Can I Borrow a Sedative?

Very excited about the chance to insult a new coach

When you develop social anxiety disorder because of basketball, you have a problem.

New York is a destination unmatched by any other city in the United States. People come to live here because of the jobs, culture, nightlife, pace of life, and chances to meet a celebrity while he or she snorts lines of cocaine. The people flock here from everywhere. Really, New York is the McDonald's Wesley Willis was always singing about.

Having grown up in New York, I find myself in a relatively enviable position: I can see the friends of my youth while also incorporating expatriots from other, lesser American places into my routine. Really, it's great. Except when you have NBA League Pass.

Like anyone else who orders the League Pass, I do it because I intend to watch a lot of basketball. And I intend to do that because nothing makes me happier. And this is when the problem arises: How do you balance a social life with a burning desire to watch basketball at every moment possible? I encountered this conundrum today as I sought to make some plans for next week.

Next week, of course, is the launch of the 2005-2006 NBA season, or as I am calling it, End of an Era: The Melancholy Farewell of Russ Granik. We've laughed with him; we've cried with him; we've discovered the seventeenth pick of the second round with him--Russ and us, we've been through a lot together. I am sure that I wasn't the only one who hung his head in sadness this afternoon as I contemplated how any Stern henchman will defend imflammatory policies with the same understated flair that Granik brough to the job.

But in this time of mourning, while many of us struggle to place Granik among the all-time greatest league lieutenants (is he ahead of Rod Thorn? Marty Blake? Stu Jackson?), I thought it was only right that I drop some NBA knowledge to help us all find some semblance of normalcy.

Most NBA previews are stupid. You can't forecast injuries (well, aside from those that will inevitably be sustained by Marcus Camby), and the collective wisdom that informs the picks is re-affirming at best (Yes, they're picking TMac to be an all-star, too) or befuddling at worst (remind me why everyone is convinced that the Nuggets are so good?). That said, you know I'm coming with one, and that sprawling extravaganza will be composed and posted tomorrow night.

In the meantime, as anticipation related to the season continues to mount and causes you to ask co-workers whether they'd want Nazr Mohammed or Erick Dampier, I thought I'd start things off slowly with one thing I like and one thing that concerns me about every team in the Association.

This is for Russ, and is in no discernable order.

Atlanta Hawks
I like the aggregation of wing talent and think that Josh Childress should get moved for a real guard.

I dislike Joe Johnson at the point. I don't think it's gonna work out, and given the redundant skills and sizes of so many players who want minutes, I am skeptical that Tyronn Lue is the answer.

Charlotte Bobcats
I like Keith Bogans. He doesn't necessarily make this team so much better, but every time I've watched Charlotte, he's been the wing player who has been most effective and most active. Why doesn't he start ahead of Gerald Wallace?

I don't like how small Emeka Okafor's hands are. He can't consistently bring the ball up to the rim with just one, and that will forever limit his offensive post play. Ask Ben Wallace.

Utah Jazz
I like Carlos Boozer to get with the program. If the Jazz are smart, they'll let Andre Kirilenko be the real star of the team and allow Boozer to create space for Andre while doing what he did in Cleveland, bang and board.

I don't like the bench. The best player is probably Matt Harpring or Devin Brown, and dat not good.

New Jersey Nets
I like Scott Padgett off the bench. He's the sort of seemingly innocuous player who will kill people thanks to Jason Kidd, and he isn't afraid to shoot in crunch time.

I don't like when Richard Jefferson insists on posting up and shooting that weak turn-around jumper of his. It's unreliable, yet RJ seems to like it a lot.

New Orleans/Oklahoma City Hornets
I like J.R. Smith. I find his potential development to be one of the most intriguing stories of the year given that no one talks about him since the Hornets stink but he has the physical tools needed to be a great scorer.

I don't like how this team is configured. There isn't a real back up center; the starting front line is not athletic, and the PG play is going to be unsteady.

Portland Trailblazers
I like this team's potential to be incredibly fun to watch. Miles can only dunk; Dixon only wants to shoot; Patterson can only dunk; Bassy is from Coney Island; and Zach Randolph is an offensive machine. These will be entertaining games, even if for the wrong reasons.

I don't like Darius Miles. He is a fucking waste.

Seattle Supersonics
I like Luke Ridnour, a guy who is perhaps the most underrated passer in the L.

I don't like a team of jump shooters. It can't win important games.

Philadelphia 76ers
I like Andre Iguodala to be an all-star caliber all-court player. I don't think he'll have the numbers to make the team, but he certainly has the game. I can't write this enough: He's the closest thing to Scottie Pippen in the league right now.

I don't like the way that referees officiate when Steven Hunter is in a game. He lives his life in foul trouble and seems to have emerged as the go-to guy for officials when they need to call a foul on someone.

San Antonio Spurs
I like this: M...A...N...U

I don't like Tim Duncan's ankles, which are increasingly becoming a problem.

Los Angeles Clippers
I like Elton Brand and Cuttino Mobley on the same side of the floor.

I don't like Sam Cassell. He looked finished last year and I don't think he'll be a leader as this team goes nowhere.

Washington Wizards
I like Caron Butler to get his career back on track. He was a forgotten man in L.A. but I think he could do well in Eddie Jordan's offense since he is athletic and will be able to go toward the rim a lot.

I don't like this team's outside shooting. Only Arenas is a consistent threat from deep; everyone else is streaky or beyond his real range.

Orlando Magic
I like Dwight Howard to be Amare Stoudemire while Amare is hurt.

I don't like DeShawn Stevenson starting.

Chicago Bulls
I like Andres Nocioni as the worthy gadfly successor to Dennis Rodman. Nocioni is a player who seems like an obvious choice as the proverbial guy you'd love to play with and hate to play against.

I don't like the offensive potential of the starting five. Duhon, Chandler, and Sweetney are not going to consistently generate their own offense.

Golden State Warriors
I like Mickael Pietrus to emerge instead of Mike Dunleavy, who should be traded.

I don't like all of the playoff talk. I think it's premature, although I can understand the excitement.

Phoenix Suns
I like Boris Diaw to break out as a utility guard on this European-style team

I don't like playing Stoudemire this season. Microfracture surgery has undone some could-have-beens, and since Phoenix isn't winning a title anyway, why take the risk?

Cleveland Cavaliers
I like Cleveland to make the playoffs.

I don't like the center lineup. If Z gets hurt, this team is wantig for size.

Boston Celtics
I like these Celts as part of the Eastern Conference youth movement. Jefferson looks like he will be a true low-post scorer; Tony Allen is a defensive stopper; West is a gritty shooter; Gomes has decent potential. This will be a fun Celtics team for the first time in a while.

I don't like this team's rebounding. LaFrentz and Scalabrine aren't tough, and Mark Blount is a different player from minute to minute.

Houston Rockets
I like the idea of Skip running with TMac and Stro Show.

I don't like the situation on the wing opposite McGrady. This team only has one true SG or SF.

New York Knicks
I like that Larry Brown has played David Lee, Nate Robinson, Trevor Ariza, Channing Frye, and Jamal Crawford together at crunch time. The Knicks needs to embrace a youth movement.

I don't like how this team is assembled. It won't play good defense and it's not going to rebound especially well.

Miami Heat
I like James Posey starting for his defense and offensive versatility. I also like that it allows Antoine to be a go-to scorer as part of the second unit. He shoots too many threes, but Antoine has always had an unfair reputation as selfish. From what I've read and seen, the guy will accommodate a new situation if he thinks he can win.

I don't like the bench. Payton is a non-entity at this point; Kapono never was; and Shandon Anderson is a moron. And Alonzo Mourning has forfeited any health-related sympathy through his melodramatic, obnoxious antics.

Los Angeles Lakers
I like Coach Pheel to get a lot more out of Lamar Odom. Jackson is not stupid, and he will find a way to get Odom more involved. Odom was great on Team USA in 2004 and he's too talented to have such a diminished role.

I don't like anyone else in the front court. I want to believe in Kwame Brown, but I can't until he proves his worth, and everyone else seems pedestrian at best. Not a playoff team.

Minnesota Timberwolves
I like Rashad McCants. I think he will prove to be an effective if undersized scorer because he is strong and has the right mentality.

I don't like this entire roster. Kandi is a dog; Szczxczxczxczxerbiak is always looking out for himself; Hassell can't score; Jaric is mercurial; and Mark Madsen is going to see regular minutes. Yikes.

Detroit Pistons
I like this deeper bench.

I don't like luck. The Pistons have had it for a while and they've not been forced to endure any crippling injuries. At some point, that is going to catch up with them. And the big is going around Michigan this fall.

Dallas Mavericks
I like Dallas's versatility. Diggler can play any of the front-line positions; Howard, Daniels, and Stack can all attack the rim; Harris and Terry can handle; Howard and Christie can defend; etc. This is a smartly configured roster.

I don't like the leadership. Dirk failed last year and no one else has the right combination of game and mentality.

Indiana Pacers
I like Ron Artest as a legitimate MVP candidate.

I don't like the Reggie replacements. Jackson is not a pure shooter; Jones is not a pure shooter; and Jonathan Bender will probably continue to be an enigma.

Sacramento Kangs
I like Brad Miller as one of the three best centers in the league (assuming that J.O. and Amare are PFs). He's tough; he can knock down the elbow jumper; he is a great passer; and he bangs. He is probably the most overlooked all-star-type player in the game.

I don't like the backcourt. Mike Bibby is my man, but Bonzi Wells does nothing for me and the backups are weak.

Memphis Grizzlies
I like the defensive potential of Battier, Warrick, Jones, and Jackson.

I don't like an offense that has to run through Gasol. Pau is good, but he has not yet been the difference between winning and losing, and there aren't players around him who seem like they will be.

Milwaukee Bucks
I like Andrew Bogut passing to Bobby Simmons for a mid-range jumper or Michael Redd for a three. This team should get good looks on jumpers if Bogut can demand some attention from a defense.

I don't like the bench, a bunch of guys who can't do much.

Toronto Raptors
I like Chris Bosh to emerge as one of the top three players from his draft class. And by emerge, I mean actually earn some attention.

I don't like MoPete at the two, Jalen at the three, and Loren Woods at the five. That's a lot of ineffective players to be starting.

Denver Nuggets
I like Voshon Lenard to create some more space inside the three-point line, something Denver didn't have last year.

I don't like George Karl, a coach whose methods have recently presented alarmingly rapid diminishing returns.