2 Live Crew music.)

Following this startling incident, I made eye contact with my assailant (a twenty-something woman with an iPod, a Gucci bag, one of those fur-collared jackets, a pair of black leggings, and--what else?--UGGs), and she pre-empted any further discussion or an additional incident by glaring at me and declaring in a dismissive tone, "Look, you don't read while people are trying to get on." She then quickly turned away and started pumping her tunes while staring at her nails (she was probably rocking out to that Caesars song or some trendy shit she heard on The O.C., like the Killers or some band with an idiotic, wanna-be-funny name like Subterranean Constellation). Despite having cooked up a number of inflammatory and satisfying responses, I smartly chose against escalating the situation.

I am still left with a Costanza-like "We're trying to have a society, here!" mixture of incredulity and anger. I also think it's all pretty hilarious.

- Jay Smooth and friends were on point last night at the Good Foot party. It's always a nice time when a night mostly consists of hanging out, drinking beer, and listening to real hip-hop. I got to meet Jay, Ian, Hashim, and Wes Jack. As Ian said, the blog mafia was in full effect.

- Tom Engelhardt is among the few Americans still paying attention to Afghanistan.

- Bow down. Guest is a genius. And if you want to peep his work, here's the schedule.

- NBA round up: Kobe's downfall continues. He got rid of Shaq; he got rid of Phil; he missed the playoffs; he secured L.A.'s first losing season in eleven years; and now this is happening. Isiah Thomas might have some competition for the NBA Fuck Up award. And just in case anyone forgot about Isiah, read this. I can't stand New Yorkers who have abandoned the cloudy skies over the Knicks for the fair-weather Nets environment. Do NOT try to come back when we sign LeBron.

- G.M. is taking its toys to another sandbox. Here's a novel idea: Spend money on technological innovation, not misguided litigation, and get good press while making products that will actually matter in twenty years.

- Great (albeit standard) topic over at Nappy Diatribe today.

- Is anyone actually surprised that this eff-ed up shit happened in Texas?

- Jackogate: If these accounts of predatory sexual behavior are true, Michael needs to be locked up and counseled. I can't joke about this today.

4.07.2005

Playing Catch Up


Nantz, Enberg, Macatee--CBS has an endless supply of maddening announcers.

Having been gone for a few days, I am a little strapped for time right now, so I will have a new post of substance tomorrow. Until then, I direct your attention to even more blogs that are far better than mine (and all are now on the blogroll):

- Number One Songs in Heaven - Classic soul music

- Lost in the '80s - '80s pop music

- The Swift Chancellor Report - On-point hip-hop insights

- A Salute to Weed Carriers - Cataloguing all the done-come-up artists, deserving or otherwise

Some quick thoughts:
- Re: Monday night, people are always knocking the NBA and its brand of hoop, but a college team shooting forty three-pointers is an eff-ing joke. Didn't Luther Head used to be 100-percent dunk offense, anyway?

- Nothing says spring time like the Masters. More than any other, this tournament is the referendum on Tiger's game. And, if it rains (which it has), that is trouble for Woods; has there been a premier player in recent times who is worse in inclement weather than Woods? It's like night and day for this dude.

- What's the over/under on remaining number of days that the media fixates on the Pope to the exclusion of other reporting?

- With heads all over the internets showering various forms of praise on The B. Coming, I was compelled to give it a more thorough examination. "Bread & Butter" is fucking amazing, and there are some other tracks that stand out, but I don't really understand all the slurping. I originally posted about this record back when it was just leaked (and when it was missing "B&B" and two other joints), and I stand by that impression. I'm left to conclude that people are just really feenin' for a truly great record. Common, I think that's your cue....

4.04.2005

On Hiatus

I will be traveling for work through Wednesday, so please pardon my delinquent site maintenance.

4.03.2005

Miscellaneous


Your whole shell baby's wicked like Nimrod

- Sin City was guttter. So 'hood! I gotta see it again. (And fuck a Manohla Dargis.)

- Zwiggity found this. Worth a look.

- Finally, clothing for those moments when you just can't decide: tennis or clam digging?

- This bodes well for Anthony Thomas. That 1999 Michigan offense was excellent.

The Pope and a L.E.G.A.C.Y.


Call him Miami: He blazes and you feel the heat

Lincoln Shot! The Pope passed yesterday. Now that he's been called home, a new Pope must be chosen. And I gotta shout out my girl Stacey for posting a great link about how the election process works. My only question is, how does a cardinal get his international rep up to even warrant consideration among his peers?

Hall of Justus: L.E.G.A.C.Y.
With all of the discussion of the Pope's lasting contributions and enduring impact, it seemed appropriate to continue the Justus League profile series by focusing on L.E.G.A.C.Y. (Life Ends Gradually and Changes You).

Dark and brooding, L.E.G.A.C.Y. is a challenging MC. (And note that from here on out, he'll be known as "Legacy.") His intelligent thuggery can engender cognitive dissonance when one listens to him flow and then considers his affiliation with a crew that is mostly defined by Little Brother's lighter, throwback style and the more standard "underground" cats who run with the JL. However, this is not a troubling incongruity; instead, Legacy (and Chaundon) brings a different, more menacing, street-like component to the League and to the music, adding variety and depth. It takes some time to happen upon this appreciation of Legacy, though, because his antagonistic, angry style and a collection of herky-jerky beats over which he often flows make his music fairly impenetrable for neophyte listeners.

Even songs that have received some critical acclaim and will serve as singles from his upcoming album, Project Mayhem, can be a little disconcerting and off-putting during initial exposure. To really get into Leggy Hendrix, one has to dedicate him- or herself to a close examination. The commitment is worth it, though, because Legacy's flow is steady and penetrating, like a boxer who works his opponent's body: As he's going to work, his toil seems unspectacular, but as time goes by, you can really respect how effective it's been. And, Legacy's intelligence and perspicacity inform lyrics that can be emotionally resonant, humorous, and insightful. As one becomes familiar with Legacy's rather large underground catalogue, the MC's gift for word play also emerges. (And the dude has a funny, MF Doom-like proclivity for constantly inventing new aliases.)

Such a gifted (albeit "alternative") MC would seem like a good bet for future stardom, however Legacy's music, overall, is underwhelming. Simply put, he needs better beats. There are just too many joints that are dreary and bland--looped samples with nothing going on; understated drums that have an enervating effect; awkward, disjointed melodies. It's ironic that Legacy seems to be the only MC who doesn't benefit from collaborating with 9th Wonder because a fine lyricist should be best served by such a creative producer. Just ask Phonte. However, Legacy's stated disinterest in hip-hop and his love of a broader musical spectrum may forever prevent him from embracing beats that are more "hip-hop." I feel myopic and stupid proscribing certain beats, declaring them to be not-hip-hop (especially given how much I liked a non-standard album like the Roots' Phrenology), but it's not a coincidence that the best tracks on which Legacy rhymes are often collabos with other Leaguers who need the more standard heat that comes from 9th and Khrysis's boards. It may simply be that Legacy and 9th need each other and that's why Leg will have a career: 9th needs someone to whom he can give his darker beats, and those are the musical fodder that Legacy prefers. However, Legacy's ceiling for broader success will remain low--despite his lyrical talent--until he gets some music people want to hear. Otherwise, he's just a poet.

(And P.S. I think Legacy sounds better over Khrysis beats.)

Thyrday Update:
I was contacted by The Thyrday's manager after my post about the group from last week, and he mentioned that there was newer audio on the group's website. I figured I'd throw some of it up here; I took some solo joints:

- K-Slack, "Let's Take a Walk"
- J. Gunn, "When the Music Stops"
- Killa K., "The Music Is Back"

4.02.2005

Stock Tips



Rather than summarize tonight's Final Four games with an externally meaningless recap of the games, I thought I'd drop some quick thoughts about the players that the media and fans usually discuss. I've broken down the players into two categories using a tried and true investment analogy--buy or sell.

Buy:
- Sean May: Much has been written and said about May, but his second-half performance tonight validated the deserved praise. Since arriving in Chapel Hill, May has transformed his body and game, and he is now a dominant college center with those much-ballyhooed hands. In the NBA, he'll be a more traditional power forward, and while he will never be the man for a team, he will be a good player given the decent range and passing ability that both complement his strength and rebounding.

- Rashad McCants: Honestly, the dude does nothing spectacularly; you are never overwhelmed by or taken with one amazing skill or talent. He isn't a burner; he doesn't jump out of the gym; he isn't automatic from the perimeter; and he is not a great creator for others. But, that said, he is a very good player because he does all of those things--run, jump, shoot, pass--very well. I like him as a shooting guard at the proverbial next level (his jumper could be a little less streaky), and his sturdy build should enable him to post up a lot of the lankier, weaker guards he'll encounter.

- Raymond Felton: He needs to stay in college. Despite his immense overall talent, his improving shooting abilities, and his blazing speed, there is plenty of room for improvement. As my father, the Notorious A.I.L., has been quick to point out, Raymond could use a better mid-range game, especially a stop-and-pop jumper from inside twelve feet. He also needs to work on some of his decision making, as he is too prone to drive into traffic, force a pass inside, or go away from what's working (May). But all that said, he is a player with an NBA future.

- Deron Williams: What's left to say? His athleticism, a perceived shortcoming, has been validated by his ability to finish on the alley-oop and, more importantly, his excellent perimeter defense. In addition, Williams can stroke the three, has a decent mid-range game, and makes great decisions with the ball. I was lukewarm on him until this season, but he is fantastic.

- Taquan Dean: He needs another year in college; however his stroke is beautiful, he has a great release, and the unorthodox Louisville attack and rotation will both endow him with the ball-handling skills to be an NBA player.

- Francisco Garcia: I think he will be an adequate NBA player, but his stock has taken a hit. It seems as though he is too often a question mark despite his abilities; there is not enough consistency in his game. His length, range, and ball-handling skills all remind me of Tayshaun Prince, and there are worse players to resemble, but I don't think Garcia will ever be a guy who can lead an NBA team. He'll need to play with a good spot-up shooter and a good big man to be most effective.

Sell:
- Paul Davis: Has any player ever put up such insignificant good numbers? When MSU needs a bucket, it can't go to Davis. His jumper is streaky, his post game is limited and spotty (that turn-around fade-away is not going to cut it as a go-to move since he never hits it), and he is not strong enough. His length helped him defend, but May basically went through Davis anytime he wanted to. I don't get the big deal about this player, one who has probably been among the most overrated in college during the past two seasons.

- Kelvin Torbert: Speaking of overrated....For four seasons, I have often wondered the same thing while watching him and Michigan State play: There was talk of Torbert making the leap straight out of high school?! He was like this decade's version of Felipe Lopez. Torbert is a good athlete who, as a senior in high school, was said to have NBA talent and Vince Carter-like hops. The guy can jump, but he's no Josh Smith. And his jumper, like most of his game, is woefully inadequate. I don't think he has a future in basketball. At least, not in this country.

- Dee Brown: I love his speed, his attitude, and his quick hands. But I don't love his limited jumper or his height. To re-appropriate an enduring political notion, I have seen Allen Iverson and you, Dee, are no Allen. I question how Brown will succeed in the NBA given that he is not the same scorer that Iverson is. I could be wrong, but I am pretty skeptical.

- Jawad Williams: The man has talent, but his only position in the NBA would be at the SF. He does not have the unreal athleticism he might need to compensate for a weak jumper or a passive mentality. He could catch on with a team either as a second-round pick or an un-drafted free agent, but I don't know that his ceiling is all that high.

Pecker, er, Packer Time:



I also thought I'd throw up some observations about Billy Packer's characteristically petty, annoying, negative performance from tonight. Call me a dork, but I took notes (and all times are Eastern Standard Time):

6:13: Billy Packer makes a big deal out of nothing (shocking, I know), enthusiastically saluting Dee Brown for converting an uncontested lay-up by exalting Brown's insignificant shuffle step that led to him jumping off of the proper foot. Billy, it's called a basic move, and most people have learned it by the time they're out of sixth grade.

6:33: Revisiting one of his idiotic obsessions that he has wasted time with all Tournament, Packer asserts that far too many defenders grab their respective man's jersey to impede his motion. In the past, he has demanded that this common maneuver result in an intentional foul. Tonight, broadcast partner Jim Nantz just ignores it and moves on. What can I say? Sometimes idiocy and conservatism don't even warrant a reply.

6:45: Ooh, aren't we lucky, Packer issues an irrefutable basketball edict: All post players who have followed their coaches' instructions should stop trying to submarine their teams by boxing out around the basket and instead sprint out to the foul line when a three-pointer is in the air.

6:49: As is customary, Packer is rooting for the favored team, so he apologizes for uncoordinated James Augustine missing a left-handed lay-up by reminding the audience, "That's a very difficult shot." Subsequently, most high-school players ponder whether their ability to convert lay-ups with their off hands makes them ready for the Association.

7:41: More rooting: Billy is livid over what he saw as an egregious "no-call" that should have given the Illini a trip to the free-throw line. Back in reality, I am now pleading with my friends to put the television on mute so that the delusional man who has hijacked the telecast stops ruining my night.

7:54: Illinois has put a beatdown on Louisville in the second half and the game is now functionally over; cue Packer and Nantz slurping the Illini. Nantz is so glad that the team he has been rooting for is going to win that he can't contain his excitement when Illinois draws a charge. He hasn't been this happy since he got his first hj. What a consummate professional. In related news, I go lie down because I need a respite.

8:51: And we're back! UNC-MSU. Packer picks up right where he left off by sensationalizing the mundane: "Fine catch!" he exclaims after a post player receives a bounce pass, just like the player has done six-trillion times before. For a man who theoretically knows a lot about basketball, Packer sure seems like he's never watched it before.

9:04: Raymond Felton throws a half-court bounce pass that maybe only Jason Kidd, Steve Nash, and Chris Paul would have thrown. What does Billy say? If you had "great catch!" in the office pool, come claim your prize.

9:15: "Not a good play by Felton." So sayeth Billy in his most dismissive and critical tone. The transgression? An already airborne Felton, headed out of bounds and fenced in by a few Spartans, getting pinned by Paul Davis instead of finding an open teammate. If I'm Raymond Felton and my choices are either to pull the ball out and set up the offense or to go at the rim and challenge overrated Paul Davis to make a play, I'm choosing the latter every time. But Billy, who likely never made a mistake as a player and who hypes up Paul Davis, obviously knows what's right. As usual.

10:04: Sean May converts a teammate's miss into a lay-up by bullying his way up to the rim after securing excellent rebounding position. Said position made recovering the ball simple. Packer's take? "Good hands." Are Billy's coated in Teflon? Is he aware that most humans don't drop things as though they were burning-hot pans? Does he have flippers?

10:06: Another not-so "great catch." There is no taste worse than the Domino's pizza you vomit back up into your mouth after being disgusted by Billy Packer's ineptitude. Sadly, though, I contemplate trying to choke on the regurgitated mess. At least my suffering would cease.

10:10: I choose life, but I regret my decision when I hear Billy announce, "Considering the score-- you're [UNC] up two--you don't need to make that pass." Just so you know, there are sixteen minutes left in the half, so the dire context Billy has created is, um,
fucking idiotic synthetic.

10:25: An observant Packer notes of the UNC defense: "No doubling down on Davis." Neither Nantz nor Packer follows up with the obvious, "Because he really isn't too good but you'd never know that from the way we speak about him since media morons love to pretend otherwise."

10:52: One of the bands starts playing "Lean Back." Somewhere (not even at the NIT), Michigan's basketball band is still congratulating itself for playing Kansas's "Carry on My Wayward Son."

I'd add more, but you get the picture. Also, I stopped taking notes because my head had exploded after having listened to Packer for almost five hours.

Ian Keeps Killin' It

To borrow a term from my favorite daily television program, PTI, I am not trying to "slurp" Ian, but his new culture site is fantastic. Peep game: The In Crowd. It's been added to the blogroll.

4.01.2005

Step Up or Fall Back?


Olowokandi?

Not much from me today, save for a few quickies:

- This album has got to be the put-up-or-shut-up moment for the M-E-M-P-H Man. Will he be Bleek or Weak? I can't front, I was a fan after his debut with Jay and his first album, but he's so inconsistent and so generic at times. Right now, I'm not too optimistic, because I haven't really been feelin' the joints I've heard. At least he'll get the full force of the Def Jam marketing machine behind him. It's nice to be down with the boss.

- How strong is your street knowledge? (Spotted at All Thangs Funky, where they've been killin' it...)

- ...as has Cuban Links.

- Yahoo! keeps it (kinda) gully?

- Has anyone else been pumpin' that Roots three-disc Do This Well compilation? I'm a huge Roots fan ("...I celebrate [their] entire catalogue," save for Tipping Point) but I can grow frustrated by them when they deviate from their essence. This collection of live joints, remixes, and rarities has gotten my Legendary juices flowing again, though. And man, I miss Malik B; the group was better with more than one dominant voice.

- Lost is really starting to piss me off. Every time the show gets close to answering a question or providing some sort of resolution to one of its innumerable outstanding plot lines, it swerves and presents even more open-ended bullshit. And it's always on hiatus, so at this rate, all of the questions from season one will be resolved by the time I receive a feed tube. I can handle intricate, thoughtful, protracted narration (see: The Wire), but not self-important television programs that seem to re-invent the critical issues week by week.

- Jackogate