Like the Bad Boy Street Team

Here's the new Kanye West album:

Curtis Mayfield, "Move on up"

Well, it's not just Curtis Mayfield for seventy minutes, but it would have been better if it were.

A long time ago, I noted that I didn't ever want to review records by listing the tracks and discussing each one individually because that's not a style that's conducive to narrative flow or some fun writing techniques and, to be honest, none of the professional writers were doing that. But since I'm pretty certain at this point that most--though surely not all--professional music critics are fairly out of touch with reality and mostly write to impress themselves and pretend that their occupation necessarily makes them cooler than most, I'm done adhering to any norms that the music-writer intelligentsia has created. Have fun ruining taste and perpetuating wack trends. I'm getting all Bol in this bitch:

1) Wake Up, Mr. West - One of the great tragedies in contemporary hip-hip is that no one makes albums--well-sequenced, cohesive, narrative-arc-having records. The Listening was so good, in part, because it was absorbing from beginning to end and was a record in its entirety. I give Kanye some dap for trying to make whole records, not just collections of songs. It's just too bad that he's convinced himself that going to college is for idiots. Yes, no one smart or successful has ever gone to college, but still...

2) Heard 'Em Say - Another of those great tragedies is that because hip-hip is now so mainstream, and because so many people are trying to find room under the tent, it's a genre that is condescended to by nearly every musician. Hey, hip-hop's cool; I'm cool; and I'm totally gonna make a hip-hop record. Well guess what: no, you're not. And fuck you for thinking you can. High-pitched whining has no place in hip-hop, so Mr. Levine, find something else to ruin. Thanks. This Mr. Rogers-theme-sounding track has a lot of layers, and that intricacy often enhances a song, but this one sounds like bullshit that Jon Brion cooked up while trying to be different for different's sake. I mean, are we supposed to take this song seriously? It's like a lullaby, mellow and boring, save for the final twenty-six seconds when it starts sounding like "Sweet Caroline" could break out. That would have been better. So far, Jon Brion-as-hip-hop-producer is getting a thumbs down.

3) Touch the Sky - This track is the ultimate validation of Kanye West. He has always wanted to be seen as a rapper, not just a producer, and with this one he succeeded--because it's the best beat on this record, and he didn't make it. Zing! I think that Kanye's flow on this song is pretty tight, and he's always at his best when spitting punch lines and those matter-of-fact asides. Lupe Fiasco flows nicely, as well. The only reason that this track would lose points is that it's almost a straight beat jack, with minimal reworking. But honestly, who gives a shit? This is a perfect soul sample. Just Blaaaaaze.

4) Gold Digger - I am still unsure about Jamie Foxx's apparent choice to actually pretend he's Ray Charles at all times, but regardless, I like this track, too. This is a track that sounds more likely to have been on College Dropout than this pretentious, symphonic album, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Even the patent lyrics recycling doesn't bother me too much. At least, not when the synth and drums bump like this.

5) Skit #1 - Ha ha, those stupid college students. They don't own cars and probably won't ever be able to do cool shit like hang out with John Mayer...

6) Drive Slow - This song is the one that will have the internets going the most nuts. Why? Well, it's Kanye; it's got some lonely horn riff that screams "Jon Brion jazz influence" and you gotta pretend like he's awesome; it slows down at the end like the track just drank some NyQuil; and it's got the people's champ, The Rock Paul Wall. I actually like the steady, understated piano notes. They give this track a 'Watcher" feel. I even thought that Dr. Dre spit the second verse since it's all about cars and women, but then I remembered that it was Paul Wall, and that's mostly all those Houston dudes have to say. Not a terrible track, but really nothing too exciting, either.

7) My Way Home - More dap for sequencing. By "screwing" the end of "Drive Slow," this one begins seamlessly and is set up really well. Hate on Common if you want (and yes, this is a fairly pedestrian verse since I think it was cut and pasted together from everything else he's ever said), but the dude has a great ethos, and the melancholy sample is perfect for him. Should we be concerned that the two best beats on this record so far are simple samples? Man that Jon Brion; thank god he's involved.

8) Crack Music - "...invested in that/it's like we got Merrill Lynched." If you're gonna knock Kanye when he spits about dropping out of school and picking up girls, you should also give him credit when he tries to say something of substance. Yeah, it's not a new message--crack has ravaged black communities--but I have no problem with a persistent problem being discussed. I only wish that the rhymes and message were a little more sophisticated. A listener knows everything about this track before it really gets going. And why is Game on this? Does his aggressive baritone really do much for the chorus? Couldn't GLC have done the same thing for a lot cheaper? And by the way, I think we've now had a Miri Ben-Ari sighting. And Malik Yusef. The whole Israeli/Chi gang's here! (P.S. This is the worst song on the album. Worse than that emo shit with that white dude who wears tight shirts and moans.)

9) Roses - John Legend, check. (Or is this Tony Williams? Liner notes, please.) I think that the theme from Scarface would have worked on this track, too. And it would have made things a little more interesting. A mournful Kanye reflects on his grandmother. I think that the rhymes are pretty mediocre, but I do like the swelling choruses. Couldn't we have had more Legend (if it's him)?

10) Bring Me Down - Wasn't "Bring Me Down" a song from the last record? I find this to be an orchestral track the actually works because the instrumentation and layering actually enhance the product and don't seem forced, don't seem like someone's saying "see, this can be hip-hop, too." The vocal content is eh as Kanye spits one verse and Brandy just does her usual thing, but the melodies and actual music are fine. Actually, this might get stale as I listen to this more and more. So remember this praise while it's still applicable.

11) Addiction - This sounds like something from one of those remix records that an overhyped producer makes to earn some renegade hip-hop stripes. I mean, this could easily be appended to the end of The Gray Album or something equally unimpressive and frivolous. Kanye's verses sound fine over an urgent tempo, though, so, paradoxically, I wish an actual hip-hip producer would remix this so we could hear it in a musical context that better suits the flow.

12) Skit #2 - ...and they probably won't even be able to go to Jacob's since you can't use a degree to get a jesus piece or a watch...

13) Diamonds from Sierra Leone (Remix) - See here.

14) We Major - Playing the parts of both Stevie Wonder and Philip Bailey tonight, John Legend Tony Williams. (What? Did they break up?) I mean, come on. Nas doesn't do much for me on this track, and it was almost a waste to put him on a beat that is so overpowering. He probably stepped in the booth, heard the track, and couldn't really concentrate, so he just did whatever so he could go back home and help Kelis dye her hair six different colors. Shit, he even admits it. I bet that this song will be performed at the Grammy's with Stevie Wonder and Earth, Wind, & Fire. (And, of course, John Mayer, Adam Levine, and Los Lonely Boys.) It sounds like it has that potential. I actually like this song, although it's kind of a disjointed mess. That might be what I like about it, though; it's brimming with unfocused creativity. Like a sonic hallucination.

(Also, this better not be held up as some Jon Brion brilliance. Anyone who owns an R&B record from the 70s could have thought of this. It's really good--and you can't beat nostalgia--but it's derivative.)

15) Skit #3 - ...and you know they won't get to wear Polo all the time...

16) Hey Mama - I heard this song about two years ago. It's still not too good.

17) Celebration - If you hadn't been able to tell yet, this record is melodic on a ho nother lev'l. That characteristic engenders some ambivalence, though. Late Registration does not have the same character and energy of College Dropout. That record, though hardly filled with sparse beats, felt a lot more natural, amiable, and low key. Kanye was showing you what he could do as an MC, and he had some of his own beats to help him do it. When he rhymed, it felt like he was speaking to you as a friend. A funny, crass, and hungry friend, but a friend. With Late Registration, Kanye comes back like the media star that he is and simply shows off his big budget and polished sound. It's good, both subjectively and superficially. But it also feels empty, like Kanye pimped himself. That's the major shortcoming of this album; it doesn't have any real endearing personality. It's overproduced; almost too refined. There's no grime; no imperfection. Really, it needs a little Jay Dilla.

18) Skit #4 - ...and they definitely won't get to be on TRL.

19) Gone - Is Jamie Foxx singing in the background again? Regardless, this is one of the best tracks on the record, and not coincidentally, it sounds like something Big Bank Kanye could have made years ago, before he was living in L.A. and hanging out with a bunch of dudes who think hip-hop is something cute. Cam'ron, at this point, is pretty much always gonna do him, so if that's your thing, you'll enjoy his verse. I am conflicted about the Dips, but I can't front. I generally like them.

20) Diamonds (from Sierra Leone) - Didn't this song used to just be called "Diamonds"? It's good but not great. Been there, done that.

21) Late (Hidden Track) - Why even call a listed track "hidden"? Rappers are so stupid sometimes. The beat sounds like something an amateur would make to take advantage of this whole chipmunk soul sound. Lame. Alright, I was totally wrong on this track. It grows and grows on me. Oops.

In hip-hop, you can set your watch to the sophomore slump. No one's second album is ever as good as the first (except for De La Soul, Tribe, and a few others). And even if it is (like, say, Supreme Clientele) it usually gets knocked anyway. Well, Kanye's second album is not nearly as good as his first. Sure, it's more refined. And it will probably make music critics piss themselves while they fight each other for a chance to write absurd, grandiloquent pronouncements like "With soaring, regal beats and a triumphant aesthetic...." But his rhyming is only decent at best; some tracks, like "Addictive" suffer from Tipping Point syndrome (different for the sake of it); and others, like "Heard 'Em Say," are just horrible. (Phrenology remains the best of the recent attempts to "move the genre forward" or whatever self-absorbed explanation artists give when they do something risky and stupid.)

The celebrated collaboration with supposed genius (and actual mere human) Jon Brion seems to have a minimally positive impact on the music. The intense orchestration and riskier arrangements are hit and miss, and I don't know that Kanye really needed so much help. I actually think that he'd had this in him but needed to work with a reputed white dude to avoid criticism from the gully set. But that is probably a whole different discussion. Brion's best work, to me, still came as a member of 'Til Tuesday.

Really, this is a pop record made by rappers. There is a decidedly absent hip-hip element to this record. I often fall into the trap of unfairly categorizing music; why is it even that important? All I can say is that if it weren't important, Justin Timberlake could be a great MC. There are just certain compositional styles that work for certain artists, and these styles, though flexible, lose some of what makes them great if they're fucked with too much. The lyrics on this record will be far less memorable than those from College Dropout, in part, because the increased instrumentation and drift toward popdom obscure them, and that's not really hip-hop. At least, not to me. Great beats are important, but the greatest of beats--even contemporary bangers like "Grindin'"--earn such high regard because while the carry the rhythm and melody, they also showcase the MC. That's not the case on this soulless album.